Oh! Things get blurred again, and when I open my eyes I can see the nurse, still busy dipping and squeezing the cloth. I wonder which part of my body she is working on. But I understand her earlier words now as bits of your conversations replay in my mind, one by one.
“We can’t let him be like this forever,” said my dad.
Yes, I remember now. You were sitting by the bed at the time, Lara, holding my hand and once in a while wiping tears from your face.
“We can’t keep Shawn in constant pain,” added my dad.
I absentmindedly watch the nurse raise my arms, one after another, and rub them with the wet cloth. Pain? What pain? I have felt absolutely nothing ever since the operation. The doctors have released me from the pain. No, Dad. I am not suffering at all. I can see and hear all of you. I can move around, though only inside the room. But even from here I can feel my beloved sunshine. I can look outside the window, watch the birds, the small lilacs, and the blue sky. If I suffer at all, it is from boredom.
“But there’s still hope he’ll awake someday,” sniffled Lara.
My mom eyed dad and then Nora and Russell restlessly, "For how much longer?" she replied, more like a question than an answer.
I almost wept then, despite what she had said. It was the first time I had heard my mom after the accident. How I had missed her!
And I still do.
I am wondering, now, if this bath will ever end so I can meet my family again. Yet my mom’s question makes my heart sink, and I wonder. Was that despair in her voice? Did it mean…she was ready to let me go?
“She’s right, Lara. Shawn will depend on these machines for the rest of his life. The doctors have informed us, and you too, that he won’t survive without them. I know he won’t get worse, but…do you really have the heart to see him dormant, neither alive nor dead?”
Dad! My breath caught. My suspicion proves to be true. They were discussing bringing about my death. My own family? Why is it that the only person against this idea was someone unrelated– my girl friend?
Lara sobbed openly. “I can’t! I can’t imagine living without him. I’d rather have him here, although…” She brought my hand closer to her lips and kissed it deeply.
Mom sighed. Then she glanced at dad, who finally decided to drop the bomb. He walked to Lara and grasped her tiny shoulders from behind.
