gender binaryism, and the list could continue for dayz. Too many oppressions to name in one paragraph. All of these oppressions are painfully real and intricately interwoven into our lives, in ways that allow us to forget their presence. Sometimes...
Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately? our society lacks appropriate words for many things) some people are not allowed to forget. Some people are reminded daily of their difference and their inability to fit within society's mold of what constitutes a "good, right, moral, decent person." One of those many realities is clear: our westernized, white, straight, able-bodied, upper-middle class, gendered, patriarchal, christian, baby-boomin' society is based on lots of assumptions, one of these being that "thinness" is beautiful, healthy, and desirable. "Fatness" is therefore ugly, unhealthy, and unwanted. This leads to another reality: beautiful, fat people are stigmatized, ostracized, and
discriminated against every day of their lives in our society, simply because of their size. Their thin counterparts (on a societal level) are granted privileges and access to positive reinforcement every day of their lives, simply because of their size.
This system is unjust, cruel, and ultimately, detrimental to our society.
Chelsea asked me to write about why I'm an ally and why I think it's important. For this portion, I am choosing to "lower-case" my I's, in order to symbolize one of the most important aspects of being an ally: being a good ally starts by recognizing your own privilege and owning it, and by making sure that the issues remain focused on those who are oppressed. It's not ok for anyone to come in and proclaim zer amazing generosity as a thin person working on fatphobia (besides, in my opinion, it's zer responsibility as a thin person to do that anywayz). The ally is there to support those that are oppressed and their leadership (i.e., beautiful, fat-people directed groups), not to garner spotlight for zemself.
i choose to be an ally because this system is FUCKED UP. Let me repeat the last part for other potential allies: our society, which is steeped in looksism and sizeism, is FUCKED UP. i am an ally because i have loved ones who are beautiful, fat people, who are tormented by judgmental looks (sadly enough, not only from other people) and ridiculed by others' ignorance. i am an ally because i refuse to participate in this system of oppression any longer. i refuse to listen to any more "funny" fat jokes, i refuse to sit and watch innocent people's pain and suffering continue, I FUCKING REFUSE. i am an ally because it's my responsibility, as someone who gains size privilege, to all beautiful, fat people to stand up and say, "This system is FUCKED UP. i am not hurt one-tenth as much as fat people are hurt in this system, but I HATE IT and I WANT IT TO STOP." i am an ally, because i believe everyone is implicated in oppressive systems: fat people, thin people, white people, queer people; and i believe that "good, right, moral, decent" people have the responsibility to speak out when others are silenced.
As an ally, i believe it is so important to get this message out. If we are ever to end these cycles of pain and suffering, we must start on an individual basis and we must each resolve to challenge our own ignorance. We MUST start listening to each other. We must start changing our patterns of hurtful behavior, so that we can heal our emotional wounds. Otherwise, we will continue to re-create these same traumas, these same abuses, the same suffering.
Being an ally can be difficult. It doesn't happen over night and it definitely isn't a goal oriented venture. It's a process that lasts a lifetime. It involves listening, empathizing, communicating, being accountable, and changing. i know that i have just begun my path as an ally, and i'm still learning how to call people out when they're being hurtful or sizeist. But it's also a tremendously rewarding experience. You begun to understand other people's pain and strength, which often
helps you find your own. It definitely has caused me to grow on so many levels and has helped me find my own "weak spots."
For some more practical tips, i had one experience where i was putting up fatphobia workshop flyers around campus. when i turned around, i realized that someone was laughing at me. this person thought that my poster was so funny, they were literally holding their sides. i walked
over and politely asked what they thought was so funny. he replied, "don't you think you're being too sensitive? there really is no such thing as 'size discriminatin.'" At that point, i felt like yelling at the top of my lungs: Why are you being so FUCKING insensitive? What is so difficult to believe? Are you choosing your ignorance? Instead, i tried to dialogue with him about the ways that size discrimination is real and the pain it causes people. Did you know that people of size are
discriminated against every day? Did you know that there are no substantial medical studies that demonstrate the causal link between size and health? Did you know that the media constantly feeds into our society's warped conception of beauty? Just FYI, people of size that I have had
experience with are often hurt by other people's offhand remarks and jokes. It can be really painful, so you might want to think about what you say in the future. By the end of our dialogue, he didn't agree with me but he understood my points.
As for other pointers, i think that being an ally mostly involves listening to your feelings. Did someone say something insensitive? Did it make you uncomfortable? Would you have felt comfortable saying that to a fat loved one/friend? And then based on your feelings, (this is the hard part) would something be appropriate to say? Sometimes a quick "hey, just fyi, that might
have been hurtful to someone for these reasons..." will do the trick. Sometimes, it needs to be a dialogue about size discrimination and other deeper issues. Sometimes, people make insensitive remarks and then leave. In those situations, i try to assess whether there are any people of size immediately in the group. If so, i make a mental note to do a quick personal check-in in private because that person may have just experienced way more pain than me. Then i verbalize my discomfort with previous comments (and reasons) and i ask that anyone having similar trains of thought, park them until i'm not present. Just be conscious and try to be sensitive to the effects that fatphobia has on all people, but of course, particularly people who are fat.
Being an ally is something that i think everyone has a responsibility to do. And most of the time, it's a very positive role to play. The most important qualities in an ally involve basic, common courtesy: treat others how you want to be treated. listen. communicate. ask for help when you need it. try your best. just be kind. Good luk to all of you present allies and potential allies! Let's keep challenging our society's conception of "good, right, moral, decent people."