12 Years
Makes a Difference
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by PneumaSender
Joyful
Conversation
Chapter 14
Christa
woke the next morning, Sunday, hoping that since they had to leave early for church,
she could avoid having to talk to anyone about that stolen kiss. Dad was
smarter than she was, though, and he was up early, knocking on her door and
inviting her downstairs for a cup of coffee. After she had dressed, she went
downstairs and found her father sitting at the card table with two coffee
mugs in front of him.
Christa
sat in the opposite chair, wondering what she could say, when the clearest
message came through. Tell the truth. She knew the Lord would give her
strength, but she didn't know what would happen after she spoke it.
"Well,
Dear, what do you have to say for yourself? You clearly embarrassed
him." Christa took a breath and began hesitantly and quietly, "I
surprised myself. I didn't intend to do such a thing. It was an
impulse." Then, rushing to cover the words she imagined he would say to
that, she said, "I'm sorry. That’s not really true.”
Taking
a deep breath, Christa decided to begin at the beginning. “For a while now,
I've been head over heels for Patrick and I guess I found a less-than-perfect
way of gauging his response." Her father dropped his head, closing his
eyes.
"Please
don't do it again, okay?" Christa couldn't believe that was all he was
going to say. "Okay." Her answer came from the wellspring of relief
flooding through her right now. Then her father lifted his head, looking at
her with a sad, weary expression.
"Has
he ever given you a reason to believe he shares your feelings?"
Christa's soft answer was, "No." Not knowing whether to feel sad
for her or relieved for his own sake, Colby patted
her hand and said, "Go on upstairs now." Rising, she bent over her
hoary-headed father and planted a kiss on his almost-bald scalp.
"I
love you, Dad, and I'm sorry I did this in such a foolish way. I can't figure
it out. What I did was immature and irresponsible. Besides, it's
disrespectful to just walk up and kiss someone. I really am sorry."
Smiling
a little through his obvious distress, Colby just answered, "Love is
awfully confusing, huh?" She choked up as she responded with an
emphatic, "Uh-huh." She hugged him and went back to prepare for
church.
< ; ; > < > < ; ; > < ; ; > < > < ; ; >
What will he think of me? Lord,
I can't tell him I'm in love with his daughter. But I bet he knows, or
suspects it's so. Mom definitely knows. Oh, God, please help me. I don't know
what to do.
One
thing came clear to him. He was going to marry her if she would have him. But
he was not going to rush it, not any of it. If I have to wait the rest of
my life, I will never, ever let her go--not if I have any say about it.
In
her room again, Christa looked around. She didn't know what to wear, what to
think, what to do. Everything had come out wrong. Something would work out,
she knew, but she had no idea how it would happen.
Lord, give me strength for
what's up ahead and teach me some self-control. Oh, what a mess I've made!
What will you do with me? What will become of my life if I keep making these
types of mistakes?
Please forgive me for taking the
future into my hands. I know it’s a bit late for it, but I now give it all
back to you. Take over, Lord, because I've messed it up.
As
soon as she had prayed, the Lord's answer was clear. "Confess." She
knew immediately who the Lord meant, so she went to Patrick's door and
knocked.
"Yes?"
came his answer.
"Can
you meet me downstairs?" she asked through the wood. His
"uh-huh" came back muffled, but at least it was a yes. She rushed
down the hall and to the bottom of the staircase, sitting down to wait.
"Ahem,"
she heard Patrick say as he cleared his throat. Christa looked up to see him
coming down the steps toward her. A rush of cold shame poured over her. “Whom
the Son sets free is free indeed.1
Though yours sins be as scarlet, they shall be as
wool. 2
As far as the East is from the West God removes our transgressions from us3 so since
I repented, I have only to apologize,” he mumbled under her breath.
Smiling
bravely, she said, "Sit with me, please," as he reached the bottom.
"Okay, but keep your lips to yourself this time," he joked. Seeing
her pained expression, he immediately clamped his mouth shut, sorry that his
words had upset her.
"Patrick,
I need to speak seriously with you." A nod was all he could offer. The
look in her eyes was so genuinely tender, it took his breath, and his
capacity for speech, away. Lowering his gaze, he closed his eyes and prayed
for strength and wisdom. His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a new
realization. Christa was serious. The kiss had not been some teenaged prank.
She
looked at him silently until he met her gaze. Then she spoke. "Patrick,
I'm sorry I kissed you. I didn't intend to do that in such a rude way. It's
just that I have been thinking about you so much lately, and I guess I got carried
away by my emotions.”
That’s a cop out, and not a
very good excuse. Recognizing the Lord’s rebuke was
true, she changed it. “No, wait, I let myself get carried away by my
emotions.” He nodded, not surprised at her maturity, but still unwilling to
trust his voice. His joy at her words was too deep.
“I
love you, Patrick, and I think you're the one God has for me, but I should
not have blind-sided you that way.”
Patrick’s
hand was beside hers on the stair and she gripped it. “Remember my 14th
birthday?" He nodded, choosing to look down for the moment. Still, he
couldn't avoid her gaze for long. When he looked at her, she continued.
"I'm
sorry. I know it was your decision to make – whether or not to kiss me – and
I was wrong to spring it on you like that." His mind raced and he spoke
automatically, still in a haze from what she had told him, "You love
me?" She smiled then, laughing a little. It eased the tension for a
moment, until he fully grasped her meaning.
His
first instinct was to whoop and holler, but reason prevailed. He kept quiet,
his gaze down. "I told you that night that I got close to Eric to find
out if we had anything between us." Her shoulders fell with the irony of
it all.
"I
guess I did that last night, too. So I sure did a lot for my case – showing
you how mature I am despite my years." Patrick wanted to kiss her to
quiet her self-deprecating comments, and again simply for the joy of kissing
her.
"You're
not immature." His answer surprised her. He hadn’t spoken for so long
that it was a shock to hear him contradict her so firmly. He looked fully
into her eyes, "You're a perfect girl, wonderful all around, and I share
the blame for that kiss. I saw it coming, and I didn't do a thing to stop
it." That confession caused a spark to ignite at the back of her
consciousness.
"You
kissed me back." He smiled a little now, briefly, and blushed furiously.
"Yes, I did." She asked him quietly, "Why? And can I have
another?" Patrick's mouth moved, but no words came out. Finally, he
managed to grunt.
"I
wanted that kiss. I have strong feelings for you, but it was the wrong
timing." Moving away from a very stunned Christa, Patrick walked quickly
toward his room, still looking back at her until she shifted out of his line
of sight. Turning, he found himself face to face with Colby.
12 Years Makes a Difference
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