Copyright © 2002 by Syvia (Aka Rebecca K. Friedrick). All Rights Reserved.
Disclaimer: I don’t own this stuff. Other people do. I own a few things in this chapter, but to reveal them would spoil the surprise. ^_^
Authors Notes: If you’d like to find the entire audio dialogue for Blood Omen written down, look in the same place I found it. http://www.nosgoth.net
On to Willendorf
Kain VO- The specter of Ariel led me to Willendorf. If I was to defeat the next member of the Circle, I needed to understand his masochist- masochistations- macho-
Director- Cut!
Kain- Thank God for that.
Moebius- *off-camera* Kain, are you calling me a masochist?
Kain- What?
Moebius- Why does everyone feel the need to mock my sexuality?
*crickets chirp*
*beep-beep*
Take 2
Mortanius- Strange, isn’t it Kain? That one cannot quite accept that which sustains him: you in your breath- oh, I apologize. *he starts laughing*
Kain- *makes a mock-bewildered face* What about my breath? Do I need a tic-tac or something? It’s not my fault I can’t use water to brush my teeth.
Director- Cut!
*beep-beep*
Take 3
Mortanius- I can assist you no longer.
SR Raziel- *off-camera* That’s what you said in SR1, but it wasn’t long before you were back in the second game, still trying to push me around- *the camera crew begins laughing*
Director- Cut!
*beep-beep*
Spirit Wrack
Kain VO- With this spell I can tear a creature’s soul from its body, leaving its vacant flesh mine to control!
*Uses it on a skeleton*
Skeleton- *singing* The arm bone’s connected to the- hand bone- the hand bone’s connected to the- ah bugger this... this is too cheap.
*The Skeleton collapses and Kain walks off*
Director- *slightly confused, shrugs* Cut.
*beep-beep*
Blood Fountain
Blood Fountain- *finally the regular voice from the game* Your strength has increased, for our blood enhances.
Director- Cut! Good.
Kain- That voice sounds vaguely familiar.
Cili- I should hope it does. *the Ancient’s Seer walks out of the sound booth. She and Kain exchange greetings.*
Kain- Are you here alone?
Cili- No, Lorant and Zofia came with me... but I believe they stepped out for a drink.
*beep-beep*
Willendorf Library
Kain VO- The great library of Willendorf. Filled with dull tomes of trite accounts by pompous historians about matters that could not possibly be of interest to anyone but themselves.
*he picks up a book and begins to read*
Kain VO- The book spoke of the birth of the Circle...
Director- Cut! Wow, is that one actually correct?
Kain- *laughing* I was actually looking forward to reading another of Moebius’ diaries.
*beep-beep*
Take 2
Kain VO- The Circle served the Pillars, while I served Anarcrothe... my only true love... *cracks up laughing*
Director- Cut. O- kay. Heh. I guess that one wasn’t normal.
Stagehand- Wait- shouldn’t Moebius have run out screaming and destroyed the book by now?
DeJoule- He said he was close to tracking down those responsible for the books and couldn’t be bothered.
*beep-beep*
Take 5
Kain VO- I came upon another book of interest buried deep amongst the library’s tomes. It spoke of a small cult that existed in Nosgoth, ages past. Wherever they traveled strange tales of human possession would follow. Little is known of the god they worshipped.
Director- Cut! Print. Good take, Kain.
Kain- *Holding up the book* Behold! The only unedited volume in the entire length of film! *the cast and crew begin laughing* I wonder why, though. *he flips through it* Why was this one normal?
Lorant- *running past Kain with a grin on his face* Because we didn’t have time to plant the replacement!
Zofia- *a few steps behind him* Shut up and run, Lorant!
*Moebius runs after them, brandishing his staff and shouting incoherent curses. Eventually the two Ancients take to the skies and Moebius is left on the ground, screaming at them. He never notices the cast and crew, who are all either applauding the fledglings or rolling on the floor laughing.*
*beep-beep*
King Ottmar’s Court
Kain VO- The court of King Ottmar; shades of my former existence. Proud and self absorbed, surrounded by all the finery of the realm. Secure in their ignorance. As I walked among them I smirked thinking of the carnage that would befall them at the hands of the Legends of the- *softly* shit... *the cast begins to laugh*
Director- Cut!
*beep-beep*
Take 3
*The courtier stops Kain*
Kain- Out of my way peasant! *abruptly forgets his line* What are you anyway, the court Jester?
Courtier- How dare you! *he pretends to slap Kain*
Director- Cut!
*beep-beep*
Take 4
Kain- Out of my way peasant! The stench of the fields hangs over you like a... *he looks up* doll!
Courtier- *confused* I thought the line was pall? *suddenly a porcelain doll connects with his head and knocks him unconscious*
Elzevir- Yaaaaaa-ha-ha-ha! *dances around on the rafters* Dollies from the ceiling! Dollies from the ceiling! *laughs crazily and throws a few doll heads at Kain, who dodges*
Director- Cut! Someone restrain that idiot!
Female Producer- *Turelim vamps stun Elzevir and force him into a straight jacket* Well, that’s what you get for hiring a man who’s clinically insane.
Director- *reaches for a glass of alcohol* Remind me why I said I’d direct this game?
*beep-beep*
Take 6
Courtier- The King sees no one! He is in mourning for the princess!
Kain- He’ll be in mourning for his kingdom soon. And he’ll mourn for you even sooner if you don’t get out of my way! *he pushes the Courtier, who smacks into a column*
Courtier- Ooooh! *He starts sobbing* A nail! I broke a nail!
Director- *slaps a hand over his eyes* Oh for Pete’s Sake.
*beep-beep*
Ottmar
Kain VO- And so I won my audience, such as it was, with Ottmar. He cared not of the invading armies from the North. Only of the plight of his child.
Ottmar- A birthday present.... To celebrate her birthday I declared a contest. Whoever created the finest doll in the realm would be- *suddenly Ottmar seems to be choked with grief, he can only draw in half-breaths*
Director- Cut! Ottmar- don’t overdo it, please. *Ottmar begins waving a hand in a gesture of denial and pointing at his throat*
Kain- *smirking* You want me to bite you? End it all now? *Ottmar grabs Kain by the chainmail and shakes him, still rasping*
Stagehand- Oh shit- he’s choking!
Director- Somebody call a doctor! *Kain begins performing the Heimlich on Ottmar, who eventually spits something out.*
Kain- You alright? *Ottmar nods, gasping in air*
Princess- *sits up* What in hell was that?
Ottmar- I swallowed a bug. *gasps*
Various cast members- Ewwwwww....
Kain- See? I told you- the stench of the fields.
*beep-beep*
Take 2
Ottmar- Soon after she became like this; a lifeless puppet. Whoever restores her-
*he stops as the Princess sits up and begins doing a creditable impression of a marionette*
Director- Cut! Okay... that was nice, but you’re only supposed to lay there.
Princess- But I want some lines, some action, something!
Director- Look, lady- the script says-
Kain- You want some action? *he leers at her*
*beep-beep*
Take 5
Ottmar- Soon after she became like this; a lifeless puppet.
*Kain leans over the Princess to inspect her. He breathes in the scent of her blood, flowing just beneath the skin. The Princess giggles audibly and the Director groans.*
Director- Cut!
Kain- Woooo-hooo! *he jumps onto the bed with the Princess and play-bites her neck. The Princess laughs louder*
????- KAIN! *Everyone jumps* What in Nosgoth do you think you’re doing?!
Kain- Umah?! What are you doing here?
*The Director throws his script into the air and weeps into his hands*
Umah *striding onto the set*- Making sure that I stay your one and only. *she glares at the princess*
Zofia *off-camera*- You should have been here when they did the ‘brides’ scene.
Umah- What’s that supposed to mean?
Zofia *innocent expression*- Nothing, nothing.
Umah *to Kain*- You and I are going to have a little chat... *Kain gulps*
*beep-beep*
The Dollmaker
Kain- Elzevir! I have come for the soul!
Elzevir- So, Ottmar sent you to kill me, eh? I can smell him on you - or is that the stench of the grave?
Kain- *sniffing himself* It could be either. I’ve not taken a bath since I died.
Director- Cut! *sighs*
*Elzevir cackles manically. Kain flinches.*
Kain- *whispering* So... he’s really insane? *the Director nods*
Take 3
Director- Dollmaker, I have no time for these games!
Elzevir- The Soul is mine, I earned it. *he’s holding Soul Reaver Raziel around the middle.*
SR Raz- Uh... help?
*beep-beep*
Take 4
Elzevir- You shall NOT have it! Mine!
*The Dollmaker is holding onto Raziel’s right arm, the director and several crewmembers are on the other, and all the others are holding on to Elzevir. they’re pulling in different directions.*
Umah- *rolls her eyes* You know there’s a simple solution to all this...
Director- *tugging with the rest* Which is?
Umah- Raziel, just go into the spectral realm!
*Raziel’s eyes widen in realization. Umah hits herself on the head, with a ‘duh’ expression on her face. Raziel disappears and everyone falls back on their asses.*
Elzevir- *sitting on the floor, weeping* Farewell, my love…I was lucky to have made you…
*beep-beep*
The Doll
Kain VO- Strange that such a tiny thing - a shred of burlap and silk with a single lock of hair nailed to it, could bring a kingdom to its knees. Small things frequently have enormous consequences....
*A human baby boy, about one year old, toddles onto the set. His hair is brown and his eyes are bright blue. Kain looks curiously down at the little fellow, who laughs delightedly up at him. Kain grins without realizing it, hastily wipes the smile from his face.*
Director- Cut! *he’s grinning* Um... someone lose a baby?
Syvia- Shit! *runs on stage and sweeps the child into her arms. she mock-scolds him* How did you get into this fic? *Syvia carries the baby off-stage*
Zofia- *recognizes the child, gasps* Syvia! You know better than to tease the readers like that!
Syvia- *holding the baby, who is giggling happily* I’m an evil, evil authoress. *she grins wickedly and leaves with the child*
*beep-beep*
Back to Willendorf
Kain VO- I entered the Court with the Dollmaker’s head in one hand, and the doll containing the girl’s soul in the other. I placed them both before the King and watched his eyes catch fire. With the doll in their possession, the Court’s sorcerers could restore his daughter’s soul.
Ottmar- I do not know that I can thank you-
Sorcerer- *interrupting* Hey! There’s no soul in here!
Raziel- *off-camera to Janos* They can sense that...? *everyone looks at him suspiciously*
*beep-beep*
Take 3
Kain- ‘Tis not your kingdom I desire, but your army, Ottmar. I require troops to vanquish the Horde that descends upon us from the North.
Ottmar- Very well. Courtiers, fetch me my armor and lace! There is war to be waged!
*The producers look at the Director and to each other.*
Male Producer- Was that in the script? *all three pull out their scripts*
Kain- Uh.... *the Courtiers bring a suit of armor, trimmed in white silk lace. Kain just stares at the King*
Director- Cut!!! *looking through the script* What the hell...? That is in the script! Someone get the writers and the costume designers in here!
*beep-beep*
Extra Disclaimer: I own Zofia, Cili and Lorant. The rest is not mine. ~_^