I squeeze my eyes again as another wave of pain strikes me. My world is swirling and suddenly I am back in my car…it is that night.
What night?
The nurse said it was almost a year ago. Was this true? Everything has been still since then. Time does not seem to waver.
Not since the crash. Oh, good. I know now there has been a crash. I did not realize it before. All I knew was that I had become exhausted after the pre-trial and later discussions with my associates. I had worked with the paralegals until late at night and I was barely awake when I finally decided to head home.
Someone had offered to take me, but being hardheaded as always, I insisted on driving by myself. After all, I reasoned, everyone must be tired.
So there I went, bleary-eyed, to my lone Lincoln in the parking lot. I was almost asleep when I unlocked the door and threw myself in. I sighed, feeling the softness of the upholstery, and forced my eyes open as I started the engine. Soon the car slid out of the automated gate.
But driving home in this condition was the stupidest thing I had ever done. I hardly drove for fifty meters before my head started to nod and my hands loosened their grip on the wheel. I was oblivious to the world until I heard the sound of metal slamming into a hard surface. There was a deafening thud and then sheer darkness engulfed me.
* * *
But time does stand still. And it is repetitive.
I had felt pain. A lot. I also sensed, at first, all the clatter around me. And later I even heard those white-attired people, doctors and nurses. I saw my dad, my mom, my sister, Nora, my naughty little brother, Russell, and Lara.
And Lara…
I almost choked that time, realizing how much I missed you and how miserable I felt seeing you so desperate. I wanted to run to you and tell you that I was all right. That I had been saved. That the operation had gone well. That I would be awake soon.
But time stood still.
I was never awake, really awake.
Oh, I felt myself getting up and leaving the bed, walking to the window and greeting the morning sun. Every day. Over and over. As if time had imprisoned me here, in a universe that had set me apart from you.
I still could not seem to reach you, Lara.
Could not touch you.
Could not talk to you.
Could not make you aware that I was here drinking in the sight of you, the beautiful entirety of you. And listening to you.
Listening to you talking with the whole family about… about…
