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| STRAIGHT TALK I grew up in a sleepy little town in N.Y. which, even at the time I knew was not for me, not surprisingly I couldn't wait to leave, get out to be more accurate. Wasn't much for my hair freezing at 7am every day for 6 months, probably why I shave off now what didn't freeze off then, lol. Landed in Fort Lauderdale @ 17 and with a short stint back when I was 21, have made every effort to be within a 15m radius of where I am right now, WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY GOING TO CHANGE RATHER SOON (SEE NEWS), but I digress, It was however a very scenic place, which I spent most of the time admiring and taking in, that was my escape from an otherwise turbulant homelife.Not that malice was the order of the day, but it did seem as such at the time. The school of hard knocks have taught me more than I could ever have imagined, and to a great degree am grateful it all turned out the way it did. That being said, can't fault anyone for this or that- these were the cards dealt and the "game" was on. Learned a lot from these experiences, by watching and listening and learned very early as to how a person should NOT act or be, or to be more specific how I was determined TO be and what is REALLY important (in life) before I ever left, unfortunately what was instilled subconsciously early on did in fact carry over. As the years progressed, things really didn't improve all that much except for the fact that everyone got older and wiser and the game was nearing it's conclusion, which for everyone was the best thing, I think? I did however made a conscious decision to sever ties and might have burned a few bridges along the way, but I am also older and wiser, and bridges can be rebuilt- this was a mechanism of self preservation (o.k. so maybe it was the best way I could think of to take myself out of the game), and it worked; the strife continued and I was absolutely no where to be found, but there were consequences for my actions, which I regret. Firstly, the passing of several people, of whom I never said goodbye too, including all the elders from Grandparets to parents,( note: not "officially"adopted at any time, but that I will get to), this was a rather unfortunate set of circumsatnces, but from what I was able to gather thus far, all 6 of those passings were the catalist for the above mentined strife that continued, and to be honest- I hardly think any of them would have wanted it that way, even though they probably knew what was on the horizon. Secondly, I have 2 sisters and one brother, unfortunately I have spoken with poll workers at voting booths more than I have them, which is also unfortuante, but that is changing, slowly- but changing. I would have to take responsibility for that, it does take two after all. I was just all caught up in distancing myself from the strife, and might have done quite a bit of damge there, so I am working on that. Going to take time, no doubt--- but it's never too late, or so I have been told. It is worth noting that I am a walking in the rain type of guy, kind of weird I know but weird isn't always crazy, I do know when to come in out of the rain. Thirdly, I am an uncle to 5, 2 of which I have never met and 3 whom I have also not seen in quite a few years. Which leaves me feeling like a bit of a heal, given that their parents were/are at odds most of the time- thinking they might have been receptive to the idea of having an uncle who wasn't all "caught up" in the stuff that was going on per say. Early on, before I left- there were the "family functions", which were always fun, not!! The birthday parties, with the laughter and occasional "fit" about something irrelevant, holidays which were kinda nice since they were still too young to "see" what was going on- but I am sure they felt it, the school function or two and the time that I was just there, which to be honest was as much a sanity breaak as anything else, all three lived quite close so it was kinda easy really. They were just as much the innocents in all that was as I was, which is why I feel a "kinship" with them. Now, they are all 20 something with lives of their own and things to do, careers to follow and are all grown up, so I let all those years go by. Not good. So, where do I go from here?, well working on that as well, that road is yet to be traveled and will take time. I did re-write the rules of the game to suit my own needs after all, good thing?, maybe- obviously it might have left them feeling a bit "whatever". Fourthly, my birth mother and father- well, my mother I met at about 24 yrs. old and right off had an issue since I had alot of questions, to which I did not get satisfactory answers. My father I never met, worth noting that I am obviously my fathers son, which kind of haunts me to this day. Now, I thought that of all the people in all the wrold, this woman has all the answers, well- not so much. That was my mistake, and again, she was delt a deck of cards that she had to live with and for whatever reason was not willing to share the information - I may never know. The only thing I reget here is this, not being persistant! Now, all of this does way on me since I did achieve my goal of being very passionate and thoughtful of several aspects of life, relationships in my view are paramount.... fact is I care and think about all these folks alot more than they will ever know. Today, I like to think that I am a well rounded individual that can handle just about anything, including personal relationships. Well - again, subconsciously that is an issue that has reared it's ugly head on more than one occasion in the past, but you can never stop trying, and now there is another chance at the happiness that I have waited very patiently for all these years. You will find him on my home page and rightfully so. I admitt that I am not the easiest person to deal with on a daily on-going basis, and knew all along that one VERY special person was going to come along and that the rest would be history, well I asked for it, and I got it- and it aint no Toyota. As you saw on my home page, second date continues, this a true and correct statement, we met one day for that first date and then again the next day for the second and that was that! This does not happen, at least from my experiences, unless there is fate at work, and it was ment to be. Ask around, how many folks do you know that this has happened too, I have- and it isn't many. Now are we knights in shinning armour? Living a fairy tale life, with a castle in the sky among the clouds, or living a mad existance of admiration, respect with a disgustingly huge amount of time together and would not have it any other way? ABSO-FREAKIN-LUTELY!!!!!!! |
| STATS 10/68 3:32 A.M. 5'7" 150 LB. LIBRA |
| FYI: My Living Will is now BEING REDONE all principle parties will be getting notification of such. |
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| HINDSIGHT IS 20/20 THEREFORE UPDATES WILLL OCCUR ON A SCHEDULED BASIS EVERY 6 MONTHS TO RETAIN OBJECTIVITY |
| LAST UPDATE 9/06 |