FALLEN
Haunted
*Long lost words whisper slowly to me*
"What do you want?"
"Just to talk," he promised, half raising his hands to show he meant no harm. I know he'd never hurt me- I can see it in his eyes.
*Still can't find what keeps me here*
Why do I persist? After every time she rejects me, I go back, more pathetic and determined then the time before, only to be pushed away again. Why?
Am I addicted? Is this some kind of obsession? Do I need help? Would I ever hurt her? She seems to think not.
*When all this time I've been so hollow*
"So talk."
He sits next to me, uneasy, unsure, wringing his hands. "To be honest, I don't know what to say."
"You're the one who wanted to talk."
Don't do this, Jarod.
*Inside*
"I never expected you to listen. I thought you'd yell and throw something at me, and threaten me with a sweeper team if I didn't leave."
Her face crumples. Nice going, genius. Her back straightens and quick as it left the defiance returns, sweeping across her face. "The night's still young."
*I know you're still there*
Why does he do this? Why does he come back every time I kick him in the gut? Doesn't he get it?
Some genius.
*Watching me*
I try to keep my eyes to the floor; she hates to be watched. Staring at her will only make her uncomfortable. But it's hard not to look at fantasy in the flesh, hard not to stare and lose yourself in the depths of her eyes, so blue.
*Wanting me*
I try not to squirm under his gaze, just as I can tell he tries not to stare. I rise, putting as much distance between us as the room will allow. As much as I will allow. Something holds me to him.
"Well?" He looks at me blankly. "You wanted to talk. Talk."
*I can feel you pull me down*
"I don't know what to say," I confess.
"You'd better think of something, lab rat, or I'll call that sweeper team you suggested."
"You never were known for your patience."
"Don't test that."
*Fearing you*
He rises and makes a move toward me. My back collides with the wall behind me. I've pushed myself into a corner- every direction into his arms. "Jarod-" Before I can finish he stops his advance, allowing me to move away, into open space.
He's just trying to manipulate me.
*Loving you*
"I have to tell you something," I blurt. "Something I've tried and failed to deny for a long time, something I can't deny anymore."
"No confessions, Jarod," she shakes her head. "I don't want to hear it. I can't hear it."
"Well I need to say it."
"Tell it to your girlfriend."
*I won't let you pull me down*
Don't you dare.
"I don't have a girlfriend," he answers, without bitterness or self-pity. It's so unlike him. "She left. because I didn't love her enough, and in the end she stopped loving me." He sighs and takes a deep breath.
*Hunting you I can smell you alive*
"Jarod," she warns, but I pay no heed. I came here to tell her and I'll do so if I have to walk back to hell in chains.
"I don't want that to happen to us."
"It can't- I don't love you."
*Your heart pounding in my head*
Like hell I don't.
"Like hell you don't." His voice isn't controlling or angry, but almost sad, nearly a whisper, still too loud as it echoes in my ears.
He walks around the couch and coffee table slowly, moving straight through the walls I thought covered every inch of this house. He stands in front of me, gazing into my eyes, but doesn't touch me.
*Watching me*
Whether she knows it or not, her eyes are wide, glossed over from years of unshed tears and sad. They cry without water and bleed without blood. My hand rises of it's own accord to her face, hovering above her cheek. I won't move until she tells me to, either way, even though every part of me screams for her.
*Wanting me*
His hand wavers but doesn't move and by the look in his eyes I know he won't until I tell him too. But which way?
"I can't."
It's too weak for him to take it seriously. Hell, it's too weak for me to take seriously. I can't even trust myself to speak. I try again, but he shakes his head.
"Shh... close your eyes," he whispers.
*I can feel you pull me down*
Her eyes close slowly and her breathing evens out and she steps forward, ever slightly. My hand brushes her cheek, and a thousand tiny jolts shock me.
Her eyes snap open.
*Saving me*
He felt it too. "Why are you doing this? What do you want from me?" Why ask? I already know the answer to that. His palm presses flat on my cheek and his moves closer, just a step but enough that our bodies touch completely.
*Raping me*
In a last either bold or stupid move, I wrap my arm around her waist, holding her to me. I hold her eyes as my face lowers to hers, stopping halfway, waiting. She holds still for a length of time unbearable until she reaches up, meeting me halfway.
So that's what freedom really feels like.
*Watching me*
Her arms, until then dangling at her sides, reached up, one around the back of his neck the other threading through his hair, pulling him closer. In response he did the same, both hands gripping her waist, crushing her to him.
*Watching me*
Everything moving slowed and stopped, ceasing to exist beyond the ring of passion they'd sparked around them.
*Wanting me*
Picture frames and mirrors and windows around them shattered and the colors from in and outside the house blended together, whirling around and about them, feet to head.
*I can feel you pull me down*
Behind their closed eyes, flashes of color were blinding. Suddenly the colors disappeared and for a moment everything was silent.
*Fearing you Loving you*
Suddenly she pulled away.
*I won't let you pull me down*
**
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