To correctly answer this question, I think we should first consider three different types of oranges. First: your plain, everyday, run-of-the-mill orange that you might find on a tree. Round, smooth, juicy. Not actually the color orange until dyed that color (I think they're green originally; why they're not just called "Greens" is beyond me). Second: an orange crayon (not Red Orange, not Orange Red or even Vivid Tangerine, but Orange). Waxy, smells a little weird, probably doesn't taste so great either. I personally have never eaten crayons, so I am not the best person to ask in that respect. Third: A Clockwork Orange. Violent, bizarre, contains Malcolm McDowell. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, think about it. Crayons are neither particularly juicy nor violent, nor do oranges contain Malcolm McDowell, at least none of the oranges I've eaten. I think the facts speak for themselves on this one here.
-What is the correct way to jump into a puddle?
Obviously, in a way that gets your socks, shoes, and preferably the rest of you soaking wet. Of course, there are many methods, some of them superior to others. Here's my recommendation:
1) Get a piece of paper and a pencil.
2) Write down your height in centimeters.
3) Multiply that number by 14.
4) Divide the result by the width of the puddle in micrometers, and add the depth of the puddle, which should be in hectares.
5) Throw the piece of paper squarely into the center of the puddle.
6) Jump on it as hard as you can.
7) Splash around.
8) Repeat if necessary. This time, for a little variety, try multiplying by 17 instead of 14.
-Why is Tetris so addictive?
I think it has something to do with the Communists.
No! Ha ha! Of course I am only being facetious. At least, I think I am. I have never been addicted to Tetris, so I called the world's most-renowned Tetris addictee, my sister. And she wasn't home. So I am forced to make up- er, further research an answer.
I think the answer is something relatively simple: The Line. The way my sister plays, she gets the level of the blocks as high as she can, leaving blank a single line at the extreme right side of the screen. Then, once The Line (you know the one- the vertical one consisting of four blocks stacked atop each other) comes, she puts it in the little space and shazam! she has a Tetris! It's a great way to rack up point, and it's one of the most satisfying things in the world to see the four lines bleep out of existence. You just don't get that kind of thrill from one line, or even three! Only four will do.
-Ray
Well, Ray, you've presented me with a poser. I shall do the best I can to answer your very complex question. Let me ask a few in return, purely for hypothetical purposes, of course. For one- can your car go at the speed of light? If so, good grief, what kind of gas mileage do you get on that thing? But I digress. I think it's obvious that if one's car was traveling at the speed of light and if one turned on the headlights, one's car would instantly explode and its remnants be scattered to the four winds. As for the occupant, well, let's just say it's not a happy future. Now, you all may be scoffing. "Posh!" you're saying. "On what do you base this astute but obviously contrived answer?" And I have just three words for those unbelievers: magical physics gnomes.
I have an obsessive crush on this actor type. What is the best way to go about stalking him?
-Just Call Me Ishmael
There is no "best way" to go about stalking someone. They're all good. It just depends on what kind of stalking you want to do! Get this actor type's schedule and memorize his "hangout" spots, and be everywhere he is. Call him every day and leave little silly messages, such as "Ishmael loves you. Ishmael worships at your shrine daily. Ishmael giggles every time you walk by. In short, Ishmael is going to stalk you for the rest of your days." However, this might unnerve the poor chap, so it might be a good move to add, "If that's all right with you, I mean, I don't want to be a bother." And then laugh. The laughter, when accomplished with the right amount of vim, vigor and vinegar, adds that special touch that says… er… says…. "HA HA HA HA!"
I'm a devastatingly punctual sociology major with no grasp of quantum physics whatsoever. Can you explain String Theory to me?
-DPSMWNGOQPW
What a question! Of course I can! But won't! Ha ha! No, okay, I won't be that cruel, Acronym Woman. At http://turing.wins.uva.nl/~rhd/review.html, it is stated that, "String theory is based on the (deceptively simple) premise that at Planckian scales, where the quantum effects of gravity are strong, particles are actually one-dimensional extended objects. In contrast with particle theories, string theory is highly constrained in the choice of interactions, supersymmetries and gauge groups." Riiiight. Whatever that means. I think it's safer to give my explanation, which of course is the More Comprehensible, or Correct, explanation. String Theory is the theory which states that the Earth, the Sun, indeed the Universe itself is supported entirely by string. We are actually part of one of those science fair exhibits wherein the sun is a tennis ball, and the other planets are represented by other spherical objects of various sizes. One of these days, the universe and all its string are going to be thrown in the garbage can, thus bringing about the end of time and creation as we know it. Either that or one of the strings will snap, and one day we'll wake up and discover that Jupiter has fallen to the ground. Either way, let's hope the science fair lasts awhile.
Do you know the way to San José?
-Some Lost Fellow
Poor guy! We'll get you there somehow! According to Expedia Directions, from UMBC to 100 Oak Street in San José, it takes 45 hours 9 minutes and spans 2,865 miles. The directions are… well… okay, they take a long time to relate. So here's what you do: call a cab. Go to BWI. Get a ticket to San José. Fly there. You're done!