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Pondering Name:
Danielle Nicole LaFleur |
Current
Pet Peeve: Error
154 Contact
Info: |
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NOTICE - On this web page - spelling doesn't count. The lurker - I know you are there. I feel you just behind me, one step in front of me, sometimes surrounding me. Why do you hide? I know you whisper little secrets to me while I sleep. I know you think of me during the day. But still you remain silent. Always in the shadows. Always lurking. |
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How dare you shame me. How dare you give me permission to do something then deny me your support after the deed is done. Do I play such games with you? Do I make my "yes" a no or my "no" a yes? No, I don't. I give even when I don't desire. I do so because you simply ask. I show my pain, my fear, my anger, my love because you request it of me. Where is that defender of truth? The one that bragged of his honor. Of his devotion. Of his faith. You are a Peter. Saying one thing in private and another in public. Denying what I have done even though it was blessed by you. Am I a project? Someone to "try" new things on? To push limits simply cause you can. "Give me this." "Give me that." But don't count on me when others persecute. I am to busy to say, "I support her" to those that degrade my name. To those that defile my character. Agreeing with slander by being silent. But you prefer to talk to me in private then defend me in public. Am I to say "don't talk to me at all?" Or take whatever little I can gather for time is ever so small. Hypocrites. All of you. "I stand behind you." Why? I am nothing, worthless, and pointless in this world. Why hide behind me? What am I? I am no one to stand behind. I am not a warrior. I am not a protector. I am not a fighter. Why do you cower behind what I am not? What am I to do? I want to understand. I want to support and give ease and pleasure to you. I want to love and give you joy. But how can I when I am not acknowledged as yours. Why do you continue to hurt me so? Hour after hour I present my pain. Day after day I am patted on the head and told to "pray." "Just be more spiritual." I am told. If I prayed better would you want to stick to your word more? Is that how it works? I am shattered but not broken enough. "I only love you "this" much because you are not "broken" enough for my tastes. " Are you so spiritual? Are so much greater then I? Tell me. For I am floundering in this loneliness of rejection. This must be how Jesus feels when we deny Him in public by our silence. |