I feel sick...
I feel sick of this world
sick of this place
I feel sick of myself
I feel sick of this life
The endless days tire me
my body feels more like a prison
then a part of myself
I feel wretched and disgusting
though I'm told it isn't so
but I think they are lying...
because how would they know?
No one knows me
how can they if not even I do?
I have athousand masks for the world
sometimes I think masks are all I have
does that mean that one is really me?
or are all the parts I play a part of myself?
How can I know?
You say you know the real me
but how can you know?
When the "me" that you know
is only a new mask shown?
They say they can predict my actions
how do they know I don't do it
because they expect me too?
Noone but me has known eveything I've done
and many things not even I am sure of
and if no one knows of eveything I've done
dosen't that mean they don't know evey aspect of me?
Isn't it true that people usually know only a fraction of others no matter the seeming depth?
Only one oerson has been with me near to my entire life
and even they have missed the past few years
-and much more
Only a few more than that have "known" me
all of these years
But they haven't seen me all the time
and most I mark "friend"
have known me far less than half of my life
Less than half is often known as failing
If they fail to see all of me
how can they know me?
If they know me (-regardless)
What makes them think they can predict me?
How is this possible
If I don't know what I'm going to do next?
What makes them think
they can understand the pain I'm feeling?
What makes them think
they know I'm in pain when all I feel is numb?
I think that, there is a big differance between life and living
Though many may argue that there is none
If you can't see it from my point of view
as well as your own
then you can't claim to even "know" me
SO leave me ALONE
but oddly enough
I don't think I really want to be left alone
I hate people near me
-yet I hate them gone
I hate too much talking
but I talk with people all the time
If only silence could speak
I suppose all of this means no one understands me
how can they if neither do I?
Can you lvoe without understanding?
Can something that starts with lust lead to passion?
Is passion the same as loving?
If you can't love without understanding
and you can't understand unless you've seen it all
does that mean love isn't real?
It's a fraction of illusion?
-Are illusions the same as dreaming?
But they same dreams arn't real
I think they are
How do you define reality?
Is it something alkways tangible?
Does that mean thoughts can't be real?
Or is all of what is claimed to be reality false?
They say dreams are soemthing you can control
What if you don't know it's a dream?
How can you control it?
does that make it not a dream at all?
are nightmares and dreams really differnt?
many people control their lives
with other peoples lives int he same
does that make their reality only a dream?
does that mean many can't cotrol their own futures?
I don't believe in fate
The future can't be set if it hasn't happend yet
Can people really predict things that will happen?
If they do, by that prediction
have they altered a choice that someone might make
making one future truer than another?
Do my words make any sense?
I smy midn just a tangle?
My mind..
A big fleshy organ
protected by my skull
It runs my functions and thoughts
It runs my body
Does this make my brain my captor as well?
There is no light in ignorance
-and ignorance can't protect you
but is it better to be safe and miserable?
Then bound to shortly die
but live the rest of your short life happy?
I fyou were given the choice
which would you choose?
And how can you know
That, that's what you'd do?
-more poetry this way.