Episode 8 - Gesundheit
ACT THREE
EXT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY (DAY 3)
to establish.
INT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
CLOSE ON : THE CREATURE
in a large glass jar. We see someone placing a blue
piece of card in front of it. The creature looks at it
and immediately changes its colour to match. Then a
red card, the creatures turns red.
GILES (O.S.)
Astonishing.
WIDEN :
to reveal Giles standing with the cards in his hands,
inspecting the creature who is on a table. Seated
around the table are Buffy, Willow, Tara, Anya, Xander
and Dawn. Chris is standing further back, leaning
against the counter. The Scoobs are flipping through
books on the table, in research mode. The shop is
closed.
GILES
(to Buffy)
You said there were hundreds more of
these creatures?
BUFFY
Yup, one big creepy creature
convention.
GILES
(taking glasses off)
And they can form shapes?
BUFFY
More like exact replicas, still-life
in 3-D.
XANDER
Neat party trick.
WILLOW
(looking up from her book)
Sounds more like a form of Batesian
mimicry.
XANDER
Huh? Oh, you mean 'Psycho' right.
Norman pretending to be mommie
dearest?
WILLOW
Actually, no. Certain insects, as a
defence mechanism, can mimic the
appearance of stronger predators,
you know, so that they don't get all
eaten and stuff.
GILES
Yes, of course. They must have seen
Buffy fighting with the vampires and
decided to adopt that form when they
were threatened.
XANDER
(to Willow)
Teacher's pet.
Willow and Xander share a smile. Anya, still with a
red nose, looks frustrated.
BUFFY
This is all very National Geographic
but we still need to find out how
this creature works.
GILES
(re the books on the
table)
Well, if there's anything written
about them, it should be in these
books.
Anya perks up. She starts to flipping through her book
with a new fervour, taking occasional glances at
Willow while she looks through her book. A race.
Buffy gets up, taking a break. She walks towards
Christopher and Giles, stretching her muscles.
GILES
(to Buffy)
Tough fight last night?
BUFFY
Strangely not. I was kinda expecting
a little more of a test, these being
the General's vamps and all. But
they were like, you know, Jimmy
Olsen vamps, super-regular.
CHRISTOPHER
(to Giles)
They did seem surprisingly
untrained.
BUFFY
Yeah, Giles. What's the deal? I
thought the General was building a
super vampy army.
GILES
Well, it's hard to speculate without
any more information. Did you manage
to get anything out of them about
the whereabouts of the General?
BUFFY
(apologetic)
They kinda got dusty before they got
revealy.
(off Giles' look)
Hey, it says 'slayer' on my
passport, not 'interrogator'.
ANGLE : WILLOW AND ANYA
Anya zipping through book after book until..
WILLOW
Oh, found it!
ANYA
What?
WILLOW
(pointing to an entry)
Right here.
Giles and Buffy come over to Willow. Anya slumps in
her chair ever so slightly.
WILLOW
They're called Arits. Apparently
they travel in swarms and have the
ability to create portals between
dimensions. They jump from dimension
to dimension, devouring everything
in their paths as they go.
DAWN
Gee, that's kinda rude.
TARA
Doesn't sound like your ideal
house-guests.
BUFFY
Yup, locusts of the demon world. Big
'eat and go' policy.
WILLOW
Except that the Arits pretty much
view everything as kosher. They just
about devour anything and everything
and I suspect humans aren't exactly
off the menu.
BUFFY
And now they're here in Sunnydale.
XANDER
Well, it kinda makes sense. What
with humans and demons all over the
place, it'd be like one big inter-
dimensional, inter-species food
fair.
WILLOW
Oh, here's something interesting.
They have the ability to link their
minds together and act as one,
usually when they are in a defensive
or aggressive mode. What one
creature feels and absorbs is felt
and absorbed by the others.
BUFFY
Guess that's how they can build
those living sculptures. Anything in
there about how to kill them?
Willow shakes her head.
BUFFY
No help line? An e-mail address?
GILES
(looking over Willow's
shoulder at the book)
They're certainly not, by any means,
invulnerable. I'm sure you could
simply step on one of them with your
shoe but with so many..
BUFFY
The old woman and her giant shoe
couldn't cover them.
Buffy's attention is drawn to the television which has
been set up in a corner of the shop, the sound muted.
The mood of the room grows very sombre as everyone
watches the images flashing across the screen.
ANGLE : TELEVISION
No sound, just images. In typical news-report style,
we see images of a restaurant, sealed off with police
tape, ambulances, many body-bags, an interview with a
policeman who gestures with his fingers at his neck,
indicating wounds.
ANGLE : BUFFY
taking the images in. Her face expressionless.
She suddenly walks away without saying a word, exiting
to the training room. Everyone else looks at her
leaving. Anya looks on with genuine concern on her
face but she is unsure what to do. Tara gets up and
follows Buffy to the training room. After a slight
hesitation, Anya gets up and follows.
INT. THE MAGIC BOX/TRAINING ROOM - DAY
We see Buffy sitting on the couch, a bag filled with
weapons at her feet. She's in a little world of her
own, thinking things through and ignoring the bag.
Tara enters. Anya follows soon after. Buffy hears them
and immediately starts to sort through the weapons at
her feet.
TARA
Buffy?
BUFFY
(unconvincingly)
Hey. Just sorting through some, you
know, weapons.
Tara walks over to the couch, Anya following her lead.
They both sit on the couch, on either side of Buffy.
TARA
It isn't your fault.
BUFFY
Of course it is. If I did my job and
dusted the General when I had the
chance.. I mean, I'm the slayer.
That's supposed to mean something,
right? It's like all I do, day and
night, but I still can't get it
right.
TARA
Buffy.
BUFFY
I never asked for this you know? Any
of this. I can't do this job. You
know what it is? Someone screwed up.
I mean, it's all a big mix-up. I
betcha there's some other Buffy
Summers out there who's like this
super slayer in-waiting but instead,
the world got me.
TARA
I don't think you can.. You can't
feel like this.
BUFFY
(turning to Tara)
Why not? Tell me! I'm.. I'm weak and
blubbery. I feel like crying every
single day. I spend half the day
feeling sorry for myself and the
other half terrified of what I have
to face. So, tell me, does that
sound like someone you want to
entrust the fate of humanity to?
Anya tries to contribute something but can't come up
with the words. After a beat, she settles for an
awkward pat on Buffy's shoulders.
ANYA
(very mannered and
awkward)
There, there. Buck up you.
Buffy stares incredulously at Anya. Anya tries again,
patting Buffy on the shoulders again.
ANYA
There, th.. Ah-choo!
BUFFY
Gesundheit.
ANYA
Thank you.
The moment lost, Anya gets up and leaves, blowing her
nose into a handkerchief. She exits.
INT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
We follow Anya as she walks through the doorway back
into the main shop area, still sniffling, shaking her
head in dissapointment. As she walks past, we see
Christopher leaning against the wall next to the door,
having listened in. He takes a quick look inside the
training room, then walks away.
INT. THE MAGIC BOX/TRAINING ROOM - DAY
Back in the training room, we see Buffy still looking
forlorn, Tara still sitting next to her on the couch.
Buffy looks down at her feet, Tara looking unsure of
what to say, taking quick glances at Buffy. Then..
TARA
You're right Buffy.
BUFFY
(surprised, quietly)
What?
TARA
You're the slayer. You're not
allowed to have these emotions. I
mean, you can't let little things
like losing your Mom, worrying about
losing Dawn and, you know, dying,
affect your nightly duties of
slaying demons and protecting the
world.
Buffy softens, looking at Tara.
BUFFY
Well sure, when you put it like
that, it sounds ridiculous.
TARA
You're human Buffy. I mean, to be
doing what you're doing.. I know you
don't really know me that well and
all but, for what it's worth, I just
think it's amazing, you know, what
you're doing, the person you are? We
all do.
Buffy smiles gratefully at Tara. The moment is broken
when we hear a loud, distinctive high-pitched signal
coming from off-screen. Tara and Buffy look at each
other and head out to..
INT. THE MAGIC BOX - DAY
Buffy and Tara enter the room. The shrill signal is
very loud in here. Everyone is gathered loosely around
the creature in the jar. Giles notices Buffy.
GILES
Are you okay?
BUFFY
I'm fine. What's going on here?
ANYA
(re the creature)
It's gone nutso.
XANDER
Little body. Big, big voice.
BUFFY
What set it off?
ANYA
(hands to ears)
Who cares? Just shut it off.
DAWN
It just started and it won't stop.
Buffy has a sudden realisation.
BUFFY
(listening intently)
I know this. I heard this last night
at the cemetery.
She notices the creature looking at something. She
quickly scans the room and sees something.
REVERSE ANGLE:
A mirror affixed to a wall. We can see the creature's
reflection in it.
She rushes over towards it and picks it up. She brings
it over to the creature and places the mirror right
next to it. The creature becomes very agitated, trying
to get out of the jar.
Buffy flips the mirror over, the reflection dissapears
and the creature immediately stops chirping. She flips
it over again and the chirping starts as the creature
sees its own reflection. Buffy puts the mirror down.
Silence.
BUFFY
It thinks it sees another one of its
kind. It's calling to its own
reflection.
ANYA
Maybe it's just having a bad hair
day.
BUFFY
No, I definitely heard this last
night. It started a whole swarm of
them rushing towards us.
DAWN
(an idea hitting her)
Wait, we could maybe use this to
attract the other creatures, you
know, get all Pied Piper of Hamelin
on their ass.
BUFFY
That's actually a plan.
WILLOW
But what do we do once we get their
attention?
GILES
I think I might have a plan.
INT. XANDER'S CAR - DAY
ANGLE : ANYA
sitting in the passenger seat.
ANYA
That's the plan? We lure them into
an old factory filled with
explosives and blow them up?
XANDER
(while driving)
Hey, it worked against the Mayor.
Once we help Buffy and Giles find
the hive, they're gonna start
pumping out the demony distress
signal they have on tape. They'll
then be the bait, leading the
critters into the warehouse where
Will, Tara and Chris are ready and
waiting to make locust linguini.
ANYA
So basically, I don't take any part
in this plan.
XANDER
What? You're plenty important.
ANYA
Why couldn't we be the lure? Why is
it that it's always Buffy who gets
to risk her life.
XANDER
Okay, now you're scaring me. What's
up with you lately? Ever since you
got this cold, you've been over-
helpy. You're going to wear yourself
out.
ANYA
I want my hero moment.
XANDER
Your what?
ANYA
My hero moment. Everyone else has
had theirs. You, Willow, Tara, Dawn,
Giles. When is it going to be my
turn?
XANDER
An, this isn't a competition.
ANYA
Of course it is! You're all going to
get together and vote me off the
island.
Xander is about to say something when Buffy's voice
interrupts them, crackling over from a walkie-talkie
in the car.
BUFFY (O.S.)
Hey, you guys find anything yet?
XANDER
(into the walkie-talkie)
No luck at this end.
BUFFY (O.S.)
I think we found something here.
You'd better come. You guys still on
that road?
XANDER
Yup.
BUFFY (O.S.)
You should see a left turn coming up
soon. You can't miss it. There's
this weird sign.
XANDER
On our way.
Anya spots the turn-off ahead of them.
ANYA
There it is.
We see the car stop in front of the sign just at the
turn-off. Xander and Anya look at the sign, and then
at each other.
ANYA
Well, this looks the right place.
They drive off. We PAN around to the sign which reads
'The End of the World is Nigh; Defend Yourselves!'.
BLACKOUT
END OF ACT THREE
CONTINUE TO ACT FOUR