| The Senility Prayer |
| God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference. |
| Now that I'm older (but refuse to grow up) here's what I've discovered... ONE - I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it. TWO - My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran. THREE - I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart. FOUR - Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. FIVE - All reports are in, life is now officially unfair. SIX - If all is not lost, where is it? SEVEN - It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser. EIGHT - Some days you are the dog, some days you're the hydrant. NINE - I wish the buck stopped here, I sure could use a few. TEN - Kids in the back seat cause accidents. ELEVEN - Accidents in the back seat cause kids. TWELVE - It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere. THIRTEEN - The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom. FOURTEEN - If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees. FIFTEEN - When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess? SIXTEEN - It's not hard to meet expenses...they're everywhere. SEVENTEEN - The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. EIGHTEEN - These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something then wonder what I'm here after. NINETEEN - I still look at the ladies but can't remember why I'm looking. TWENTY - I know I am getting older because when I walk my arms move faster than my legs. TWENTY-ONE - What I used to do all night long, now takes me all night long to do. TWENTY-TWO - I am unable to remember if I have mailed this to you before or not, or who sent it or did I just imagine the whole thing. |
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