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"I volunteer my vagina juice!" Brittany said hopping into the forest and passionatly kissing Johnny with lots'o tongue. "I had a beautiful time last night." She said winking before pulling down her pants and squating over the cup to aliviate herself of her "vagina juice".
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Finally, after a whole turtle-back ride atop Raphael from the teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Christine had finally reached Poodle's lair - which just so happened to be in the dark scary part of the forest... His lair, which was more like a small little grove hidden well under Weeping Willow branches, his cottage stood erect. (Erect.. hahahaha)
"Whoa, Raphael. This is it..." She whispered quite magically, petting the top of Raphael's head to signal that he had to stop.
"Look lady, you gunna pay me for that ride or what?" Raphael asked, his New Yorker accent never faltering. "I got other things ta do ya know."
"Nope."
Christine then dismounted the agitated Raphael, and looked around for signs of Poodle - who was just a poor tortured soul, his heart was good despite his appearance, and she was dying to run her hands through his sandy blonde curly hair, or to hear him belch once more. "Poooodle... where are youuuuu?" She called out, already remembering what it felt like to touch his bouncy hair of awesomeness.
Poodle heard some rather odd sounds outside of his cottage that was more like a hut. He took two steps towards the window, unsure if he should look outside or not, after all, he did live in the ghetto part of the forest. He drew the curtain back a few inches and cursed under his breath. A rather large obviously mutant turtle stood outside with the girl he feared the most. He had to admit she was somewhat intriguing, but not enough to invite them in for tea.
"Poodle! Or should I say... Darrin?" Christine continued to call out, giving Raphael a little push, "C'mon, get him to come out here."
"Oi, lady, enough wit' the pushin' and the shovin'," Raphael muttered hands up in the air showing his defeat as he began to call out the name 'Poodle' and 'Darrin'. "Hey look! There's a BMX bike!" Raphael said, pointing out the obvious as he wandered over towards the BMX bike standing by the door of Poodle's cottage-hut.
"Interesting...." Christine commented, rubbing her chin as though she had a beard but was just being a poser because she didn't really. "He must be good on a bike."
"Yeah," Raphael exclaimed with a kind of guffaw type snort, "But is he good on drums?"
Brittany stood erecter then the hidden hut, but actually not as she was crouching hiding in a bush that really was a fake plant from Christine's office in which she stole. Much in the fashion of stealing like in a certain Blockbuster that was very obvious indeed.
"Oh Darrin, I should have never brought you into this world of obvious narcissism and neglectifing love from the one that created you. What you muct never know is...Christine is really your mother, but she isn't really. I am, and Hagrid is your father, cept he isn't his dog Fang is. Oh and Moulder is really your uncle Ned." Brittany sang in the tune of Mr. Roboto.
Poodle continued to look out, pausing to shield his face with the curtain so they couldn't tell he was watching them. He watched the manly woman complete with white beard who was obviously having hormonal puberty problems in amusement.
He opened the door when he saw the turtle start to manhandle his most treasured item, his bike. He paced a couple steps towards them, he was a bit anti-social and wasn't used to such company. He scowled at them through his curly hair, looking up at them, mouth hanging slightly open. "What do you want?" He asked, his voice was surprisingly enough very smooth and sexy, not sounding anything like his appearance, which you'd expect him to sound congested and nasaly, but he wasn't....and that was a good thing.
Brittany's breath caught in her crotch, Darrin was coming out of the closet! "I Just KNEW IT!" She howled and cried unconsolablly as she stood thicker and harder then the tallest tree but actually wasn't as she was still hiding cept she wasn't cause she was crawling between Poodles legs since he was distracted with the enthusiasim of a wet shoe.
"POODLE!" Christine squealed happily, because everytime she saw or even glimpsed a bit of Poodle - which was a rarity - he somehow made her feel more alive and extremely happy. She practically ran over Raphael and his ninja turtleness as well as the headmistress who was apparently crawling between his legs just so she could touch his hair again. "Your hair... it's so.. prettyful.." She said, totally enthralled to be touching his hair full of bounce and beauty.
Poodle sort of cowered away from the fingers of Christine, this was exactly why he always hid from her, and always avoided wherever she was around.
As for Brittany Hannah, he stared down at her crawling between his legs..a puzzled look replaced the usual depressed mopey look. He repeated his question, this time sounding a bit more annoyed, "What do you want?"
"Luuuuuke! *Weird breathy sound* I AM YOUR FASJA! Cept your name is Darrin and I'm you MASJA!" Brittany grinned talking to the bulge in Poodles lower extremities. "Frick I wasn't suposed to tell you that!" Brittany swore. "HE IS SUPOSED TO KNOW MY SON/DAUGHTER!" A higher pitched voice emerged from what looked like Brittany's foot, cept it was really actually deep and it came from Donnatello whom was sniffing at Poodle's ass crack which was obscenely exposed as Brittany had lifted his brown trade mark sweat shirt up and stuck her wet finger in his plumbers crack.
Poodle leapt away and retreated back into his hut. "That can't be my mother," He muttered, breathing deeply due to fright, "It just can't be. Mothers don't usually talk to your balls, and they certainly don't mess with your ass crack." He added as an afterthought, after rubbing his poor hiney. He then quickly bolted his door shut, hoping to keep out the intruders, the mutant turtles, the chick who can't keep her hands to herself, and the bearded lady who definately can not respect a persons personal space.
"Whoa, now that wuz a litta' more than I needed to see," Raphael commented towards Brittany and her buttcrack action.
"Awww, Poodle... Come back! I promise I won't touch your hair... I can't promise how long I can hold in that primal instinct urge.. but I'l try my damn hardest come baaack..." Christine shouted, kicking at his door, "Come on out!" Poodle could hear Christine's cries on him coming back out, but it was a shame, because he wasn't going to.
"Darrin I don't think you understand my CHILDSJA! You see...when a hamburger is cooked too much and then you have anal sex with it without protection a certain thing called herpes occurs. But to get to my point, I screwed a dog aka FASJA BIG DADDIO and then I had a litter of puppies that weren't actually puppies because it was you and just alot of hair balls. But I called them puppies and gave them to little children across the world when they were 6 weeks old."
"But I would also like you to know that...I ate the placenta and licked you clean, and that m'dear means your balls." Brittany said as she humped the door erotically fingering the handle hoping that this would prove to him that she was his Father- I mean mother. "All I want you to know is...I respect you and your running for govenor. Besides I love you even though your gay. I mean look at me! I love myself, but Im not going to get into that, I don't want to embarrass you." She said smiling sweetly as she had already climbed in through Poodles open window and was once again fingering her ass crack with a wet index finder making mooing sounds as she pumped his butt.
Donnatello continued to sniff becomming enthralled and then popped into his shell and posted a sign on the back saying 'Don't come a' knocking if the shell is rocking' high pitched moans could be heard from within the shell as it rocked but didn't actually.
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"So." Christine deadpanned, a little worriedly, "You mean to tell me that you're Poodle's mother and that he's really a dog? And that he's gay?"
"Yo lady, quit wit' the dramatics and order a pizza already, eh?" Raphael ordered, walking over to Donnatello, "Donnatello, knock it off would ya? What if Splinter was around? Thena what? That's something Michaelangelo would be caught doin' not a turtle like you."
Poodle calmly took Brittany's hands off of his butt and returned them to herself, and walked casually outside, trying to stay calm. "No, I am NOT gay. I am NOT your son, I am NOT a dog. Even though I am named after one that doesn't count. And what the hell is your fascination with my ass crack? What is wrong with you?" Poodle shook his head, trying to get the few curls out of his eyes but failing. "Whoever said anything about me running for governor? I just want to live here in my hut in the peace and quiet and," He paused and walked into his hut and came back out with a can of cola, "Not to be bothered by any turtles or any hair psychopaths or any bearded women."
Brittany looked at Christine with her third eye. "Yeah...isn't it obvious? Im gay, your a dog and Donnie here is running for mayor as soon as he stops masterbating with that frog he found in Poodle's pocket. Besides, he looks just like me!" Brittany said pointing out the obvious cept it wasn't obvious as he looked nothing like her. Donatello just clucked like a pig and continued to moan in his shell. Poodle just shook his head. "I am not your son," He growled, "...I don't want your life!" He quickly added, sounding like James Van Derbeek in Varisty Blues. "Ok then how can you explain THIS?!" Brittany said loudly ripping off her shirt.
"Uh...." Poodle replied, squinting his eyes at her ripped shirt because he wasn't quite sure what he was looking at, but not that it mattered because he could hardly see through his hair in the first place anyway. "Now where DID it go!? Oh well musta been a crumb or something." She said keeping her shirt off. "My third and final point is this..." She popped in a video. "Here...and there...and ooh there is your FASJA and I making YOU! And heehehheee....ooh I remember that..." She giggled but then stopped fast forwarding it. "Ok and hhhhheeeerrrreee is your birth...yess and there's me eating the placenta." She said as she watched the video even though it was a tape of the Tellytubbies."
Poodle cocked a brow, drinking his coke every now and then. He with his smooth sexy voice, "That's a tellytubby video, and you're not my mom because my mom's name is Sarah Trinocerous. Sorry," He belched, "I think you've mistaken me for somebody else."
"But I'M Sarach Trinocerous! I can even spell it! P O O D L E S M O M, see don't you understand!?" She said trying to calm him by lifting his shirt again and probing his butt crack. Using his fast bmxer moves, he dodged from her reach before she could 'probe' his crack any more. "Dude, stop with the touching of my ass, it's getting old," He said, hoping to God that she would stop with the ass touching. He quickly lumbered over to his bmx bike and hopped on it, getting ready to pedal the hell off his property, "PLEASE get off my property. ALL of you."
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