a.k.a. Pyrasaur's crazy walkthru
Table of Contents
1. Intro
2. Mushroom Kingdom
3. Kero Sewers
4. Tadpole Pond
5. Rose Town
6. Moleville
7. Booster Tower
8. Marrymore
9. Seaside Town
10. Sunken Ship
11. Land's End
12. Monstro Town
13. Nimbus Land
14. Barrel Volcano
15. Bowser's Keep
16. Factory
1. Intro
Anyways, the whole mess starts out in the usual fashion. Princess Peach Toadstool is being a dumb blonde and sitting around in the open sans bodyguards, when Bowser enters the scene (right on cue, with scary music and lightning and everything!). He swoops down in his funky clown helicopter and whisks away the Princess, leaving her barely enough time to screech to Mario for help. Everybody's favourite plumber dashes off immediately to save the ditz, because it's a good excuse to eat some 'shrooms.
So Mario gets to Bowser's Keep and, for convinience's sake, walks in the front door. Goodness, isn't he daring and original! What if Bowser had locked the door, hmm? But I digress. Here you get to play a little bit, you make your way through the painfully simple castle and slap around some inept Koopa Troopa guards. The battle system is turn-based, it's pretty easy to get the hang of. Allow me to spell it out for ya.
A button- Attack. Mario throws a punch, and later uses some funky weapons.
B button- Retreat or Defense. Don't use either of these. Seriously, don't.
X button- Items. You don't have any right now, so don't worry about it.
Y button- Magic Attacks. Mario only has Jump at the moment, woohoo!
Control Pad- Choose which enemy to attack.
And while I'm at it, here's the non-battle controls.
A button- Talk to someone, read a sign, etc.
B button- Jump. Mario just wouldn't be Mario without it. It'll also cancel a selection on a menu screen.
X button- Opens up your Options screen. Here you can use items, check your status, and other fun shtuff.
Y button- Run. See Mario run. Run, Mario, run!
Control Pad- Move around. If you didn't figure THIS out on your own....
So after checking out Bowser's charming decor (love the lava!) and making his minions look like real idiots, Mario finds himself in Bowser's throne room. Peach is tied up from the ceiling for some kinky reason, and Bowser's sitting on a chandelier cackling evilly like a good evil villain should. Mario calls upon the power of the mighty Plot Device to hop way up onto another chandelier in a single casual leap, and the two foes pose ferociously at each other. Kinda reminds me of The Matrix, minus all the cool camera angles.
And then the battle is on! Mario and Bowser start beating the snot out of each other...or at least that's the idea. Don't attack Bowser, instead attack the Kinklink chain holding up his chandelier. If you had started attacking the Koopa King, Toadstool would have eventually tipped you off anyways, in her own subtle way. ("The chain, Mario! Aim for the chain!") Kinklink has about 60 HP, so 2 or 3 Jump attacks should do the trick. After you've been attacking Kinklink for a while, it'll weaken and start losing its grip. Bowser isn't too thrilled about that. He starts jumping around (methinks that wouldn't help Kinklink...) and telling the chain to hang on. Obviously, Kinklink lets go immediately after he says that, but as he plummets to his doom, Bowser tosses up some hammers at the Kinklink holding Mario's chandelier. Mario's chandelier falls, and for some really trippy reason, the floor is several thousand feet lower than it was before. To kill a bit of time while falling, Bowser figures he might as well harrass Mario some more. He rants about the fact that Mario is "ALWAYS in my way!" and takes a swipe at the little plumber man. Mario dodges this and uses Bowser's head as a launchpad to jump back up to the safety of the Kinklinks. At this point, Bowser uses the most original substitute for the F-word I've ever heard. "Fungah! Foiled again!" Well, if that don't beat all.
So Mario manages to grab onto the chain right next to Toadstool, and then he looks up her dress. Well, that's what it looks like to me! The pretty pink Princess is glad that her hero's alright and just wants to go home, but then the castle starts shaking and rumbling in an ominous fashion. A giant sword splits the sky and scatters purdy stars all over the place, then crashes into Bowser's Keep with a nice loud "SCHWINNNG!". Nah, that's not a clue to the plot of the whole game, duuuuh. The title of the game then pops up. Just in case you forgot. And we now return you to our regularly scheduled Mario!
When we last left our vertically-challenged hero, he was flying through the air like a Paratroopa out of hell towards his house. Apparently giant swords'll do that to a guy. Toad is quite innocently wandering around the area *cough working his corner cough*, when Mario falls out of the sky and into the ever-so-convinient pipe entrance on the roof of his house. Toad, worried that he's on some bad crack, races into the house to check for pink elephants. "Hey Mario," quips the hallucinogenic little man, "Lots of people use something called a 'door' to go in and out of their houses..." Hardy har har. He goes on to say that he's come to pick up Toadstool because she's late, and he's not referring to her lack of birth control use. Press B to make Mario jump off the coatrack he landed on (it's a pretty clever visual gag, actually) and here you can control him again. Just when you thought the movie madness would never end!
Now, wander out of the house and talk to Toad. He'll figure out that Toadstool's been kidnapped again (yah, it only happens every day or so) and ask you to go save her. That cheeky little runt, that's what we were doing in the first place! Geez! So leave the scene and you'll go to a map screen. Make your way to Bowser's Keep, and you'll be rewarded for your labour with another little movie sequence. Here Mario tries his cunning walk-in-the-front-door plan again, but just about messes himself when he sees the big sword stuck in the castle! The sword, whose name happens to be Exor, tells Mario where he can shove his rescue plan, because the Keep is now owned by the "Smithy Gang" and that they'll soon own the world too. And then Exor vibrates his jaw to make the bridge collapse. Mario escapes with some fancy footwork, but now he's stuck on Vista Hill and can't even get close to Bowser's Keep. He expresses his frustation by...jumping. Is it just me, or is the jumping sound effect way too perky?
Now you'll go back to the map screen, so go back to Mario's Pad. Toad is inside the house rummaging through Mario's stuff, go in there and talk to him. Mario doesn't speak, so he'll do a neat little pantomime and act out for Toad what happened, it's pretty cute. Toad freaks and runs off to tell the Chancellor of the Mushroom Kingdom what happened. Now leave the area. Except that you can't, because Toad's being an idiot and he runs smack into you in gibbering fear. He gives you a Mushroom to make the boo-boo better, and he'll explain how to use items if you don't already know. Maybe Toad should lay off the drugs, because he can't seem to remember what made him run into Mario, gibbering in fear, in the first place. A convinient Goomba reminds him that, oh yeah, there's swarms of monsters out there! He'll show you how to do a Timed Hit in battle if you don't already know how. After that's all settled and the big scary Goomba is gone, Toad will give you 3 more Mushrooms for the long trip to the Mushroom Kingdom and then scamper off. Kind of weird how Toad is always giving Mario stuff, you'd think he wants Mario's booty or something. But I digress. Don't leave the scene just yet, walk over to that shiny gold box in the corner of the area. That's a Save Box, jump on it to save your game. Make sure you save often, cuz you never know when you'll screw up. Oh yeah, and whenever Mario needs to heal himself, you can go back to Mario's Pad and let him take a nap, just face the oddly mushroom-like lamp and press A. Now we've cleared that up, you can leave the area.
You'll find yourself back on the map screen, so go to Mushroom Way. And what a lovely Way it is! Just as Toad reported, it's chock-full of nasty monsters! Fortunately for you, they're mostly Goombas, and those things suck like a Hoover. A single punch will take out a Goomba, and the Paratroopas can be taken out quickly with a Jump. Here you'll find your first treasure box too, just stand underneath it and jump until there's nothing left inside. But did I really need to tell you that? And if you'll look to your left, you'll see Toad being mauled by a Goomba, which is a pathetic sight indeed. Defeat the Goomba and Toad will give you "a little something in return". Which is...a...Honey Syrup. Hmmm....Well, this IS supposed to be a kids' game. He'll carry on his merry little way and leave you holding the sticky remains of your encounter. *grin*
Now, in the next scene you'll find some peeky spinning flowers. If you hop on one of these, you can use it as a launchpad to get to higher areas, just press B when you're facing the right direction. And on one of these aforementioned higher areas, you'll find Toad being mauled by a Paratroopa! He sure seems to have bad luck, doesn't he? Defeat the Paratroopa and Toad will give you "a token of my appreciation". Which is...a...Flower Tab. Oooh baby.
Now, maybe I'm getting ahead of myself here. There's a few things you should know by this point. If you've been doing much battling (which you should, don't be lazy!), you'll have collected some Experience Points and you'll probably have Levelled Up. Mario's Health Points (HP) will be refilled and you'll get to choose which stat to boost. You can choose from HP, Attack/Defense and Magic Attack/Defense. At this point in the game, you'd probably be better off choosing Attack/Defense. Just make sure that you choose different boosters at each Level Up so that your stats are fairly even. The ones you don't choose will rise a little bit anyways. Another important thing to know about is what your items are for. Mushrooms heal 30 HP, and anything in the game with "Mushroom" in its name will likewise heal you. Honey Syrup restores 10 Flower Points (FP), which are needed for magic attacks like Jump. That Flower Tab you just got will increase your maximum FP by 1. Healing items like Mushrooms and Honey Syrup can be used in or out of battle, but the Flower Tab can only be used outside of battle. If you're not sure whether you should use a healing item, it's probably best to use it, because you never know what might happen, and starting over from your last Save point can get really annoying. Get it? Got it? Good.
Now, when we last left Mario, he had fended off Toad's amorous advances and the little narcotic had run off to get into more trouble. When you're done in this scene, the next one will have a Lakitu throwing Spineys at you. Eep. Just run and don't fight too many of them, they don't give you many Exp. Points anyways. Now find a quiet spot and and heal yourself with a Mushroom, use that Flower Tab if you haven't already, basically make sure you're ready for anything. Because Toad's gotten himself into some big trouble at the far right corner of the area, he's managed to go and piss off a Hammer Brother! Way to be, Chronic! This Hammer Brother has some slight reality problems, because he claims that his hammer doesn't like Mario, and then he'll mix things up with you. There's two of him once you get into battle (0_o) and they each have about 60 HP, 2 Jumps each and a punch or two will work nicely. Make sure you use defensive Timed Hits when they attack, cuz these guys are pretty strong. And when all is said and done, Toad will be fine and there'll be a Hammer lying there in the road. Toad will give you the Hammer and dash off to the Mushroom Kingdom like the eager beaver he is. Open up your menu and go to Equip, then select the Hammer and equip it to Mario. Notice that it gives him a lovely Attack boost. Admire the lovely Attack boost. Now you can follow the walking hash pipe to the Mushroom Kingdom!
2. Mushroom Kingdom
Finally, the vast and generally very huge Mushroom Kingdom! Sweet merciful crackers, it must have at least 6 houses in it! Anyways, you can wander around and talk to some people, maybe barge into their houses if that's what floats your boat. The house with the spinning Mushroom sign is an Item Shop, and the place with the spinning Star sign is an Inn, you can sleep there for a price to recover your HP and FP. Remember that, cuz you'll see those signs in every town from here on in. There's a Save Box in the Inn, you should probably save your game. And when you're done with that, wander into the castle for some more hijinx! Toad will have been waiting for you in the lobby and he'll urge you to hurry up and meet the Chancellor, but you can wander around first if you'd like. Try taking the left hallway up to Princess Toadstool's bedroom and poking around the chair, you'll find her stash of porno. I'm serious, her grandma bribes Mario to keep quiet and everything! Okay, so technically it's "Toadstool's ???", but we all know what that is. When you're done messing around there, take the middle hallway up to the Chancellor's throne room. Better make some popcorn, because another movie sequence is coming up and this one's quite entertaining.
So Mario enters the throne room, where the scaredy-pants Chancellor claims to have nearly messed himself ("dropped my spores", I guess that's what they call it on the street nowadays) and wants to know what's going on. Mario acts out what happened (turning into Bowser and the Princess, making their little sound effects, the whole kit and kaboodle!). The Chancellor once again asks Mario to save her, as though he might have forgotten what he came all the way to the Mushroom Kingdom for, and then you can leave. Except for the fact that the Chancellor remembers something else, and startles Mario into falling on his face. Cute. ^_^ Chan the Man gives you a Map, which is entirely useless if you ask me. Mario once again turns to leave, and the Chancellor stops him again, startling Mario into falling down the stairs. Cute. ^_^ Chan tells Mario to go stock up on the royal supplies, and now Mario is finally allowed to leave.
Now that you've out of that migraine-inducing throne room, go back to the front lobby of the castle and go down the right hallway. Talk to the Toad clone and he'll take you down to the royal treasury. It seems like the teeming population of the Mushroom Kingdom were weasels about paying their taxes this year, because there's only 3 treasure chests and Mario's been offered every one of them. Oh well, don't look a gift horse in the mouth, I always say! The chests have an HP Mushroom, a Flower and 10 coins in them, and Mini-Toad will explain all of them. After you've cleaned out the Mushroom Kingdom's monarchy of all its treasure and probably made sure that the royal family will become beggars in the street, wander on outside to continue your carefree adventure!
Unfortunately, the carefree adventuring will have to wait, because soon as Mario sets foot outside the castle he sees a creampuff guy chasing a purple Velociraptor. "Come back here!" cries the fluffy little dude, but the dinosaur is too fast. Fluffo loses him and starts to cry, which for some reason makes it start to rain. Now, hopefully you're not so coldhearted that you don't care about Puff-boy's problem. Even if you are, you have to go talk to him to continue the game. Haha. :p Mr. Puff-n-Stuff proves that he's smarter than tapioca pudding ("Gee, you're soaking wet, aren't you?"), stops crying, and explains his problem to Mario. He's had his coin stolen by that sneaky Barney wannabe. And then some random villager points out Mario's identity (jump when she tells you to), and Sir Fluffsalot introduces himself. His name is Mallow, he's from Tadpole Pond, and he's supposedly a frog. Um, kay. Crack kills. Mallow asks Mario to help him get his coin back, and you have to say yes or else he'll start crying again and you won't be able to carry on with the game. Isn't it great, the way the game tricks you into thinking you have a choice in these things? Anyways, Mallow's quite happy that Mario's going to help him, and he walks into the plumber man. Like, actually walks INSIDE of him. Creepiness aside, let's give a little cheer because Mario has a new friend and battle partner! Yay! *throws some confetti* Mallow appears in battle to help Mario, but you won't see him when just casually walking around, unless he feels like popping out to talk to someone or comment on something.
Now before you go to do anything else, go to the Item Shop to stock up. The storekeeper will give you a Pick Me Up just because he's a nice guy, a Pick Me Up will revive a fainted friend in battle and fully restore their HP. Buy a Shirt for Mario and Pants for Mallow, those things are armor and they'll boost Defenses. Don't forget to equip them, ya silly goose! Other than that, make sure you have about 6 Mushrooms, 2 or 3 Honey Syrups, 4 Pick Me Ups, and 2 Able Juices (they cure status conditions like poison). Oh yeah, and check out the basement of the Item Shop, there's a scary old lady who'll give you a Flower. Anyways, finish up your shopping and then go back outside.
To your right you'll notice a little Toad-clone hopping up and down like he really has to pee or something. This little guy happens to be a guard. Why the hell are Toads always guards anyways?! The only way they could guard anything would be to act like the 'shrooms they are and get the enemy so stoned that they forget what they're doing! But I digress. Wander over to the hallucinogenic lil' tyke, Mallow will come out for the occasion. Mini-Toad says that he saw the thief, and Mario uses his peeky shape-shifting thing to make sure that they're all talking about the same dinosaur. Mallow asks Mini-Toad why he didn't stop the thief. Wait for it....Wait for it...."Because I forgot my bazooka at home! Sheesh...Give me a break here." Mario and Mallow then facefault. I think that's one of the best scenes in the game. ^_^ So everybody's favourite duo peels themselves off the ground just in time to hear a random person yell, "Come back here!". The thief, whose name is Croco, appears to yell his version of "Your Momma!", and then he dashes off. Mallow starts whining that Croco was the one who who took his coin, as opposed to the dozens of other mauve reptiles running around, and then hops back into Mario. Follow the bouncing lizard out of the Kingdom to your next creatively titled wild goose chase: Bandit's Way!
For some reason, all the areas in the game with "Way" in their name are full of nasty and utterly pitiful monsters. Bandit's Way is no different, there's lots of ferocious Goombas and Spikeys to fight. Whoooo, skeery. So you enter this scene to find Croco digging around in his bag. Mallow hops out of Mario and starts freaking out, so Croco disses you both and then runs off. This pattern repeats itself a few times; you see Croco, he throws some lame insult at you and runs off, and you follow him. Wait a second though, there's nifty secrets to be had! The second area of Bandit's Way has some of the spinning flowers that launch you. Get onto the second one and launch yourself towards the nearby non-spinning purple flower. If you do it right, you'll hit a treasure chest high up in the air and get a KeroKeroCola. These things are great, they restore all your team members' HP, but they're expensive and you won't be able to buy them for a long time yet, so save this one for when you really need it. A bit later, you'll find some treasure chests that can be reached with yellow blocks. One of these chests has a Flower. The other has a Star, that'll make you invincible for a short amount of time, so don't just stand there like a bump on a log! Run into some enemies, they'll automatically be defeated and you'll get some Exp. Points. And now back to the Insult-o-rama Dino-Marathon! If you follow Croco for a while, he'll eventually reach a dead-end. He freaks and decides to try hiding from you. His idea of hiding is pretty pathetic, but let's just humour him. Now this part is important; if you've been battling as you should, Mario and Mallow should both be at Level 3, Mario will have learned Fire Orb and Mallow will have learned HP Rain (this restores HP, very handy when you run out of items). If Mario doesn't have Fire Orb yet then don't even THINK of taking on Croco! Trust me, you'll get creamed! If your levels are high enough, then proceed. You'll need to run around behind Croco and touch him (get your mind out of the gutter!). If he turns around and catches you then he'll just tease you about being slow and run off, but if you do it right you'll scare him. After this happens 3 times, Mallow will come out and prevent the sneaky buggar from running away, and he attacks you. Congrats, you've just picked your first major fight! Isn't the music funky?
At this point, you've probably been fighting baddies long enough to notice a few things. Firstly, different enemies are weak to different types of attacks (think Pokémon). Secondly, Mallow's Attack power really really sucks, mostly because he doesn't have a weapon yet. How does this pertain to Croco? Well, since you asked, Croco is weak to Mario's Fire Orb, which is why I insisted that Mario have it. And while fighting Croco, have Mallow use his magic attacks or items, don't even bother with the fluff-boy's sissy little bandy-armed punch. Start attacking hard and fast in this battle, time your hits well for extra damage and don't let up, you'll inflict tons of damage with your magic attacks and Croco will sit his first turn out to "douse a tail fire". When he does attack, he seems to go for Mallow a lot, so keep an eye on the little guy's HP and try not to let him faint. Croco's got about 300 HP and he uses Weird Mushrooms occasionally to heal himself, you'll know when you've won because Mallow and Croco will start up a little hissy catfight. Then Croco will chicken out, give back Mallow's coin and run away as fast as his lilac legs can carry him. You'll also find a wallet he "dropped". Schweet! The M-Duo's making a name for themselves as pickpockets! And now you can make your way back to the Mushroom Kingdom so that Mallow can do whatever it is he came to do in the first place.
When you get back to the Mushroom Kingdom, you'll notice that it's been overrun by bouncing Shyguy-type dudes. Ordinarily I wouldn't worry, but the music is mighty ominous. That's never a good thing. You can save the people being chased by Shyguy dudes (Shysters, if you're going to get technical on me) if you want, but only some of them give you stuff in exchange. Mallow's Thunderbolt works great on the Shysters, they have 30 HP each and that just happens to be how much damage T-bolt does if you time your hit right. Actually, T-bolt is a great attack in general, it's hits all enemies with a good jolt of power for only 2 FP. It sure beats Mallow's wussy poke-in-punch's-clothing. The Toad clone who reported seeing Croco will give you some coins for saving him. And if you waltz into the house at the far left of the city, you'll find Shysters bouncing on the table and the family gibbering in fear. Seems like mushroom people do that a lot, huh? Beat the baddies, and the father will remember that his son is still upstairs, so follow him to find the son happily jumping on his bed with an overly friendly Shyster. He's always jumping on his bed and pretending to be Mario, but this time he's got a playmate. Smack the little guy around (the Shyster, not the kid), and the father will give you "a token of my appreciation". It's a Flower Tab, you pervert. He'll tell his kid, "You're going to grow up and be just like Mario, you hear?", and the kid just about messes himself with joy. Cute. ^_^ Now that you're done playing bounty hunter, you should probably go stock up on supplies, because there's a boss on the way. You know the drill, Mushrooms, Honey Syrups, Pick Me Ups. Give the cowardly storekeeper a weird look, and then mosey on over to the castle.
The inside of the castle looks like a frat party gone bad, except for the lack of empty beer kegs. Shysters are bouncing all over the place, and one such baddie is chasing a Toad clone around. Save the fungus and he'll tell you that everyone's hiding in the Princess' bedroom. He'll run off to join them, but he's not the sharpest knife in the drawer and he keeps getting stopped by Shysters. Clear the way for the little dude, will ya? And I know that's the most drugs I've ever seen in one place, cuz all the Toad-clones are milling around in Toadstool's bedroom. One will ask you if you think you're up to the task of saving everyone, go ahead and say yes since I'm helping you out here. ^_^ You'll get a Flower Tab for being so charming. If you talk to Toadstool's grandma, she'll refuse to let you sleep in the Princess' bed (I'm not even going to dignify that with a perversion) and heal you herself. Save your game at the nearby Save Box and then go back to the lovely baddie-infested lobby. From there, go into the spare bedroom across from the castle treasury (you know, the one you totally cleaned out). You'll find a weird little Toad-clone in convulsions of fear, and he'll give you a Wake Up Pin. That'll keep you from being put to sleep in battle. From there, go to the castle treasury. Hehe, there's more treasure there! Go ahead and swipe it, since RPG characters are famous for taking anything that isn't nailed down. And now you've got nothing left to do except take on the boss, so wander on over to the throne room. Some Shysters will yammer on about how great the castle is and about how bouncing is fun, they notice Mario and then their leader appears. This leader's name is Mack, and he's a big knife. Wow. The cleverness is hurting my brain. Mack also seems to be guarding a big purdy star, but shhh! I don't think you're supposed to notice that yet! Mack and his Shysters will jump you, complete with the usual smartass remark about Mario's mustache. Here we go, another big battle with groovy music!
Mack sets himself up in battle with 4 Shysters to help him out. If you kill the Shysters, 4 more will come back after a few turns, but it's worth it to beat them just to get them out of the way for a minute. For some reason, these Shysters can't be taken out in a single hit with Mallow's Thunderbolt, but that's OK because T-bolt does a goodly amount of damage to Mack too. Mario should stick to Jump or, if you're low on FP, his Hammer, because Mack uses fire attacks himself and is strong to them. His Flame hits Mario or Mallow, and his Fire Wall hits them both. Mack has just under 500 HP and can't heal himself. And when you're done clobbering those losers, the pretty sparkly star from before will fly out and present itself to Mario in a needlessly fancy little movie sequence! Ooooh....shiny....It'll make itself a new menu selection, so you can look at it and see that there's 6 more just like it to find, but more on that later. A few Shysters who stuck around to watch the battle will agree that "The mustachioed one is strong!" and run off to warn their boss. That's the cue for the cowardly Chancellor to come out from the corner in which he'd been shivering like a frightened chihuahua, and for the utterly useless Toad-clone guards to come rushing into the room. They thank Mario, wonder what's going on, and ask him again to save the Princess. Yeah yeah, geez, these people have one-track minds much! Mallow hops out of Mario, introduces himself to the gathering of 'shrooms, and suggests that they go ask his wise grandfather Frogfucius for help. Mallow must have gotten hit on the head while chasing Croco or something, cuz he can't remember what he originally came to town for, but that's OK, we still respect the cute little guy. The game will wonder to itself whether Mack and the mysterious star have anything in common, Mario will pose for no real reason, and then you can leave the castle and trek over to the Kero Sewers. Hold on though, I'm not finished yet! Go to the Item Shop and Mallow will trade his coin for a Cricket Pie, this little goodie is for his grandpa. In case you're wondering, yes, that's why he came to the Mushroom Kingdom in the first place. Good thing you've been paying attention, cuz it's a wonder Mallow can tie his shoes on his own. Stock up on your supplies and this time buy 2 Antidote Pins (you should have enough coins from battling Mack and company). These will keep you from getting poisoned, and there's a lot of venomous baddies in the Sewers. And the wallet you picked up from Croco? That comes later, don't sell it or anything. When you're done all that, it's time to go sewer-hopping!
3. Kero Sewers
Entering the Kero Sewers area of the map screen will bring you to a lovely cheerful wooded glen with a yucky slimy sewer pipe smack dab in the middle of it. Mallow will hop out and announce that this pipe is the entrance to the sewers. Is it just me, or does Mallow kind of remind you of Navi from The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time? He's always stating the obvious. Anyways, he mentions his grandfather's advice to avoid some guy named Belome, and then gleefully dives into the sewer. Out of idle curiosity, I tried leaving the area after Mallow's gone inside, but he jumps back out and says that he's not going if Mario won't. I guess that means no ditching the Fluffster. Press Down on the Control Pad to follow him down the pipe and you'll find a Save Box. I'm not going to remind you to save any more, what am I, your mother? And now you get to swim to your next destination. Swimming is a little different in Mario RPG than in any other Mario games; Mario stays on the surface and can't dive underwater unless a whirlpool sucks him down, so you just use the Control Pad to swim instead of pushing a button repeatedly to kick. Also, Mario can't jump out of the water until he reaches a shallow spot. Anyways, you get a nice safe little stretch of water to practice your doggy paddle in, and then you'll come across another pipe to enter. This one has instructions nearby on how to enter pipes, for the slow learners among us. Once you're through this pipe, you'll be in an area with some piranha-infested water. Don't worry, piranhas are powerless in the face of turn-based battle, so hop in, the water's fine! Okay, so they're just Gobys and they're horribly weak to Mallow's T-bolt, so sue me if they look vaguely homocidal. Keep swimming to the lower left and eventually you'll reach an area with a pipe in the top-left corner of where you can swim. Hopping into this pipe will bring you to a treasure chest that contains...a...mysterious dark monster waiting to tear you to bits?! What kind of ripoff is this?! It's name is Pandorite and it's tough enough to be a mini-boss, it takes no damage at all from Mario and Mallow's magic attacks, so just stick to the physical attacks. It attacks with the same Flame and Flame Wall as Mack had, plus Carni-Kiss (a move that does big damage despite its romantic nature) and Scream (it inflicts fear, a status condition that halves your offensive and defensive power. Use Able Juice to cure it.). This thing has about 300 HP, and it'll seem like a long battle if Mario and/or Mallow get frightened and can't attack as powerfully as usual. But it's worth it, you get lots of Exp. Points and a Trueform Pin, which keeps you from being turned into a mushroom or a scarecrow in battle. Equip it to Mario, it'll come in handy later, trust me.
Come to think of it, you'll run into lots of freaky status conditions in the Kero Sewers. I'll list all the status effects you'll run into in the game, just for kicks.
Poison: Leeches about 10% of your remaining HP every turn. A poisoned character will turn purple.
Fear: Possibly the worst status effect you could get, it reduces your attack and defense power by half. Cure this right away, unless the battle is nearly over or easy to begin with. A scared character will shiver until the fear wears off.
Scarecrow: While in scarecrow form, your character can't use their A-button physical attack or X button for items, but everything else works fine. An affected character will be a scarecrow (duh) for a few turns until it wears off.
Mushroom: A character in mushroom form will be too stoned to do anything at all, but they'll recover a few HP per turn until they change back.
Sleep: Your character can't do anything until they wake up, but a strong blow from an enemy will often wake them. A sleeping character will bob their head and blow those anime-type sleeping nose bubbles.
Mute: Disables your Y-button special moves. This is only really annoying on special-strong characters like Mallow, and it wears off eventually. A mute character will slouch in a depressed fashion, and have an X over their mouth on the picture beside their HP at the top of the screen.
All of these disappear as soon as the battle's over. Remember, all of these can be cured with a nice cheap drink of Able Juice, so make sure you carry some, but an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Buy and use the various status protection Pins.
And now back to our live Sewer-Cam! Where were we? Oh yeah, exterminating the various things that go bump in the night, gotcha. Anyways, there's lots of stuff to find and lots of baddies to fight, so wander/swim around at your leisure and try finding some stuff. When you're good and sick of being in the sewer, find a platform with a pipe and a Rat Funk on it. This platform will be across a stretch of water and you won't be able to reach it, right? Wrong! There's some blocks at the very edge of the screen that you can stand on, walk to the end of these and you can jump onto the platform. Remember to hold Y while jumping so you can jump farther, eh? When you go down the pipe, you'll find a big green button. Don't push this button whatever you do, you'll set off an explosion that'll destroy the whole Mushroom Kingdom in one spectacular firey blast!....Nah, I'm just kidding, go ahead and push the button. It'll say that the water has been drained, and when you exit through the pipe, the water has been drained! Wooo! Those poor Gobys are flopping around like fish out of water, and you'll notice a pipe that was previously covered by water. Go down this pipe to meet an obese bulldog on some really bad crack, better known as Belome. Mallow hops out of Mario just to be an idiot and insult the Thing-That's-Much-Bigger-Than-Him, so Belome decides that he's hungry and takes the M-Duo into battle.
Belome, as we'll learn, is a huge glutton, and he has every intention of eating Mallow. Twist it! ^_^ Once in a while throughout the battle, Belome will swallow the little fluff-dude and Mario will have to lay the smackdown until Mallow is coughed up. "That was SCARY!" he'll yelp. Fluffy speaks the truth. When he's not doing unspeakably dodgey things to Mallow, Belome can use his odd assortment of moves to turn the M-Duo into scarecrows. He can also just smack you with his tongue. Mario's best bet is his Hammer or Jump attack, and Mallow should stick to magic and items when he's not busy being digested. Belome has about 500 HP and can't heal himself. And his swan song is a riddle; "If you defeat me, you STILL won't beat me! Beware the flood!". Immediately after the battle, a big wall slides open and water fails to appear, so Mallow decides that Belome must have been lying. Of course, making a statement like that causes the water to come pouring out, and our heros are swept away in a tsunami of sewer water like the drug-warped terrier predicted.
Aforementioned tsunami of sewer water leads directly to a waterfall. Ew, isn't that kind of unsanitary? This waterfall is Midas Falls, and it's a little minigame. Toad will appear out of ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE to explain how to navigate the falls, Mario can swim against the downward current and gather coins. The green ones are Frog Coins, again, more on those later. At the bottom of the falls, you'll move on to a barrel-jumping event. Mario needs to gather more coins and avoid the homocidal trout that infest the river. When all that's done, you'll find a mushroom man who announces how many coins you got and lets you trade Midas Falls coins for Frog Coins. He'll also give you a Noknok Shell just because he's a nice guy, this little goodie is a weapon for Mario. Now, for the love of compost, hurry on over to Tadpole Pond! There hasn't been any plot develpment for a while and I'm sure your brain is about to explode from lack of social drama!
4. Tadpole Pond
Tadpole Pond is a delightful little place that's completely empty at the moment, except for a single tadpole. He greets Mallow and calls out all of his little tadpole buddies to meet the famous Mario. They gossip for a while, since "the waterways of the world bring us all the news that's fit to hear". I'm sure you've noticed by now that Mallow doesn't look a thing like these tadpoles, despite claiming to be one. Frogfucius appears, and Mallow doesn't look a thing like him either. Hmm. Anyways, Frogfucius is making a pitiful attempt to look all-knowing and mysterious by floating, a bumbling Lakitu is holding him up. So Gramps invites the M-Duo over to his little island to chat, and the tadpoles will form a bridge from now on so that you can visit him whenever you want. Now pay attention, people. Frogfucious explains a good chunk of the story so far; Smithy threw everyone out of Bowser's Keep, so Bowser and Toadstool are still wandering around somewhere. The Princess may be a priority, but Mario needs to clobber Smithy's goons because they're screwing things up royal. Mallow mentions the star they found after beating Mack, and Frogfucius figures that since shooting stars grant wishes, this star must be more than just a big purdy paperweight. The old dude will then offer to repeat everything he just told you, in case your memory span is that of a goldfish.
Mallow hasn't learned much from everything that's happened so far, so he idly mentions to Mario that fighting Smithy will be hard and that some of the baddies will "make Bowser seem NICE." (Foreshadowing, foreshadowing, FORESHADOWING! EEEEE!) Frogfucius replies that Fluffy is going on a field trip and Mario is the teacher chaperone. And when Mallow claims to be a "simple tadpole" not cut out for adventure, Frogfucius admits that Mallow isn't a tadpole. Gee, I'm so freaking surprised. In the teary emotional scene that follows, Big Granddaddy Froggy tells the story of how he found baby Mallow floating down Midas Falls in a basket and raised the little guy as his own grandson. Mallow's magical ability showed Froggy that he "was more than a piece of fluff", and now Froggy tells the teary-eyed Mallow to go journeying with Mario and find his real parents. Mario gladly agrees to take the Fluffster under his wing, and this would be your cue to leave Frogfucius to nurse his broken old heart. But don't leave yet, food will cheer him up! Talk to Frogfucius again and he'll remember the errand that started his whole mess in the first place; the Cricket Pie he sent Mallow to fetch. Froggy will give you a Froggie Stick in exchange for the goodie. Finally, Mallow has a weapon! Schweet! On to the fine goods Tadpole Pond has to offer the M-Duo.
Once you cross that tadpole bridge, to your left you'll find a few tadpoles running a store. The one on the left runs the Frog Coin Eporium. Frog Coins are the green coins you've been finding, they're more special than regular coins and thusly harder to find. This tadpole is selling stuff in exchange for Frog Coins, but none of it's useful enough to bother with for now. The tadpole on the right is running the Juice Bar. It seems that different membership cards can get you different drinks. If you don't have a membership card (which you don't), you can still buy Froggiedrinks, which restore 30 HP to all team members. Go ahead and buy 2 or 3, then wander over to the right side of Tadpole Pond. You'll find a tadpole who gives you the notes to a song, "So La Me Re Do Re Do Re". This melody is also written on a scroll on Frogfucius' wall. All Greek to you? Then continue to the right to find Melody Bay, the little musical area where Toadovsky hangs out. This guy's a composer who like to rip off other people's songs, and you'll have to help him throughout the game. If you bug him, he'll explain how to play music on the local tadpoles (...?), but why bother Toadovsky when you've got good ol' Pyrasaur? ^_^
/ / / / /
/ Mi Re Do Ti La So Fa /
/ / / / /
That's a diagram of the musical scale. Now all you have to do is go stand on that rock and start hopping on the tadpoles as they swim by the right notes. When you're done, the ones that float are the correct notes in the melody Toadovsky is looking for at the moment. Right now he's looking for Frogfucious's Suite (I think that's what it's called), which just happens to be "So La Me Re Do Re Do Re", like the tadpole told you. Correctly playing this tune will cause Toadovsky to mess himself with joy, give you an Alto Card, and run off. The Alto Card lets you buy Elixers at the Juice Bar, these restore 80 HP to all group members. Buy one, just in case. And now that you've stocked up on all that Tadpole Pond has to offer, carry on to your next adventure: Rose Way!
Before you ask, yes, Rose Way is full of nasty and utterly pitiful baddies. You'll enter the scene to find a bunch of yellow blocks floating over water. These tiles each fly around on a set course, and you'll have to hop on different ones when they pause over little islands. First off, make your way to the top left of the screen. You'll find two swinging yellow blocks with Shyguys on them and a floating treasure box. The box has a Frog Coin in it, you can bump off the Shyguys and use their blocks to reach it if you like. Then, take the yellow blocks to the top right of the screen. This area has a Lakitu dangling Shyguys on the end of a rope. Poor Shyguys! Beating 5 of them will cause Lakitu to throw an HP Mushroom at you and run away, so you can go ahead and whale on the poor innocent Shyguys if you'd like the Exp. Points. Some Crooks will jump you too, but they're cowardly in battle and usually just run away. When you're done, leave through the exit at the right of this area. From here, take the yellow blocks to the bottom right of the screen. This area has a bunch of treasure boxes with Shyguys sitting on top. No, it's not a setup, why? Most of the boxes just have 5 coins in them, but the box at the top of the screen has an HP Mushroom. Hitting the chests will make the Shyguys fall off and stagger dizzily for a second, which is long enough to grab a few coins and then vamoose to avoid a fight. When you're done there, carry on to find...Bowser! He's hanging out in a clearing with some of his soldiers. Mario prevents Mallow from being an idiot and revealing their presence, and the M-Duo settle in for some eavesdropping. Bowser gives his minions a little pep talk, it seems that they're planning to try kicking Smithy out of the Keep. Sounds like suicide to me, Bowser's only got a few Goombas, Koopa Troopas and Magikoopas with him, but hey, who am I to question the wonderful King Koopa's logic? Bowser and the troops move out, and Mallow points out that they're going to Bowser's Keep. *shakes her head* I swear, Mallow and OoT's Navi must be long-lost siblings or something. Fluffy also mentions that Rose Town is just up ahead, which is your cue to quit stalling and leave the area.
5. Rose Town
Rose Town doesn't look like a particularily happy place, there's arrows falling out of the sky that paralyze people, and that skeery ominous music is playing. *SIGH* Yep, you guessed it, you've got to figure out the problem and save some more idiot mushroom people. Chatting with these paralyzed townspeople reveals that the arrows are coming from the forest, and that this phenomenon started when a shooting star fell into aforementioned forest. Yeah, I'll get to that later. First off, go to the house up on the cliff at the top of the screen. There's a mushroom guy whining that his son's been screwing around with the controls to the stairs, and now he can't get back into his house. This would be your cue to point and laugh. He'll ask Mario to help him out, so jump on his head and you'll be able to reach the house. Once inside, you'll spot two treasure chests. They belong to the mushroom guy, and here you're offered up a moral dilemma. You can take the treasure and lose the trust of this random mushroom guy, or not take it and get a puny reward from the chests afterwards. I'd recommend shoving your morals up your yoo-hoo and taking the treasure, it's 2 Flowers as opposed to the 10 coins you'd get later, and Flower Points are veddy useful. Once you're done grappling with your personal values, go upstairs and push the big green button, then go back outside. Mushroom Guy with ask if his treasures are OK. Answer whatever you want. If you took them, he'll ask Mario if he did it, and you have to confess to get him to spill the necessary info. Whatever you choose to do, the outcome of this situation is that Mushroom Guy will tell you a secret; he says that there's a nifty surprise in the forest, all you have to do is remember the sequence left, left, straight, right. OK, that's not so tough. Now go over to the Item Shop in the top right corner of the screen and stock up. Make sure you get the latest armour too, Thick Shirt and Thick Pants. And don't buy any Mushrooms, in fact, sell some. There's two treasure boxes in the Item Shop, one's invisible and the other one's fairly easy to reach so go ahead and give your brain a workout. Done? Ready? All set? OK then, go to the Inn at the bottom left corner of the town.
Here we find an adorable *wheeze* little mushroom kid, we'll find out momentarily that his name is Gaz. He's playing with his Mario, Bowser and Princess Toadstool dolls, it's really cute because he's making Mario get his ass kicked by Bowser, and our Mario's standing there like -_-; Heehee. Gaz spots Mario and calls his mom over, the two of them say hi. Gaz identifies Mario because he's got a "funky 'stache" just like the doll, and asks if he's the real deal. Well, don't lie to children, you horrible person you! Even if you claim to not be the real Mario, Gaz will wheedle you into playing "Save The World" with him. Since the Mario doll just kicked the bucket, Mario gets to play as Bowser, and Gaz whips out his favourite doll: a little blue-cloaked guy called Geno. They play for a while, and then Gaz accidently clobbers Mario upside the head with Geno's Shooting Star Shot. Mario passes out. Talk about your dangerous toys!
That night, a little star-looking spirit enters the house. After closely inspecting each of Gaz's dolls, it selects the Geno doll and borrows its form in a funky little flash of light. When the dust clears, Geno is full-sized, he wanders around and cutely smashes into things for a while, then bows for no apparent reason and flees the scene. Know what scares me? Geno's not wearing pants. I mean, I know he's a doll possessed by a star, but he's only wearing a cape, NO PANTS! That's not kewl!
Anyways, morning comes and Mario wakes up from his nasty little plaything-induced head injury. Wander downstairs, and Gaz will dash in to tell his mom that he saw Geno walk off into the forest. Mom figures that Gaz is making this up as a cover story, so she drags him off and bitches at him for a while to try and figure out what he supposedly did. Not that Mario cares, the M-Duo has more interesting stuff to deal with! Leave Rose Town and enter the aptly named Forest Maze.
You'll recall that I told you not to stock up on Mushrooms. There's a good reason for that, they're lying around on the ground all over the place in the forest. But some of them are baddies in disguise, so watch out. In the first area, you'll find a Mushroom, and on the opposite side of the path there's an empty space. Go over there and jump, you'll find a hidden treasure chest with one of those delightful KeroKeroColas inside. One of the baddies you'll find in the forest are Wigglers, those big yellow caterpillars. Jumping on their heads in the field gives you coins, and if you can bounce on one 10 times without falling off you'll get a Frog Coin. The first half of the Forest Maze is pretty simple, just go down the tree trunks that serve as warp pipes and generally wander through the area. When you come across an area with 7 tree trunk warps infested with Wigglers, only go down the warp at the top left of the screen, the others have nothing good in them. Jump on the sleeping Wiggler inside this warp, and for some reason his hissy fit will open up a new path. Soon afterwards, you'll see another sleeping Wiggler, but to my knowledge this one doesn't do anything. Meh. Carry on and you'll find a Save Box, and a Mushroom on the ground nearby. Go to the opposite side of the path as the Mushroom, right across from it, and jump, you'll find a hidden treasure chest with a rare Red Essence in it, woohoo! This item protects one team member from ALL damage for 3 turns in battle, don't even think about using this little darling except as a last resort. After the Save Box, the Forest Maze starts earning its name. You'll come across endless areas of baddies, each having 4 paths leading in seperate directions. But never fear, you've got a guide to lead you through this mess! Me? Well....kinda, yeah. And Geno! When you enter a new area, run out into the middle of the clearing (avoiding baddies as best you can) and you'll spot Geno. He'll hesitate for a moment, then disappear down one of the paths. Don't worry if you get jumped by monsters after that, just remember where Geno went and follow him. If you miss seeing Geno and get lost, don't worry about it, just wander around until you find the blue dude again. Eventually you'll see him starting to doze off, freaking out, and then choosing the topmost path. Stop here and heal yourself with Honey Syrup and the ever-abundant Mushrooms, take a deep breath, then follow him.
In this happy little clearing, you'll see a weird-looking guy named Bowyer who talks like Yoda. He's got lots of arrows as flunkies and he's cheerfully counting out more, crowing all the while about how great it is to be shooting arrows at Rose Town. Mallow tells Mario that Bowyer must be the one shooting arrows at Rose Town. *smacks herself on the forehead* Captain Obvious saves the day again! Bowyer decides to shoot some more arrows at the town, so the M-Duo figure they've got to stop him. Mario's ideal solution is to run over and open up a can of whoopass, but Mallow won't let him. "Who do you think you are, Bruce Lee? You can't just go in there with your fists flying! There's too many of 'em. We'll be creamed!" For lack of a better plan, and seeing someone approaching, Mario and Mallow hide so they can eavesdrop some more. This approaching individual is one of Bowyer's arrow flunkies, and he's brought a big purdy star as a present for his boss. Yep, just like the star we found in the Mushroom Kingdom! But at this moment, a dashing hero drops in from out of nowhere: Geno! Well, the game calls him "???", but bear with me, will ya? He claims to serve "...a higher authority", and demands the star back. Bowyer gets hissy at being patronised like that and takes Geno into the battle screen, where he starts firing arrow upon arrow at everybody's favourite action figure. "Chill out!" Geno advises, and then takes on a very defensive style of fighting. Did I say defensive? I meant begging for his life. From the nice safe hiding spot, Mario decides to go help the blue guy, and Mallow reluctantly agrees. "I will do what I can! But...from over here! *cue Mario facefaulting*" With that, the M-Duo leap into action and start dodging arrows on their way to help Geno. Mallow trips like a dork, but Mario makes it over there in time to knock an arrow right out of the air and save Geno's bacon. Mallow catches up and he's a little mad about being ditched like that, but he'll get over it. Geno tells Mario that "WE know about you!", and he's not referring to himself in the third person in case you're wondering. Bowyer's getting pissed off at being ignored, so he interrupts the chat session and the real battle starts.
This time Geno leads the charge, he gets the first attack due to his amazing Speed stat. He can use the M-Duo's items and everything, through the miracle of RPG gaming. His Geno Beam special attack does 60 damage to Bowyer if you time it right, making it a very effective choice for this battle. Watch out, Geno's strong on the offensive but his defensive power isn't very good, so try to keep his HP up. Bowyer, however, comes to the conclusion that a 3-on-1 battle is "NYAT fair!", and grants himself the ability to lock a button of choice. He can choose between A button (attack), X button (items) and Y button (special attacks), and when he locks a button you can't use it until he locks a different one. Keep your Flower Points up! If he locks the X button while your FP is low, you're in for a hard time. Mallow's HP Rain is very useful in this battle when X is locked. If possible, Geno should use Geno Beam, Mario should use Super Jump, and Mallow should use Thunderbolt when he's not busy healing and recovering people. Otherwise, your standard A attacks will do just fine. Bowyer attacks with Bolt(hits one), Static E!(hits all), G'Night(puts one to sleep, no damage),and his arrows. He has about 700 HP and can't heal himself. Bowyer's a great boss; he's not terribly hard to beat but requires strategy, and beating him will give you lots of Exp. Points, tons of coins and a Flower Box. Yay!
Now that things have calmed down a little, Geno thanks Mario and Mallow for the help and explains to them the crazy events of the past little while. "I'm visitor from above, and this is a form I'm borrowing briefly." he says, and goes on to tell the M-Duo that he's from the Star Road, the place where wishes get granted and turned into shooting stars to make the journey to earth. But apparently a certain giant sword destroyed the Star Road, and Geno's come down off his high horse to find the broken pieces. The Star Piece found in the Mushroom Kingdom was one, and the Star Piece you just swiped from Bowyer is another. According to the possessed doll, no wishes will ever be granted again unless all 7 broken pieces of the Star Road are found and put back together (thus clearing up why the game is called Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars). Plus, Smithy will have to be wiped out if anybody wants to get some peace and quiet. And now our heavenly visitor properly introduces himself. "I'm (heart)(musical note)!?, but it's hard to pronounce so...Call me 'Geno', after the doll." He goes on to say that he thought Geno looked the strongest out of all Gaz's dolls, hence why he chose him. 'Scuse me while I foam at the mouth, what kind of crappy plot device is that?! What, a big spiky firebreathing dino-turtle isn't strong enough for ya, Star Boy?! But I digress. At Geno's urging, Mario collects the Star Piece (it was just sitting there all this time ^_^), complete with the usual movie sequence fanfare. Mallow walks into Mario and so does Geno, officially making Geno your new parter! *throws confetti* Guess I can't call them the M-Duo anymore...how about Mario-tachi? Yeah, that works. It's Japanese for "Mario and company", for you non-anime-fans out there. The game mutters to itself that things are looking up, Mario poses and...wait a sec, there's another schemey little arrow henchmen hanging around! He was hiding and heard Geno's whole explanation of the Star Road, so he runs off to tell Smithy. Uh oh. No worries though, the game summarises that we've figured out the mystery of the Star Pieces and reminds you to go find them all, and Mario poses again for no reason at all. Yeah yeah. Go back to Rose Town for now, there's an amusing little movie sequence waiting for ya.
Thanks to Mario-tachi, Rose Town has been returned to its usual state of bustling metropolitan...ism...ishness. Go talk to Gaz, and Mallow and Geno will come out for the occasion. Gaz is happy that Geno's back and introduces Mom to him, but she's just a ditz. The little mushroom tyke then asks Geno to stay and play (twist! Oh, I feel dirty now...), but Geno says that he can't. So Mario-tachi put their acting skills to work and try to explain the broken Star Road to Gaz. It doesn't work, the poor kid is confused, so the guys all facefault and Geno explains simply that he needs to leave and join up with Mario otherwise no one's wishes will never come true. Gaz ponders aloud that Mario needs all the help he can get, and Mallow has to hold back the plumber man from decking the kid. Funny shtuff! :D Geno promises that he'll make sure Gaz's wishes come true (awww....), and Mallow and Geno are about to walk back inside of Mario, when Gaz distracts them and Mario gets clobbered. Hehe, poor Mario, he seems to be the butt of jokes a lot. Gaz runs off and gets Geno a parting gift, it's a Finger Shot, Geno's weapon. How come we had to wait so long for Mallow's weapon, but Geno comes fully assembled...? Anyways, Geno says his goodbye, and he and Mallow walk back into Mario. Go talk to Mom now, she'll ask Mario how he's feeling. You've got two hilarious options, "Like a new man!" or "Need coffee. Keep away." ^_^ From now on she'll let you stay at the Inn for free, since you were such a saint with Gaz. All's well that ends well in Rose Town, let's carry on and find the elusive Star Pieces, shall we?
Err, hold off on those Star Pieces, I've got a side quest for ya! The next area after Rose Town is Pipe Vault, you don't need to go there but there's a lovely surprise in store if you do. This plays out basically like the old Super Mario Brothers game for the NES, it's an underground area where you jump over lava pits and maul baddies. For future reference, lava doesn't kill you, it just makes Mario leap up with a seared bottom a la Saturday morning cartoons, and he'll land at the spot you entered the level. Remember, holding Y lets you jump farther, kiddies! After a little monster mashing, you'll go down a pipe to find an area with a pathway floating over your head, and a space at the end that's too small to pass under. Explaining this might get confusing, so stick with me here. Stand between where you came in and the first overhead block, jumping will reveal a hidden yellow block. Jump on that and hop up onto the overhead path. Walk to the fourth block of the path and jump, you'll find a hidden treasure chest with a Frog Coin in it. Go to the end of the path and get the Flower in the visible treasure chest, but don't jump off the path! Go back the way you came and walk under the path. See that little space with a Frog Coin in it? Take a run at it, holding the Up, Down and Right buttons on the Control Pad to do so, and hold Y with your other hand to run at the same time. If you do this right, Mario will crouch and slide as he runs, slipping through the tiny space and grabbing the Frog Coin in one fell swoop. Nifty, eh? As far as I know, this is the only point in the game where you'll use that funky move. Another pipe nearby leads you to a Goomba-thumping minigame, run by a mole dude. You'll meet more people like him after this little side quest. Winning the minigame will get you nice prizes like Flower Tabs, and at 10 coins a shot it's an easy way to get them. My advice is to only get as many points as you need. If the mole dude tells you to get over 20 points, get 21. This'll make it easier to win more prizes in the long run. Anyways, carry on through the pitiful monsters until you reach the final destination of Pipe Vault: Yo'ster Isle! That's right, Yoshi's Island has a funky new name. Grab the hidden treasure chest behind the Save Box, and go socialise with Yoshi and friends. More on that in the Side Quest section. When you're done, wander over to Moleville.
Oh yeah, I forgot to mention the Rose Town mushroom guy's instructions! If you feel like going back into the Forest Maze, make your way back to the Save Box there. When you get to the endless 4-path areas, follow the mushroom guy's directions: left, left, straight, right. Remember that these directions are in relation to the way Mario is facing. Imagine yourself standing where Mario is standing, and turn to your right or left or whatever. You'll find a tree trunk warp, and inside is some nice stuff like Flowers and Frog Coins. Then just turn to Mario's right, which is the leftmost path from your point of view, and you'll be back at the Save Box and you can leave the Forest Maze. Quickly now, go to Moleville before I get sidetracked again! Star Pieces, Star Pieces!
6. Moleville
Alright, here we are, Moleville! It's a lovely charming little mining town inhabited by friendly mole people (as if the name didn't tip you off). Nobody's outside, but the music's cheerful. No worries! Go visit the Item Shop and stock up. According to the mole woman running the store, everyone's up on the mountain. Moleville has some nice upgraded items for ya; Mid Mushrooms and Maple Syrup. The Mid Mushroom restores 80 HP, and the Maple Syrup restores 40 FP. Sell a few of your wimpy little Mushrooms and Honey Syrups to make room for these goodies. If you want Pick Me Ups or Able Juice, you'll need to go back to Rose Town. Buy into the armour too, a Mega Shirt, Mega Pants and a Mega Cape outfits Mario-tachi. What are those Work Pants for? This armour can be worn by any team member and has different stat benefits than regular armour, so buy a pair, you never know. Oh yeah, get the Punch Glove and Cymbals for Mario and Mallow respectively, but Geno already has a Finger Shot, remember? Stop by the Inn if you'd like to save your game. Okay, now that we're all stocked up on the RPG essentials and ready to rock, let's go see what the fuss is up on the mountain. But on your way up there you'll spot a familiar face: Bowser. He's brooding and generally looking quite bitter, maybe because nearly all of his troops are AWOL. The remaining soldiers point out that they've only had experience mauling Mario before, and that the new menace is boggling their minds. Bowser, the ever-charismatic leader, is looking at the more important issues. "I'm the biggest, baddest brute around and don't you forget it. But if Mario hears that I've been kicked out of my own castle...My reputation will be ruined! Even I have an image to keep up you know!" He once more psyches his minions for victory and they march off, not noticing Mario in the slightest. Poor Bowser. Well, his situation will perk up soon enough. *fidgets and squeals* Okay, that's enough out of me, on to Moleville mountain.
At the entrance to the mountain, you'll see a mole lady hopping around like she really has to pee or something, so go over and see what her problem is. She squawks that a falling star trapped some kids in the mine, and begs Mario for his help. And then another mole lady comes over and they start gossiping. Yeah, so leave them to their tea party and enter the mountain. A couple of mole guys plot-spill that the old entrance to the mine is now the only way inside, but that it's too high to reach now, and wouldn't it be great if Mario were here? Hey look, there's Mario now! They'll explain that the kids Dyna and Mite are trapped, in case you hadn't already noticed, and ask for Mario's help. Remember how you had to help Mallow otherwise the game wouldn't progress? Well, same deal here. You have to agree to save the kids, thus putting your own neck at risk in the process. So the mole guys will offer their shoulders as a stepping stone up to the mine entrance, go ahead and jump up there. One of the first things you'll find (other than freaky mine baddies) is a mushroom dude. Don't mind him, he's a crazy treasure hunter you'll swindle later. See that springboard? Don't jump on it until you're ready to carry on, so you can wander around first if you'd like. If you'd rather not, I'll sum it up for ya, there's some monsters milling about, and a few pathways are blocked off, and Pa Mole (the kids' dad) will say that you'll need a bomb to reach Dyna and Mite. Whenever you're ready, hop on the springboard. It's somebody's idea of a cruel joke, because Mario will just slam into the ceiling headfirst and pass out. Seriously, all these head injuries really can't be healthy.
When Mario comes too, Croco and his 3 Crook flunkies are hovering over him. Then Croco clarifies that they're stealing Mario's coins, and they dash off. Mario regains consciousness in time to see them split, so now you have to chase the lavender dino and get your coins back. Ironically enough, you still have to catch and fight Croco, even if you didn't have any coins when you jumped on the springboard. *shrug* Whatever. Following Croco around the corner traps him in a dead end, but he blasts his way out with a bomb. Croco has bombs and you need a bomb, one of many reasons to jump him and open up a can of whoopass! Don't do it just yet, though. Croco will be running in circles around the mine like a chicken with its head cut off, and his minions will be making pitiful, Croco-worthy attempts to hide. Stay close to the walls to avoid running into Croco, and beat up his minions instead. They're really easy to beat and you get a Flower Tab for each one. Use the Flower Tabs. Okay, NOW you can attack Croco.
Croco's a little bit different than the last time you fought him. Mario's Fire Orb is no longer super-effective for some reason, so don't bother with that. Actually, Mario-tachi's special attacks are a waste of time on Croco. Just save your FP for Mallow's HP Rain, and stick with your A button attacks. The dino's attacks have stayed more or less the same, he'll throw things from his bag at you, or just charge at a team member of choice. I don't think he can recover his HP, though. Croco's got about 750 HP, and when he's down to about half of that he'll smack Mallow and steal all of the group's items. Hurry up and beat him, and use Mallow's HP Rain a lot so that nobody faints in the absence of Pick Me Ups. Geno's probably going to faint anyways, just because his defenses are so bad. But you'll know when this fight is over because Croco will give back all your stuff and flee like the sissy lilac wimp he is. Aside from a Flower Box (woohoo!), you'll get a bomb. So go find Pa Mole and give him the explosive so he can blow open a new pathway for you. At Mario's urging, Pa Mole will leave the mine and allow Mario-tachi the horribly dangerous job of babysitting. So let's go find the kids, shall we? Firstly, wander along those railway tracks until Mario gets run over by a Shyguy in a mine cart. Hehe, funny shtuff. And you get a Frog Coin, too. You'll probably get pretty sick of fighting Bob-ombs before this leg of the quest is over, so make use of the nearby Star in a treasure chest to wipe out a few of them. After a few more areas of Bob-ombs and such, you'll find 2 chests with an HP Mushroom and a Flower, plus a Save Box. You're almost there, folks! Carry on to find a ton of Bob-ombs and some crazy-looking guy throwing them. He'll just shove you back if you approach him head-on, so jump on him from the side to start the battle.
We find out that this zany fellow's name is Punchinello, he's a few sandwiches short of a picnic and he wants to defeat Mario-tachi to become famous. M'kay then. Mario's special attacks don't do diddly, so stick to the Punch Glove. Mallow's Thunderbolt doesn't do much to Punchy, but it's great for clearing out the mini Bob-ombs he throws out at the beginning of the battle. Geno's your key player here, his Finger Shot does loads of damage. Punchy's got about 1200 HP and can't heal himself, and as you wear him down he'll progress to bigger and bigger Bob-ombs minions. He can't do much other than pitch Bob-ombs, he might poke you once in a while a la early game Mallow, and he'll occasionally use Sand Storm (does damage to all, causes fear). You'll know when you've won because Punchy will start freaking out and claim to be prepared to use some super extreme show of force. Mallow disses him by saying that Punchy's probably bluffing. Go Mallow! ^_^ "Simmer down, fluffy!" snaps the psycho, "I'm not gonna waste this on YOU." Geno challenges him to take his best shot, and Mario agrees. Punchy then tries to call a really big Bob-omb, but it's so big that it just crushes him. Mario-tachi aren't exactly the sharpest tools in the shed, because they'll hang around and chat until the Bob-omb blows up. And then, while the guys are standing around all black and charred, the third Star Piece falls down from the ceiling. It uses its magical star power to clean them up (hehe, cute), and then Mario grabs it with the usual movie sequence whoop-dee-doo.
Now all that's left to do is find the kids, they're hanging around conviniently in the next area. But to get them back to their parents, you'll have to play a mine cart mini-game. Take as long as you can on the mine cart course. Seriously. You can't die or anything, and you'll be able to win coins for beating your score later. Meanwhile, Ma and Pa Mole are chatting about Mario and the kids. "I just have this odd feeling that they'll be dropping in on us any minute now..." says Ma. Pa replies, "They still gotta use the door like everyone else, Ma. Now settle down!" And at that moment, Mario's mine cart flies off the end of the cart course and crashes through their ceiling. ^_^ Everybody fusses over Dyna and Mite, and the Moles thank Mario. Then the game points out that you've found the kids and a Star Piece, but not Princess Toadstool. Gawd, you just can't ignore her for 2 seconds, can ya? So leave the Moles' house to carry on the adventure.
As usual, the adventure has to wait, because there's a plot hint to drop. Three Snifits run by chasing a beetle, and they mention ever so casually to Mario that their boss Booster likes beetles, but can't catch them himself because he's busy with his "princess from the sky". Sound like anyone we know? So the Snifits run off after the beetle. Methinks we should go visit this Booster fellow, hmm? Carry on to your next destination: Booster Pass.
Booster Pass is pretty pitiful, there's a few Spikeys to fight. And you can find a big Flower on the ground. Ummm, yeah, that's it. On to Booster Tower! *starts bouncing up and down in an excited fashion* I love this part, I love this part, squeeee!
7. Booster Tower
Walking over to Booster Tower reveals...Bowser! All of his minions are gone and he's hanging around outside the place, sulking about how he misses his castle. "I miss the good old days...Toadstool screaming in terror...Mario rushing in to save her..." Through his tears (aww!), he happens to notice Mario standing right there behind him, and understandably freaks out. After taking a moment to compose himself ("Okay, okay...Calm down! Don't let him see you like this!"), Bowser finally addresses the plumber man. "YOU!! What're YOU doing HERE?!" He then idly mentions that if Toadstool were still at his castle, she'd be crying like a sissy. At that moment, the Princess happens to be locked in Booster's balcony and crying like a sissy, when she hears familiar voices below. She calls out to Mario and Bowser (well, Mario anyways) that she's up there. Bowser seems to lose interest and he wanders off. "Well...I guess I'll be returning to my castle now. Outta my way, shortie!" Now go over to the front door of Booster's Tower, to find that it's locked. As you turn to leave, Bowser will come rushing back over for no apparent reason, and realise Mario's dilemma. After once more demanding that Shortie get out of his way, Bowser will smash open the door, just because he's a nice guy like that. And then he'll proudly admire the result of his efforts. "Yeah...I'm a piece of work, ain't I?! All this power, AND looks too! I know, I know! You're thinking, 'A big strong guy like him would be great to have along' right? I'm gonna do something I may regret later...! I'll let you join the 'Koopa Troop". You can thank me later..." And then he walks into Mario, Bowser's joined the team! WOOHOO! *dances about happily and pelts lots of confetti*
So now you've got 4 team members, but only 3 can enter battle at once. Toad will appear out of ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE to explain the new Switch function on the menu, you can now swap party members as you like. Mario always has to fight, but the other two members are your choice. Personally, I usually swap Geno out for Bowser. The big guy's a real powerhouse, he's got great HP and good Attack and Defense. His Speed is bad and his Magic stats are nothing special, but he still rocks! Mallow's good to keep on your team for now because his Thunderbolt and HP Rain are really handy. Bowser won't really get a lot of equipped items throughout the game, but the Work Pants from Moleville are a good choice for the time being. If you're not good with money then it's a good idea to stick with one set of fighters and only equip them, it's cheaper.
Anyways, as soon as you're done choosing your team, you may have noticed a funny-looking little dude peeking at you from the doorway and then retreating. That would be a hint to enter the tower. You'll find a lovely receptionist sort of area, where a nearby doorway leads to a seesaw with a Bob-omb on one side. That'll come into play later. For now, ignore the Snifits hanging around and make your way up the stairs. There's Booster's family pictures on the wall, labelled Booster the First through Sixth, making the current Booster number 7. That'll also come into play later, but don't strain yourself to remember the pictures, that's why I'm here, remember? ^_^ The funny-looking dude is spying on you again, and again he flees. Wander up the Snifit-infested stairs in the next room (keep close to the wall to avoid a lot of battles). You'll arrive in a room with a train track running around the wall, and the funny-looking guy from before will come out on a little train and introduce himself as Booster. Gawd, he's fugly! He's like a hairy little totem pole with all the fashion sense of Santa Claus. He says that he normally welcomes people to play with him and his Snifits (twist), but that he's busy with his girl from the sky and Mario can play alone in the tower if he happens to be feeling suicidal. Booster's train then goes behind a nearby pillar and Booster will make a getaway that's about as sneaky as Croco's hiding places. Following him will only get you jumped by a Snifit henchmen, but if you follow the train track the opposite way Booster ran, you'll find a Flower Tab. And when you enter the next room, you'll find more stairs, wandering Bob-ombs and...Booster making another pitiful attempt to spy on you. Don't you just want to smack him? The first exit you find in this room leads to a high platform, and directly below you is that seesaw with a Bob-omb on it. Jump down from your platform and land on the unoccupied side of the seesaw. This may take a few tries, you'll have to run back up the tower each time you fail, but trust me, it's worth the effort. Landing correctly will launch the Bob-omb really high, which will in turn launch Mario really high, and he'll hit a floating treasure chest way up near the ceiling. Inside is a Masher, a whoopass hammer that'll be Mario's strongest weapon for a long time to come. Unfortunately (yet humorously), the Masher falls out of its treasure box and hits Mario on the head, knocking the poor hero briefly unconscious. No really, this can't be healthy, Mario's probably thisclose to permanent brain damage.
Anywhoo, equip the Hammer Of Pain And Destruction and then go back up the Tower to where you left off. The Bob-omb room's second exit will lead you to a big green button in the middle of the floor. Don't push this button, or Booster's Tower will be annihilated in a nuclear blast of incredible destructive force!...Nah, I'm just kidding, go ahead and push the button. The game will tell you to go check out Booster's Pass. Go check it out if you want, a new path has opened up there that leads you to an area with a few monsters to fight (including a cute little apprentice Snifit, "Golly! You're that famous Mario guy!") and some free items. The area of Booster's Tower after the button has a weird curtained-off area. Entering this area will cause you to emerge as...8-bit Mario from the original Super Mario Brothers! Complete with the cheesey music! You can wander around the room as you please in this form, but as soon as you try to leave the room Mario will spazz and run back into the curtained area. He'll come out as his normal 3-D self, and shake his head as if to say, "Whoa...that was peeky." This only happens once in the game, even if you go behind the curtains again, so enjoy it while it lasts. Continuing the adventure, you'll find an area with some ledges to jump up on, and Snifits guarding the ledges. You can keep close to the walls to avoid the Snifits, I'm guessing they have an irrational fear of walls. You'll have to hold down Y to jump far enough on the yellow platforms. Dodge the Snifit coughing up bullets (not healthy, not healthy at ALL) and you'll find yet more Bob-ombs, then a Save Box. And after that, we've got a little memory game to play. There's a locked door with a note to look at Booster's family portraits in order from oldest to youngest, and said portraits are hanging on the wall nearby. I'm guessing you forgot the order you saw in the lobby, so this is where I earn my pay. Wait a sec, I don't get paid...Awww....Look at the portraits from 1 to 6 as shown:
4 5 3 6 2 1
If you get the order wrong, you'll have to fight a Snifit and all the portraits you got right will be reset. But correctly viewing the portraits in order will cause a key to be thrown out by...Booster?! He's in the wall. Big Brother is watching....So take this key to the locked door and open it, duh. Inside you'll find a Chomp, and trying to jump onto its ledge will cause it to snap viciously at Mario. Bowser hops out, and he and the Chomp "gaze into each other's eyes", according to the game. The Koopa king hops up to inspect the block that the Chomp's tied to. He tells Mario that she's shy and asks him to turn away for a minute. Mario does, and you can't see a gosh darn thing going on until Bowser says to turn around again. I'm sure there's something dodgey going on here, but I can't figure out what...! *whine* Bowser swings the freed Chomp above his head, explaining that she had been locked up for attacking Booster and that she wants to help Mario-tachi seek revenge. Bowser then hops back into Mario. Equip the Chomp to Bowser, she's a funky weapon. You know something, Booster has a really freaky house. You've got some mountaineering of ledges to do next, and then a seesaw with a Thwomp on it will launch you way up to the next area. After some Snifits and more ledge-hopping, you'll find a great big open floor covered with coins and Frog Coins. Looks rigged, doesn't it? Well, it is. There's baddies hiding in the floor. Ignore the coins and just go for the Frog Coins, and the key in the top-right corner of the floor. Behind a nearby locked door, you'll find a treasure chest containing a pair of Zoom Shoes. These boost a character's Speed by 10 points as well as raise their Defense and Magic Defense stats a little, they're useful for tweaking who attacks first in battle. If you give them to Bowser (the Work Pants also boost Speed, for some stupid reason), you can make use of a nifty combo: Bowser's Terrorize special attack and Mallow's Thunderbolt. Terrorize induces fear in all enemies if you manage to pull it off, and fear really boosts the damage dealt by Mallow's T-bolt. Mario's turn can be used to whack baddies that resist the electricity.
Now that we're done strategising, let's continue exploring Booster's trippy house. After the rigged floor room, you'll find a room full of Chomps. If you don't feel like fighting them, you can walk right past them by pressing up against the wall in front of their faces. And now we get another little chat with Booster, he pulls up on his train and notices that Mario's a persistant brat for making it this far in the Tower. He also admits, "My bride-to-be is chanting 'MARIOHELPMEMARIOHELPME'. Is she showing her happiness?" Through the wonders of talking to himself, Booster decides that this persistant brat in his tower is the same "Mario" guy that Princess Toadstool is talking about. He pitches some Bob-ombs at Mario, you can either defeat these in battle for some Exp. Points or just hide behind the ever-so-convinient nearby bomb shelter. Booster runs out of bombs and leaves, being a total whiner in the process. Back to scaling endless stairs and ledges! Don't worry, we're nearly done folks. You'll get to an area with ledges leading to a treasure chest, and a Save Box. Y-jumping will get you the Frog Coin inside the chest, and jumping on top of that treasure chest will get you a Goodie Bag. This thing's basically useless, but you get lots of cash if you sell it. Now save your game, I cannot stress this enough! There's a mini-game coming up that you really don't want to lose!
Wander over to Toadstool's balcony. She'll be absolutely tickled pink that Mario is there to save her, and gush about how scared and lonely she was. What a chicken. But unfortunately for Princess Poultry, the door's locked and Booster's password is needed to open it. While our hero is standing around pondering how to open the door, Booster is heard returning and Toadstool suggests that you hide. Mario ducks behind 4 sets of curtains on the wall. The game will point out that you can move freely behind the curtains, and mention that being caught is a bad thing. Next time, on The Adventures of Captain Obvious....So Booster and his 3 Snifits enter and start up a lovely little conversation about what to do with Toadstool. One of the Snifits suggests a wedding, and it's funny because these 4 guys have the combined intelligence of a paper clip, they try and figure out what exactly a wedding is. Booster gets out his Toadstool doll so they can plan out the wedding, but he knows that Mario will probably crash the party and wants to plan for it. He tries to find his Mario doll, which is hidden...over Mario's head. Hmm, that doesn't seem like a good thing. Booster decides that the doll must be behind the curtains and send the Snifits to check. Yep, not a good thing. Get ready, here comes the mini-game!
Booster first tells Snifit #1 to go look behind the curtains. #1 will open the curtains one at a time and look behind them, so don't stand behind the one he's about to open, obviously. #1 will say that the Mario doll isn't there. So Booster sends #2 to look. They'll open 2 curtains at the same time. Avoiding them successfully will result in #1 and #2 telling Booster that the doll isn't there. Booster's not the brightest crayon in the box, so he sends #3 to look as well. All 3 Snifits will open a curtain at the same time, so keep on your toes and stay behind the single safe curtain. If at any time a Snifit catches you, the game will start over. Since Booster's stupid, you have 3 tries before he realises that Mario's there. The third time you fail, you'll have to fight Booster, and if this happens then restart the game. Fighting Booster really isn't worth the trouble. However, if you evade the Snifits, Booster will walk over and open the final curtain, but he notices the Mario doll on its shelf way up high before noticing the real live Mario. He starts crying like a wussy because he can't reach the doll, so help him out, will ya? Jump underneath the doll to knock it onto the floor. Booster will thank Mario and give him an Amulet, which is an accessory that raises all your stats except Speed. Schweet. He'll blow off the wedding rehearsal and choose to get on with the real thing, so he uses his password to unlock Toadstool's door. The password is whatever you entered as your name at the start of the game, isn't that funny? Hahahaha, ha ha ha, ha...ha...Ahem. So the quartet of idiots leave the room. Following them would be a good idea.
You really thought it'd be as easy as grabbing Toadstool and leaving, didn'tcha? Sorry friends, but Booster is much more annoying than Bowser when it comes to rescuing the people he kidnaps. As soon as you set foot on the balcony, a couple of Booster's henchmen will jump you, Knife Guy and Grate Guy, they're brothers. Knife Guy's attacks are mostly physical and he's weak to magic attacks, whereas Grate Guy is the opposite, he attacks mostly with magic and is weak to physical blows. I prefer taking out Grate Guy first, since he can inflict annoying status conditions like Sleep and Mute. Sometimes Knife will hop up on Grate's shoulders, not that this really does anything. Oh yeah, and Knife Guy is immune to Mallow's electricity. Knife Guy has 700 HP and Grate Guy has 900 HP, neither of them can heal themselves. As a point of idle interest, Mallow's Psychopath reveals that Knife is thinking "Happiness is hip!", while Grate is thinking, "Peace is just a dream." There's probably some profound significance to that, but I'm lazy. Deal with it. >:p Once the fight's over, your battle trio will back up and take a running leap over the edge of the balcony. How's that for a dramatic finish?
Outside of the battle screen, Mario jumps down from the insanely high balony to land perfectly on his feet and glance around for Booster and Toadstool. They're gone. So he runs as fast as his stubby little legs can carry him to Booster Hill, not that you see the map screen or anything. Booster's carrying Toadstool on his back, and generally acting like more of a blonde than she is. Time for another funky mini-game! Mario will take his position behind Booster, and the Snifits will line up behind him. Toad will come out of ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE to explain the game, where the hell does he keep coming from?! Basically, Booster's fleeing up the hill towards Marrymore, with Mario in hot pursuit and the Snifits right behind him. Barrels roll down the hill, and the Snifits will sometimes put on a burst of speed and run forward. Mario can jump on the barrels and the Snifits to gain ground and touch Toadstool, this will get you a Flower. Getting hit by a barrel or a Snifit, on the other hand, will make you fall back and lose ground. So reach out to Toadstool as many times as you can during this little game, since Flower Points are our friends.
As soon as that's over, Mario will be in Marrymore, not that you see the map screen or anything. Talking to the nearby lady will reveal that Booster's gone up to the wedding hall. But what do we have to do first...? That's right, stock up on supplies at the nearby hotel! The Super Hammer is weaker than Mario's Masher and the Chomp Chain is weaker than Bowser's bed buddy Chomp, so all you have to buy as far as weapons is a Whomp Glove for Mallow and a Hand Gun for Geno. The Work Pants are more worthwhile for Bowser than the Happy Shell, so don't bother with that, but the Happy Shirt/Pants/Cape are fine choices for the rest of the group. Again, if you want Pick Me Ups or Able Juice, you'll have to go back to Rose Town. I know, it's annoying. Whenever you stay for a nap in this fancy-schmancy hotel, you can choose to stay in the suite for a whopping 200 coins, but you'll often get gifts like Flower Tabs for doing it. It's a great way to blow some coins if you have your maximum of 999 and you don't want to miss out on winnings from beating baddies.
Now, walk over to the church to your right. There's a bunch of people hanging around, and talking to any given one of them will trigger the next event. I usually talk to the little kid who looks like he really has to pee. Because he DOES really have to pee. :D Anyways, if you bothered to talk to people in the Mushroom Kingdom, you'll know that Raz and Raini are a happy mushroom couple bent on getting married. At this moment, Snifit #1 will heave them out of the church and tell everyone that Booster's wedding is in progress. He locks the doors, and talking to him through these doors will make him reveal a way in like the moron he is. "I'm not letting you in here! And you can forget about the back door. It's locked. At least I THINK it is...." That would be your cue to go find the back door. It's at the side of the church, out of your field of view. Take a shortcut past the bustling kitchen staff to meet up with Snifit #1. And he once again proves how mind-numbingly stupid he is. "You LOOK like Mario, but the door's shut tight. Listen, Mustache, you and your overgrown turtle-friend can take a hike! Go! Scat! Make like Mario and jump outta here! GET LOST!" Jump to prove to this space cadet that you ARE Mario. Snifit #1 will freak and run off to tell Booster, but the door's locked. So, break it down of course! #1 asks for your help in busting the door down. He'll repeatedly charge the door, and you have to run into it at the exact same time he does. This part's tricky for a lot of people, but as soon as you get the timing right you'll both go flying through the door. Snifit #1 will run into #2 and they'll go careening through the second set of doors. "Booster, Sir!", they chirp, "Mario's here!" Booster chews them out for being dumbasses, Toadstool screeches for help, and the Snifits close the second door before Mario can get through. Eavesdropping on the Snifits through the door will offer the following hint, "We're pretty sure Mr. Mustache can't break in here. But that turtle looks pretty mean. He could be trouble!" Damn straight Bowser could be trouble! He'll hop out of Mario and agree with the Snifits. "They have no IDEA what they're up against! I'm lightning in a bottle! I'm an earthquake in a can! I'll bust this open in no time!" Bowser will try breaking down the door, but he can't quite do it. This is exactly the same as breaking down the door with Snifit #1, you have to run into the door at the exact same time as Bowser to smash your way in there. Sometimes I make Mario stand in front of the door, because it's kind of funny to watch Bowser repeatedly bodyslam him with no visible effect. ^_^
So team up with the B-man and destroy that nasty architecture that's in your way. This time when you crash through the door, you'll bump into the Snifits and send Toadstool flying the entire length of the room to smash into the pulpit. Owchies, that doesn't look pleasant. She agrees with me, and points out that she's dropped all of her jewelry during that violent little experience. The Princess starts crying like a sissy again, while Booster and the Snifits spend a few more minutes reinforcing the fact that they've got the combined intelligence of a pickled onion. Finally, they figure out that gathering up Toadstool's missing stuff will stop her bitching, the Snifits pick up 3 of the 4 items and start running around frantically looking for the last bauble. And now for more mini-game madness! You have to corner each of the spazztacular Snifits and talk to them to get the jewelry from them, then go get the final piece, her crown, it's on Booster's head. When you're done, talk to Booster. This game is hard because the Snifits don't sit still for a second and it's hard to keep track of which ones you've already gotten the goods from (twist). Complete this game as fast as you can, unless you're warped like me, in which case you should take a little longer. Hehehehe. So Booster will deduce that you're Mario, and Bowser will hop out just because he's bored. Toadstool freaks out upon seeing the Koopa king, and Bowser mutters that he's wasting his time. "I've got bigger fish to fry...!" he claims, referring of course to his Keep. Toadstool's a ditz, so she decides to give Mario a kiss for no real reason, when Bowser and Booster start whining that they want a kiss too. Now, depending on how quickly you completed the Find Peachie's Junk mini-game, this chaos will have a different result. If you were super-speedy, Toadstool will successfully kiss Mario (and Bowser and Booster will kiss each other. EW.) If you took just a bit too long, Bowser will kiss Mario (Squeee! :D :D :D). A little longer than that and Booster will kiss Mario (...Yucky....). And if you sucked hardcore at the game, Bowser AND Booster will kiss Mario (that's wrong on so many levels). At any rate, Toadstool will giggle at Mario and/or Bowser and/or Booster and say, "Now THAT's one for the scrapbook!" No matter whose booty Mario gets, Toadstool and Bowser will hop into Mario (Bowser looks all sheepish, heehee), and he'll start to leave and make Booster look like even more of an idiot than he is.
At this point, the little French Koopa chefs will walk in with the cake and throw a hissy fit when they find out that nobody plans to eat it. You enter battle with them and the cake, and they attack you quite early-game-Mallowishly. Um...kay. Don't attack the chefs, just abuse the cake with your basic A attacks. It'll twitch once in a while, which the apprentice chef notices, and eventually the cake will get all scary and possessed, and the chefs will run away. Yes, Bundt the cake is your major opponent for this arc of the story, crack does indeed kill. So Bundt will light 5 candles on its head, and you need to extinguish those candles by beating down on the freaky pastry. Bundt has some really powerful magic attacks, including Diamond Saw (hits one), Blizzard (hits all), Drain Beam (hits all), and Sand Storm (it loves this move). Ignore the Fear and keep attacking with A to blow out those candles, only heal as necessary to keep everyone alive. Land one good hit while all the candles are out, and the top half of Bundt will vanish, leaving only the Raspberry on the bottom to beat. It has 600 HP, but Raspberry's super-annoying with Sand Storm and your team will be cowering in fear constantly, just attack with your physical moves and be patient. Mario's Super Jump is a great choice too, when he's not frightened. You'll know when you've won because the Snifits will enter and tell you to quit messing around with Booster's cake, and the totem-pole guy will then make his entrance by hopping up onto Raspberry. I'll write out the convo that follows, just because I like it. ^_^
Booster: "Hey No. 1! Where's my cake?!"
One: "Booster, Sir! There's a 70% chance the object you're standing on is a cake."
Booster: "......? THIS thing's a cake? *hops down* Okay, everyone!! Here's the stumper. How do we eat this? I SAY we boil it! No. 2, what do you say?"
Two: "Way too messy! Why don't you just swallow it?!"
Booster: "WHAT?! In one GULP? That's easier said that done!"
*the Snifits lift up Raspberry in preparation for Booster to swallow it*
Three: "Come on, Booster! You can do it! Open wide, please!"
Booster: "*uneasy* My nerves are shot. I feel like I've forgotten to tie my cord before a bungee jump!"
Snifit: "Here it comes!"
*Raspberry twitches*
Booster: "WAIT! WAIT! Did the cake just move?"
Snifit: "Concentrate, Sir!"
Booster: "This doesn't feel right."
So the Snifits pitch Raspberry into the air, and Booster swallows it and starts gushing about how yummy it is. The four idiots declare the wedding a success, and leave. Now the battle's over, aren't you scarred for life?
So after Peachie flirts with Mario a bit, go out into the main foyer of the church and Mario will assure all the fraidy-cat mushroom people that it's safe to stop cowering now, and then you can leave Marrymore. You're supposed to take Princess Toadstool back to the Mushroom Kingdom, but there's an absolutely priceless scene you should check out first. See that exit-looking strip of land beside the church? You can leave through there later in the game, but going there right now will cause Toadstool to hop out of Mario and whine at him, asking Mario if they can go back to the Mushroom Kingdom yet. Say no. Mallow will hop out of Mario and say that the Chancellor's worried sick, and he also pesters Mario to leave. Say no. Geno will hop out of Mario, and say that if you don't bring Toadstool back you'll be charged with kidnapping. Hehe, Geno seems to forget that the Mushroom Kingdom has no police force or legal system of any sort. ^_^ Say no. Bowser hops out of Mario, stomps hissily, and says, "No one, NO ONE, is authorized to kidnap the Princess except ME! It just wouldn't be right! Let's take her back to Mushroom Kingdom, where she belongs!" Now there's something you don't see every day, Bowser trying to negotiate Mario into not kidnapping Peachie! As dumb as it is to refuse a request from the all-powerful and exceedingly kewl Bowser, say no. The whole group will twitch for a minute, then give Mario a royal bitching out until he agrees to return Toadstool now. This scene will repeat itself as many times as you like, all you have to do is try to leave through the non-working exit again. You can say yes when the -tachi of Mario-tachi wants you to leave, but they'll just be happy and hop back into Mario, which is boring. I usually spend a good 15 minutes in Marrymore, watching this scene over and over cuz I like it. :D When you're done giving your teammates a hassle, leave Marrymore through the exit that actually works, down at the bottom of the screen.
After a brief movie sequence showing Mario journeying back through all the amazing places he's visited, you'll be back into the Mushroom Kingdom. If you walk into the castle, Toad will greet you by being amazed that you're still in one piece. Yeah, thanks Chronic, that's a real ego booster right there. Toadstool hops out of Mario, Toad messes himself for joy, and the Princess credits Mario-tachi with saving her life. Yeah, I know I'd go off and slit my wrists if Booster tried to marry me....So Toad will lead the way to the Chancellor's throne room, as if Mario had never evicted monsters from the place before, and everybody will rejoice over Peachie's return. Toadstool claims to be able to take care of herself, haha, isn't that cute? She's delusional! She then asks Mario how he can trust Bowser. Needless to say, this is just crazy talk to the Chancellor and Toad-clones, so Mallow, Geno and Bowser hop out to demonstrate that, yes indeed, Mario and Bowser are in cahoots. *lecherous chuckling* Hehe, don't mind me. So the mushroom folks have a coronary, but Toadstool assures them that Mario has a firm handle on the situation. She also asks Bowser what his side of the story is, and why he said he had "bigger fish to fry" back in Marrymore. Bowser can't deal, he's still having a little evicted-from-my-own-house-despite-being-cool-and-strong-and-super-cute crisis. After a moment of comfort from Mallow (aaaaaw!), the guys act out the story of Smithy and the Star Road, to explain the situation while maintaining the Koopa king's dignity. Well, he's still in denial. "They threw me out of my own...I mean...I decided to take a vacation! They CAN'T do this to me! Anyway, I was working on a plan to get my house back, when......Mario walked up to me and BEGGED me to let him join the Koopa Troop! I had no choice but to let him in. It was pathetic." Hee! :D But that's OK, we still respect Bowser. Mallow and Geno then share their stories of why they're travelling with Mario. This leads Peachie to prove her blondeness, and then there's a little bit more explaining of the Star Road for the dense among us, and then everybody messes with Bowser's head just because it's fun and because he's uber-kawaii (really cute, for all you non-anime-fans). Princess Toadstool says that she wants to join Mario-tachi and help out, but the Chancellor's a moo-cow antifeminism Nazi and doesn't want her to. She wanders off to take a nap, pausing to wish Mario-tachi good luck on their journey. Hmm, that was a suspiciously easy argument for Chan the Man to win. When Chan's done blathering on about nothing important at all (save the world, blah blah blah), just walk outside...
...And Toadstool will float out of her window on a parasol to rejoin Mario! Nyaha, way to burn your bra, chickie! Toadstool joins the team and she can actually fight now! Most people who use Toadstool swap Mallow out for her, since she's got great magic and healing abilities, but she's a pretty strong attacker too, later in the game when you get the right weapons on her. Peachie's grandma is disguised as her (very...convincingly...0_0) so that no one will know that the Princess is gone. That logic has more holes than the plot to Mario Is Missing, but let's just smile and nod. So Toadstool and Mario puzzle over where the next Star Piece could possibly be, until Mallow pops out and suggests asking Frogfucius. Hey, that's a good idea, Froggy spends so much time sitting in one spot and listening to tadpoles gossip that he MUST know what our intrepid group of adventurers should do next! Do as Fluffy tells you, and go visit the old guy.
Upon visiting Frogfucius, he'll tell you that a large star's been spotted on the coincidentally named Star Hill. How surprisingly unsurprising. By the way, if you haven't given Froggy the Cricket Pie yet, he'll still be sulking about Mallow not being his real grandson, and you'll have to go get him the Pie before he'll cough up the necessary info. While you're in Tadpole Pond, go give Toadovsky another melody. The people in Moleville were hinting about this, but I'm guessing you ignored them because you really don't care about the schizo composer. Good for you, friend. Anyways, right now in the Moleville mines, the menfolk are singing a little ditty that goes like this:
"Diggin' deep in the "MI"nes
"DO"n't get much sun!
I'm covered with "SO"il
'Till my workday is "DO"ne!
I "RE"ally hate sittin'
It's "LA"bor I choose
'Cause then's the "TI"me
To "DO" them old Moleville blues!"
Goodness, that doesn't sound like a hint at all, does it? OK, enough of my sarcasm, go play "Mi Do So Do Re La Ti Do" for Toadovsky. He'll freak out and give you a Tenor Card, which lets you buy Megalixers at the Juice Bar. A Megalixer restores 150 HP to all team members, it's like a KeroKeroCola for the poor. :p You know something, I first played Mario RPG when I was about 11 years old, and when I played it again recently, after some 5 years of absence, I still remembered the Moleville miners' song and the notes Toadovsky was looking for. Catchy songs are a powerful memory device, people. But I digress, on to Star Hill!
Star Hill is just beyond Marrymore, and you won't be able to go there until Froggy tips you off. It's a neat blue islandy place covered with stars and, needless to say, baddies. To open Star Gates (a.k.a. doors) and move on to new areas, you'll have to talk to these funky-looking star flowers to make them light up. Geno will hop out and tell you that the wishes from the Star Road, now in shooting star form, make the trip from Star Hill to their destinations. But since Smithy's screwed things up, the wishes haven't been granted and they're lying around all over the place on Star Hill. The stars on the ground that have smiley faces are ones you can look at, it's pretty easy to identify whose wishes they are. As you wander around Star Hill, kicking monster butt and talking to strange plants, you should check every smiley star, because some of the wishes have plot info and others are just fun fun silly willy. One wish says, "I wish I weren't such a crybaby.", at which point Mallow will hop out and bitch at Mario for spying on other people's wishes. Heehee, Mallow's so great. But in the next area, you'll find a wish that says, "Please let Mallow find his way home." Mallow hops out and gets rightfully teary-eyed, since wherever his parents are, this means that they still love him. Awwwww. In the area after that, there's a wish that says, "I wanna be a great plumber like my brother Mario." Not that this has anything to do with the plot, but Luigi makes nothing but a tiny cameo appearance in the game and it's kind of...well, ya know...interesting if you've played this game far too much and you're easily amused....In the same area as Luigi's wish, you'll find the Star Piece, it's in the top right corner of the screen. There's the usual lengthly scene of Mario grabbing the star and posing, and then the game chides you that there's still 3 Star Pieces left. I feel like such a tool. And then you can leave. If you didn't find the Star Piece and you leave anyways, you won't be able to move on to the next town, so find it, m'kay?
9. Seaside Town
And now we move on to Seaside Town. As you walk into this cheery-sounding little place, you'll hear that stupid music where you know there's a terrible, Smithy-related problem in the town. Oy vay. Not that the people let on, they're all grey-coloured mushroom people who talk like robots. Extremely stupid robots, at that. Extremely stupid robots who prove that drugs are bad, even. Inside one of the buildings, from one of the skeery clone-people, you can buy some items that you won't be able to find and/or buy anywhere else in the game. The Muku Cookie recovers 69 HP *lecherous grin* for all party members, and the Mukumuku that appears when you use it is so freaking kyute! The Bad Mushroom poisons an opponent, it's cheap but not particularily useful, and Bowser will learn his Poison Gas soon enough if he hasn't already, for those of you who enjoy spreading plague and pestilence. The Fright Bomb is sorta useful, but not useful enough to bother with. The real gems here are the Fire Bombs and Ice Bombs, buy as many of these as you can afford, then go earn some coins and buy more. They do damage to all enemies in battle, the Ice Bombs are more expensive and therefore stronger. The mushroom guy at the Inn will let you rest up for free, but when you wake up he's sitting there staring at you. *shivers* Brrr, creepy, I'd rather hike to Rose Town, thanks. Go up to the house at the top of the screen and talk to the Elder. He's creepy and grey too, and he'll mention his habit of "pleasing my superiors, which is something I do well", and I really don't want to know what he's talking about. :p He'll ask you to go find the star that's fallen into the ocean. If you feel like wandering upstairs, there's a frog dude from Tadpole Pond selling some kewl items for Frog Coins. You can buy something if you want, Frog Coins aren't of very much use in the game. Whenever you're done in Seaside Town, carry on to the Sea.
Oh, hang on, I almost forgot! You still have the wallet you retrieved from Croco, right? Go back to the Mushroom Kingdom and find the blue mushroom dude in front of the Inn, he's near that annoying chickie who's always tricking you into jumping (I hate her). The guy will be happy to have his wallet back, and give you a Flower Tab. If you had given it back immediately after beating Croco for the first time, he would have given you....ah, I forget, something sucky anyways. I've heard you can get him to give you a Flower Jar somehow, depending on what point in the game you choose to return the wallet at, feel free to experiment. And if you wait a while and then go see him again, he'll give you a Frog Coin just for being so charming. It's really funny, if you refuse to give him his wallet any given time you talk to him, afterwards he'll be like "Hey, give me back my wallet!" and one of Mario's potential responses is "All right, quit whining". :D Now then, back to the Sea!
The Sea is mostly an underground cave-beach sort of place, you'll find a cute little Shaman selling stuff. Buy the Hurly Gloves for Bowser, they're easily the most entertaining attack in the game because he picks up poor Mario and tosses him at a baddie. If Mario gets a status condition or faints, Bowser will throw a little Mario doll instead, but this doesn't seem to affect the Hurly Gloves' power. It just isn't as funny, that's all. :D Get the Sailor armor line, Shirt/Pants/Cape/Nauticadress depending on your team, Bowser will have to make do with the Work Pants. Maybe get a Freshen Up or two, they're like Able Juice for the whole team and very useful when fighting enemies with Fear attacks. And if you blew all your money on Bombs like I told you to, remember to sell your old armour for some coins, eh? For being a good sport and buying his junk, the Shaman will tell you about a giant squid in a sunken ship, it apparently eats people. Sounds like fun, let's go see! Carrying on, you'll find a room with a bunch of Zeostars and a treasure chest with a Star in it, I'm sure I don't need to remind you of what to do here. In the next room full of Zeostars, there's an entrance to a room full of free stuff, it's hidden on the wall. Along with the free stuff, you'll find a Save Box. Just a word of warning when battling Zeostars, watch out for the Leukos. They're really tough and they'll mess you up bad if you're not careful. They resist Mallow's electricty too, unlike many fish-things. Anyways, you'll next find an area with a whirlpool, hop into it and you'll be taken to a higher area with a treasure chest. This chest contains a Max Mushroom, you might have gotten one or two of these already as random battle prizes. Max Mushrooms do exactly what you'd expect them to, they recover all HP for one team member. After that, you'll wind up at the edge of the water, so jump in and use a whirlpool to get to the ocean floor. Jump onto the pipe at the top of the sunken ship, and go inside. Onward, to sushi-related adventure!
10. Sunken Ship
Oddly enough, the inside of the sunken ship is perfectly dry, cozy even. Let's not ask questions we don't want to know the answers to. You'll find a Save Box in the room to your right, and to your left is lots of baddies. The Dry Bones can be defeated only by magic, use something cheap on FP like Mallow's T-bolt. The other monsters have powerful magic attacks, so keep your HP up. Along the walls, you'll find pages of some dude's travel log, conviniently tacked up for you by the ever-so-considerate ghosties and ghouls of the ship. Ignore the pages, they're boring, they just talk about how the ship was dragged into the briney depths by a giant squid, as if we don't know that already. In a room with some fitness-obsessed Alley Rats running up and down the stairs, you'll find a Flower behind some boxes. After that, there'll be a bunch of rooms whose doors are guarded by Greapers. In each room is a little puzzle, and solving them will get you items and hints to the password. Password? That comes later. I'm not going to explain each of the puzzle rooms, because they're pretty straightforward. In between these puzzle rooms is another friendly little Shaman selling stuff, so stock up if you didn't have the cash to do it before. Make sure you have some Freshen Up, it'll come in handy in a few minutes. The Shaman will also give you a terribly vague hint about the password. After the puzzle rooms, there's a room with 2 green buttons and a Save Box. Jump on the loose-looking barrel in the nearby pile and jump on it to roll it onto one button, then jump on the other one. Instead of blowing up the entire area in a veritable orgy of flame and destruction like I could lead you to believe, you'll receive an HP Mushroom and yet another hint. I just wanted to make sure you got the HP Mushroom. Now that Mario-tachi is healed and ready to rock, move on to the next room. It's got lettered boxes that you use to enter this password everybody's been harping on. You've been getting lots of hints, but since you're reading a walkthru I'll assume that you want the information spoonfed to you. OK then, it's "pearls". Key that in, and talk to the foghorn-looking thing. A mysterious voice will invite you in for a whuppin', and a tentacle will come out of the horn to beckon ominously. What's this, the start of a cheap tentacle-rape porn or something? Sounds good to me, let's go!
Entering the next room brings you head-to-head with King Calamari the squid. Well, not exactly head-to-head, since at first you only fight tentacles. Three of the slimy things will appear at once, and when you beat them you move on to fight 3 more. The tentacles have between 200 and 300 HP each. Mallow's Shocker, Geno's Geno Beam and Mario's fire attacks work well, but you should save your FP, so use mostly your A button moves except in Geno's case, since 3 FP is super-cheap. Fire Bombs work wonders too. Don't lollygag about, the tentacles will sometimes swipe a random member of your team and take them away to do unspeakably horrible, dodgey things to them. The team member will be returned to Mario-tachi a turn or two later, quivering in rightful Fear. The longer you take, the more you'll have to deal with the Fear effect and the harder the battle will be. After the 6 tentacles, you'll face King Calamari and his 2 remaining tentacles. Beat the tentacles first, then lay the smackdown on King C with Mario's Super Flame, Mallow's Shocker, Geno's Beam and/or Bowser's powerful yet amusing Hurly Gloves. Toadstool isn't that talented at doing damage right now, so she can stick to healing and items. Calamari will attack with Venom Drool(poisons), Ink Blast(hits one), Sand Storm, Drain Beam and the usual physical attack, a jabbing sort of thing with the stumps of his severed tentacles. He's got 800 HP and can't heal himself.
After the Battle Of The Seafood, you'll be in a little room with a springboard to get back to the Calamari battle room and the rest of the upper half of the ship. In the next area, hop up to the top door, you'll find some Alley Rats firing cannons, and if you get hit by the bullets you'll be shoved down to the lower level of the room. What kind of crummy bullets ARE these? You can hit a guy point-blank in the chest and he's running and jumping a minute later! Anyways, you can beat the Alley Rats and walk over the cannons to avoid being shot, but it's easier to just keep an eye on the timing of the bullets and run across. After some more of Richard Simmons' flunkies (Alley Rats running obsessively up and down stairs), you'll find some treasure chests on top of a tunnel of crates. Stand on the two barrels in the corner and Y-jump up there, you'll get a bunch of coins. Proceed through the door to your left and you'll find a...clone of Mario?! Relax, it's just a shape-shifting monster. Whew, that's a relief. Pseudo-Mario will move the exact opposite way Mario does, like a mirror image. Go over to the middle-right area of this room and jump around, you'll find a switch that reveals a hidden treasure
chest floating way above your head. Manoeuvre Pseudo-Mario so that he's standing under this chest, then jump on his head and get the KeroKeroCola inside. Now you can face Pseudo and talk to him, he'll reveal his true ghostly form and you fight him. He's just a Greaper, don't worry your pretty little head. The next area features a bunch of Dry Bones and a door hidden behind some crates. You can make your way past the Dry Bones to this door if you're feeling ambitious, there's just a Frog Coin inside. Downstairs, you'll find 2 treasure chests and a Save Box. The first chest has an HP Mushroom, so don't be too surprised when the second chest has a toothy beast lurking in the shadows to pounce you and tear out your jugular vein. It's name is Hidon, it has 600 HP, and it's a real moo-cow to fight. It'll keep a steady stream of mini-Goombas by its side to help out, and they're super-annoying. Unlike most chest-dwelling box baddies, Hidon takes damage from special attacks. Mario's much better off using his Super Jump than his Masher. Hidon resists Mallow's electricty, but T-bolt helps against the Goombettes. Geno Beam works great, don't bother with the Hand Gun. And Bowser's Hurly Gloves work OK, and Terrorize is useful against the Goombettes. Beating Hidon gets you a Safety Badge, which prevents Mute and Poison, and I'm not sure but it might guard against one-hit knockout attacks too. Mallow or Toadstool would benefit from this goodie, since they're special-oriented and it's extremely aggravating for them to be Muted. As an added bonus, if you leave the scene and come back a minute later, the box Hidon was hiding in will now contain some coins. Yay!
So the next two areas have big pools of water full of Cheep Cheeps, there's a whirlpool in the second room that'll take you down to the bottom. Go back into the first room and pick up all those Frog Coins that are just lying around in the water, then exit through the door in the second water area. Finally, this is starting to look more like a SUNKEN ship! After some more Zeostars and Cheep Cheeps, you'll find a Bloober with a string of mini-Bloobers following it. Behind the nearby pile of barrels is a secret room, in which you'll find a Saftey Ring. This doesn't do much except protect you from one-hit knockout (OHKO) attacks. Fight the Bloobers if it floats your boat, then jump up the barrel ladder until you can float on the surface again. I'm starting to get suspicious, there's an awful lot of Frog Coins lying around here. There's one in the left corner of the screen, at the surface. And then go through the door at the far right.
You'll find a skeevy-looking horde of shark pirates milling about under a treasure chest. They attack Mario, needless to say. They're sucky fighters, a few good group magic attacks will take care of them. They'll run off to "warn the upper deck" in a cowardly fashion, leaving you free to swipe the HP Mushroom in the treasure chest. Now go up the stairs. Except that you can't, because the pirates will rush back down the stairs and trample Mario, and then be unable to find him from his clever hiding place face-down on the floor. Golly, they're almost as smart as Booster and the Snifits! When they finally find Mario, the pirates upstairs will pitch a barrel, which Mario dodges and allows to clobber all the pirates downstairs. When this thoroughly Three Stooges display is done, walk upstairs and surprise them while they're busy being pitifully slow to grab another barrel. You fight a few more Bandana Red pirates, terribly pathetic they are, nya. And when you're done proving that you can fight better than most garden vegetables, they'll let you through to see Jonathan Jones, their boss. Now's your last chance to stock up on Fire/Ice Bombs in Seaside Town, I usually make the trip back to load up at this point. Whenever you're ready, go visit Johnny.
So you enter to find Johnny lounging about with a lovely-looking Star Piece and a pack of pirates. Your 2 team members who are in your battle line-up at the moment will come out just to make sure Johnny doesn't pull any funny business, bless their hearts. Johnny claims Mario is "not much to look at". He should talk, he looks like a retarded dolphin with all the fashion sense of Napoleon Bonaparte! So Johnny says finders keepers in regards to the Star Piece, and then he gets up and shuffles across the room to fight Mario-tachi. He's got 4 Bandana Blue pirates to help in this fight, they're like the Reds except slightly less sissy. Slightly. Beat them first, they're annoying. Johnny has about 800 HP, and when about half of it is gone he'll use Get Tough to turn a purdy red colour (and, one would assume, get stronger), then challenge Mario to a one-on-one fight. You don't have a choice here, Mario will eagerly accept the challenge because he's dumb like that. Interestingly enough, if Mario has fainted when Johnny Gets Tough, your other team members can just carry on battling him as usual without the one-on-one challenge. On a rather unrelated note, Johnny addresses Mario-tachi as "fellas", and Peachie doesn't even bother to scratch his eyes out! Psh, and she calls herself a gal! So anyways, your team members will stand aside and do a bit of amusing Mario-esque pantomime while the plumber man takes on the gimpy dolphin. Stick to Mario's Masher, or maybe Super Jump as long as your FP holds out. This is one of those battles that seems to take forever, but stay alert and keep Mario's HP up with Mid Mushrooms, if he faints then it'll still be Game Over despite the fact that your teammates are perfectly fine.
When you beat Johnny, he'll say that he's impressed and give you the Star Piece as a "souvenir". Awww, come on, I wanted one of those seashells with glued-on googly eyes, not some crummy Star Piece! *whine* Upon grabbing the Star, Mario and the 2 battle teammates will pose happily, and Johnny will wander off to sulk. Throw some Midol at him, and then hop on the springboard in the next room. Hey, did I mention that after a major boss battle like this one, your HP and FP get completely recovered? I didn't? Well, they do, and that's a good thing because you've got another major fight coming up in just a minute and you don't have to bother recovering yourself. Go back to Seaside Town now for this royal rumble, I hope you stocked up on Fire/Ice Bombs while you could! And if you need Pick Me Up or something, go buy that somewhere else first. Seriously, this upcoming fight is brutal.
As soon as you enter Seaside Town, the Elder and all the other creepy grey people will be waiting for you. The Elder is happy that you have the Star Piece, however, he reveals that he's actually Yaridovich, one of Smithy's goons. Gosh, I'm so surprised. Suck-up that he is (twist it *shudder*), Yarid wants to bring that pesky Star Piece back to Smithy as a present. He'll demand the Star Piece from Mario, and I know you'd love to tell him to get bent, but just give it to him, okay? Trust me, you'll be rewarded later. If you say no, Yarid will wander off and repeatedly tickle torture the real Elder until you agree. So he takes the Star and scampers off with his creepy minions, which would be your cue to follow him. There's some staurs leading up to the top-left corner of the screen, that's where Yarid went. He's waiting by the water's edge and whining about how his ride (Blade) is late. Just as he decides to swim away and avoid fighting Mario, good old Jonathan Jones and some Bandana Blues hop out of the water and block off his escape. Apparently, Johnny isn't too happy with Yarid trying to steal his present to Mario. Johnny also calls Mario his mate, hehehehe. Seeing no way out, Yarid and the creepy people ditch their disguises to form the real Yaridovich, a big tall knife-looking dude with a funky cape. Needless to say, you have to fight him now.
Yaridovich is TOUGH, I personally find him to be one of the toughest baddies in the game. If you don't have Mallow on your team, this battle will be even harder. Yarid's got magic attacks that do massive amounts of damage, such as Water Blast (hits all), Meteor Blast (hits all), Static E!, Willy Wisp and Bolt. Sometimes he'll use Mirage Attack to create a clone of himself, you'll need to figure out which one's the real Yarid and clobber him for a while. The easiest way to do that is to use Mallow's Thunderbolt, the real Yarid will take less damage from it than the clone. Even if you don't figure out which one's the real Yarid, his clone will merge back into him after a few turns. Yarid takes the most damage from Mario's Masher, Mallow's Shocker, Geno's Geno Beam and Bowser's Hurly Gloves. He's got 1500 HP and can't heal. And when all is said and done, Mario gets his Star Piece back, the game points out that it's a bad thing that Smithy wants the Star Pieces too, and Johnny will have left a little note for Mario nearby. Yaridovich also dropped a key ever-so-conviniently, so grab that and go over to that locked building at the left side of Seaside Town to release the real townspeople. They all thank Mario, and the Elder will give him a Flower Box. If you had let him get tickle tortured, his gift would be a lesser item depending on how many times you irked Yarid into tickling him. One time I let the poor guy get tickled about 20 times, and he only gave me one coin. :D
Now that that's done, Seaside is back to normal. It's a great place with lots of neat shops, start off by going to the Weapon and Armor Shop. The little pink mushroom person has tons of outdated and weak junk weapons, but amidst the riffraff is a Parasol for Toadstool and a Double Punch for Geno. Buy those and continue on your merry way. My favourite is Mushroom Boy's shop. Bring this super-kewl hippie dude some Mushrooms, and he might give you rare items like Flower Tabs and Rock Candy (a great group attack item), depending on whether he finds a rare Mushroom. There's no way for a layman like Mario to tell a rare Mushroom from a common one, so just get lots of Mushrooms from the Forest Maze if you feel like getting some free stuff. This is the only constant source of Rock Candy in the game, so whenever you're running low on group attack items, bring a whole mess of Mushrooms to Mushroom Boy. The main thing you need to do here is go see the Elder again, he'll tip you off on the location of another mysterious star. He mentions a town of reformed monsters beyond Land's End where he's heard tell of a star. He also says that he doesn't know exactly where the town is, but that following the road will get Mario there. Sheer genius, that. Once you're done checking out Seaside Town, do like the old man says and hop along to Land's End.
11. Land's End
Land's End sounds like it'd be some kind of scary desert or something, but it's actually kinda cheerful looking, like Mushroom Way with a few cliffs thrown in. You'll need to use cannons to reach higher levels, time your launch right to get high enough. Fire just before the little chime sound and you'll go the farthest. You'll notice a flying treasure chest, first beat the Chows to get them out of your way. Get onto that little piece of land the cannon sits on and Y-jump towards the hole, you should find a floating yellow block. Hop onto this block with the help of the cannon, and Y-jump towards the hole again. You'll find a second yellow block. Get onto that block with the help of the cannon, and you'll be able to reach the flying treasure chest, which contains...a Frog Coin. The hell kind of ripoff is this?! Wait a sec, get back onto the higher yellow block and explore that L-shaped ledge near the flying chest. You'll find an invisible treasure chest containing a KeroKeroCola. Now THAT's more like it! So in the area after the flying chest, you'll find a bunch of high platforms with Geckits on them. Y-jump across, if you time it right you won't even need to fight any of them. If you fall off these platforms, there's a Geckit-free cannon that'll launch you back up, try jumping over this cannon to see Mario do a cute little routine of realising that he's standing on air and spazzing, like Wile E. Coyote or something. After this is a bunch of spinning launch flowers, you remember how to use these, right? And after the flying foliage fun, you'll meet up with one of those cute little Shaman. He's running the Sky Bridge, which is a fancy name for a bunch of Donut Blocks hanging over a moderately high gap. He'll charge you 5 coins to cross, and you can choose between the Normal, Special or Expert courses. Take the Normal course, it's easiest, unless you feel like challenging the Expert course for a Frog Coin. You just jump across the blocks and try not to get hit by the Bullet Guys, it's easy once you get the hang of it. Once you get to the other side, the Shaman will ask if you want to recross the bridge for double the winnings. I'll assume that you're not dumb enough to do all that work for 5 more coins. Only do this if you're out to get Frog Coins and you're super-talented at jumping.
So anyways, once you've crossed the Sky Bridge, you'll wind up in the desert and a little mouse dude will ask you if you're going to Monstro Town. Well, say yes on account of the fact that you are. He'll advise you to jump into the whirlpools where the ant pops up. Um...okay, that's helpful. There's a Save Box nearby and a springboard to take you back to the Sky Bridge, if you want to pester the Shaman some more before you start leaping into random whirlpools. Take the path leading to the left. Now, in the Land's End area and certain other places, there's a weird little cloud baddy that appears at random and flies around. It avoids you too, it's a slippery little devil to catch. If you see one, don't leave the area because it won't be there when you come back, corner it and jump on it to start the fight. Upon entering the battle screen, you won't see anything at all and your physical attacks will always miss this monster, whose name at the moment is Formless. You need to hit it with a magic attack for it to reveal itself, and the game even messes up on its name. Attack Mokuka/Mokura with your regular A attacks, it has about 600 HP. Watch out, it has strong magic. You should always fight a Mokura when you see one, because you get lots of Exp. Points for winning, and you sometimes get rare items like Royal Syrup. Royal Syrup is much like the Max Mushroom, it's really hard to find and it restores all Flower Points.
But I digress, back to the desert navigation! Just as the wandering rat reported, some of the skeery whirlpools in the sand have a Shogun hopping in and out of them. Jump on the bug's head and it'll attack you, needless to say. You're going to be soooooo sick of fighting these guys by the time you reach Monstro Town, but don't let your HP get low, their Carni-Kiss does loads of damage and they can mess you up bad if you're not paying attention. When you're done fighting the Shogun in a given whirlpool, keep an eye on which whirlpool it came from, since the whirlpools often move around. Jump into the whirlpool the ant came from. After you do this correctly a few times, you'll be in an area with a path leading to the top-right. Sorry folks, we're not there yet. This path just leads you to a big tall cliff that you won't be able to climb until later, and you'll find the wandering rat dude again. Beat one more Shogun and hop into its whirlpool, and you'll be underground. That's good, right? Yes, yes it is. Nearby is a treasure chest with a Star in it, so run around and beat some baddies. Then jump down the hole (conviniently marked with a sign saying "In"), and you'll be in a room full of Geckits. Don't worry, they don't move, they'll just sit there and stare at you with their big creepy bug-eyes....Brrr. Behind a bunch of crates is a Shaman who'll sell you a Star for 400 coins, go ahead and buy that if you can afford it. Otherwise, carefully walk past all the Geckits and save them for when you can afford the Star. After this star, the Shaman will sell you a pricier Star later on, after the Geckits have returned. Creepy creepy creepy, they are, nya....
Now we're in Belome Temple. Yep, that big slobbering loser Belome has a temple. As you wander through this nice-looking place, you'll find a Shaman offering a springboard shortcut to the surface for 100 coins. Don't do it, you'll just get fired back into the desert whirlpool area of Land's End. After this kyute little scam artist, there'll be another Shaman beside 3 Belome-like switches on the wall. This Shaman isn't too bright, he wants 50 coins for a fortune-telling, despite the fact that there's a treasure chest right beside him with 50 coins in it. I apologise in advance to all the cheapskates out there, you have to cough up that 50 coins to continue the game. The Shaman will advise you to hit the 3 Belome switches in any order you like, and then he'll disappear. So, do what he says already! Right, middle, left is a good order, the order you hit the switches is determines your prize in a moment. With the fortune comes a great big brick, which is your stepping stone to continue Mario-tachi's delightful stroll through private property. Hitting the switches in the right-to-left order I suggested leads you to a treasure chest with 100 coins in it, feel free to come back here later and experiment with different switch combos. After whatever your fortune prize was, you'll find more coins, and then another one of those charming Shaman beside a Belome switch. Apparently, your fortune from this switch determines which room you enter next. If the fortune mentions visiting hours, then you just suck, my friend. All you'll find in the next room is a big freaky gold Belome who demands a key that you don't have. You'll have to go back and get a new fortune, make sure you hit the 3 Belome switches in a different order than you did last time. However, if the single-switch fortune is Belome's entire thought process (that is, bitching and whining about being hungry), then you're on the right track. Heal up your party and take the elevator block to the next area. You'll find, surprise surprise, Belome. How the hell did he survive the Kero Sewers encounter?! Oh, who cares, you have to clobber him again for no real reason at all, besides the fact that Belome now wants to eat all of Mario-tachi instead of just Mallow. Twist it! Walk over to the gimpy Shih Tzu to begin the battle.
This Belome battle is a tad different than the last one. Our fat canine friend has learned a new trick: cloning people, he'll make a dodgey show of slurping up a random battle team member and making a clone of them. Don't worry, he doesn't swallow anyone like he did to poor Mallow last time. Ignore these pesky Mario-tachi clones for now and focus on beating he tar out of Belome. Use Mario's Super Jump, Mallow's Shocker, Geno's Geno Beam and Bowser's Hurly Gloves. If the clones really start getting on your nerves, use Mallow's Snowy or Geno's Blast to kick some widespread booty. Belome uses annoying group-status-and-damage attacks like Aurora Flash, he has about 1200 HP and can't heal. When you beat him, he snivels a bit about getting defeated AGAIN, then wanders off to find a meal that doesn't whoop quite so much ass. Just polish off the remaining Mario-tachi clones and you're through here. Interestingly enough, Belome says that Mario tastes sour, Mallow's yummy beyond all reason (not that we're surprised ^_~), Geno's fine despite a slight bitter flavour, Bowser's nasty-tasting, and the lovely Toadstool tastes peachy (heh, cute). Isn't that good to know?
Once you're done kicking crack-dog booty, a big green button will appear. Don't push it, it'll destr-ah, forget it. Push the button, obviously, it'll open up your next pathway. You'll see the wandering rat dude yet again, follow him down the pipe to reach our long-sought destination; Monstro Town! It's a charming little place where the houses are dug into a cliff face. First things first, run over to the far right side of the city and jump into that hole in the ground, it's beside some crates and bushes. There's a Save Box in there. Next things next, let's go bust into some people's houses! The house up the stairs is the Dojo, a little guy named Jinx and Bowser's pal Jagger live there. More on that in the Side Quest section. Back on ground level, the rightmost house is home to the Three Musty Fears, they're some nice ghosts who let you catch 40 winks in their bed. They'll also play a game with Mario, more on that in the Side Quest section. Mario-tachi's next stop is the Item Shop (hey, that rhymes!), it's run by Bowser's pal Goomba. Nice original name, that. He apologises for ditching the B-Man and offers to help the group stock up to make up for it. Goomba even gets his kids to say hi to "Uncle Bowser", squeeee! Bowser forgives the freaky 'shroom-thing, and everybody's happy. Goomba doesn't have the greatest stock in the world, although he's got nice goodies for Bowser. The Spiked Link is as whoopass as it looks, but unfortunately the CourageShell only benefits Bowser's Magic Defense, you're probably better off with the Work Pants. And then you've got your standard fare, Maple Syrup, Pick Me Ups, Mid Mushrooms, blah blah blah. Stock up and make sure you carry lots of Syrups. Magic attacks are our friends, especially if Toadstool's on your battle team. And Goomba's kids will sell you Mushrooms, isn't that cute? Err, no, not really, they're defective Mushrooms. They'll recover 30 HP, but you can't use them on the same party member who selected them in battle, and they'll turn anyone who uses them into a Mushroom unless their equipped accessory prevents that. Mushroom Boy won't even take them! What a ripoff! See, this is why, when I play video games, I throw small children-things off cliffs whenever possible!
But I digress, back to exploring Monstro Town. When you're done with the nostalgia and cuteness of Goomba's shop, carry on leftwards. The next door has been sealed. Okay, whatever. In the house after that, a piranha plant says that he hears the guy next door muttering about a crystal. More on this suspicious situation in the Side Quests section. In the piranha plant's house, you'll also find a Chow who offers you prizes beyond your wildest dreams if you can Super Jump 30 times or more in one shot. More on this in the Side Quests section. And there's also a Thwomp, whom you won't find mentioned in the Side Quests section. :p Talk to him 7 times, he'll pound the ground each time. And when you leave, that key above the house will have been shaken down! If you feel like it, go back into Belome Temple and hit the Belome fortune switches in the order left-middle-right. That'll lead you to the gold Belome, give him the key and he'll give you lots of kewl free stuff. Done? OK then, on to the final house in Monstro Town. It's got a special archway, so you know somebody important probably lives there. Yep, it's a mushroom chickie named Monstermama! She's the head honcho of Monstro Town, not that her name gave it away or anything like that. Mario will pantomime that he's looking for a star, and Monstermama will direct him upstairs. There's been a little mix-up though, because all you'll find upstairs is a Zeostar. She'll do a little dance for you and play a tune. Charming creature, but she's definately not what Mario-tachi is looking for. Also upstairs is that wandering Rat Funk we met a while ago and a Chester, not that we care about them. Go back downstairs and chat with Monstermama, she'll gush about the fricking great Zeostar, until Mario clarifies his pantomime a bit to say that he's looking for a Star Piece. According to 'Mama, there's not a whole lot of land left to search in and Mario will have to go UP, which requires climbing that big scary cliff at Land's End. So she calls in a favour from her pal Sergeant Flutter and his Sky Troopas. Flutter's a Paratroopa with illusions of grandeur, but he's totally whipped for Monstermama so he agrees to "Get Mustache over the cliff." The Sky Troopas zip off to Land's End to wait for Mario, and Monstermama wishes him luck. That would be your cue to leave.
You can walk all the way to the Land's End cliff, but if you can spare the coins it's much easier to use the springboard in Belome Temple. Yes, the springboard guarded by that cheap little Shaman. However you get there, you'll arrive just in time to watch Sergeant Flutter and the Sky Troopas assemble at the cliff face, and Flutter instructs Mario to climb the cliff by hopping on the Troopas' shells. Well, isn't that clever! If you're any good at jumping, this is pretty easy. If you complete the climb really fast, Flutter will give Mario a nifty little accessory called the Troopa Pin, it boosts defenses a little bit and cranks up Speed. I haven't gotten it yet and I usually take about 14 seconds to scale the cliff, I think you need to do it in under 10 seconds. Once I got a time of 12.68 seconds and Flutter gave Mario a Frog Coin, I just felt cheap then. Well, now that we've got that nasty natural obstacle out of the way, let's carry on to the next charmingly scenic area on our journey: Bean Valley!
Waaaaait just a second there, you didn't really think I'd go this long without pestering you into another entirely necessary side quest, did you? You silly goose, you. That Zeostar back in Monstro Town has a really catchy tune to dance to, and our high-strung friend Toadovsky just loves other people's catchy tunes. Go to Tadpole Pond and play the Zeostar's tune for him. You're supposed to figure it out by ear, but since you're reading a walkthru I'll assume that you want the information handed to you on a silver platter. OK then, the tune is "La Ti Do Re So Do Re Mi". Toadovsky will freak out and give you a Soprano Card, which lets you buy KeroKeroColas from the Juice Bar. Woohoo! But Toadovsky's not done yet, he needs to rip off one more tune to finish his little composition, and decides that Mario's just the guy for the job. So the plumber man hustles his festively plump little butt over to the composing rock, and you can make up your own song. Then you hear the whole thing in a lovely orchastra format, don't you feel special? Everybody seems to love this song, despite the fact that it's one big copyright infringement. And you can change the song's ending whenever you want. Now that we're finished with the music lesson, feel free to continue saving the world. Oh yeah, and before you continue, you might want to go visit Samus. That's right, the heroine of the Metroid series has stopped by Mario's world for a minature vacation. She's taking a nap in the guest bedroom of Peachie's castle, she'll only be there for a little while so you should go see Sammy now if you're going to. OK, now you can continue saving the world. Honest. I'll shut up about side quests now. Back to Bean Valley!
Ah, Bean Valley. Haven of dead grass and killer bees. Well okay, it's more cheerful than that, but still! You'll notice 2 warp pipes, don't go down the top-left one, it's the stupidest dead end ever. Go down the bottom-right pipe, then through the trhe next pipe you find. You'll come up in an area with some Stingers guarding yet another pipe and a path. Go down the pipe first, you'll pick up a Flower from a treasure chest, then take the path. This area has 5 warp pipes guarded by mini piranha plants, which grow to full vicious maturity when the nearby Shy Away waters them. You'll have to fight the mature piranha plant to go down its pipe, definately go down all the pipes because there's nifty free stuff. You'll find a few treasure chests with roulettes in them; 2 or 3 mushrooms gets you an HP Mushroom, 2 or 3 flowers gets you a Flower, and 2 or 3 stars gets you a Rock Candy. And 1 of everything gets you a fight with a nasty vicious box monster...so try to avoid doing that. In the pipe area with the stairs, the treasure chest right beside the warp pipe has this nasty vicious box monster anyways, his name is Box Boy and he's got about 800 HP. Fight him for the Exp. Points, he's basically the same as all the other box monsters you've fought. Use the group's A attacks with the exception of Mario and Geno, use their Super Jump and Geno Beam. Keep your group's HP up, Box Boy has Carni-Kiss and that move is brutal! So when you're done with Box Boy, walk to the top corner of the bottom floor and jump to find a Frog Coin. Climb the stairs and jump on the springboard to find a small area with another Frog Coin.
So whenever you're done exploring baddie-infested warp pipes, save your game and carry on to the next area. You'll find another Shy Away watering a lone piranha plant on a warp pipe. Seems simple enough, right? Wrong, this piranha plant is your latest boss and its name is Smilax. The Shy Away is persistant and will keep watering Smilax to make it stronger during the battle. The frightful foliage has a few mildly annoying moves like Pollen Nap, and some fire attacks. It's really nothing to worry about until the big piranha head, Mega Smilax, shows up. Use your A attacks on smaller heads and attack Mega Smilax with the Masher, Shocker, Hand Gun and Spiked Link as applicable. Toadstool is handy to have on the team for this fight despite her lack of offensive skill, Mega Smilax has S'crow Dust and Petal Dance, which are annoying status-inducing attacks. Her Group Hug is like a Freshen Up and Megalixer combined for only 4 FP. Also, Mallow's Snowy is reasonably effective against multiple Smilax heads. The smaller Smilax heads have 200 HP each, and Mega Smilax has 1000 HP. None of them can heal. As soon as you beat the nasty weed, Shy Away will scold you for what you did and freak out because "Queen Valentina told me to keep everyone out of Nimbus Land." His ideal solution: Flee like a sissy. And that's just what he does. As the cowardly bug-esque thing retreats, you'll notice a note flutter to the ground. Attached to the note is a Seed, you can leave it there for later if you want, or take it if you've got room in your item inventory. The Seed is very important, it'll come into play later. So don't be an idiot and sell it or anything, kay?
And now you can claim the spoils of your victory by going down that warp pipe. You'll wind up in an area with nothing interesting, just a funny-looking floating brick. As if you need me to tell you to walk under it and jump! A beanstalk will grow out of the brick and Mario will just about mess himself. And the game will point out that it's a beanstalk. Holy keen observations, Captain Obvious! You have to hit the brick again to climb the beanstalk, so do that and Mario will shimmy up the crazy plant, just like in the good old NES and SNES days. You'll wind up in the clouds. Oooh, aaah. There's more vines to climb and some vulture-looking guard things called Birdys, which are about as threatening as Koopa Troopas (ie. not much). You'll have to jump from vine to vine and this can get annoying, just look at the vines' shadows on the clouds and keep the game's perspective in mind. Sometimes a defeated Birdy will produce a yellow block to help you out, too. There's even a note on the first vine with a plant-climbing tutorial, it's put out by the Nimbus Deptartment of Transportation. Isn't it cute how the game tries to make the Marioverse's monarchies seem more democratic? Enough with the politics, climb those annoying vines and try not to drive yourself crazy over the coins that are hard to get because of 3/4 overhead view's trippyness. After a while, you'll emerge on a cloud with 2 springboard and the music will have taken on a nice flutey sound. Congratulations, you're in Nimbus Land! There's another hole in this cloud that you can jump down, but there isn't anything important there at the moment, so don't worry about it. The springboard to your right will take you back to the map screen, and the happy face springboard to your left will take you to Nimbus Land. Needless to say, take the happy face one.
13. Nimbus Land
Mario arrives in the cloud city of Nimbus Land to find a bunch of people milling around in front of the castle. These people look oddly like Mallow. Hmmmm. Out of the castle comes a curvy chick with a bird for hair, her name is Valentina and she's the most lovely, charming psycho bitch you could ever hope to meet. She announces to the public that King Nimbus is getting sicker and that he's prolly gonna kick the bucket soon, but that she's found the missing Prince Mallow. Missing Prince Mallow, our little orphan buddy Mallow...Time to put 2 and 2 together, folks. With no small amount of difficulty, Valentina's supposed Prince Mallow emerges from the small castle doorway, he's an extremely fat toucan with a Roman helmet. We find out later that the bird is actually named Dodo and he's Valentina's flunky. Although, the term "bitch" seems more appropriate than "flunky" in this case. Anyways, the Nimbus people aren't the sharpest knives in the drawer, so they happily welcome "Prince Mallow" back and compliment his figure. Carrying on the charade, Valentina agress to become "Prince Mallow"'s queen, and the slow-witted Nimbus people happily accept that too. Valentina and Dodo go back into the castle and the Nimbus people disperse, which brings us back to Mario. Our Mallow hops out and points out that...the prince here has the same name as him. Geez, and I thought MARIO had taken too many blows to the head...You'd think that the rest of Mario-tachi would hop out to smack Mallow upside his dumb head, or that Mario would at least facefault, but noooo, Mallow chirps something about this place sucking and the need to find Star Pieces and then re-enters Mario without incident. Ah well, let's go stock up, the Item Shop is right over there to your left.
I like the Nimbus Land houses, they're funky tent-like places made of vines. Like a treehouse, except that the tree is the house and the clouds are the tree. But I digress. The storekeeper here is charming, but he won't sell you any of his crack. What he WILL sell you is a full roster of upgraded weapons and armour for everyone other than Bowser (his supplies were in Monstro Town, after all). Buy all the necessary weapons and the full line of Fuzzy clothing. Hehe, everybody else gets a lame Fuzzy thing while Bowser gets the CourageShell, we all know who's the kewl member of THIS group! :D Plus, Toadstool now has the impressive-sounding War Fan as her weapon, her stuff gets better from here on in and she slowly gains the ability to attack and do damage. At the same time, even! Outside of the Item Shop, the Inn is at the far left of the city. It's expensive, 30 coins per night with the option of a 30-coin Dream Pillow. More on the Dream Pillow in the Side Quest section. The Birdy guards won't let you into the castle, so go to that house to the left of the castle instead.
The game quickly informs us that this is the residence of some dude named Garro, and he's a sculptor judging by all the statues. Talking to Garro causes him to introduce himself and whine that all he does lately is make statues of Valentina. Yeah yeah, we've all got problems buddy, what are you going to do? Call Super Mario? *pauses for irony's sake* Yeah, so one of these statues is a spitting image of Mallow, go over to it and Mallow will hop out and agree with me. Garro says that the statue is of King Nimbus when he was young, and then notices the striking similarity between Mallow and the statue. Mallow introduces himself, still completely dense to the fact that he's a prince, and introduces Mario just because he's a nice little fluff like that. So Garro beats it through Mallow's skull that he's royalty, and Fluffo obviously freaks out. Mario then uses his peeky shapeshifting thing to explain Mallow's life story to Garro. And Mallow's all easily amused, "Mario! Look at me! I'm a prince!" Um, hehe, yes, very good Mallow! Everyone else got that 5 minutes ago, but GOOD FOR YOU! With this fact out of the way, Garro goes on to say that King Nimbus must not be sick and that the seemingly innocent Valentina is a sneaky lying conniving cow. Mallow charges off to go save Mommy and Daddy, but gets shot down by the guards quicker than you can say "Attention Defecit Disorder". That's OK, we still respect him. With that, Garro gets a most excellent idea and asks Mario to come over to the stove, without explaining this idea. Mallow wisely hops back into Mario to avoid whatever Garro's about to do, and walking over to the sculptor will cause him to ask Mario if he's ready. Dodgey as this sounds, don't worry about it, just trust this random person you met 3 minutes ago. You can get him to wait if you're not done stocking up at the Item Shop or whatever. Whenever you're ready, give Garro the go-ahead and he'll cover Mario in gold to look like a statue. And then Garro hauls Mario off (with a Valentina statue for authenticity's sake) to the castle to deliver him. Isn't Garro a genius?
Garro really IS a genius, during this next little movie sequence we see how talented he is at 103%ing (a.k.a. making crap up). He tells the guards that the funny-looking statue is Valentina's nephew Mariotta. And when Valentina herself questions the Mario statue, he passes it off as fine artwork. "It's called...'A Plumber's Lament'. Observe...the thick mustache...covering the sad, innocent smile of a simple fool...And the sideburns, conveying his blue-collar roots. And the legs...well defined...Strong. The legs of the masses!" And Valentina buys it! Hee hee, if I were that good at lying, I'd do my homework, oh, about once every never! So Her Royal Bitchiness starts squawking for Dodo to carry in the statues. "Don't just sit there like a roast!" Mmmm, roast....Dodo gives a nearby Valentina statue a good solid pecking, and then does as his mistress commands. Methinks somebody's unhappy with their job.
When next we find Mario, he's been placed on a lovely pedestal alongside some more Valentina statues. They're in an otherwise empty room that no one seems to enter, but maybe 'Tina's just kooky like that. As soon as Dodo leaves you can hop down and walk around. The next room has a Save Box, save your game. Right now. Seriously. There's another mini-game coming up that you really don't want to lose. Now, as soon as you open the door to leave, Valentina will be right there. Whoopsie doodle! Mario manages to avoid being seen, and eavesdrops like you'd expect him to. 'Tina's just screeching at Dodo to polish her statues, and generally verbally abusing the poor bird. Mario dashes back to his pedestal, and the game advises you on the upcoming event. Dodo will shuffle in and systematically peck all the statues to vent his frustration. You have to jump at just the right time, so that you avoid getting pecked but Dodo somehow doesn't notice that the statue has moved. Watch for him to wind up for a peck, and jump as his beak is coming towards you. Pay attention to the music, it'll help you figure out Dodo's timing. If you jump too soon or get pecked, Dodo will run off and tell Valentina that the statue was moving and the game will start over. Unlike the Booster mini-game, you only have 2 tries before you have to fight Dodo. You should restart from the Save point if you fail twice, it's not worth the trouble to fight the turkey. If you successfully avoid getting pecked/spotted, Dodo will drop a Feather, this goodie cranks up the wearer's Speed and gives a slight boost to the defenses.
Now that we've evaded the resident avian's aggressive endeavours, let's wander around! Except that you can't, because as soon as you leave the Save Box room, Mario will hear some Birdy guards approaching. He hops onto an ever-so-convinient empty pedestal and acts like a statue, just in time for the two Birdys to flutter by and whine about how much their jobs suck. They agree that Dodo's job sucks worse than theirs, and demonstrate how they'd "polish" the statues. With their spears. And Mario happens to be the nearest statue. After a few minutes of this prodding, the plumber can't take it anymore and he spazzes. He somehow manages to throw off that purdy shiny statue disguise, too. The Birdys freak and scamper off to dispose of all their drugs. Well, now that the statue camouflage fun is over, it's time to investigate the castle, old-skool! By whoop-assing your way through, booyah! Nimbus Castle has kind of a confusing layout, but everything sorta connects to each other, so you'll get where you're going if you wander around enough. From where Mario is right now, on the pedestal, the bottom-left path leads you straight out of the building. Those Birdy guards outside are gone (logic? What logic?) and you can go in and out of the castle at will now. Remember that if you run out of items.
First off, take the top-left path. You'll be on an overhead walkway sorta thing, jump down to the lower level and grab that treasure chest. It's got a Flower in it. Leave this area and, after a corridor with a Pinwheel fan in it, you'll find yourself back in the castle lobby where Valentina first saw A Plumber's Lament. Go through the door to your right to get back to the pedestal you started from. Go through door to the top-right and through the Shyguy-infested corridor to find a room with a Birdy statue and a treasure chest. The statue is a real Birdy who ripped off Garro's idea, he'll attack if you get too close. The treasure chest has an HP Mushroom in it, you probably don't need it right now, so save it for when you do. After this room, you'll find a place with three doors, the middle one of which is being guarded by a Heavy Troopa, and some other random baddies are milling about. You have to fight some Shamans, which I personally hate doing because they were so NICE before, why can't we all just get along?! Anyways, go to the top-left end of this room and grab the Flower in the treasure chest. Then go into the rightmost door and fight through the monsters to find another Flower. The middle door is locked, so logic dictates that the key is somewhere in the bowels of the left door. Logic would be right; after 2 rooms of baddies you'll find a Save Box and some prisoner Nimbus people. Talk to them all and you'll end up with Castle Key 1 and a Flower Jar just for being so charming. Schweeeet....Now go beat the Heavy Troopa guard and unlock that mysterious middle door, obviously.
Inside we find a big pink-spotted egg, and our little ol' pal Shy Away...um...watering it...crack kills. He sees Mario, has a spazz attack and tries to make a getaway through the other door, but this one's locked too. The egg takes this as its cue to laugh evilly. So go over and talk to the egg, it'll claim to be lonely and ask Mario to play with it. As thoroughly scary as this is, you have to say yes to progress in the game....And the egg takes you into battle. Gee, I'm so freaking surprised, everything in this game attacks you sooner or later. Mario-tachi probably can't even eat breakfast without the bacon and hash browns making an attempt on their lives. At first it's just an innocent little egg sitting there, you have to attack it to break open the shell and reveal the mystery creature inside. Just use your A button attacks for a while and the shell will fall away to reveal...Birdo! *cue terrified screaming* She attacks by spitting eggs, apparently you can reflect these by guarding at the right time but I've never quite figured that out. Just use your physical attacks, she's not that tough and magic attacks aren't very effective on her anyways. Birdo has 777 HP and can't heal. Just before her defeat, Birdo will call Mario-tachi cute, as if we don't have enough mental scars already. Back in the field, Birdo's miraculously intact egg will toss out Castle Key 2, which lets you leave through the locked door and carry on the quest to free the parents of The Fluff-Boy Currently Known As Prince. Joy!
This area has a Pinwheel that will blow you onto a lower level and waste your time, so just attack the stupid thing and get it out of your way. I got an Ice Bomb as a random prize from fighting this particular Pinwheel, and if that isn't kewl I don't know what is. There's a Jawful guarding the next door, but you don't have to fight him, you can just jump over his fork, hehehehe. And in the next corridor, we find a note on the wall near a locked door. According to Valentina, King Nimbus is resting in here and isn't to be disturbed. Psh, since when do we listen to gals with a BIRD for hair?! Mallow hops out to state the obvious, that his mom and dad are in there, and Bowser emerges to offer his services as a door-smasher. "Looks like it's up to me to get us out of yet another jam. Feast your eyes on this show of brains...and brawn!" Teehee, Bowser's so great. ^_^ He's just about to smash the door down when Mallow trips him (hee!) and says that if his dad's really sick then it wouldn't be a good idea to make so much noise. Mallow advises forcing the truth out of Valentina instead. I guess it hasn't filtered through his head yet that Valentina's a lying ho-bag. So Mallow hops back into Mario, just in time to recieve a hissy fit from Bowser, who then piles back into the Mariomobile as well. *ponders* Must be crowded in there, Mario's not exactly a limousine of physical space. Shy Away takes this oppertunity to flutter by, whining for Valentina. So follow the bug-thing, needless to say.
After another Heavy Troopa guard, you'll wind up in the throne room, where Shy Away interrupts Dodo's latest session of verbal abuse. He tells Valentina that the "Mario creature" who mauled Smilax is here, and she asks what a Mario looks like. "Well...it has a bushy mustache, long sideburns and, uh, a pair of...mean looking legs...!" Proving that she's smarter than most turnips, 'Tina figures out that Garro's statue must be the same Mario as this guy Shy Away's talking about. Shy Away freaks out, causing Valentina to diss him and claim that she has no reason to worry because she has the key to King Nimbus' room and everything's perfectly under control. Of course, after making a claim like that, something has to go wrong. Dodo notices that Mario's been standing in the doorway all this time and eventually points this out to his PMSing mistress. Mallow takes this oppertunity to hop out, make a hissy Bowser-esque threat and charge like an enraged fluffy bull, except that he trips like a dork.And then he recovers his dignity enough to tell 'Tina that he's the real prince, not that she's concerned. "Brat! And how DARE you listen in on a private conversation...!", to which Mallow quips, "Private? PRIVATE?! Everyone in a 10 mile radius could hear you!" I guess bad guys can't take wit as well as they dish it out, because Valentina and her flunkies run away while Mario and Mallow stand there like losers. Mallow points out that that was a pretty loserish way to let the villains escape. *Navi impression* Hey! Hey! LEESTEN! So anyways, follow the fleeing wrongdoers through the throne room's back door. If you try to leave the way you came, Mallow will just whine that you're going the wrong way.
Valentina's escape route is crawling with guards, of course. They're Bluebirds, an upgraded version of Birdys with a bit more HP and a few magic attacks. In the first area, you'll find a Save Box and a few Bluebirds. The second area has a floating treasure box, jump underneath it and a yellow block will appear to help you reach it. The treasure chest contains a Star that doesn't last very long, so bump off a few Bluebirds and Dodo, he's in the area after the treasure chest and he's very slowly getting away. And as you exit the area you found Dodo in, you'll find that the escape route leads to...absolutely nothing except a long way to fall. Mario plummets through the clouds, posing cheerfully as he does so. Yes, there's a way to get those treasure chests, I'll get to that later. Our vertically ungifted hero bounces to a halt near a few Nimbus guards, these guys are keeping non-royal people out of the hot springs and they claim Mario doesn't look royal. Well, there's no need to be rude about it. Take the springboard back to the cloud that lets you leave Nimbus Land. Don't go up to the city just yet! Go to Monstro Town first, take a nap and stock up. Also, make sure that the middle member of your battle trio is a good fighter on their own. This is important for the upcoming fight, use the Switch function to change your members around if necessary. OK, now you can go back to Nimbus Land.
Upon entering Nimbus Land, we see that Valentina is trying to get away, but she's been mobbed by Nimbus people who want to know whether the king is doing any better. Talk about your own schemes working against you. Mario catches up and does some rude-lookin' little taunt, and then we finally get to fight Valentina the skank-a-ho. She's...kind of frightening in battle. She's quadrupled her size, and her hooters jiggle when you hit her. Brrr. She's also holding some kind of alcoholic drink, probably because her Japanese name is Margerita, isn't that nifty? So she yells for Dodo for a while, and when the bird finally shows up he'll grab your middle team member and fly them off to fight one-on-one. This is why I told you to make sure your middle team member can fight on their own. Dodo attacks with the powerful Multistrike, time your defensive Timed Hit on the fourth peck and you'll be able to avoid taking too much damage. Dodo's Flutter Hush will Mute your fighter, if they're special-strong then I certainly hope they're wearing an anti-Mute accessory like I've been recommending. Be careful here, if this team member faints, it's Game Over despite the fact that everyone else is fine. Once you've been attacking Dodo for a few turns and taken off about 400 HP, he'll chicken out (no pun intended) and run back to Valentina's side. But thanks to the marvels of RPG gaming, we get to fight Valentina with your other 2 team members first. Once you've inflicted somewhere in the neighbourhood of 1000 HP of damage to Valentina, Dodo and your middle team member will rejoin the fight. By this point Dodo will have about 600 HP, so attack him with your A button moves and get him out of the way, he'll just stop shuffling and not attack anymore. Valentina has about 1000 HP left and your most effective attacks are your team's physical moves. She's got some strong magic attacks like Solidify and Petal Blast, but she's basically nothing to worry about. As soon as Valentina's defeated, Dodo will grab her and fly away, which is impressive considering how unfit and pudgey he is.
Back in the field, Mallow and Mario gaze upwards at the fleeing foes, not that the rest of Nimbus Land cares. Mallow suggests going after Valentina and getting the key, which is the cue for 'Tina to drop it on Mallow's head. Poor Fluffy! He takes the key and dashes into the castle to free his 'rents, and a moment later it starts raining a familiar rain, awwwww. Mario's using a sissy pink parasol to keep dry, is that Toadstool's or something from his own collection? And then Mallow comes out and signals that it's OK to come in now. We finally get to meet Mommy and Daddy Nimbus! Mallow introduces them to Mario-tachi, it seems that King Nimbus is an autograph freak. He also gets Mario to jump, that's your cue to press B and let the little man show off, it's cute because -tachi is still easily amused by such things. ^_^ Says King Nimbus, "Oh!...FANTASTIC! (Show me again later!)" If that isn't twistable, then I'm not a pervert. And it seems like poor Geno isn't going to get any more character development than correcting people when they say "Star Road" wrong. That's OK, we still respect him. Queen Nimbus then drops the hint that a star fell into the nearby volcano. King N points out that the nasty Czar Dragon lives there, but as long as his son is travelling with a misfit group of famous people and picking fights with vicious things, everything should be hunky dorey. And Queen N tells you to find some dude named Hinopio. That's about all the advice we're going to get from the Nimbus family, off to find that Star Piece! Before you leave the castle, take a wander back through Valentina's escape route, that floating treasure chest now has a Flower in it. Then stop by the room where King and Queen Nimbus were held. The guard dude in there will be all chummy with Mallow and give you a Flower Jar. Yay! Carry on your way out of the castle. It's a lovely place now that Valentina's gone, King Nimbus statues abound and there's caged birds all over the place, and that nice flutey Nimbus Land music is playing instead of the stupid Valentina music. And in the room Birdo used to occupy, there's now statues of Mario-tachi! And some lady commenting that Geno looks other-worldly. Why, Nimbus Castle is so great, I could spend a whole 2 minutes in here!
Before we continue looking for those gosh darned annoying Star Pieces, there's a few events to trigger. Since everybody's able to work for the King again, they've left their houses unguarded and that sneaky Croco is in the house to the right of the castle. He's got a Signal Ring that shows him where treasure is hidden, but in his haste to run away from Mario and that bully Mallow, he drops the Signal Ring like an idiot. Scoop up this goodie for yourself, it'll chime when you're near an invisible treasure chest. Unfortunately, it has to be equipped to a member of your battle trio, I'd save this for when you know you're not going to be doing any fighting. Now, you fought Valentina and Dodo, but where did Shy Away go? Easy, press up against the edge of the clouds, right outside the house Croco was in. You'll find an invisible path, and at the end of this path is Shy Away. Apparently he got ideas from Croco and was making a pitiful attempt to hide, but he gives you some Fertilizer to let him go. Um, I dunno about you, but if somebody gave me a bag of animal crap, I think I'd be MORE inclined to beat on them. You've got the Seed and the Fertilizer, now what do you do? Go to Rose Town, at the top-right of the town you'll find an exit that wasn't there before. This leads to the gardener's house, the wandering mouse from Monstro Town was talking about this guy. He's a crazy old dude, and he goes even crazier when you give him the Seed and Fertilizer. His high-speed ranting causes Mario to get dizzy and pass out. "Short attention span?" says the gardener, "Yes, you might say I have fertilizer on the brain. " No kidding. So the gardener plants the Seed in a big pot, and a big beanstalk grows out of it. This old guy needs to lay off the coffee, or the drugs, or SOMETHING. One time I had 3 cups of coffee and then sat through a movie, which makes me fidgety, and then I had more coffee, and I still wasn't as hyper as the gardener is now! But I digress. There's a giant beanstalk now, and we all know what to do with giant beanstalks. Go outside and hop up onto the crates to reach the beanstalk and climb it. You'll reach a cloud with 2 treasure chests, both of them contain a Lazy Shell. Actually, each Lazy Shell does something different. One is a weapon for Mario, it's his strongest weapon in the game. The other Lazy Shell is armour that can be worn by any team member, it makes your defenses crazy-high, but it reduces your attack abilities to practically nothing. A lot of people give this to Toadstool and make her the designated healer. Back to Nimbus Land. The only other thing you might want to do is go talk to Garro, Mallow comes out and thanks him, blah blah blah. And stocking up on supplies would be a good idea. Now we can mosey on over to the volcano and see what's shakin'!
How do you get to the volcano? Piece of cake! Go to the area with the springboard to leave Nimbus Land, and drop down the upper-right hole. This brings you back to the hot spring guards, they'll let you in now that Prince Mallow is calling the shots. *sniffle* Prince Mallow...our little fluff is growing up...Anyways, you can hop into the hot springs whenever you like now, they'll heal your HP and FP. You'll also notice a note on the nearby vines advising you of the dangerous nearby volcano. And there's a little exit-looking strip of cloud. Jump off it. Yes, you have to skydive without a parachute. Mario plummets down into the bowels of Barrel Volcano towards his certain doom, only to land safely on a springboard. Who PUTS these things everywhere?! Now, if you were expecting a maze or some kind of mental workout in the volcano, you're going to be disappointed. It's an extremely easy level until you get to the Czar Dragon, you just wander around, thrash a few weak baddies, and grab a few Frog Coins. You'll notice Frog Coins floating over lava, just jump for them. Remember, lava doesn't kill or even injure Mario, he just goes flying with a lightly seared rear end. Pretty sissy volcano if you ask me, but I'm not complaining. Mazes and hard stuff hurt my brain. When you fight Corkpedites (a.k.a. stupid-looking rock things), defeat the body first, it has a nasty OHKO attack if you leave it alone. So after a whole bunch of wandering and monster-whupping, you'll find Hinopio, he looks like a robot Toad on Mexicasa night. He's glad that he's not insane quite yet, and invites Mario inside his shop/Inn/humble abode. "This place is a regular INFERNO!" Well, no poo, Sherlock. Hinopio scampers back and forth between 3 counters to run all the shops. The leftmost counter is the Item Shop, there's nothing overly amazing here, just your basic Mid Mushrooms, Maple Syrup and Pick Me Ups. The rightmost counter is the armoury, you can get the full line of Fire armour. And the middle counter is the Inn, for 30 coins you can lounge in the lap of luxury and sleep on a pile of old crates. Joy. Now, I probably should have mentioned this earlier, but Pure Water helps in the fight against the Czar Dragon. If you haven't been saving one or two of these, you can get them as random battle prizes by fighting the Vomers (Dry Bones clones) wandering around the volcano. There's a Save Box as you leave Hino Mart, you should definately save your game because there's a whole whack of boss-fighting insanity coming up. You've got a Pyrosphere-infested bridge of Donut Blocks to cross, this isn't too tough if you're halfway talented at jumping. And at the end of this bridge, the fearsome Czar Dragon lurks in wait for you. Actually, he's about as fearsome-looking as Barney the dinosaur after a nasty encounter with some gasoline and a flamethrower, but bear with me here. *chuckles* Barney on fire, ooh, I crack me up!
The Czar Dragon, like his habitat, isn't overly tough. He's got some magic attacks that pack a punch, like Water Blast and Flame Wall, but I'm sure you can deal with that. And he's sometime call up little self-destructing lava balls called Helios to help him. Mallow's Snowy and Geno's Beam or Blast work well, everyone else has their standard A button moves and healing to deal with. Czar's got 1400 HP and can't heal. But there's a catch. When you defeat him, the battle isn't over, he'll become a zombie bone-dragon (cleverly named Zombone) and pull 1800 more HP out of his ass. Pure Water, as you know, KO's ghosts and zombies instantly. But since OHKOing a major boss would be too easy, Pure Water just makes Zombone attack himself once. Use any Pure Water you've got, and your group's physical attacks. Mallow's Snowy no longer does any damage to the dragon-thing, so don't try that trick again. When Zombone goes down, the battle's over...That seemed oddly easy didn't it? Exactly. Go back to Hinopio's place to stock up and save your game again, your supplies are probably depleted from fighting the Czar Dragon and you're going to need them. Yes, I hate the Donut Block bridge as much as you do.
So after you forge your way back over that stupid bridge and past the Czar's old hangout, you'll find the 6th Star Piece sitting there and waiting for you. Isn't that nice of it. Except that when Mario grabs it and launches into his happy pose movie sequence, the Star Piece gets stolen right out of his hands. The thieves reveal themselves: they're called the Axem Rangers, they're blatant Power Rangers ripoffs, and it doesn't take a Frogfucius to figure out that they're part of Smithy's gang. Axem Red, Yellow, Green, Pink and Black gloat for no reason at all and then disappear. Hop up those convinient ledges and follow them into the next area. Here they'll pull a Croco; they'll dis Mario a bit and then lead you on a wild goose chase through the volcano. Don't bother hurrying, they're always one step ahead of you no matter how quickly you climb. Eventually the Axem Rangers will hop on a springboard and exit the volcano, which would be your cue to follow them. This heart-pounding, white-knuckle chase ends with...the Axems perched on the edge of the volcano, wondering where their ride (Blade) is. You may recall that Yaridovich had the same problem. Hehe, good old stupid Blade. After a little collective Axem bitching, Blade the giant skeery warship-thing shows up, just in time for Mario and the Rangers to hop on and have a great big battle. Here we go, more boss fight madness!
So our latest multi-coloured foes recite a little motto about how they like being evil and stuff, and then Red says that the Star Piece is bad because it gives people hope...You know, the usual bad guy drivel. And then the battle actually starts. Axem Pink has 400 HP and can heal the others, so attack her with your A moves and get her out of the way. After that, use your group magic attacks and Fire Bombs/Ice Bombs/Rock Candy to attack the Axems. Mallow, Geno and Toadstool should use their magic, Mario and Bowser can either dole out the items or pick off weakened Axems with their A moves. The Axem Rangers are actually remarkably weak defense-wise, Red has 800 HP and all the others have less than that. Just watch your team's HP and heal lots, the Axems dole out lots of powerful attacks and they'll mess you up if you're not paying attention. When an Axem Ranger runs out of HP, they'll whine to Red and then just sit quietly without attacking for the rest of the battle. I like that part, the Axems make up such pitiful excuses to not fight anymore. :D When all of the Axems are defeated, Red decides that it's time to bust out the big guns, and the fivesome (get your mind out of the gutter) go into formation with the weird Force Beam thingie behind them. Now they've got the Breaker Beam at their disposal, it takes a turn to charge in between shots but it's wicked powerful. The Axems are just one big target with 1000 HP, use Mallow's Shocker and everyone else's A button moves. When this battle's over, the Axem Rangers will go into a little bit of denial over being defeated, but they don't have time to get too angsty because Blade is starting to rumble ominously. That Force Beam thing was part of him and I guess he doesn't take kindly to it being destroyed. Mario-tachi jump ship just as Blade goes down in flames, and...Heeeey, what a pitiful little serving of Exp. Points for such a headache of a battle! Grrr...Anyways, back on the edge of Barrel Volcano, Mario reclaims the Star Piece and the game wonders to itself where the last one could be. GEE, I wonder. Once that's over and done with, you'll be back on the map screen. Let's go tell the tale to Mommy and Daddy Nimbus, shall we?
Now, if you're the type to explore new cities, you may have noticed the cloud staircase near Garro's house. This staircase simply leads to a guard dude who says that "The bus is undergoing repairs". Um, kay. Go talk the the royal family, Mallow will hop out and sum up the Barrel Volcano adventure. The Nimbus family then comes to the brilliant conclusion that the only place left to look for the final Star Piece is in Bowser's Keep, and that Mario-tachi has no way to get there. So Ma and Pa Nimbus let their son and his nice friends borrow the car. Or rather, the royal bus. Go back out to that cloud staircase and the guard will declare that the bus has been fixed and that he's heard about Mario-tachi's need to get to the Keep from King Nimbus. Errr, creepy telepathy much? Mallow does have Psychopath, maybe Nimbus people are trippy psychics! How dumb would they have to be to get fooled by Valentina then? But I digress. The royal bus pulls up, it's a stylish cloudmobile with a Lakitu driver. Mario and Mallow hops on board, becoming extremely easily amused in a kyute fashion, and the bus takes our group to Bowser's Keep. This is witnessed by a whole bunch of random people standing on Vista Hill and doing absolutely nothing like the losers they are. And the peasants rejoice!
15. Bowser's Keep
As soon as you enter Bowser's Keep, everybody's favourite Koopa hops out of Mario to mention how nice it is to be home. He also makes a vague threat against Smithy, while he's at it. Once Bowser's finished with his little moment, you can carry on the deja-vu adventuring. Wait a second though, I've got an important side quest. Well, more like a side errand. Come on, quit groaning, this one's good! Leave the Keep and drop by Moleville, the treasure hunter dude has a new item. He calls it a Metal Plate and says that he has no idea what it's for, while charging you 300 coins. This guy must have eaten too many paint chips as a child, because once you buy it you see that it's actually a Frying Pan. How can you not recognise a frying pan?! The Frying Pan is Toadstool's weapon, it's her strongest implement of destruction in the game. Fans of Super Smash Brothers Melee will recognise this charming bludgeoning device. Oh yeah, and I just thought I'd mention, now that you've reached Bowser's Keep you can go straight from the Keep to Mario's Pad, no more detours around the world! OK, that's all. And now back to Bowser's Keep to fight the good fight!
Just like last time, there's lots of pathetic baddies like Koopa Troopas milling about. They'll gladly attack Bowser and his allies, so my guess is that Smithy brainwashed them. But they still must be loyal to Bowser or at least have a survival instinct; if he's on your battle team, some baddies will quite rightfully fear him and flee the battle. Even if Bowser isn't in your battle trio, his mood will sometimes affect your opponents and make them confused. So, Bowser's feeling confused? Now I'M confused. Those must be some powerful mood swings. As you wander through the Keep (I still love the decor!), you'll notice that the Bridge O' Death from last time has been replaced with Donut Blocks. Hey, nobody ever said Smithy was detail-oriented, who can bother getting a bridge fixed when they're busy being evil and...um...stuff? In the room where Mario originally fought Bowser, you'll find a bunch of minions and a statue with a wide open mouth. Walk into the statue's mouth. And on the other side of this statue, your field of vision is extremely reduced for no apparent reason, leaving you open to attack from anything that wants a piece of Mario's festively plump booty. OK, so they're just Goombas that jump a bit. One of them jumps right off a nearby cliff, this would be funny if it weren't so pathetic. In the area after this, there's a secret room to your immediate left, where you'll find some coins and an HP Mushroom. Then you'll find a Save Box, and then...Croco! Don't worry, he doesn't feel like getting mauled by a fluffy kid today. He's started behaving oddly nicely to Mario, he advises using the Save Box and then offers to sell you some of his stuff. He's got the standard recovery items plus the full line of Fire armour, just in case you didn't feel like visiting any stupid places like the Barrel Volcano. Weird behavior from Croco aside, you definatly should save now. You should be saving ANYWAYS, but I just feel like beating the point into the ground, so sue me. And then you carry on to find...
...Six big red doors, numbered from 1 to 6. The game will ask if you want an explanation, but why do that when Pyra's here? The six doors conceal 3 different types of challenge courses: battle, action and puzzle. You need to clear 4 of the 6 courses to move on, and there's no way to tell which course a door will contain until you walk through it. What the game won't tell you is that at the end of each course, you get a special prize. The battle and action courses give you nice strong weapons for Mario-tachi, the puzzle courses give you Rock Candy and a huge headache so I'd avoid those. If you want the Rock Candy, you can always come back later and clear the puzzle courses. If you fail during a course, Mario will just black out a la Pokémon and wake up on the floor in front of those 6 doors. And as if this part of the game wasn't enough of a headache, once you've started in on the courses you can't turn back and save your game. Once you start, you have to do this all in one shot. Not to worry though, with my help it'll be cake, absolute cake I say!
Battle courses: In these, you make your way through a hallway full of statues, and at each pair of statues a red Magikoopa will appear to conjure up an opponent for you. Remember this Magikoopa, we'll see him later. The monsters you have to fight are pretty pathetic, just the same old weaklings you've been fighting throughout the game, plus a moderately tough Chester. You get 12 fights in each battle course, and at the end of them you'll find Bowser's Drill Claw and Geno's Star Gun. These goodies are Bowser and Geno's strongest weapons, so make sure you complete both battle courses.
Action courses: These make you solve minor little physical problems, like hopping on platforms over lava or dodging barrels thrown by a Donkey Kong ripoff. You've got 10 chances (a.k.a. tries) to complete each course, and each chance used makes you lose a few coins. Don't worry, you'll make up for your losses in the battle courses. Take your time in these, be patient and wait for the right timing. The action courses also have lots of free items in treasure chests, you'll find great stuff like Rock Candy, KeroKeroCola, Royal Syrup and Flowers. At the end of the action courses you'll get Mallow's Sonic Cymbal and Toadstool's Super Slap. The Sonic Cymbals are Mallow's strongest weapon, but Peachie's Frying Pan is stronger than her Super Slap.
Puzzle courses: You could complete one of these if you're having a hard time with the action course containing Toadstool's Super Slap (it's the one with the Donkey Kong parody). You'll meet the charismatic Dr. Topper, he's a Hammer Brother turned Sphinx. The puzzle courses range from SMRPG trivia (easy if you've been paying attention), to logic problems, to classic games of skill and foresight. My personal Achilles heel is Ball Solitaire, I occasionally solve it by sheer luck, but then I can never remember how I did it. It might help to have a smart friend in the room while you're trying a puzzle course. You know what they say, two heads are better than one, even if one's a head of cabbage.
At the end of your 4th completed course, the exit will look different than in the other courses. This means you're done, yay! Remember, if you missed items or something, you can always come back later and replay the courses when you're bored. Anyways, this exit leads to...no floor! Mario pantomines a bit and freaks out a la Saturday morning cartoons before falling, but it's turns out that he's not that high up after all. Wuss. You've got a Save Box here too, so that you don't have to replay the courses again. I dunno about you, but by the time I finish this part of the game I'd rather dig my heart out with a spoon than replay it. And I played through Mario RPG twice just for this walkthru, I hope you people are happy! If you're seriously low on HP and/or FP, heal up with some items before you continue.
And when you do continue, that red Magikoopa from before appears. He says in a robotic sort of way that this is Smithy's castle, and that Mario-tachi is about as welcome as a door-to-door vaccuum cleaner saleman with bubonic plague. Magikoopa seems sort of possessed, doesn't he? Well, just indulge the little guy in a fight and we'll see. Magikoopa looks downright freaking scary in battle if you ask me, he'll occasionally call out a Bahamutt or a big Bob-omb to hide behind and you'll have to defeat that before you can carry on delivering whoopage. He can even summon up a Jinx clone! He uses mostly magic (like, duh), doesn't heal himself, and has 1600 HP. Know what really interests me, though? Mallow's psychopath reveals that Magikoopa is thinking, "That's...my child?" I'll give my opinions on that in a minute. Like most magic-oriented creatures, Magikoopa's a tad weak to physical attack, so beat down with those nice new weapons you just finished earning. When you've won, Magikoopa turns from red back to the usual blue and Bowser hops out to greet him. Yep, Bowser's old pal Magikoopa was brainwashed by Smithy, as if we don't have enough reason to hate that guy already! It seems that our little wizard friend has a bit of amnesia, he asks Bowser if he did anything wrong during that memory gap. Bowser sort of dodges the question and tells him not to worry about it. Awww. Magikoopa's tickled pink to see that Bowser has some great new troops, so he does what he can to help. He conjures up a treasure chest that never runs out of coins, except that you only get one coin per hit so it takes most of your natural lifespan to get any decent amount. And Magikoopa will now heal Mario-tachi's HP and FP just for stopping by. Now that that's been resolved, wanna know what I think Magikoopa's Psychopath reading meant? Of course you don't! But I'm going to tell you anyways! :D In my humble opinion, Bowser was raised by Magikoopas, and Yoshi's Island backs this up. Our current little buddy Magikoopa was recognising Bowser as something along the lines of his son, even under Smithy's wicked spell. *sniffle* Beautiful! *sniffles some more* Okay, I'm done...On to the two doors leading out of this room.
Take the left door first and you'll find...Croco again! He's still being unusually nice to Mario, he offers again to sell you some stuff. This time he's stocking the game's strongest armour: the Hero Shirt, Prince Pants, Star Cape, Heal Shell and Royal Dress. They're pretty cheap too, just 100 coins a pop. Croco's also got the usual healing items. And once you're done shopping and you leave, he says goodbye to Mario, apparently with the hope of not being heard. If you go back into the room, he'll freak and go back to his station in the middle of the room. His well-wishing was a one-time event, but still, methinks Croco has turned over a new leaf. He'll stay in Bowser's Keep (both of his locations 0_o) and sell you stuff whenever you happen to stop by. When you're done feeling all warm and fuzzy, go back into Magikoopa's room and leave through the right door.
This area is full of nasty Thwomps, Mario gets momentarily paralyzed when one of them hits the ground. Run through here as fast as you can, since Bullet Bills are flying towards you during all of this. Running into a Thwomp will just throw Mario back a bit with that "yeow!" sound effect, and getting landed on by a Thwomp makes road pizza out of the little guy. It'd be mildly amusing if this room weren't so annoying. Once you get to the end, you'll see that the bullets are being just like Toad and appearing out of...wait for it...ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE! And lookie, they're too stupid to turn around when Mario's standing right behind them! On to the next room. This place is exactly the same as the room where Mario originally fought Bowser, mildly creepy if you ask me. I smell a setup. And I would be right, walking to the designated Spot Where The Villain Reveals Himself causes the nasty baddie lurking on the chandelier to laugh evilly in Mario's general direction. This fellow's name is Boomer, he looks like a garbage disposal gone bad. And the Kinklinks who used to hold up the chandeliers have been replaced by Shyguys on strings named Chandeli-hos. Isn't that cute and dodgey? I mean, calling a character "_____-ho" is just ASKING for it! Where was I...? Oh yeah, the random baddie who wants to kick some Mario tail, gotcha! Boomer chatters away about how impressive it is that Mario's made it this far, and Mario responds by jumping up onto the chandelier quite effortlessly. "Oh! Feisty little fellow, aren't you?" says Boomer in a very twistable fashion. He runs his mouth a bit more, and then you finally get to take this guy into battle and beat some shut-up into him.
Well, the chandelier's a tad more crowded than last time, your rightmost team member looks like they're about to fall off, no worries though. And the battle isn't quite so easy either, since you can't attack Boomer's Chandeli-ho like you would a Kinklink. Boomer's got 2000 HP and he changes colours as you beat down on him. This doesn't seem to make him stronger or anything, it's just to make him look purdy. Boomer is a samauri sort of fellow and he behaves as such; his attacks tend to hit one fighter at a time, and he'll occasionally slash someone with that sword of his. And according to Mallow's Psychopath, he's not particularily afraid of death. Screw honour, we're saving the world here! Use Mario's Super Jump, Mallow's Shocker, Geno's Geno Beam, Bowser's Drill Claw and Toadstool's Frying Pan on this guy. Watch out for Boomer's Shaker, it's an OHKO move, but if you nail the timing on your defensive Timed Hit it won't even do damage. And for crying in the mud, go easy on the items! This ain't over 'til the fat plumber sings! Boomer's death scene is pretty funny, he borrows Mallow's sulky whiney Tadpole-Pondish music and gets all dramatic about not wanting to fall in battle. Mario hops up and down in a sympathetic fashion (...?), but Boomer wants no pity. He's prepared to die honourably and he proves this by slashing Chandeli-ho. Poor Chandeli-ho, what did he/she ever do to Boomer?! C-ho understandably drops the chandelier, and Boomer falls to a questionably honourable end. Errr, wait a second, didn't Bowser endure that fall? Ah, who cares, Bowser rocks enough to survive the impossible. ^_^ Mario-tachi's Chandeli-ho doesn't seem to be bothered by all this death nonsense. I don't know if he/she's on our side or not, but the little scamp sure is perky! C-ho starts reeling up the chandelier towards the ceiling, which is enough of an interlude for your battle trio to do an amusing square dance, kyute stuff. Unfortunately, while C-ho's hauling our team heavenward at an fantastic speed, the little rascal realises that there's no seatbelts on a chandelier. Teehee, oops! A jolting halt at the end of the trip gives our heros a nasty case of whiplash and launches them right into...another boss battle?! Just when you thought it was safe to put down the video game and watch Popstars.
For your convinience, Mario-tachi's HP and FP have been refilled during the wild ceiling fixture ride. Here we fight Exor, the big mean sword who's taken up residence in the middle of Bowser's Keep. You've got 4 opponents here; Right Eye, Left Eye, Neosquid (the mouth) and Exor (the little jewel-eyed thingie at the top of the sword). The game quickly informs you that the eye in protecting Exor, and true to the game's word, Exor is your real target. You won't be able to lay a finger on him until you take out at least one of the eyes. Both eyes and Neosquid will faint for a few turns if you beat on them for a while, just focus your attack on an eye of your choice until it passes out. While the eye is momentarily on the ropes, pound away at Exor. This process may take a while, since Exor has 1800 HP and the facial features are pesistant buggars. Use your physical moves for this battle, and if the eyes and Neosquid are getting on your nerves you could always bust out the Bombs/Rock Candy or group-attack magic. And they WILL get on your nerves, they've got a wide and wacky variety of magic moves and sneaky physical attacks. Oh yeah, you can use Geno's Whirl to OHKO Exor if you're cheap that way. And when you win, all of Exor starts going nuts and Mario-tachi gets sucked into the sword's big scary mouth. Um....yay?
Our intrepid quintet of heroes plummet down through Exor's freaky gullet to land in...some...kinda...alternate universe-looking area. But it's very Smithy-looking, all dark and mechanical, with slightly creepy metallic music. This is the Factory, the headquarters of all things that want to maul Mario-tachi. Geno hops out to state the obvious; this path leads to Smithy, and Exor is the gateway between the two worlds. He enthusiatically suggests getting a move on, but Bowser's got a beef with that. The B-man points out that he only came along on this quest to get his Keep back, that he's not going any farther, and that he's going to wander off and rebuild his castle now. He also reminds Mario that he's a Koopa Troop member and needs to help, and Mario's all like "0_o?! Whaaaat?!", it's funny. Now, I certainly admire Geno's moxie. He chortles merrily at the clueless Koopa and says that Bowser's missing the point. *whistles* Goodness Star Boy, you've got balls, for someone who...err...doesn't seem to have any. "Gwaa?! I oughtta rip your stuffing out!" growls Bowser. But Geno then points out that unless Smithy is defeated, baddies will continue to swarm throughout Bowser's Keep. Our big reptilian buddy is concerned for his privacy, so he agrees to carry on with the quest, complete with his usual lame I-can't-deal-with-the-truth cover story. That's OK, we still respect Bowser. And he's super-cute, too. Bowser and Geno, now in agreement, hop back into Mario. Well, this scene's all wrapped up in a neat little package! If you need to stock up on items, you should do that now, make sure you have enough Pick Me Ups and KeroKeroCola/Megalixers. That nearby springboard will let you exit the Factory. OK, ready? Onward, to a lot more fighting than is really necessary!
The Factory has a funky, if slightly annoying, new method of transportation, platforms are connected by long bolts and you need to cross them on nuts. Standing on a nut and jumping (stop cringing, you pervert) makes it move a little along its bolt. Try not to fall off, you'll get caught and sent back up by a springboard, but you start again from the last platform you touched and nobody likes redoing stuff. After the first Save Box, you'll need to cross a network of such platforms and bolts. Did I mention that they're baddie-infested? Well, this is the head honcho bad guy's lair, that should go without saying! You'll fight some Glum Reapers, watch out for these guys. They're far more dangerous and annoying than Greapers because they've got Scythe, an OHKO attack. Fight lots of the Ameboids though, they're easy to beat and you sometimes get Royal Syrup as random battle prizes. While you're crossing the bolts and stuff, keep moving towards the top-right of the area. The area after this has tons of Ameboids flopping around, run over and push the green button before they have a chance to get in your way. AAAACK, what did I tell you about pushing green buttons?! You've just blown the Mushroom Kingdom into a trillion charred little bits! Just kidding of course, that button opens up your next pathway. Carry on along this pathway to find...another Save Box? That's one good thing about the Factory, you get plenty of oppertunities to save your game, and usually right before a boss too. Now that I've said that, make sure that from now on you're healed up before you advance from a Save Box. After this Save Box, you'll find Mario's Ultra Hammer waiting ever-so-conviniently for you in a treasure chest. This is his strongest weapon other than the Lazy Shell, but since I pestered you into getting the Lazy Shell, you can sell this if you like. After a few more bolts to cross, you'll reach a springboard that sends you down. Doesn't that kind of defeat the purpose? There's a boss baddie down there and the springboard throws you practically into its lap, what a stupid springboard!
This boss baddie is Countdown the giant alarm clock. As soon as you get close enough, the alarm bells will have a major spazz attack and take you into battle. Countdown is the clock part, the bells are the Ding-a-lings. Countdown looks like the sort of boss where you can beat the main clock and the Ding-a-lings will just vanish, but that'd be too easy, wouldn't it? Take out the Ding-a-lings first, they have strong magic attacks like Dark Star and Fear Roulette (OHKOs a random team member). The Ding-a-lings have 1200 HP each, use Super/Ultra Flame, Shocker, Geno Beam/Flash, Drill Claw and Frying Pan as necessary. Countdown isn't nearly as much of a threat, its attacks aren't as cruel, and its choices of moves are based on what time it's showing, thus making it predictable. Use the same techniques that you used on the Ding-a-lings, with the exception of Mario's Super Jump instead of his Super Flame. Countdown has 2400 HP and can recover itself or the Ding-a-lings.
When Countdown has been defeated, you'll find that yet another Save Box has appeared beside you. OK, this is some kind of freaking infestation. And another springboard will send you downwards. The weird part is that after you leave Countdown's area, it disappears. The springboard Mario lands beside will send you back up to the original down-tossing springboard. Let's not ask questions we don't want to know the answers to, hmm? The next area has some weird grey Axem Ranger clones. Don't worry, they're horribly weak compared to the original Axems. This is the highlight of Smithy's place, clones of bosses whom you've already fought and can beat with your eyes closed and hands tied behind your back, they're all called Machine Made regardless of their form. You can jump up a few conveyor belts here to reach a treasure chest, it's just an HP Mushroom so you can skip it if you like. You'll find a few grey moving tiles that transport you across a gap. Jump into the gap. I just wanted to see if you'd jump off a bridge if I told you to. :p Actually, in this particular area, there's a little secret area with a Flower and an HP Mushroom near the springboard where you fall. Hop back up and cross that gap, then negotiate the Axem Machine Mades and Ameboids on the other side. The area after this blocks your path with strings of Drill Bit, Shyster and Mack Machine Mades, plus Bowyer-esque arrows fall from the ceiling. These arrows will stun Mario for a second, if you get hit by one while in a line of baddies, you're in for a lot of fighting before you escape. My advice is to run in a serpentine fashion and jump lots.
Next up, we've got a series of conveyor belt paths, narrow walkways and gaps crossed with moving tiles. Just like the bolts, falling off a conveyor belt is no big deal because you can get back up with a springboard, it's just a little bit annoying. And the walkways are guarded by Boos, ooh look, I'm shaking in my little space booties! Next on our tour of the Factory is a staircase made of conveyor belts. I sense a decorating trend. Oh yeah, and Bowyer Machine Mades are being carried down this staircase. Just Y-jump to climb the stairs and you should only fight a maximum of one Bowyer, he's still got his button-locking ability but that doesn't make him any less sucky. There's an Axem-guarded walkway, and then another Bowyer-toting conveyor belt staircase. All this leads to...another Save Box! You know what that means! If you're running low on Pick Me Ups, you'd best turn back and go get some now.
The next area has a hole in the middle of it, which is blocked by a brick. Yaridovich Machine Mades are bouncing off this brick, not that it makes any sense, and some Ninjas are milling about. Fight one of the Yarid clones to make the brick explode for no real reason at all. Now go to the top corner and you'll find a skinny little path leading to a Flower and an HP Mushroom, with the usual Martha-Stewart-ish presentation twist of being inside a treasure chest. It's a good thing! Whenever you're ready, jump down the hole.
Your battle trio will bounce to a halt at the feet of yet more baddies who wanna make Mario say uncle. These guys are Cloaker and Domino, they're like Knife Guy and Grate Guy after some bad drugs. They giggle and twitter like schoolgirls, and then the battle fun starts. Just like Knife and Grate, Cloaker specializes in physical attack and Domino tends towards magic, so you should attack with each baddie's opposite. Cloaker has 1200 HP and Domino has 900 HP. An important factor to note is that whichever baddie doesn't get defeated first will move on and get a power-up. Attack Domino with your A moves, it'll only take a few turns to beat him and you REALLY don't want to fight him after a power-up, trust me. So Domino will disappear, and Cloaker will move back to collect his power boost. Mario-tachi will move forward to meet the menace like they did with King Calamari, note that any fainted team members will gain 1 HP after moving forward like this. This power-up I've been talking about is a giant cobra with the same tactics as its master, Cloaker's is named Earth Link and Domino's is named Mad Adder. Fighting Domino and Mad Adder means more nasty magic moves than you can shake a Parasol at, hence why I recommended defeating Domino first. Now then, Cloaker is sitting on Earth Link's head and tossing attacks down at you, so beat him first and get him out of the way. As you may have noticed, Toadstool doesn't have a single-target magic attack and Psych Bomb is too FP-expensive, and Bowser's low Magic Attack stat means that Crusher is a waste of FP, so those two can stick to the physical moves and/or healing. When Cloaker's defeated he'll just stop moving, now you can focus on Earth Link. This snake's attacks are brutal, its Poison move induces fainting more often than poisoning. For Carni-Kiss, time your defensive Timed Hit for when its head is moving leftwards. Earth Link has 2500 HP and, like its master, takes more damage from Special attacks. When you win, Cloaker will vanish and Earthy will lie down to try and get rid of a terrible Mario-tachi-induced headache. Good job! You know, I just noticed how big Earth Link/Mad Adder is, lookit those coils stretching into the distance...yikes...Mario-tachi's fought a giant squid, a giant snake, giant inanimate objects, what's next? A giant rabid weasel, maybe? That'd actually be a pretty kewl boss...But I digress.
So Mario is now standing there, looking clueless, beside a springboard. Yaridovich Machine Mades continue to bounce down, and hopping on the springboard sends you back up to the area with the Ninjas. And the area you just fought a major battle on has once again disappeared, I'll take that as my cue to hum the X-file theme. Now take the path at the top of the area. From here on in, the scenery is more refined and metallic, there's a great big converyor belt to your right carrying tons of Drill Bit baddies. This is the home stretch; Smithy is close. But don't kid yourself, this won't be a walk in the freaky-looking park. Upon entering this area, we see a Clerk (vaguely Boomer-looking dude) chatting with some Mad Mallet flunkies. He says that despite Smithy's major minions getting thrashed, production is on schedule and the Big Cheese will have a lovely new army in no time. Mallow hops out of Mario for absolutely no reason, and asks the most pointless question he possibly can in the given situation. "Haven't you caused enough trouble already?" The Clerk contains his urge to say "Well, duh." and asks these uppity intruders who they are. Mallow introduces "THE Mario" in a needlessly threatening fashion. "Shut down production NOW, or he'll....STOMP ya!" Geez Mallow, who do you think he is, Bruce Lee? He can't just go in there with his fists flying! So Clerk gets hissy and sicks a few of his Mad Mallet flunkies on our heroes. These things suck, they'll flee half the time anyways. Once you're done with that minor nuisance, Clerk and a few more Mad Mallets will attack. Beat Clerk first, because he'll keep summoning Mad Mallets. This guy's almost as pitiful as his flunkies, so don't worry about a thing. Back in Non-Battle Land, Mallow cheers and hops back into Mario, only to hop back out a few steps later when you get close to a big green button. Our fluffy little friend wonders aloud what the button does, then succumbs to his love of shiny objects and jumps on it. AAAAAAH! Mallow! You just destroyed the entire Mushr-ah, forget it. This button causes the Fluffster to nearly get abducted by a crane, and he has to be rescued by his rescue-erific pal Mario. Then Mallow points out that the green switch controls the crane. *Navi impression* Hey! Hey! LEESTEN!
And just when you thought you could continue, Toad appears out of ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE! He's hustled his brain-cell-killing butt all the way through the Factory to help out Mario-tachi. Wait a sec...this is the 'shroom who can't walk past a Goomba without getting mauled? Now there's a plot hole and a half. Peachie hops out to say hi and Toad nearly messes himself. She apologises for sneaking out past her curfew, and once again says that she just wants to help the world get back to normal again. Toad decides that a job where he can help Mario and Toadstool at the same time is a worthwhile job indeed, can you say "whipped"? How about "really whipped"? Or maybe "soooooo whipped"? Anyways, Peachie does her cute Confused Dog Look because she can't quite figure out how someone as pathetic as Toad can help with anything. But it seems that he's managed to haul several times his body weight in healing junk, and he'll gladly sell it to his master and mistress. I know, you're thinking, "Sell?!'" Not to worry, Toad's prices are rock-bottom. This is the only place in the game you can buy Max Mushrooms, our favourite narcotic sells them for 39 coins. He's also got Mid Mushrooms, Maple Syrup, Pick Me Up, Able Juice and Freshen Up, and...Froggiedrinks. Well, it's the thought that counts. That means that if you need KeroKeroCola/Megalixers, you'll have to make the trek back to Tadpole Pond or Marrymore. Once you're done with your shopping, Toad will give you a Rock Candy, bless his drug-withered little heart! Toadstool thanks her slave, and he chirps some encouragement. Toad will stay here from now on, awaiting the moment he can further help his lord and lady. And for some reason, this pint-sized weakling doesn't get attacked by any horribly vicious baddies while standing around inside their lair and holding a bunch of food products and money. Dude...that's messed. Why not just put a sign on his back that says "Pummel me"?
Seeing as this is the last chance in the game for character development, each of Mario's teammates will get their moment to shine (or cower, or whatever) before you meet up with Smithy. Mallow's was a moment ago, as you may have noticed. We enter the next area to see the Manager chatting with some Pounders. These guys are just a rehash of Clerk and the Mad Mallets, they even LOOK the same. They just talk about how great production is going and how wonderful it'll be to take over "Mario's world", and they fail to notice that Mario's standing right there until Bowser hops out to make a scene. "I rule this world! Don't you forget it!" Except that Manager is more concerned about Mario, and he completely ignores Bowser's megalomaniac tendancies. The plucky Manager then jumps Mario and starts a fight, he's nearly as pitiful an opponent as Clerk was. Just like Clerk, beat Manager first so he won't keep calling Pounders. When this fight's over, poor Bowser's a tad shaken by all of this getting ignored. So he...recites a sorrowful haiku to himself!
"Like the moon over
the day, my genius and brawn
are lost on these fools."
Yep, his brash facade is just a cover-up to shield the tender soul of a poet! And as if this wasn't cute enough, Mario goes over and pats Bowser consolingly on the back. *squeak* Kawaii! Well, this is a slightly uncomfortable situation for the pseudo-enemies, so Bowser hems and haws a bit, then hops back into Mario. Heehee, that was such a cute scene though, squeeeee! OK, I'm done, let's move on.
In our next scene, we see the Director standing around and slacking off. I mean, he isn't even raving about Smithy or anything. Toadstool charges out of Mario to bitch and whine about how the weapons are ruining this world. I once heard that hell hath no fury like a woman scorned, but if Toadstool is any indication, then I guess hell is a pretty sissy place. Director says that anyone who disses Smithy will get their clock cleaned, which sends Peachie scurrying for cover behind the nearest vertically-challenged hero. "You can't scare me," she says, while shivering like a terrified rodent, "I've got Mario by my side!" The Director throws some of his big words around, and then attacks Mario-tachi. This guy's a bit tougher than his employees, he can use Vigor Up and Valor Up (generally only if you beat all of his flunkies), and he's got the same freaky bomb attacks as Axem Black and Croco. Actually, I think Clerk and Manager might have had bombs too, but they rarely used them. And Director's henchmen are Poundettes, the standard hammers, but their thrown hammer attacks can induce fear for no reason at all. Beat all but one of the Poundettes before starting in on their boss, they're really annoying. So when that fight is done, Toadstool offers her Mallowish wisdom ("That was scary!"), and gives a little pep talk about needing to evict Smithy-tachi from the world. Before you move on, restock your items with Toad if necessary. Handily enough, the game has healed your HP and FP, and there's a Save Box near this area's exit. The next battle is going to be a tad harder than these weak retail workers we've been dealing with so far.
Upon entering this area, the Factory Chief (a glorified Ninja) greets Mario in the same happy fashion that one would greet an old pal, and then says that Mario will never get to meet Smithy because he's gonna get mauled by the incredible Gunyolk machine. That's good to know. Needless to say, now you have to fight the Chief and Gunyolk. Gunyolk is weird, it's this great big Cuisinart with a little lava sprite in the middle that makes faces at you. Both of these guys have powerful attacks, you'll have to make sure that one member of your team has over 150 HP at all times, since Gunyolk has the same nasty Breaker Beam as the Axem Rangers did and he doesn't need a turn to recharge. Beat Chief first, he's got less HP and more annoying attacks. By the time you've only got Gunyolk to deal with, he might end up running out of FP and be unable to use his special attacks, which is obviously a good thing for you. Chief takes the most damage from A button moves, and Gunyolk is also weak to A moves with the exception of Mallow's Shocker. Chief has 1000 HP and Gunyolk has 1500 HP, neither of them can heal.
I know, you're wondering when Geno gets his last meal of character development. Well, it's right now. He points out the pipes that Drill Bits are pouring out of, saying that Smithy must be down there and that the team needs to defeat him to get the last Star Piece. "Mario...There's no turning back now. Are you ready?" Mario nods his assent, and Geno sadly hints to the fact that when this quest is done, he'll have to go back to the Star Road and leave all his new friends. Awww. So Geno chirps the usual "Let's get going" sort of encouragement, and hops back into Mario. Actually, contrary to what Star Boy told you, it's a really good idea to turn back now. Leave the Factory and stock up on the items Toad doesn't sell you. Make sure you've got 4 KeroKeroColas, 2 Crystalline from Tadpole Pond, and a few Rock Candy from Mushroom Boy or Bowser's Keep. For the final battle, Mushrooms won't be of much use to you so get rid of those, but keeping 3 Max Mushrooms wouldn't hurt. Carry 3 Royal Syrups, or maybe 4 if Toadstool is on your battle team. And most importantly, bring at least 6 Pick Me Ups. Toadstool can use her Come Back, but that only restores half of the target member's HP and you'll need every Hit Point you can get. On your way back through the Factory, buy a couple of Freshen Ups from Toad, you can skip these if Peachie's part of your battle trio. OK, here's a quick reference list.
-3 Max Mushrooms
-3-4 Royal Syrups
-6 Pick Me Ups
-4 KeroKeroCola
-2 Freshen Up (if not using Toadstool)
-2 Crystalline
-5 Rock Candy/Ice Bombs
-4-7 spaces free for other junk you've been collecting
Before you take on Smithy, your team should be at an absolute minimum of Level 23. I'm too lazy to bother with overlevelling to the maximum level of 30, and I don't expect you to do it either. Another important point to note is that if you prefer the team setup of Mario/Geno/Bowser, you'll be at a disadvantage in this battle. The Smithy battle is long and status conditions are passed around like cocktail weiners at a party. If no natural healers are on your team, you'll need to rely on your items and make them count. So if your battle team doesn't have Mallow of Toadstool on it, then you should probably fight Machine Mades in the Factory until you're at least Level 25. When you're stocked, levelled and ready for anything, save your game at that last Save Box and jump on the big green button near Gunyolk's old position. Congratulations, this button triggered a massive explosion within the Factory that just killed off Smithy! Kidding, of course. :D The button actually signals a crane to give Mario a lift over the top of the Drill Bit pipes. He jumps down one of the pipes to land...
...Right in front of that dastardly villain, Smithy! If you were expecting someone impressive-looking for a final boss, you're going to be a tad disappointed, Smithy's just some pudgey old guy with a hammer. Mallow hops out with a Navi-ish cry of "Hey!" to point out that Smithy's wearing the final Star Piece like it's the latest fashion off the runways of Paris or something. Smithy's quite unconcerned about the arrival of Mario-tachi, he's still pounding out minions with his hammer(hence the name Smithy, as in blacksmith). "Yo Smithy!" pipes Geno, also stepping out for the occasion, "Stop making those things and hand over the Star Piece, NOW!" Fairly convincing for somebody who's striking a lovely begging pose. Still unruffled, Smithy idly notices that this little guy in front of him is Mario, and that they're going to have a hissy catfight over the star. That's when Bowser steps in. "Just hand it over and GET OUTTA MY CASTLE!" You tell 'em, B-man! Our nasty villain-du-jour comments on Bowser's PMSing, and says that he quite likes the castle, not that he'd know because he's been sitting in this cramped stinky Factory the whole time. Finally, Toadstool hops out to complete Mario-tachi and add to her companion's requests for the Star Piece. Smithy shares his dream of a weapon-filled and wish-free world, causing our 5 pals to nod to each other and all pile back into Mario. So, after Smithy says something to the effect of "Ph33R /\/\y /\/\4D /\/1/\/j4 haXX0r 5k1//z!!!!111", Mario pounces the baddie to begin that long-awaited final climactic clash.
Smithy's got some funky music set up for himself, like any self-respecting final boss should. He uses mostly group magic attacks, some of which you've never seen before like Sledge. He's also got his buddy Smelter, who only spits the lava that Smithy uses to create minions. Smelter doesn't attack Mario-tachi and according to Mallow's Psychopath, he's got good oral hygiene. Um...that's nice...Smithy will create a Shyster helper (excuse me, I mean Shyper. Like there's any real difference) every couple of turns, don't worry too much about these flunkies. At the beginning of the battle, use one of your Crystallines to boost your team's defenses, it'll help a lot. Smelter has 1500 HP and Smithy can have 2 Shypers at once, you can use a Rock Candy/Ice Bomb or group magic move occasionally to help weed out the Shypers. Smithy has 2000 HP, and I congratulate you on your skepticism. This is NOT the whole battle, focus on pounding Smithy and ignore his helpers as best you can, use your items sparingly and pace yourself. Mario-tachi's single-target magic attacks aren't much more effective than their physical attacks at this point, so just save your FP and use your weapons. When Smithy's out of HP, he'll start freaking out and pounding the floor with his hammer, throwing away any Shyper allies he may have created. An Aero, Drill Bit and Shyster gather round to try and get their boss to calm down, using such insightful points as "Think of your blood pressure!" Shyster also says that the floor here is weak and that Smithy should really quit pounding on it. The Big Kahuna is moderately annoyed with these lackeys, and gives a final hammer blow to the floor to toss them away. This hammer blow is enough to break the floor just like Shyster said, causing Smithy and Mario-tachi to tumble into the basement. Smithy bitches and whines about being wronged and stuff, since it's not like he STARTED it or anything. He decides that it's time to show his true form and teach Mario-tachi a lesson, so he transforms in a beam of light into...A big stone dude that looks remarkably like his other form. Well, nobody ever said he was original...He once again challenges Mario and company to BRING IT. During this process, any fainted team members will have recovered 1 HP. And thus starts Smithy Battle: The Sequel!
For the latter half of this funky-music-laced fight, Smithy's pulled some more HP out of his ass. How much? Um...8000 HP, actually. Scary, isn't it? Make sure you use your first turn to heal up if necessary and use your second Crystalline. Your two targets are Smithy's head and body, both of which are addressed as Smithy. The body has a gun arm that's remarkably like Geno's Finger Shot, and it gets its own turn to attack. Much like Exor, if you take off about 800 HP of damage then the body will be paralyzed for a few turns and will stop bugging you. Your real target (the one with 8000 HP to clobber away) is Smithy's head. It can shapeshift and each form has different characteristics, outlined below.
Basic form: The one you see at the beginning of the battle. This one has no real abilities and you only see it again briefly, while Smithy changes between head forms.
Tank form: This head shoots nasty powerful bullets at one unfortunate member at a time, and uses an OHKO move called Magnum. It's terribly weak to electric attacks, which just happen to be Mallow's area of expertise. If Mallow isn't on your team, then...well...you suck. :p
Sorcerer form: This head throws powerful group magic moves at you. Like most magic-oriented things, it's weak to a good old physical beatdown.
Safe form: Smithy's defense may be high in this lunchbox-like form, but he can't really attack either. He does, however, use Shredder, which cancels out the effects of your Crystalline as well as things like Geno Boost. Bombs and Rock Candy work nicely on this form. This head can also recover small amounts of HP, yah, like he needs it.
Chest form: This treasure chest might as well have a box baddie in it; whenever the lid opens, nasty status effects are inflicted on the team. This head doesn't really attack, but the status effects are annoying enough on their own.
This battle seems even longer than it is, and the fact that Smithy keeps yelping, "Mwa ha! I am burning with power!" really doesn't help. His aforementioned power comment indicates that his body has healed from the beating you just gave it, BTW. Just watch out for the head's sorceror form, those group magic attacks can wipe out your battle trio in one shot if you're not careful. Sorceror Head will sometimes fire off 2 of those nasty Arrow/Spear Rain attacks in one turn, you'd better hope that it doesn't because that's usually insta-death for a Level 24 team unguarded by Crystalline. Use mostly your A button moves for this battle, they're generally the most effective.
And when you've finally whittled away every last gosh-forsaken shred of Smithy's 8000 HP, all of him will start freaking out and he'll go into the usual denial speech. He self-destructs in a huge and colourful explosion, leaving only the last glittering Star Piece in his wake. Ah, victory. Joy! -Tachi has hopped out to watch as Mario claims the final Star Piece. Well, that's all folks, our quest comes to a happy end. Geno is taken into a beam of light, and when the dust clears it's just Gaz's little doll sitting there. As Mario and his remaining 3 team members inspect it, our spirit buddy with the unpronouncable name pops out in his original star form, and pauses to say a silent goodbye to each of his friends. He then flies off with the 7 Stars to rebuild the Star Road...*sniffle* 'Til we meet again, Star Boy! I'm gonna miss that spooky doll....And from here we see the rest of the game's ending sequence, I'm not going to write that out because, I mean, come on, I just wrote you a whole freaking walkthru! Go watch the ending yourself! Yeesh...Do keep your eyes peeled for a tiny cameo appearance by Luigi, though. Well, that's the end of this walkthru. Super Mario RPG: Legend of the Seven Stars is a unique creature in Mario canon; it provides character development and surprises, pokes fun at itself, offers a fresh perspective on the Marioverse, and has more entertainment value and heart than any other game I can think of. By the time you complete what this game to offer, chances are you'll like it almost as much as I do. 'Til next time, gamers, take care of each other.