Chapter Fifteen
"What did you say?" Jenny
asked in astonishment, pulling away from his gentle touch involuntarily, even
though she'd craved it for so long.
"I asked if you knew how
tempting you are." Erik replied, his voice noticeably strained, although
he tried to mask it otherwise. "You're so lovely... so very
beautiful."
"Are you serious?" she
asked softly, closing her eyes, lest he see the sudden pain in them. "Or are you playing some cruel
joke?"
"Have I ever lied to you
before, cherie?"
"No... not that I know
of."
"Why would I start now?"
he breathed, his eyes fastened on her slightly parted lips, admiring their
delicate peach color and remembering the morning that he'd so recklessly kissed
her while she slept. She'd responded to
his kiss even then and he yearned to see if she would still react with such
passion. Her lips were a wine he could
no more resist than a bee could ignore a perfect, fragrant rose. Would they
again taste as sweet as they looked? he wondered briefly, before lowering
his face to hers in a movement even he had not expected..
Jenny blinked in surprise when
Erik's mouth closed over hers, his gentle lips coaxing hers to open and let him
deepen his kiss. She closed her eyes to
savor the experience of his velvety tongue venturing into her mouth,
tentatively exploring as she moaned with pleasure in response. Oh... Jenny had never been kissed in
this way before. Dear Lord, this was
intoxicating, addictive... time and space lost all meaning, all that mattered
was this mind-shattering kiss. She'd
been dreaming of a moment like this since she had first met this extraordinary
man, yet there was that nagging doubt...
Erik just couldn't control himself,
her lips were so sweet against his inexpert mouth and her barely audible cry
nearly undid him. Promising himself
that he would take it no further than a kiss or two, Erik wrapped his arms
around her, pulling her body against his and letting her feel how aroused he
was by her. She was wearing a blouse of
cream silk that bared her neck and shoulders teasingly, but the cloth was no
match for the softness of her flesh and hair... no match for her voice. He pulled back just enough to gaze at her
face, feeling somewhat drugged with sensation.
Her eyes were closed, her face flushed and her cheeks and lips were
reddened to a becoming coral... Dear Lord, how could he resist such beauty?
"Jennifer..." he sighed,
holding her close and resting his bare cheek against her hair. "Oh, mon
dieu, ma chere... do you have any idea what you're doing to
me?"
"I'm being your substitute for
Christine." she said, her voice choked with the tell-tale sound of tears.
"What?" Erik pulled back
again, dismayed at the reproach and hurt he saw in her crystal blue eyes. "Jennifer, that's not-"
"Don't." she warned in a
low voice, rising from the bench and backing away a few steps. "Just don't, Erik. I'm not some prostitute for you to use
whenever the mood strikes you."
"I don't understand, cherie...
have I upset you?" Erik asked helplessly, struggling mightily to
comprehend her sudden change of heart.
"Upset me?" Jenny
repeated, her eyes glowing with a fury that would've done him credit. "No... of course not. Who'd care if you did anyway?"
Erik ducked instinctively as she
threw a pillow from the couch at him.
"Just because I'm plain and
over-weight... just because I happen love you... you think that I'm here for
the taking?! I refuse to be Christine's
substitute! I'm not some little floozy
who's only thought is to get a man between her thighs no matter what he thinks
of her! You think I'm willing to play
second? Guess again, mister!!!"
she shrieked, her anger and hurt apparently blotting out her sense of
discretion and aim.
"Jenny, stop!" he ordered,
drawing upon all of the power he knew his voice possessed. "Right now, child... stop."
She stopped, a sort of glazed
obedience passing over her in the wake of his extraordinarily suggestive
voice. That voice... if it told
her to dive off of a cliff, she figured she probably would, poor, stupid
creature that she was. Always falling
in love with any man who happened along.
This time was not much different... no matter how different it
felt. She had felt desolate when
rejected by previous men... but if her beloved, hurting Erik rejected her...
she would kill herself, quickly this time... a knife or pistol would do
the trick. No one would mourn her
passing... in time the Opera patrons would forget her, Christine, Raoul, and
dear little Meg Giry would find new friends, and Erik... he could have any
woman he wanted, really... why would he miss her?
Without warning, she broke into
tears. Erik rose and immediately led
her to the couch, covering her shoulders with a wing of his cloak. He swore under his breath; why? Why must one so young and full of life be so
dragged down with pain? This child of
the world deserved sunlight, flowers, and scores of admirers... so why was she
in this sort of misery?
He could heal her, he was certain he
could. He loved her... that was what
she claimed to need. But perhaps, it
wasn't the love he was giving that she needed. Then, it dawned on him; had she
confessed to love him? Good God... After all of the effort he'd put into denying his desire for her,
denying his deepest feelings for her... he now realized that most, if not all
of his caution was unnecessary. She
would've accepted... perhaps ever encouraged his affections! This was an entirely new concept for him...
never before had his passions been validated by reciprocation. And yet, she doubted that he could
love her? To his reasoning, it
was he who should be so pessimistic about affection, not this sweet girl.
Christine... she thought that
he was still in love with Christine!
Had he ever been in love with Christine? He wondered as Jennifer leant her head on his shoulder and
cried. He had increasingly questioned
that very issue. More and more, he
suspected that he had been obsessed with rather than truly in love with
Christine... because she was the stereotypical ideal, because she resembled his
mother in appearance, and because she was the first woman to ever treat him
like a man. He had loved
Christine in a way... but it was quite different from how he loved Jenny. He would've proved himself a monster by
keeping Christine against her will and denying her freedom to choose her own
destiny. With Jenny... if she had ever
taken it into her mind to leave him for another, he would've let her go, if
only to see her happy. He had been
selfish regarding Christine, a child denied a special toy… but he was willing
to compromise his own contentment to please the least of Jenny's whims.
He loved Jenny the way that she
wanted to be loved...
"I'm sorry..." she
raggedly apologized, pushing away from him slightly. "I shouldn't have
done that. I should leave... I'd better
go."
Go? Now that I've finally deciphered my feelings? She can't!
"Where will you go, ma chere? And why must you?" he asked, keeping a
firm hold on her arms when she would've risen from the couch.
"I should go home... back to
America... I don't belong here anymore.
I don't belong anywhere." she sniffed.
"No!" his denial
was quick and fervent.
"Why not?"
"Mon ange... you can't
leave." he begged. "I need
you, Jenny and... I believe that you... need... me."
Her scared eyes told him that she
hadn't yet realized that she'd confessed as much during her tirade. "You know?" she whimpered
helplessly, looking for all the world like she wanted to shrivel up and die. "Oh no, I... I didn't... Bloody hell, I
did..."
"I know now, ma chere. I believe you told me that you love
me." he whispered, still reeling from the shock. "Am I correct in assuming that I am the idiot who's
in love with the perfect woman and will never love you?"
"As usual... yes." Jenny
said. "I've been in... love...
with you for a while now. I was even
before... before Christine left you."
Suddenly she tugged her arms, trying to release herself from his
hold. "I have to go... please, let
me go, Erik... I can't... I just can't-"
"Can't what?" he kept his
grip firm.
She took a deep breath before
continuing in a tear-stained voice that was fraught with pain from years of
loneliness. "I can't take any more
rejection... it just hurts too much."
"I'll never... ever hurt
you, Jenny." Erik said with conviction, his eyes serious. "You know that, cherie."
"I know... not on purpose,
anyway. You care for me... but you
don't love me, Erik... not in that way... and you never will. You're a man of... intense passions, you
worship beauty and grace... neither of which I have. You love Christine, whom I could never measure up to even if I
tried my hardest. I'm just not worthy
of your love." she said in a soft voice, her eyes closing tightly with the
pain of her assumptions
"Jennifer... that's
ridiculous!" Erik exclaimed.
"You accuse me of being superficial... I, of all people should -
and do - know better. I don't care if
you are plain, which you are not.
I do love you, Jenny."
"But, not in that way. You don't want me." she repeated
stubbornly.
"Oh, no?"
He grabbed one of her hands and led
it to the hard staff between his thighs.
She gasped in complete shock and resisted slightly, but he held her
captured appendage firmly against him.
Realization was slow-coming to Jenny, but it came, nonetheless. He actually desired her? Their song had had as much an effect on Erik
as it had on her? Her embarrassment
eventually gave way to curiosity and she curled her fingers upwards, gently
tightening her hold on his rigid sex through the cloth of his trousers. How was it possible for flesh to be so hard
and throbbing? Without realizing what
she was doing, Jenny wonderingly let her hand explore him a little further, her
fingers rubbing up and down his manhood.
Erik gave a low growl of pleasure as he felt Jenny's
shy fingers close around him,
causing
him to be even more aware of how much he wanted her. He'd never been touched before in such a way and he couldn't stop
himself from shuddering violently at the exquisite sensation it afforded. Just when he believed himself under control,
Jenny touched him more fully, all but encasing him in her hand and he swelled
even larger in response, gasping quietly with both surprise and pleasure. Was she trying to drive him insane
with lust?
"Now tell me that I don't love
you... need you... want you..." he whispered unevenly.
"But... why?" she asked
softly, sounding almost like a young child.
"Why me? There are hundreds
of prettier women out there."
"Perhaps... but none more
compassionate or better in any other sense." Erik drawled with velvety
softness, removing her hand from himself lest he lose control and take her on
the floor. "You are the woman that
I turned to in my darkest hour. When
any other woman would have run screaming from me or at least shied away from
me, you stayed with me. I insulted,
injured, and nearly killed you in my rage... but you still stayed with me, out
of love. How can I turn from that
love? It's what I've always wanted ever
since I was a child. And, as a man, I
do want you... in my bed and in my heart."
"But-"
"Shhh... let me finish,
love. I think that you are one of the
most beautiful women to ever grace the earth." he removed her spectacles
with a gentle sweep, the other hand smoothing her unruly waves of hair. "Your eyes... so clear and green as a
newly polished emerald. Your hair, so
silky and thick... and such a beautiful shade.
Your skin, so smooth and warm... comforted me on more than one
occasion." long fingers trailed lazily over her cheek and across her
closed lips, instinctively opening them.
"Your lips... soft and... so sweet. God, I want you, Jennifer."
Unable to resist the lure of his
voice and the sincerity of his words, Jenny accepted his kiss with relish,
eagerly letting his tongue caress hers with languid strokes. Her body melted against his, cherishing the
heat that surrounded her as proof of his desire. They fit perfectly together, he was hard where she was soft,
tense where she was pliant. Her breasts
crushed against the hard wall of his chest and she could feel his heart pound
in unison with hers, an intimate concert of vibrating beats.
"Erik..." she gasped as
his lips traced down her neck to her collarbone.
Soft, God, she was so soft...
he wanted to lose himself in her softness and never return to the cruel
world. His hands combed through her
hair, rejoicing in the luxurious feel of it, lost in the sea of waves,
nut-brown with a hint of red in the light.
Her body was so warm and supple against him! He wanted her so badly, he was in physical pain, his erection
rock-hard... but he dared not take her yet.
He would at least keep his honor about him; for there was more she
needed to know of him before she could decide whether or not to be with him.
"You may not know what you're
getting into, mon amour." Erik warned, rising from his seat with
her hand still in his.
"I don't care." she
insisted recklessly, rising as well.
"Maybe not now, but you
may." he halted her. "Come
with me... I think we need to go out into the city... get some air."
She nodded and quickly fetched one
of the cloaks Erik had bought for her, a lovely one of dark blue wool and
velvet, perfect for the biting chill of the winter night. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see."