I'm swearing off the pursuit of women, they will have to come to me.
I was thinking about this on the 15 mile drive home tonight. I can do a lot of thinking in 20 minutes, and here is what I came up with.
I don't look for a stranger... I am more interested in someone that I have a chance to get to know first. The girls that know me now, will say "we'll find you a woman". They do look around the bar or wherever we happen to be, and point out very nice looking women... the only catch, these women are with other men already. I half-heartedly appluad their efforts, but picking up a chick in a bar doesn't work for me.
When I go out dancing or whatever with girls I know, they tend to use me as a safety net. For instance, tonight, I went dancing with two girls, one of them was getting attention from two different guys. After she had one dance, she came back to me and the other girl, wanting to be left alone by those guys. I suggested we sit down for a bit, and as we were heading out to the table area, one of the guys stopped me, to tell me that he thought this girl was pretty, and to hook him up. I just told him, that I would see what I could do, knowing full well that the girl didn't want to have any part of him. He felt happy, and I knew he would leave us alone. Win-win so to say. From then on, when we hit the dance floor, both girls were dancing rather close to me, so not to attract the "freaks" again. While it made me look quite like the player, I knew nothing would come of it. Yet, either one of the girls I was with, I would gladly be alone with. But I know both of them consider my relationship with them nothing more than friendship, and I also know they both are not interested in anything more (I've tried).
So back to my vow, and my thoughts on the way home... I realized that it has been nine years since I first entered the dating scene with my first girlfriend. In those nine years, I have had a total of three real girls that I would call my girlfriends. The longest of those relationships was seven months. And of the three relationships, I dumped one, got dumped by one, and mutally decided to stop seeing one. The reasons behind each were simple... the one I dumped, cheated on me, and didn't have the guts to tell me in person, she sent a friend. The one that dumped me, said I was the perfect boyfriend (figure that one out), and the mutual descion was because the girl was wanting me to change into someone I was not.
Aside from that, it is not for lack of trying... the average over the nine years of the number of girls that I tried to build a something with is around 40-45. That is only a 6% success rate over nine years. Pretty said, huh? How many of you would honestly keep going when you know going into it, there is a 94% chance of rejection? How would that affect your confidence levels? You see my dilemma. I maintain that I am confident about every aspect of my life, except for when it comes to girls. They fuck my shit right up.
But now everything is going to be different. I am not going to let myself get caught up in the pursuit of women. They are going to have to chase me, and I'll be the one that gets to toy with others' emotions. Though sadly, I'll still be too much of a nice guy to completely enjoy it.
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Illusions