(Set-up: Naraku is sitting off in a corner, chuckling to himself in a sinister manner. [AN: So what else is new?] Chan, Kibby, & HH are engaged in a game of Cat’s Cradle. Neko is busily sketching various characters. Fluffy is sleeping off the Chemical Pop high. Tasuki is also asleep, with his head in K-Chan’s lap. K-Chan, in turn, is asleep, leaning against the window. Everyone else is sitting, reading, or on the verge of dozing off. Nuriko is outside for some unknown reason.)
IY: *in a whisper; to MJ* So, what I’m wondering is . . . if there’s no driver, how does the bus work?
MJ: *also whispering* You know, I’d like to know that myself. Why don’t we go out and take a peek under the hood? (They tiptoe outside. The sun has almost set.)
IY: (opens the hood) Well, would ya look at that . . . (About a half dozen gremlins are snoozing on hamster wheels inside smallish cages. The hamster wheels appear to be connected to the gears of the bus.)
MJ: So THAT’S where they went!
IY: (gives her a strange look) Eh?
MJ: The gremlins. They used to live in my brain and make me act all crazy. Then, one day, they just up and left and I had no idea where the little buggers went. Now I know.
IY: *under his breath* USED to be crazy. Right.
MJ: Pardon?
IY: Nothing, never mind. (He closes the hood.)
Nuriko: (enters, carrying a big black pickling jar.) Hey, look what I found!
MJ: *perplexed* What the hell is THAT?
Nuriko: *shrugs* Ya got me. (Sets jar down.) I found it a few dozen yards away over there. (Points.)
MJ: Hmmm . . . well, let’s leave it out here for now. We can take a closer look in the morning. (They climb back onto the bus, leaving the jar on the ground outside.)
[A few hours later . . . ]
(Naraku enters, still chuckling ominously. Little do the others know that the pickling jar Nuriko found is actually one of Naraku’s infamous Insta-Pots o’ Evil. Something in the pickling jar now begins to bubble and steam . . . and move . . . )
Naraku: (muttering over the pot) Ku ku ku ku ku . . . . . .
[The next morning . . . ]
Miroku: *to Nuriko* I’m going to take a walk. Have the bus swing back and pick me up in a little while, would you please?
Nuriko: OK, can do.
WW: (wakes up.) Ugh . . . I need a cigarette. (Notices MJ leaning on his shoulder, still sleeping. He grimaces and shoves her away. She topples right back over onto his shoulder. He shoves harder and this time, MJ falls to the other side and ends up on Fluffy’s shoulder.)
Miroku: Ohayo. [Good morning.]
WW: What could possibly be good about it? (Remembers how optimistic the houshi tends to be.) Don’t answer that. Anyway, I’m getting off this bus for a while. At least outside, I’m allowed to smoke. (Glares at MJ, still snoozing peacefully.)
Nuriko: *smiles; waves* OK, you two! We’ll be back in while to pick you up. (Exit Miroku and WW.)
[Later . . . ]
[AN: When I wrote the following, I was extremely cuddle-deprived. Fluffy is not my bishounen. Neko, please don’t hurt me.]
(Fluffy wakes up, mostly sober and back to his "pleasant" self. He yawns, half-stretches, then notices MJ leaning on his shoulder. A momentary look of disgust crosses his face. MJ shifts, snuggles onto his shoulder, and sighs contentedly. [Nauseating, isn’t it?] Fluffy looks at her for a minute, contemplating whether or not to shred the offending human, then rolls his eyes and sighs resignedly. His expression softens for a split second when MJ shivers and draws her knees up. He drapes his tail over her, [We Love the Fluffy Tail!] and puts an arm around her shoulders. Soon, the two of them are asleep, leaning on each other.)
[AN: And now that I am without a shred of dignity, let us continue . . . ]
(Everyone else, except Nuriko, is sleeping as well, in little groups of two or three. K-Chan and Tasuki are leaning on each other, K-Chan with her head on his shoulder, Tasuki with his chin on top of her head. Chan is curled up on a seat with Kibby in her arms, like a beloved stuffed animal. Chichiri, Neko, and IY have created a sort of domino effect, with Chichiri leaning on the wall, Neko leaning on him, and IY leaning on Neko. Naraku is nowhere to be seen, which makes this author very nervous. HH is asleep sitting up with Shippou in his lap. Nuriko, of course, is right next to them.)
Nuriko: *glances around* Awww . . . how cute!
Neko: *blearily; waking up* Nani?
Nuriko: *gestures* Look around.
Neko: *looks around* Aw, aren’t they kawaii?
(Meanwhile, Fluffy and MJ begin to wake up. They yawn and stretch . . . and then notice each other.)
MJ: *sweatdrop* O.o A-no . . . . *twitch twitch*
Fluffy: *equally twitchy* You . . . . (They spring away from each other, to opposite sides of the bus.) This never happened.
MJ: *nodds vigorously* Agreed.
[Later . . . er . . . ]
Fluffy: So, where’s the lech?
Neko: You mean Miroku.
Fluffy: Yes, him. He hasn’t been here all morning. *quickly adding* Not that I care, mind you . . . .
Nuriko: He and Wolfwood went for a walk this morning. You guys were still asleep. We’re going to swing back later and pick them up.
(The bus begins to slow down. There is much bewilderment on the part of the riders.)
MJ: *mutters* Oh, NOW what? *to IY* Don’t you even THINK about it! Remember the gremlins.
All: *extreme disbelief* GREMLINS?!
MJ: *perfectly calm* Yes, gremlins.
IY: *with a long-suffering look* Long story.
MJ: *all in one breath* See, there were these gremlins that used to reside in my brain and make me crazy, then one day they all disappeared and I didn’t know where they went, but apparently, they now live in the bus and work the engine by running on hamster wheels. *gasp/inhale*
IY: *eyebrow raise* Then again, maybe not. (The others exchange bemused looks.)
K-Chan: *goes to the window* I wonder who we’re stopping fo- . . . . O.O; Oh . . . . my . . . .God . . . .
(The bus stops, the doors open, and a rather . . . uh . . . INTERESTING character walks up the steps.)
[AN: Neko was supposed to send me a picture of this guy, but it looks like that’s not going to happen anytime in the near future, so I’ll try and give you, poor suffering curious reader, a once-over in words. Basically, picture Miroku, only with peroxide blonde hair where the black roots are starting to show, the rosary and glove on the other hand, a pink hoodie sweatshirt with a yellow happy face decal, black cut-offs over purple biker shorts, and purple vinyl sneakers. Scary, ne?]
(The cast is, understandably, in shock.)
Tasuki: O.o; Holy sh!t, what the HELL is this?!
Neko: (claps her hands to her face) Omigosh! Miroku’s gone crazy!
IY: . . . . er. [AN: As in "crazier".]
K-Chan: *sorrowful tone* I feel so bad! Maybe we should’ve been nicer to him . . . .
Chan: *cynically* What, and bear his child? Because, you do realize that that’s what "nicer" entails.
MJ: *tentatively; almost reluctantly* Well . . . he IS gonna die . . . .
Chan: *stares* O.O
K-Chan: *stares* O.O
Neko: *stares* O.O
(Hell, everybody stares.)
K-Chan: You can’t POSSIBLY be serious . . .
MJ: *winces* God, I hope not . . . (Walks over to "Miroku".) Uh . . . ohayo, houshi-sama. Genki desu ka? [Good Morning, monk {formal address}. How are you?]
"Miroku": *with a lisp* Oh, I’m just fine, sweetie, thanks! (Flaps hand and stands hip-shot.)
All: O.O;
Neko: *turns to K-Chan, on the verge of tears* Oh no! All our constant rejections must have driven him gay! (Begins sobbing melodramatically.)
K-Chan: *hugs Neko* Daijoubu, Neko-chan. Maybe he’s just faking . . . . *to "Miroku"* You ARE faking, right?
"Miroku": Faking what? (Examines fingertips of left hand.) Oh, bother, my nails are smudging.
IY: *stares* O.o Holy Mother of God . . . .
Chichiri: I think he’s flipped, no da.
IY: *nodds* In more ways than one . . . .
MJ: *to "Miroku"* Look, Miroku . . . the girls and I . . . we’re sorry. We should have been nicer to you . . . and if it makes you feel any better . . . (She gathers her courage, steels herself, and spits out the words.) . . . I’ll bear your child. (The other girls cringe.)
"Miroku": *puzzled* Now, why would I want you to do that, silly?
MJ: *shocked, and understandably so* O.o . . . . . . .
K-Chan: Oh criminy, he’s really lost it!
Chichiri: No kidding, no da.
MJ: Uh-huh . . . I see . . . *very worried aside to Nuriko* Nuriko, we’ve got a problem here . . . .
Nuriko: *enthusiastically* What problem? He looks great! Besides . . . (Throws an arm around "Miroku’s" shoulders.) . . . I’m sick of being the only gay guy on this bus.
"Miroku": *giggles cutely* Ah ha ha ha hee hee! You’re so silly!
All: *twitch twitch* O.O;
Nuriko: I like this new you!
"Miroku": *puzzled, yet again* New?
Neko: *wails* I’m confuuuuused!
[Later . . . yet again . . . ]
("Miroku" has left. All the girls are moping around, depressed, because they think it’s their fault that their friend turned gay. Miroku enters. Notice the different notation.)
Miroku: *jovially* Hi everyone, I’m back! (All the formerly moping girls look up, surprised.)
*beat*
Neko: (leaping to her feet) He’s cured! (Rushes over to enthusiastically embrace her now-hetero houshi.)
K-Chan: *mildly pissed* That was a low trick you played on us, you dirty, rotten bastard!
Chan: Yeah, you jerk. Here we are moping around, all depressed and crying our eyes out because we thought we drove you crazy . . .
IY: . . . . er. [AN: Same as before.]
Chan: *gestures agreement* . . . . er. But that’s not the point!
MJ: *frazzled* I’ll say. For Pete’s sake, man, I offered to bear your child!
Miroku: (raises an eyebrow in a "you’ve-GOT-my-attention" expression) Did you really?
MJ: *caught slightly off guard* Well . . . yes . . . but only because I thought it might help . . . .
Miroku: *reassuringly* Oh, it would. (He flashes that irresistible smile.)
MJ: *emphatically* NO! I meant, because we thought you were crazy! I thought it might, y’know, snap you out of it or something . . . . *gives up* Oh, never mind.
Miroku: Well, whatever it was, it obviously worked. *beat* So . . . MJ . . . .
MJ: ForGET it, Miroku. There’s not enough alcohol in the world.
Miroku: Urusai. That close . . . . (Group eye roll. "Does he EVER give up?") Oh well, plenty of other fish in the sea!
Chan: Um, yeah . . . .
IY: How can I put this kindly, houshi-sama . . . .
Tasuki: *bluntly* There’s a hole in the boat and the bait’s dead.
IY: Yes, that’s perfect. Arigatto. *thumb-point to Tasuki* What he said.
K-Chan: *faint amused grin* Ouch . . . .
Neko: *still clinging to Miroku* No, Inuyasha! Don’t be so mean! (Hugs Miroku.) He’s a nice monk . . . .
IY: *smirks* Keh . . . for a lech . . . .
Neko: Oh, hush, you!
MJ: You know, Neko’s right. (Also hugs Miroku.) Gomen, houshi-kun. I shouldn’t have been so mean.
Miroku: (with two women hugging him, he’s got a very self-satisfied "Hell Yeah" look on his face) Arigatto gozaimasu.
MJ: *matter-of-factly* But I’m still not gonna bear your child.
Nuriko: What I want to know is why you changed back into your other clothes! You looked just fine! What with the pink sweatshirt and the cutoffs and the vinyl sneakers . . . . never knew you had such cute knees, houshi-sama . . . *elbow nudge; knowing grin*
Miroku: O.o; Uh, yeah . . . . I’ll just, uh, be on my way . . . . thank you . . . . (Exits, post haste.)
Nuriko: *befuddled* Was it something I said?
Chichiri: [who is quite the master of the less-than-ten-word understatement this episode] Most likely, no da.
Neko: Hmm, he must have selective amnesia.
Chan: Mm, and a split personality complex, too.
Shippou: Um, isn’t that a bit far-fetched?
Chichiri: No duh, no da. [AN: I’ve been waiting since Ep. 1 to use that line!]
MJ: Well, yeah, but then again, we’re on a bus that’s driven by gremlins running on hamster wheels. Also far-fetched.
Chan: Point taken. But Miroku . . . . gay? That just . . . . it . . . .
K-Chan: *deadpan* Shatters a universal constant and plunges our nice, neat, orderly world into utter chaos?
Chan: Yes, exactly.
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