In the years that past, we have spoken about that evening.  Jennifer told me that she would have never stopped being my friend if I had slept with her.  She told me that I was always the nicest man in her life, and that my respect for her was the one lingering thing she could never get out of her mind, even if it was never enough to seal our love.  It was the moment, and it was me, that had turned her on.  To me, I could hardly imagine that I would be able to turn someone on.  We laughed a lot about that night in the days and nights to come, as I had blown my chance of losing my virginity at 17.  I casually regard it to her as my first breast.  It would be two years later that I would lose my virginity.  Jennifer was a lot of first experiences for me: my first passionate kiss, my first breast, my first close-friend, my first confidant, my first soul’s love, and my first physical expression of “I love you.”

          The point behind Jennifer and I was that I was not the physical-type of cool for her.  I was a tad over-weight, by about twenty pounds or so.  No amount of personality could make up for that, and truelove was content to just hover above us.

          Berkley Breathed, the cartoonist behind "Bloom County", and "Outland" had a conversation in one of his sunday-funnies that describes this phenomenon better than I can.  Opus, a short, lovable, self-loathing penguin, approaches two women and announces:

"Excuse me if I address you two hot babes as representatives of your entire gender... BUT YOU ARE DRIVING US MEN SCHIZO!!  You say you want sensitive men... gentle men... nurturing, loving, verse-spouting men... but you really want chiseled, lumpy, hunky, slightly sweaty stud-muffin men!"

"What to be... what to be... This or that... Donahue or thor..."

"Be honest for once!  We're all confused!  How should we be?"

          To which the lady's reply:

"Just be true to yourself.  Women find that sexy."

          So opus says:  "Oo!  At last!... a little honesty", and sits on a bucket of ice, munching raw cod.  This is the comment the ladies leave us with.

"I like my sub polar seabirds vegetarian.", and "Geek city!"

          Jennifer liked her men chiseled, lumpy, hunky, and slightly sweaty.  She loved me just the way I was.  I always thought she knew the meanings of love and lust, but had switched the definitions at some point with out knowing it. 

 

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