| Volume 3 |
| "Who put the 'ram' in the 'ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong'?" -Ann This is indeed an intriguing question. Now, as far as I know, he who put the 'ram' in the 'ram-a-lam-a-ding-dong' is the same fellow who put the 'bomp' in the 'bomp-ba-bomp-ba-bomp', the 'dip' in the 'dip-de-dip-de-dip', not to mention the 'bop' in the 'bop-shoo-bop-shoo-bop'. Whoever that man was, I'd like to shake his hand, as he made my baby fall in love with me, yeah. All joking and oldies music aside, I believe it was Austrian biochemist Hans Flüberhamster IV who in 1847, via an astoundingly difficult and smelly process of dissection and chemical disintegration, managed to connect a 'ram' with 'a-lam-a-ding-dong', thus creating the wonderful song lyric we know and love today. (Sad historical note: overcome by a-lam-a-ding-dong fumes, Flüberhamster IV died in the process, never able to see the end result of his work.) So, if I were to try and shake this man's hand, he'd probably turn to a puff of dust (if he hasn't already), so we'll just have to thank him from afar. "Why do gasoline prices always have 9/10 of a cent attached at the end? How many other products cost $X.XX followed by a fraction? I dare say not many." -Steve I am somewhat reluctant to answer this, because if the government finds out that I know what I know, they'll probably hunt me down and Persiflage will end forever. But here's the gist: the extra 9/10 of a cent goes to pay The Man. You all know The Man, the one who oversees all the conspiracies that we Americans come up with. The Man is a very highly paid government position, who to survive needs only rely on the 9/10 of a cent that comes from each gallon of gas we pump into our cars. He's a wealthy fellow- in one day, if everyone in America were to put 10 gallons of gasoline into his or her car, The Man (who is a guy from Nebraska named Hubert Sneffer who was lucky enough to win this position) would become richer by… let's see, math has never been my strong point… hmm… 250 million multiplied by ten… carry the three… Yes, The Man would become richer by 18 bazillion dollars. He gets pretty drained at tax time, though. "Where have all the frogs gone?" -Lois There are a number of theories to answer this question, and that number is: 3. Theory number one is that all the frogs have gone to Nebraska to keep The aforementioned Man company. Theory two states that, at least on the grounds of UMBC, the rabid and quickly mutating squirrels have kept the frogs subservient, making them cater to the rodents' every need. The third, and more widely accepted theory, is that all of the frogs have gone into hiding to await the next onset of the plagues. Once they're all gone, the flies and gnats and such things will say, "Aha! No more frogs to eat us!" and basically overrun the earth (becoming a plague in and of themselves), and then, out will come the frogs, saying, "Gotcha! We weren't gone at all! Ha ha!" And then they will die immediately of indigestion. "I have a question! During the 50-50 lifeline on "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire", how come the "computer" always eliminates choices C and D after the moronic contestant declares that he has narrowed it down to choices A and B?" -Joe Thanks so much for your enthusiasm! The sensible answer to this question would be that it's because the "computer" has a sense of humor. When it hears the silly contestant announce which choices he's torn between, it snickers uncontrollably, rolling its electronic eyes. "What a nimrod!" it thinks. "Giving me the upper hand!" At which point it, still snickering, removes the two obviously incorrect answers, and has to restrain itself from bursting into uncontrollable guffaws when the contestant still looks incredibly befuddled. If you ever hear laughter during one of these tense moments, it's the computer. |