Lisa
Ok, I admit it, I SUCK...large farm animals…and enjoy it! More than you needed to know? Anyway...yes, the song did effect me, yes I was torn, yes I still had my head up my ass! Though I think, had I heard about any of this stuff then I would have definitely counted myself forever unworthy of our dear Phantom... no one should be allowed to put him through that! Ok, now that I'm done ranting at myself...on with the scene....and don't worry, eventually I DO pull my head out.
I spent the day before that Japanese final torn between studying and slowing the rapid beating of my heart (Every time I thought of the night before). I tried, without success, to stop thinking about his departure. Finally, I went for several walks, which wore me down a bit and let me sleep.
The day of the final was like some nightmare. I tried, but I could not bring myself to study for more than ten minutes at a time. As the hour for the oral final approached I became more and more agitated. I paced, I tried to look over the questions we were supposed to know but my mind kept turning to Erik and the fact that he would be leaving the next morning. I barely made it through the final. I should have been worried about my grade, but I was so preoccupied I didn't even think to ask the teacher how I had done. (For those that know me, you realize how freaked out I would have to be to suddenly not worry about my grades) I hurried to the room and tossed my bag on the chair.
Marie poked her head out from the bottom bunk. "How'd you do?"
"Beats me. How long do we have before dinner?"
"About two hours, why?"
"I'm taking a nap!" I declared as I climbed up to my bed.
After about half an hour of restless tossing and turning I gave up and got down from the bed, nearly falling down the ladder.
"Giving up so soon?"
I rolled my eyes and gave my standard response, "Bite me."
"Where?"
I sighed and opened up a file on my computer. It was a sort of journal that I had begun keeping my freshman year…and well, I wrote in it whenever I was agitated about something…so by the time of this tale, it was about 100 pages long. (So I get agitated a lot) I won't give you any excerpts from that, not even Marie gets to read the journal, but I can tell you the gist of what I wrote. Part of my mind was screaming for me to accept his love while the other half ceaselessly and mercilessly counted all of the reasons I was not worthy of him. I was torn, I knew that if I told him that I loved him he would stay. I knew that if he went back he would die. I knew that I couldn't tell him what he wanted to hear. I knew I could never live with myself if he went back. I wondered if there was some other way, something I had overlooked. By the time we needed to get ready I was determined to stop him somehow. I would keep him from leaving even if I had to beg him to stay.
I rummaged through my drawers and then through my closet. "Marie, what exactly does one wear to a dinner with the Phantom?"
"How 'bout the heavy artillery shirt?" (a little definition may be needed for some of you here…a 'heavy artillery shirt'…a phrase incidentally coined by my father…is any shirt worn by a woman that is very form fitting, and so brings out the 'heavy artillery')
"What?"
"I'll wear mine and you wear yours, who knows, we may get him to stay yet."
I rolled my eyes but pulled out the shirt none the less, if it worked, why not?
I looked at myself in the mirror…not bad, for me at least. I was wearing what are referred to as 'the Levis that actually fit' (I'm a baggy pants sort of girl, I've actually been referred to as 'that girl with the short hair and the baggy pants') and a very fitting shirt of a grayish-purple. I looked again and decided the outfit definitely need a sweater…just in case it got cold (yes, in May…so I'm a little self-conscious…you got a point?). As an afterthought I slipped my dragon medallion over my head. It was what I called, my 'lucky' medallion. I was fond of telling everyone how I had never failed a final wearing it. I thought that maybe some of that luck might aid me.
There are always those minutes before a meeting, a date, a show…those minutes where you have nothing to do but wait and worry. I couldn't concentrate on anything but I had a book open before me so I at least looked less nervous. However, I was so deep in thoughts of how to stall Erik's departure that when he knocked at the door I jumped and fell out of my chair.
Marie was laughing too hard to make any comments.
I paused to check for
damage. "Bite me Marie."
She shook her head. "No." Then she called out, "Come in!"
Luckily I had righted myself before he opened the door. I greeted him in Japanese, bowing, trying to think of anything other than how good he looked in his suit. He replied in kind and then paused, suddenly realizing what Marie and I were wearing. He cleared his throat. "Pulling out all of the stops this evening ladies?"
I pointed at Marie. "This was her idea!"
Erik shook his head and gestured toward the door. "If you are quite ready…shall we?"
We left and piled into Marie's car. As we drove we made small talk…careful not to mention his departure. I really don't remember much of the conversation except when he asked about my Japanese final.
"I think I finally got less than a B on a final."
"Really? I thought you did rather well."
I was a little confused at this point. "You listened in on my Japanese oral?"
He seemed a little uncomfortable…even I noticed. "Well, I was in Taylor and I happened to hear you in there with Madame Bell. I thought you did rather well, you speech was unaccented and you spoke clearly and concisely."
"Yeah, except for when I forgot how to ask her how tall her father was, and when I forgot how to say April…"
Marie was sitting in the front beside Erik and now she turned back to look at me. "Jeez Lisa, he said you did good, just sit back and deal with it!"
"Yes ma'am!" I said, saluting.
"At ease soldier, but not too at ease."
"Not too at ease?"
"Don't want you to fall asleep."
"Ah."
When we got to the restaurant we participated in that sort of nervous chatter that always surrounds tense situations.
"An interesting pendant Lisa." Erik commented.
I thought quickly and came to a decision. "Thank you, actually, I wanted to do this later but now is a good a time as any." I slipped the pendant off and handed it to Erik.
"Oh, that's so sad and pathetic." Marie sighed as Erik took the pendant.
"Can it, Marie. It's no big deal, that pendant's always brought me luck and I thought you might need it."
"I'm honored." He said in a soft voice.
I shook my head. "Stop being honored and just put it on."
He slid the pendant over his head and it rested gently on his chest.
Suddenly Marie turned to Erik and said, "I'm vibrating."
Erik turned to her with a shocked look and I fought desperately to keep my mouthful of water where it belonged. "What?"
"My pager silly, now let me out! (We were all sitting in a booth, Erik and Marie on one side and me on the other…Marie had probably planned that too…just so Erik could give me those doleful looks.)
Erik moved to let her out and sat back down.
Alone.
Alone with Erik.
That was the only thought I had for the first few seconds and then I broached the subject we had avoided all evening. "Do you have any plans for your return?"
"Not especially…with any luck I will not be there long."
"You know you and Marie really have this guilt trip thing down to a science and if you don't cut it out I'll be forced to smack you."
Erik was about to reply when Marie, with her infamous timing, returned. "I'm sorry guys, I have to go." She gathered up her purse and her jacket.
"Why? Who paged you?" I tried to fight down panic…she had to have planned this!
She read my worried expression correctly. "Don't worry Lisa, it's not part of the 'plan', my dad paged and wants me home, now!"
After Marie left we didn't return to the subject of leaving.
“Well…at least it stopped raining.” I commented, looking out the window.
“Yes, I think a week straight may be quite enough rain.”
There was a moment of silence that was broken by the waitress bringing our food. “So Erik…what’d you get?” I asked, looking down at his plate, which seemed to have some sort of seafood on it.
“Shrimp and scallops.” He replied, stabbing a small scallop with his fork and eating it.
“You have to be the only guy I know who can look dignified eating seafood.” I said, watching him eat a shrimp. He looked up at me and I suddenly found my Greek salad a thing of intense fascination. “Now take something like this.” I held up a forkful of salad. “There is no way to look dignified eating a piece of lettuce this big….now don’t watch, I’m going to attempt to get the whole piece in.” (Quite a maneuver considering how big most restaurants cut the lettuce and other veggies for salads)
“I think you managed that rather gracefully.”
I laughed. “You weren’t supposed to be watching!” I proceeded to pick at my salad as he finished eating. Looking around the table in search of something else to discuss I noted the dessert menu.
“Dessert?”
“Perhaps…however, I am not overly hungry.” He sent a speculative glance at the menu.
“C’mon, you have to at least try the cheesecake.” I had to keep him there for a bit at least…until I could figure out a way to convince him to stay.
He nodded. A moment later our waitress…of the wonderful timing, came over and asked if we wanted dessert. Erik ordered his cheesecake and coffee and I decided to stick with just coffee.
“No dessert?”
“Well, I might steal a bite off of yours.” Our waitress of the wonderful timing (sort of like our lady of the immaculate conception…just not as widely known.) returned with the coffee and cake a moment later.
We fell into a completely inane discussion of the best places to get cheesecake and the best sort of cheese to make them from. (Never, ever make one from ricotta…that is desecration of the cheesecake and anyone found doing such a thing will have to be destroyed.) It was almost our old banter but with that undercurrent of tension that made the scene seem almost surreal. I wondered if things could ever be the same between us.
That was when he suggested we follow dinner with a walk. Perfect, if begging was required at least I wouldn't have to do it in public.
We decided to walk the route around campus. After all, Marie and I were moving out the next day, and probably wouldn't do much walking there until the next fall. We began with a jaunt around campus. During which I found, for a summer night, it was chilly.
"Are you cold Lisa?"
I shook my head. "Nah, I've got a sweater, I'll be cool."
"Are you sure? I have a jacket." He offered with that chivalry that would seem outdated and insincere coming from anyone else.
"No, I'll be fine, weird weather for May though." I shivered a bit and slid into my sweater.
"Yes, I believe the weather forecasters would blame it on El Nino.
Unfortunately the sweater was not enough. I shivered again and before I could protest Erik slid off his jacket and draped it over my shoulders.
"Doomo." I thanked him and pulled the jacket closed, noting the pleasant smell of his cologne, which lingered there.
"Doo itashimashite."
We took a trail that led up into a little wooded area and stood side by side, admiring the moon for a long while. Erik broke the silence.
"I've been trying to find something that I could give you before I leave tomorrow… to remember me by…"
I sighed. "The pendant was no big deal, you don't need to—"
This time he cut me off. "I was thinking about it before you gave me your pendant."
"Oh."
He turned away for a moment, putting his back to me. It took a moment for me to realize what he was doing as he raised his hands to the ribbons tied at his neck. "I believe I have found the proper thing." He reached behind him and placed his mask in my hands.
His mask.
I don't think I had ever been so surprised in the entirety of my young life. My mind was refusing to work again for a few moments. Then I took a deep breath…here went everything.
"Erik, turn around… please." I added when he paused.
He turned half toward me, still turned away enough to keep me from seeing his face clearly.
I took another deep breath, rubbing the leather of the mask with the tips of my fingers. "Erik, look at me."
Very slowly he turned toward me. I could see the fear in his eyes. I didn't flinch and my eyes didn't waver from his. That was what he was expecting, I could feel it. He expected me to run, but why? He was ugly, of that there was no doubt. Even the soft light of the moon allowed me to see that. But I had always known about his face. At that point I knew that if he left I would never forgive myself. The absolute trust and hope put into this gesture…I knew then, in my heart if not my mind, that he loved me. Yet there was some part of me that wouldn't allow the proper words to come out. I couldn't say 'I love you' but I had to do something.
I looked down at the mask in my hands. "You can't leave." I said it so softly only he, with his catlike hearing, could have heard me.
"Why? There is nothing to hold me here, is there Lisa?" His voice was low, almost pleading.
I found I couldn't meet his eyes and I could feel a blush creeping across my cheeks and burning my ears. "I couldn't live with myself if you left Erik."
"But what have I to stay for? And please, don't cite my job as a reason."
God! What would it take…but then, I already knew what it would take.
I tried a new tactic. "What about friendship? Has that been such a constant in your life that you'd be willing to give up good friends?"
"Friends are all well and good, the past two months have been wonderful but, I need more."
"Don't ask me for something I…can't give you. Can't you be content with our friendship? I've found that a good friend is a precious thing, not to be taken lightly."
"And I'm not taking it likely…but I can't go on with this pain."
"My god, you do have this down to a science don't you?" I grumbled. My eyes were glued to the mask as though the meaning of life might be found on the surface of the soft leather. "Erik, you can't leave."
"And again I say, why?"
I looked up at him this time, tears standing out in my eyes…I can pull off sad and pathetic pretty well when I put my mind to it. I took another deep breath and closed my eyes, tears slipping from beneath the lids…if it required getting on my knees and begging I would find a way to make him stay. That pride that had sustained me through the past weeks, that had kept me away from him even when I knew in my heart that I had chosen the wrong path, was gone now. Damn pride! He couldn’t leave. "Please stay."
I heard him heave a sigh of his own. "Very well Lisa, I will stay."
Relief flooded through me. "Thank you Erik."
He merely nodded. "Perhaps we should finish our walk?"
I wiped the tears from my eyes and nodded. We were walking toward the dorms when I stopped. "Let's do a little reversal tonight, I'll walk you home."
He looked surprised but didn't protest.
"Erik, could I see your gloves?"
"Why?"
"Just hand them over."
"Of course." He handed me the gloves and I stuffed them in the pocket of his jacket. Then I reached out and grasped his now bare hand in mine. I don't know what possessed me, perhaps the mere knowledge that he would stay. He gasped but didn't pull away. We walked the rest of the way in silence.
At the door there was a moment where neither of us really knew what to say next.
I found my voice first. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow, Marie and I are moving, you'll have to join us for the first dinner in the new place."
"Of course, do you need any help with the move?"
"Nah, we've got it covered."
"Until tomorrow then?"
"Until tomorrow." I nodded. His eyes were so, uncertain, and sad. I had a moment of courage and pulled his face down to my level for a brief kiss. Oh, boy…now there was a feeling almost beyond description…the warmth of his lips against mine…whew!
I walked away, rather satisfied with myself.
When I got to the room I paused at the door, betting Marie would be there…there had been no big emergency. But I found, to my surprise, that I didn't really care. I opened the door and walked in.
Marie looked up from her computer. "So, how'd it go?"
"He's staying if that's what you mean." I replied as I flopped on the floor.
"Yeah!"
"That was what I thought." I realized that I still had his mask in my hand. I looked at it thoughtfully and placed it on my desk.
"What's that?" Marie stammered.
"What's what Marie?"
"You have his mask?"
"Your quick dear, that's right, he gave it to me." I replied off-handedly as I ran my fingers over the smooth leather.
"He gave you his mask?" She gaped in disbelief.
I finally looked up. "Do you feel the need to parrot everything I say…should I ask you if you want a cracker?"
"No. Why did he give you his mask?" She was turned completely away from her PC now…apparently the desire to look up beanie babies on the web paled next to the need to know how I had snagged the Phantom of the Opera’s mask.
"A gift in turn I guess, how in the hell should I know?" I rolled my eyes in exasperation.
"Aw." She crooned.
"Aw, what?"
"You saw what he looked like?" She scooted forward on her chair and looked like she was about to pounce on me if I didn’t start talking.
"That tends to happen when he takes off the mask dear."
"Well, what’d you think?" Marie was now literally on the edge of her seat.
I smile cryptically. "Well, he's no Brad Pitt, I'll tell you that."
"Duh! Well?"
"In the words of his father in the Charles Dance version of Phantom…I thought it could be better…I’m kidding Marie.” I added when she gaped at me. “Try the Andrew Lloyd Weber version, but add hair and minus the hole in the head."
My mind had wondered back to the feel of holding his bare hand in mine. " Is the inquisition over?" I asked distractedly, not really believing she'd let me get away so easily. I was getting tired of her questions, too much had happened and I hadn't been able to think it through yet.
"No. What happened? How'd you convince him to stay?"
Of course I wasn't entirely sure myself. "I consulted my 'Guide to Phantoms'… jeez, I just asked him!"
A wide grin spread over her face. "So, anything good happen? Did any smut ensue?"
It was my turn to roll my eyes. "No, get your mind out of the gutter."
"But it's so happy there." She whined in mock protest.
"I'll bet, now can we get some sleep for the big move tomorrow?"
"Yes."
"Good. As long as the inquisition's over."
"C'mon, something good must have happened."
"Nope nothin' good."
"Not even a kiss?"
I hesitated for a second, but I couldn't tell Marie about that…she was already harassing me enough about Erik. "Nope."
"Aw." She let out a plaintive sound.
"Go to sleep."
****
That morning, after dragging Marie's protesting ass (and the rest of her) out of bed, we started our move.
"You do realize you haven't even told me which apartment we're moving into?"
"Yup, it's a surprise."
"Oh dear."
It was a surprise, a big one…we had the apartment right next to Erik's. "How'd you pull that off?"
"Talent." Marie replied smiling as she opened the door. "I sweet talked the landlord."
"Talent indeed. You are really relentless aren't you."
"I don't know what you mean." She shrugged with her best innocent look.
"Right." I rolled my eyes at her. "So, did you let Erik in on this little surprise?"
"What little surprise?" We both turned to look at Erik who was standing in his own doorway watching us.
"Hi!" Marie chirped. "Neighbor, next door neighbor to be exact!"
"Well, this is a pleasant surprise." Erik smiled beneath the mask (Yes, he had more than one.)
"Don't say that yet, you've never had to live near her." I gestured to my roomie.
"Yes he has, he lived with me for a month in Paris." Marie reminded me sticking out her tongue.
"But I'm sure he's trying to block out the memory."
"Can we please just put this TV inside?" Marie asked around the rather large television she was holding.
"May I offer my assistance?" Erik approached Marie.
"Yes! Please!"
Erik relieved Marie of the appliance and set it inside. With his help we finished bringing our stuff in a record hour and a half. After about four or five hours of unpacking we decided we were done for the night and needed food.
"Wow, what kind of food do you use to pay the Phantom of the Opera for helping you move? Chinese?" I wondered aloud.
"Cheese steaks!" Marie suggested.
"Actually I would prefer pizza."
Marie and I turned to Erik in a brief moment of surprise. Marie recovered first. "Pizza's good, Papa John's?"
"Works for me, what kind do you want Erik?"
"Cheese?" He shrugged, not having had pizza more than once in his life.
"Cool. Marie?"
"Pineapple!"
I picked up the phone and dialed. "And I say sweet peppers! Cool, we'll just order one of each."
We proceeded to introduce Erik to the joys of obscure pizza toppings. And of course, once I had set the VCR up we had to watch my favorite movie, Cyrano de Bergerac…and not just any version…the 1991 version, in French, with subtitles, with Gerard Depardieu! We all sat on the couch together…Erik in the middle of course. He simply watched the movie and the only sign he gave of actually reading the subtitles was an occasional, "That lost something in the translation."
We were all very tired…hell I was tired enough to fall asleep halfway through my favorite flick.
I woke up when I heard Marie exclaim, "Aw, how cute and pathetic."
It was then that I realized that my head was resting on Erik shoulder. “I’m up.” I asserted, pulling away abruptly and sitting straight. Erik placed a gentle hand on my neck and drew my head back to rest against his shoulder. I sighed, why fight it? I fell asleep again only to awake when Erik whispered to me that the movie was over.
Marie looked over at me. "Yeah, the movie's over and it's time for all good students with internships to go to bed."
"Yes mother." I yawned and stood up, stretching.
Erik stood as well. "I suppose this would be my cue to leave."
"I'll walk you." I offered, not really knowing why.
"It's next door, stop the pretense of protecting him and just kiss the man, Jesus H. Christ!" Marie scowled as she walked to her room and shut the door.
There was a moment of stunned silence (this happens a lot around Marie).
"Well, that was sufficiently embarrassing." I looked down unable to meet his eyes.
"Indeed."
I was searching for another reason to have wanted to walk him back when Marie shouted from her bedroom. "How stupid do you think I am?!"
I laughed. "I decline to answer that one."
Erik laughed too. "Probably for the best, shall we?" He gestured toward the door.
"Sure, let's go."
We walked out and then the few paces to Erik's door.
After a moment of foot shuffling I finally piped up. "Actually I had a reason for wanting to walk with you, two questions and I didn't feel like any commentary from the peanut gallery." I pointed back toward my door, indicating Marie.
"I see your point. What did you want to ask me?"
"Well…neither Marie or I have seen the inside of your apartment since you got the new furniture and I was well…wondering if I could see your place." I made myself look up at him, but there was still a certain amount of foot shuffling and hand twisting as I waited for his answer.
"Yes, of course." He had a strange half-smile on his face as he opened the door and ushered me in.
The apartment was beautiful, mostly because it was a close reproduction of his lair under the opera. The only things that were truly out of period were the entertainment system, (but the effect of the plastic and metal was downplayed by the antique glass case that housed it) the recliner (somehow he made a Lazy-boy go with his old furniture...how, I’ll never know) and the thick pile burgundy carpeting.
"It looks wonderful Erik." You had to give Erik credit; he's got great taste.
I could feel him standing behind me. "I'm pleased you like it Lisa. Now what was the second question you had for me?" He whispered, and I shivered involuntarily, but not unpleasantly, at the feel of his warm breath in my ear.
I turned around, my eyes locking with his, which could make anyone lose her powers of speech. After a moment I found my tongue again (I'm not sure where it was before, but I had a devil of a time getting it back) "I wanted to ask what you were doing for breakfast…I mean you're not exactly know for your cooking skills." I was babbling again, but I really didn't care.
He looked at me quizzically from behind the mask.
"Well, your not…c'mon, I'm making my dad's special recipe pancakes." I gave him my best sad puppy look. (Which, by the way, is very good, even Marie agrees on that)
He smiled. "Do you know you ought to register that look as a weapon? Of course I will join you, is nine o'clock acceptable?"
I smiled back, "Well, being as I have to leave for work by then, perhaps something a bit earlier, seven thirty?"
He nodded.
"Good, maybe Marie will join us…if I can drag her butt out of bed."
Erik and I looked at each other for a moment, trying to picture Marie out of bed, of her own free will, before noon. "Ok, so it will be just the two of us." I conceded when I had stopped laughing. "So, I'll see you tomorrow?"
He nodded, moving toward the door and opening it. I walked quickly, happy I had covered so well, or so I thought. Just as I was about to pass the threshold, I heard his voice in my ear. "Am I allowed another kiss?"
I stopped in my tracks and looked up at him. The hope and longing in his eyes was overwhelming. My voice gone again, I merely nodded. He tilted my chin with a gentle hand and bent his face to mine. This was no quick kiss like the one I had given him the night before, this one lingered. How to describe that kiss…warm lips pressed against mine, a gentle tongue exploring my mouth…there was an eternity in that kiss. My heart was pounding in my chest and my legs seemed as though they would melt out from under me at any moment. When he pulled back I was in a daze, albeit a pleasant daze, but a daze none the less.
He smiled his gentle smile. "Until tomorrow Lisa."
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak and went back to my apartment. I shut the door behind me and leaned against it, still not confident my legs would keep me upright. I sighed, what was I getting myself into?
"I didn't think you were in his apartment that long."
I opened one eye to glare at Marie who was sitting on the couch watching Daria.
"What?" She asked innocently.
I just sighed and walked past her, toward my room.
"Hey! Get back here!" Marie demanded.
I turned to look at her. "What?"
"Tell me what happened."
"Nothing happened, can I go to bed now?"
"Something happened." She insisted.
"Not a thing." I reiterated.
"I don't believe you." She crossed her arms and looked at me sternly.
"Bummer for you."
"I heard at the door."
"Heard what?"
"I heard Erik ask for a kiss." Marie replied with a satisfied look.
Golf claps. "Good for you."
"So…did you kiss him?" She pressed.
"I can honestly say I did not kiss him." I replied, being purposefully difficult to annoy her.
Marie rolled her eyes. "Was a kiss at least involved?"
"Jeez you're nosey, yes, if you must know, a kiss was involved."
"Details, details!" She chanted.
"I have to start my internship tomorrow, so I'm going to bed." I stalked off to my room.
"Ok, but I'm drilling you for details tomorrow…or I could just ask Erik." She suggested slyly.
I stopped halfway through my door and peered around the doorframe at Marie. "You wouldn't."
"Try me."
"Have I ever told you that you suck?" I asked, coming back into the living room.
"Yes."
I sat down next to her on the couch. "Ok, I know when I'm beaten."
"So…spill it, I want to know everything."
I leaned my head back on the couch and closed my eyes. "I asked to see his new furniture...how he got a Lazy-boy to go with 19th century decor I’ll never know. Then I asked him if he wanted to have breakfast over here tomorrow. On the way out he kissed me. Are you happy now?"
"Aw, c'mon now. I'm a smut writer, what kind of kiss?"
"What do I look like, a kissing authority? It was a kiss."
"C'mon."
"Ok, you remember that really fun kiss between Adam Sandler and Drew Barymoore in the Wedding Singer? Try that times about ten."
"Woohoo!"
"Oh, that was a dignified sound."
"Thank you! Now you may go to bed." She shooed me off the couch.
"I appreciate your permission dear, good night." I stalked off to my room again and got ready for bed.
I went to bed with my mind in turmoil. I knew I loved him, and I was relatively sure he had strong feelings for me…but something in me still protested. "Just a kiss." It said. "Nothing more." The other half of my mind countered; a mere kiss didn't melt your legs and make your heart try to leap from your chest. As I lay there I figured out what part of the problem was…I was at heart, terribly cynical about the world. (I'm a bit better now) I love fairy tales and love stories precisely because they are not reality, because things work out in that universe as they never can or will in this one. I had seen too many people have their hearts broken, too many wasting their lives with people they didn't love out of duty, too many loving someone that didn't love them back. Real life was no fairy tale, real life was cruel. The princess and her hero rarely found each other…and when they did, they usually divorced within two years. That was part of life I didn't feel like dealing with. That was why I never got involved…besides having a massive inferiority complex, I never really believed that things could work out between me and another. I was afraid to try.
I tossed and turned before falling into a fitful sleep around one o'clock. Before true sleep overtook me I wondered if it would be so bad to take a chance with Erik. I dreamt of many strange things that night, but among the oddest was a masked figure on a white stallion, carrying off Ariel from the Little Mermaid, complete with mermaid tail and seashell bra. After that I decided sweet pepper and pineapple pizza before bed was a bad combo.
****
I tried not to think about the kiss the next morning (in my mind it had become The Kiss…rather specific from other kisses) which should have been easy considering how nervous I was about the first day of my internship. I wore gray pinstriped dress slacks, black penny loafers and a white button down shirt. I was just an intern, so the dress code wasn't too strict, but most people who know me would have been surprised to see me that dressed up. I was in the kitchen, mixing pancake batter in my apron…no, I was in the apron, not the pancake batter! (It's a very cool apron…hey, don't laugh, it is! It has suns, moons, and stars on it. At any rate, yes, I'm a woman who likes cooking very much and I don't care how cliché it is!) …when Erik knocked. My hands were covered in flour and eggs so I just told him to come in. (Who locks doors when they live next to the Phantom? It's like having built in security!)
He stepped in the kitchen and I turned to give him a traditional Japanese greeting. (Hey if you don't use a language you lose it) when he burst out laughing.
I looked down at my flour-smeared apron, but couldn't see any cause for hilarity. "I know I'm a bit of a mess, but it's not that bad."
Erik shook his head and came toward me. "I'm sorry, it was just that your face is covered in flour and you managed to get quite a bit in your hair as well. Are you sure you were cooking with it and not bathing in it?" He asked, grinning mischievously.
"Very funny, no I didn't bathe in it, sheesh!" I wiped at my face with a dishtowel. "There, did I get it?"
He shook his head, trying to hold back another laugh.
I tried again. "How about now?"
He shook his head again. "Non, mon amie, you did not get it. Allow me to help." Erik took the dishtowel from me and gently wiped the remaining flour from my face. How can I explain the effect Erik had on me? Just standing there, running a dishtowel over my face, hands barely touching me, he still managed to make my pulse quicken. He's probably the only man in the world who could turn a girl on with a dishtowel. (Another talent for the list?)
He handed the towel back to me and after a moment I regained my composure.
Then I noticed the mask, he still wore it. "Ok, man, no masks in my house! You want pancakes you're going to take that thing off!" I declared with a grand sweep of dishtowel.
He chuckled softly and took his mask off. "Ah, what one must do for food."
"Thanks, but don't quote my characters. Now have a seat, the pancakes will be up in a minute." I indicated a chair. I turned to the stove and took a few deep breaths to calm down. Not facing him made it easier, but it was still a few moments before my hands stopped shaking. "So, what do you drink with your pancakes?"
"I haven't had much experience with pancakes, what would you suggest?"
"Do you like milk? That's really the best thing to have…skim milk with maple syrup, a perfect combo." I was babbling, yet again…it was getting to be a habit every time I was around him.
"That sounds fine."
"Good." I said as I brought a plate of pancakes to the table. "Milk for two then." I went to the fridge, happy my hands had steadied enough for me to pour the milk without incident. I took off the apron (Which I still defend as being very cool!) and brought the milk to the table.
We made polite breakfast conversation. (Yes there is a type of conversation for breakfast, the topic is usually the day's itinerary and occasionally the weather. For brunch it's more about what you're doing that weekend and for lunch well…) When we finished eating. (And I must add that Erik even eats well…didn't know that was a skill did you?) I cleared the table and Erik insisted that he would help with the dishes.
"I think I can handle it Erik." I sighed as he joined me at the sink. I hadn't washed any of the dishes from breakfast yet and there was quite a pile.
"I'm sure you can, but I will help." He said as he filled one side of the sink with soap and water.
"Fine, you wash I dry." I looked over at him as he concentrated on the dishes. The sink was filled with bubbles, which gave me an idea. I reached into his side of the sink and scooped out a handful of bubbles. Before he could ask what I was doing I smeared them over his face.
He turned to me with an incredulous look. "What was that for?"
"Aw, c'mon, they were there, I had to use them." I said, trying my best to look innocent.
He wiped at the bubbles with one hand and said in his most regal tone. "You should know better than to trifle with the Phantom."
I looked into his eyes and laughed.
"Have I lost my regal touch?" He asked, looking slightly dismayed.
"No, you just have bubbles all over your face, not very Phantomesque dear." I laughed.
Erik smiled and tried to wipe away the remaining bubbles. He looked at me expectantly.
"Nope, still got some there, jeez, you're about as good at wiping your face as I am. Here." I brought his face down to my level. "I'll give you a hand." I used the towel to wipe gently at his cheek. As I brushed away more of the soap my thumb grazed his face and I heard his sharp intake of breath. Effecting not to notice I removed the rest of the residue, sure to let my fingers brush his skin along with the towel. I wasn't exactly sure what I was doing but I was sure I didn't want to stop when the last of the soap was gone. Erik's eyes were locked with mine as I dropped the towel and ran my fingers lightly across his scarred cheek. Erik shivered and closed his eyes. I raised my other hand to his face, gently exploring the tortured flesh. I trailed my thumb over his bottom lip and watched his mouth open slightly.
At this particular point, coherent though was not in my scope of ability. So, without thinking, I pressed my lips against his. When he didn't pull away my new found courage grew and I dared part his lips further with a seeking tongue. I stepped closer to him as we kissed, sliding my hands down from his face to encircle his neck. This pulled him still closer, so that our bodies touched as well. I felt his arms twine around my waist and pull me flush against him, a small animalish moan escaping his lips. At that sound I pressed myself closer to him. When our lips finally parted I rested my head against his chest, able to hear the rapid beating of his heart over my own labored breathing. He hooked his head over my shoulder and pressed his face to my hair. We stood like that for a long moment, silently holding each other.
"LISA! What did you do to the bathroom?!" Marie, with her characteristic (or annoying) timing, bellowed from the other room.
Erik and I sprung apart as though we had both been shocked.
Marie came storming into the kitchen in her bathrobe. "You left your crap all over the bathroom…again!"
I rolled my eyes. "I'm sorry Marie, just mellow out ok? I'll take care of it right now." I hurried off to the bathroom.
I heard Erik and Marie exchange greetings and then Marie proceeded to explain my utter lack of house keeping abilities. I came in just as she was telling Erik about the accumulation of dust in our dorm room.
"If you're quite done talking about me dear, the bathroom is all ready for you, your highness." I made a sweeping gesture down the hall.
She rolled her eyes at me. "Sophomores, can't teach 'em a thing." And she stalked off.
I sighed and shook my head…Marie's timing left much to be desired. I looked up at Erik who was regarding me strangely.
"What?"
"Dust balls the size of cats?"
"Marie, queen of exaggeration strikes again, they were only the size of small rabbits!" I defended with a laugh.
"Well, then I fail to see the problem."
"Exactly." I gestured toward the living room. "I've still got about an hour before work and I was going to watch the news, join me?"
"Of course…a strong dose of murder and disaster is always a good way to start the day."
"Hey, the weather is usually pretty tame."
I took his hand and led him to the couch. After finding the ever-elusive remote I sat down next to him and turned on the TV. Another murderer being tried, more people demanding the death penalty. My mind wasn't really focused on the public's latest crusade, I was tired and was resting my head on Erik's shoulder. He put an arm around me and I leaned further toward him, so that I was almost in his lap. He realized our position, and deciding I might as well be in his lap, he pulled me in.
"Erik!" I protested as he settled me on his lap.
He responded only by leaning me back so my head rested against his chest. I could feel the beat of his heart against my ear as he wrapped his arms around me and held me closer. I curled against him, secure in his embrace, and quickly fell asleep. I woke when he shook me lightly. "You may want to stay awake if you must leave for work soon."
I glanced over at the VCR clock, I still had 45 minutes. "I don't have to leave yet, besides, it's comfortable here." I closed my eyes again.
"Would you like me to wake you and drive you to work?" He asked softly.
I nodded against his chest. Before falling asleep again I felt him place a light kiss on the top of my head.
My second wake up call was not nearly as pleasant. I awoke to Marie exclaiming how cute and pathetic Erik and I were being. I shot her a glare and quickly left with Erik.
Erik drove me to work while I silently bemoaned having to go…my only wish at that point was to fall asleep in his arms again. We shared a brief kiss when he dropped me off, that's probably what carried me through that first day. How could I be nervous if I was too busy thinking of Erik?