Dateline: September 7, 2000
HOT LOOKING CHICKS GO FOR BIG AL
(Beneath The Glass Ceiling/AP)
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Unidentified babe plants one right on Al Gore. Cute chicks just can't keep their hands off this Vice Presidential Hottie!
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For the first time in this election, Vice President Al Gore (D-Us) leads Texas Governor George W. Bush (R-Them) in the polls. Currently, Gore leads by a margin of ten percent, and he has the female electorate to thank for his change in fortune.
Case in point: Missouri. In a poll taken in the "Show Me" state last July, Gore trailed Bush by 11 points. But in a similar poll released yesterday, a surge in support from women propelled Gore to a 4 point lead among Missouri voters. Gore's support among Missouri women was even stronger, leading Bush 53 to 35 percent. Nationwide, the top reasons women have given for their growing support of the Vice President are:
1.) They actually got to hear his platform in August.
When pollsters remained totally clueless, the women eleborated with:
2.) Vice President Gore has presented the public with detailed plans which focus on education and healthcare, and attempt major improvements in both social and economic justice, all while eliminating the once crippling national debt.
3.) Duh!
Once the corporate media was given this detailed information, they naturally attributed Gore's increased popularity among female voters to the fact that the Vice President frenched his wife on national television.
And we mean BIG TIME.
Even this deceptively simple explanation has left the GOP deeply confused.
"She's old enough to be the mother of his children! That's just gross!" complained former House Speaker Newt Gingrich, who recently traded in his second trophy wife for a much newer model.
"Nobody ever kissed me. I mean, kissed me like that. I mean, kissed me like that on TV," grumbled Kenneth Starr, special prosecutor desperately in need of a hobby.
"Broads shouldn't have the vote anyway," Governor George W. Bush agreed. "And the minute I finish paying for this election, they won't."
"I just don't get why colored people are voting for him," Senator Strom Thurmond added. "I mean, have you seen him dance? The guy's got no rhythm at all!"
The Fine Folks At Fox and Halliburton Remind You That They've Already Sunk A Ton Of Money Into This Election, So If You Must Vote, Vote For Their Guy.
Or Else.
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