FALLEN
Going Under
*Now I will tell you what I've done for you 50 thousand tears I've cried*
She swept her hair up, letting the ends hang loosely about her face. Dark lines of makeup covered her red-rimmed, sleepless eyes, and the purple circles underneath were covered. The reflection in the mirror was flawless- she was tall, beautiful, rich and had everything a person could dream of.
In their nightmares, maybe.
Adjusting the small angel pendent she wore against her chest, she tucked it beneath the neckline of her long black dress. She'd found it hidden away in a box of storage she thought she'd gotten rid of long ago a few months earlier, and since then hadn't removed it from around her neck.
*Screaming deceiving and bleeding for you And you still won't hear me*
If the man she was forced to recognize as her father ever found out she was wearing the necklace Jarod had made for her out of wire and string when she was fifteen years old, she knew he'd never forgive her. It was dangerous, wearing it to one of his profitable Centre functions, but as her fingers dangled around the clasp, she couldn't bring herself to take it off.
*Going under*
She'd defied them all before; this was no different. Except for the fact that some part of *him* had cared for her. Except for the fact that *he* was gone, and Raines was in charge. Except for the fact that it could cost her her life.
*Don't want your hand this time I'll save myself Maybe I'll wake up for once*
As of late, she'd been living in a dream, trapped by demons and monsters that chased her through the night, forbidding her to eat, sleep, or smile. With their long teeth and gnarly arms, they followed her wherever she went, their voices combined into one, booming deep and low, so familiar in that of her father.
In the beginning she'd fought the voices and shadows, but as time wore on it stopped mattering.
*Not tormented daily defeated by you Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom*
Sydney diagnosed her with depression. Broots hovered around constantly, sneaking the bottles of alcohol out of her office when she wasn't around. Lyle made snide remarks, always pertaining to her and Jarod's 'escapade' on the island and Raines just smiled slyly, issuing unspoken threats.
Although all their reactions were different, the result was the same- they all sat back and watched hopelessly as a part of her died every day.
*I'm dying again*
Even Jarod, who seemed to have vanished, had nothing to input on her quickly disintegrating life.
*I'm going under*
With every day that passed, she fell farther, sank deeper, drowning.
*Drowning in you*
With every day, she forgot part of herself, let go and let herself slip away.
*I'm falling forever*
Those watching kept their shoulders in a constant flinch, preparing themselves for the day she hit bottom.
*I've got to break through*
There was only a small part of her, buried beneath a woven quilt of lies, that insisted she fight. It urged her to break through, and defy them again.
"Do not let them win," the voice whispered. She recognized it as her own, but had no recollection of ever saying the words.
*I'm going under*
Pushing a stray piece of hair out of her line of sight, she took a deep breath and grabbed her bag, holding her long dress nimbly in her fingertips as she hurried down the stairs.
Slinging her jacket around her shoulders, she snatched the keys from the table and flung open the door of her house, slamming it equally forcefully behind her.
*Blurring and stirring the truth and the lies So I don't know what's real and what's not*
Her thoughts were clouded, and nothing made sense. She'd started seeing things, mainly people. People from her past, people that loved her, people that hated her, people that wanted her dead, people that were dead. Once, she'd found herself talking to the image of herself in the mirror without realizing it, because she'd thought it was someone else.
Climbing into her car, she sped away with a swirl of dust and flying gravel. Half way down the road she slammed on the breaks, narrowly avoiding a little girl in a white dress that bounded out in front of her.
She gasped, blinked and looked up at the empty road.
*Always confusing the thoughts in my head So I can't trust myself anymore*
Shaking her head, she put the car in gear and took off again, griping the steering wheel until her knuckled turned white and the skin split. Small drops of blood trickled down her hands, but she never noticed.
*I'm dying again*
She was barely alert as it was, her mind suffocating under all the questions.
*I'm going under*
What did it all mean? Was there a point, a purpose? Was there any rhyme or reason to her life? Would there ever be a happy ending?
*Drowning in you*
The little angel around her neck seemed to bring back memories of her childhood, and almost every one included him in some way. Since then, she'd thought of little else. Especially the innocent kiss she'd given him thirty years ago.
*I'm falling forever*
As her thoughts strayed toward him, and what he meant, she gave a violent tug at her sub-conscience, trying to break it away.
*I've got to break through*
Re-focusing her attention elsewhere, it landed on the dinner party she'd been invited to. Been ordered attend.
*I'm going under*
She defied until every last of her strings had been pulled and she collapsed, and, like a puppet, adorned the over-priced dress and heels and sat through until midnight of boring lecture after boring lecture.
Raines and Lyle both made points of looking over at her every so often, but whether it was to make her uncomfortable, or make sure she didn't leave she wasn't sure. Either way, she could've cared less.
*So go on and scream Scream at me I'm so far away I won't be broken again I've got to breathe I can't keep going under*
Near the end, Lyle asked her dance with him and she responded by digging the heel of her stiletto into his toes and threatening to disassemble, mix around, then reattach each of his limbs in the wrong place if he ever laid so much as even a missing finger on her.
*I'm dying again*
The drive home was thankfully uneventful, and she managed to keep all her feelings and thoughts locked tightly away.
*I'm going under*
Pulling into her driveway, she shut off the ignition and sat in silence.
*Drowning in you*
Unconsciously she fingered the pendant, smiling sadly to herself.
*I'm falling forever*
One tear slipped past her defenses, and she swiped it away, her anguish turning quickly to anger.
*I've got to break through*
Exiting, she gave the car door an extra vigorous slam as she marched up the steps. Shoving open the door, she unceremoniously kicked off her shoes and tossed her jacket on the back of a chair and froze.
*I'm going under*
A familiar feeling washed over her, a sent so distinct it made her stomach curl into a tight knot. Whirling, her eyes locked onto those of soft brown, glistening in the dull light of her living room.
*I'm going under*
"Hello, Miss Parker."
*I'm going under*
**
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