8 – Safety

As you probably know, Ecuador has a bit of a reputation for crime. To be fair though, after Liverpool, Ecuador is not that bad at all. You don’t need to carry a knife or anything daft like that, you just need a bit of common sense. For example, don’t carry a wallet in your pocket. My mates in Quito have ‘dummy wallets’ in their pockets, with a couple of dollars in them. I don’t reckon this is necessary though. I just stick mine under my belt, (see the picture below). Watch out when you go to the ATM though. A couple of my mates went to an ATM in Quito. They didn’t see anyone in the street, but they got mugged about 5 minutes later by like 15 fellas. Fucking bastards. I don’t want to scare you, cos’ it really isn’t that bad. But seriously in Quito and Guayaquil, if you’re going to the bank at night, I don’t care how close it is, take a taxi. Also, remember the rule, never be on a bus after 8:00pm and you should be alright. You don’t have to worry about kick offs though. Everyone over here is dead non confrontational. This doesn’t mean you can strut around like you own the place though, have a bit of respect, you’re the foreigner here. I’ve only had three kick offs over here. One was when I woke up with a sore face and knuckles like golf balls. I haven’t got a clue what happened, I was a bit fucked at the time. Another was when I woke up covered in blood, which definitely wasn’t mine. Again, golf ball knuckles and a dodgy memory the next day. The other time was when the only Ecuadorian ever to be over five feet high walked into me. I turned round and went nuts, only to realise I didn’t have a fucking chance of beating this guy up. This is one of the coolest things I’ve ever done in my life, and therefore as tradition goes, nobody was there to see it. I looked at my guitar case (one of those hard black traditional ones) and said in a Clint Eastwood voice:”¿Que crees que tengo aquí? ¿¡Una guitarra?! ¡Ha ha ha!” He got the message; I have a gun in my guitar case. I have never seen anybody shit themselves so much.

Also, girls should take care when walking alone at night. My mate was walking home from a bar in Cuenca, in an area which she knew well. Two fellas then jumped out of a taxi and tried to rape her. She was well lucky man, she chinned one of the fellas and they both ran off. Even if you reckon you’re in a safe area, walk with a fella or get a taxi. It’s just not worth the risk.

ßThe best place to keep your wallet, make sure your belt is tight. (Comment from Mariah: “Paddy only uses this method because he thinks it makes his package look bigger!”) Back to your cell woman!