Copyright © 2002 by Syvia (Aka Rebecca K. Friedrick). All Rights Reserved.

Disclaimer: I don’t own this stuff. Other people do.

Authors Notes:  If you’d like to find the entire audio dialogue for Blood Omen written down, look in the same place I found it. http://www.nosgoth.net

The ‘Bat Form’ Jokes and the Axes swinging out of control are ideas that always went through my head while I played the game! Now I’m able to share them with you guys. *smiles*

And now- on with the show!!!!!!

Syvia- *looking directly at the camera* Hi everyone! This segment is not as long as some of the others, but that’s because most of the relevant material is about one problem that the Director had during filming. *she grins, clears her throat*

Many movie makers have said, never work with children, animals, or special effects. Here’s why our director added ‘vampires’ to that list! *evil smile*

*beep-beep*

Kain VO- Their charms were almost visible through the gauze of their clothing.

Random Bride- And they’re about to become even more visible. *She leers at Kain*

Kain- I’m sorry? *they jump on him and begin to pull him into a bedchamber* What?! Ladies- now- ladies-

Director- *confused* Is this in the script? *the brides begin pulling Kain’s armor off. He grabs for a gauntlet and the girls throw him onto a bed*

Male Producer- *entranced, tongue on the floor* Does it matter?

Female Producer- *looking through the script* Actually it isn’t. *thinks of something* Oh shit- those aren’t fan-girls, are they?

Director- *worried* Vorador!

Vorador- *walks up* Is it time for my scene?

Director- *points to what the brides are doing with Kain* Are those actual vampires or just fan-girls with fangs?

Vorador- *he looks* Actual vampires. *he grins* You know... that reminds me of this one time I came back from hunting. Five of my brides were waiting at the door, feeling unusually randy and-

Female Producer- Thank you, Vorador, we get the picture.

Director- Cut! *doesn’t do anything* *through megaphone* CUT! *the girls keep... doing what they were doing*

Male Producer- This is an M-rated game, sir.

Director- That’s not the point! By the time they get through with him, he’ll need a week to recover! *The male producer’s jaw drops again. The female producer rolls her eyes. Vorador smirks*

*beep-beep*

*Kain is back on the set, can usually be seen smiling for no reason at all*

Kain VO- Their charms were almost visible through the gauze of their clothing. Yet beauty such as theirs delivered only death. For these were Vorador’s pets, nothing more than beasts, slave to his will and the easy prey he provided. Vampires, all of them, held in thrall by one stronger still.

*The brides try and grab him again. He isn’t really resisting.*

Director- Oh Bloody hell! *Vorador comes out and starts pushing the girls off of Kain, so they grab himinstead*

Female Producer- Well now what do we do?

Director- Keep going. We won’t need Vorador for a while and he’ll keep them busy. * on camera, Kain is pouting a bit*

*beep-beep*

Kain VO- Vorador’s pantry! A vampire’s feast! Like cattle awaiting slaughter, men and women dangled from the rusted hooks upon the dungeon walls, blood and viscera frosted the dirt and stone. The abundance nearly overwhelmed me. For blood is the life . . .

Director- Cut! That was good, Kain... *realizes the cameras are still rolling* Um... what’s going on?

Stagehand- Um... everyone got sick from the scene, sir... they’re all in the bathroom.

Director- O-kay.

*beep-beep*

Kain VO- My enemies are quite vicious and the Chaos armor extracts from them a heavy price for their bloodlust. The blows are meant for me, but it is their bodies that carry the wounds.

*he puts it on. A vampire extra runs into him, his face crashes into one of Kain’s shoulders*

Extra- Ahhhhh! My eye! *he’s still on Kain’s shoulder*

Kain- Oh shit! Are you alright?

Extra- Oh God!

Another Vampire *off camera* - Well get the hell off his armor before your eye begins to regenerate!!!!!

Director- Cut! Does he need a medic or something?!

Off camera Vampire- No, no, he’ll be fine eventually.

*Kain pushes the Vampire off of him, the vampire whimpers, but begins to calm down as he begins to heal*

Kain- You sure you’re okay?

Vampire- ...Yes.

Director- *to the vampire* You take five, man. Hey, Kain? You ready for another take?

Kain- Yeah, I’m good. *he turns and goes back to his first position. There are disgusted gasps from the crew* What?

Director- ....Um... look at your shoulder Kain.

*Kain turns and sees the eyeball still on a metal spike. He smirks, pulls it off and flings it at the wall.*

*beep-beep*

Kain VO- Oh, to bathe in the blood of others! This spell is especially useful in the face of multiple combatants. Beware those with tainted blood.

*he casts the spell against four vampires, blood packs under their clothes burst and squirt through the air. Kain opens his mouth- one arch hits him in the chest, another in the leg, one actually goes into his mouth, another hits his eye.*

Kain- Ahh! *covering his eye* Shit... that hurt. *blinking rapidly*

*beep-beep*

Kain VO- The room I had entered had but one purpose - the torture and execution of human beeings for the sadistic pleasure of its engineer. Blood was splattered on every surface.

The dread and agony of victims past still echoed through the lethal walls. A symphony of terror and agony filled the air. Then, from amidst the cacophony of screaming souls came the perverse laughter of the Vampire himself. *Vorador can be heard laughing off in the distance*

Mortanius- *off camera* Something tells me that isn’t from torturing someone.

*Wicked grins from the cast and crew*

*beep-beep*

Kain VO- And upon the wall, scrawled in blood, were the words:... For a good time call Mobius at 1-800... *starts laughing*

Mobius *off camera*- WHAT!?

*beep-beep*

Kain VO- Amongst Vorador’s possessions, I found an ancient chronicle . . . *smiles manically and begins to read* “I was rejected by Mortanius, but I’ve gotten over him... I was thinking about talking to Vorador about going out to a restaurant on Saturday-” *the book bursts into flames amid gales of laughter from the cast and crew. Kain drops it, snickering*

Mobius- *off camera* When I find the person who’s been planting those things I’ll make sure they were never born!!!!!

*beep-beep*

Kain VO- The tapestries wove a tale of chaos ignited, an orgy of fire and pain.

*Kain passes a few paintings, glancing at each of them. One is of a bunch of werewolves playing poker. Kain stops, looks at the painting, looks at the camera*

Kain- Is this a joke?

Director- Cut! Who put that in there?

*beep-beep*

Kain VO- In the bowels of that black forest I found something worse than Hell. A vision of what I was becoming . . .

*Kain looks around, the dining room is empty*

Kain- Or I would have... if he were here...

Director- Cut! Okay, where is Vorador?

Female Producer- Where do you think? *they all hear laughter off in the distance*

Male Producer- Um... I think I’m gonna step out for just a minute *he starts to leave, the Female Producer pulls him back*

Female Producer- Are you insane? They’d kill you- either by feeding on you or by... exhausting you.

Male Producer- But what a way to go...

Kain- *coming over* So what are we doing? Are we filming, are we waiting, what?

Director- Do you have any ideas on how to get Vorador freed from the Vampire girls?

Kain- *smiles* Give them enough men and try to exhaust them?

Male Producer- I like that idea! *The Female Producer slaps him upside the head*

*The circle members walk by, chatting*

Kain- Let’s send Malek in. *he raises his voice when he notices he’s got the Sarafan’s attention* He hasn’t got any faculties for the girls to take advantage of!

*Malek tries to go for Kain, but the other circle members hold him back & drag him off in the direction they were originally headed.*

Director- *sighs, rubs his forehead* Okay... let me make a few calls. *he stands and walks off the set*

Director- Syvia! Thank you for coming.

Syvia- My pleasure! *she grins* So what is the problem exactly?

*The Director explains quickly, making Syvia smirk.*

Syvia- No problem. *she snaps out a cell phone, dials and puts it to her ear, she waits for a while... someone on the other end says hello* Hi there! So what have you been up to lately? ....Uh-huh? Well I’ve got something that could keep you occupied.... Well, it’s not exactly a job, but it’ll be worth your while. What?... Oh, all of you, all of you. *she laughs* ...It should keep you busy for a week at least. ...Yeah? Great! Okay... oh, now, right now. ...Fifteen minutes? That’ll be great! ...Okay, we’ll see you then. Thanks. See you later! *She hangs up the phone and turns to the director* Well, all we have to do is wait.

*Syvia sits in a chair, beside the annoyed director and the two producers. She looks over her shoulder*

Syvia- Raziel! Hey! *she waves, grinning. The Director and producers turn to see six handsome young vampires striding towards them*

Director- *mouth dropping open* Syvia you are a genius!!!! *he stands, plants a kiss full on her lips, surprising the hell out of the girl, and runs over to the vampires. He shakes hands with Raziel* I am so glad to see you boys!

Vampire Raziel- Well, we have no idea why we are here, but we know Syvia to be a trustworthy person-

V Zephon- *cuts in* For a human.

Director- Come this way- *he leads the Lieutenants off to the area occupied by the Vampiresses and Vorador, explaining the situation. The Lieutenants are grinning anticipatorily by the time they get to the room. He knocks on the door.*

Random Bride- *in a sing-song voice* Who is it?

Raziel- The six most handsome Vampires on all of creation. *he grins at his brothers*

Another Bride- *squealing* Lestat is here!?! *The Lieutenants look disgustedly at each other*

*The door opens, the ladies all gasp and make a grab for Raziel, he sidesteps with a smile*

Raziel- No, no, no... let Vorador go and you can have us. *he leers at the girls*

All the Brides at once- DONE! *One throws a dazed, half-dressed Vorador out on his butt and crooks her finger at Raziel, another bride throws Vorador’s shirt at him, it lands on one green ear*

Director- Thank god. *the Lieutenants strut into the room, slamming the door shut behind them*

*beep-beep*

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