[AN: Anyone who has seen the "Fushigi Akuugi" scenes from the first FY OAV tape, the ones that involve a bus trip, should be nodding in recognition right about now.]
Nuriko: *severely tripping* Come on, everybody! *sings, rather tonelessly* "This old man, he played four . . . . " Come ON, people! (Continues singing in the background over the next few lines.)
Chichiri: *aside to Tani* This is pretty sad, no da.
Tani: *nodds* Indeed.
XJo-Chan: *muses* Perhaps we should sing along . . . . just to shut him up . . . .
Fluffy: *glare*
XJo-Chan: *sweatdrop* Or, perhaps not . . . .
(A green sign lights up at the front of the bus. It reads, "Stop Ahead." Somebody apparently installed this between episodes, as it would eventually come in handy.)
MJ: *excitedly* Oo, our first official bus stop! Sugoi, no da!
Neko: *hell-hath-no-fury-like-mine glare*
MJ: Oops, gomen, Neko-chan. I forgot. (The bus slows to a stop and the door opens.)
Chiriko: *climbing the steps* Hi, everyone!
K-Chan: Chiriko! (Enter Genki and Trin behind him.)
MJ: (leaps to her feet) Ah, you guys! (Much hugging.) How on earth did you get here? (Meanwhile, more hugs from Tani and XJo-Chan.)
Nuriko: *forlornly* Will SOMEBODY sing with me, here?
Genki: *sings* "The wheels on the bus go ‘round and ‘round . . . ‘Round and ‘round . . . ‘Round and ‘round . . . The wheels on the bus go ‘round and ’round . . . all through the town . . . . "
MJ: And all this without even a Chemical Pop . . . . K-Chan, buddy, pal, light of my life . . . I think I need one. (K-Chan hands her a cherry Chemical Pop.) Arigatto gozaimasu.
Trin: *feeling a little lost* Can anyone tell me who all these . . . (Glances at IY.) . . . people are?
Neko: *exuberantly; she loves doing this* I can! I can! (She darts around the bus and points out each character.) OK, here’s how you remember them: the monk with the mask and the mohawk is Chichiri . . . .
Chichiri: *waves* Kon’nichi wa, no da!
Neko: . . . . the guy who currently has his hand on your butt and will shortly ask you to bear his child is Miroku . . . .
Trin: *slaps Miroku’s hand away* Do you mind?
Miroku: Will you . . .
Trin: *cuts him off* No chance, no way, no how.
Neko: . . . . the guy that looks like a girl with purple hair is Nuriko . . . .
Nuriko: Nice to meet you!
Neko: . . . . the fang-boy is Tasuki . . . .
Tasuki: *waves, nodds*
Neko: . . . . the dog-demon in the boa is Sesshoumaru, also known as Fluffy . . . .
Fluffy: *quirks an eyebrow*
Neko: . . . . the terrorist priest over there is Wolfwood . . . *notices his absence*. . . Oh yeah, he’s not here . . the white-haired dog boy is Inuyasha; he’s Fluffy-kun’s half-brother . . . .
IY: *nodds*
Neko: . . . . the little aqua-haired girl is Lai-Lai . . . .
XJo-Chan: Lai-Lai’s my hero!
Lai-Lai: *winks, gives peace sign* Nyan!
Neko: . . . . this . . . smiling psychopath is Soujirou . . . .
Soujirou: *smiling pleasantly* Hello!
Neko: . . . . and the black cat is Kuro-neko.
Kuro-neko: Meow.
Neko: And everyone else you already know. People of the Ghetto Bus, these two degenerates are Genki and Trin. (Chorus of "hi’s".)
(The bus, which has been moving, now begins to slow down again.)
MJ: Oh goody, another stop! I wonder who it’ll be this time . . . . (Everyone crowds around the door. The door opens. Chiriko trips and tumbles down the bus steps. Joyita, K-Chan’s younger sister, is sitting on a convenient park bench when Chiriko lands squarely in her lap.)
Joyita: My prayers have been answered! (Hugs Chiriko.) Waaaiii! Waaaiii! (Puts Chiriko inside a giant hamster ball; laughs and claps her hands.)
Tasuki: *aside to K-Chan* that’s almost as disturbing as Miroku turning gay.
XJo-Chan: But not have as disturbing as a certain person, who shall remain nameless . . . *coughs* Fluffy! *coughs* . . . singing "I’m a Little Teapot."
Fluffy: *glare*
Miroku: ANYWAY, now that we’re stopped, I’m going to go see if I can’t find Wolfwood. We got separated earlier and I haven’t seen him since. (As he exits.) And there might be someone around here who will bear my child . . . . (Collective sigh from the other cast members.)
Nuriko: Well, then, since his babe-hunting is bound to take a while, why don’t we all sit . . . (IY crashes to the floor.) . . . down and wait for him . . . .
IY: *who somehow has the rosary around his neck again* Hey! What the hell’s going on! I thought only Neko, M-Chan, and Sano had that power!
Naraku: (suddenly appears in the corner, chuckling in a sinister manner.) Ku ku ku ku ku . . . glad to see my curse is working. (Cackles.)
Trin: *aside to Neko* Um, who’s he?
Neko: Naraku. Bad guy, completely bonkers. Doesn’t like Inuyasha or Miroku very much. He’s the one that responsible for Miroku having that bottomless hole in his hand that I told you about.
Trin: Ah. *beat* Why is he wearing a baboon pelt?
Neko: *shrugs* Because he is, I dunno.
Naraku: *continuing* With my Insta-Pot o’ Evil, I have cursed the rosary you wear, Inuyasha. Now EVERYONE can activate it’s power! Ku ku ku ku ku . . . . . (Vanishes.)
MJ: *shouts* Damnit, how many times do I have to say it?! NO SMOKING ON THE BUS!! *sigh; now quieter and puzzled* Oi, chotto matte. I thought the rosary was already cursed.
Neko: It was, but now . . . I guess it’s double-cursed or something.
Tani: Guess so. *sympathetic glance; to IY* Too bad, Inuyasha-kun.
K-Chan: *hugs him* Don’t worry, Inu-chan! Naraku’s off his rocker anyway. We’ll just have to be extra careful to avoid The Word.
Fluffy: *deliberately* Osuwari. (IY crashes to the floor.) Just desserts, brother. (Chuckles.)
("Miroku" walks up the bus stairs.)
Genki: Oh dear, that can’t be good.
"Miroku": Hi people, I’m back!
XJo-Chan: Oh dear God . . . .
Neko: *distraught* Oh no! Not again!
MJ: *aside to Genki and Trin* You guys might wanna . . . you know . . . (Nodds toward the back of the bus.) . . . This could
get ugly.
"Miroku": (sidles up to Fluffy; stands hipshot) Well, hello . . . .
Fluffy: Get away from me, monk.
"Miroku": (pets Fluffy’s tail) I’ll bet we have just oodles in common, you and I.
Fluffy: *Glare O’ Death* I sincerely doubt that. Get your paws off my tail. ("Miroku" backs off.)
Nuriko: Yay! You’re back to your new self! (Hugs "Miroku".)
Lai-Lai: How strange . . . .
Tasuki: "Strange" ain’t the word . . . . I’d say downright bizarre, leaning towards frightening!
"Miroku": *to Nuriko* Oh you! (Giggles.)
Neko: *upset* OK, you know what? This isn’t funny anymore! You tricked us last time, but now it’s really getting old, so knock it off!
"Miroku": *confused* Eh? What are you talking about?
Neko: *getting more upset* Stop acting like . . . I dunno . . . Just be yourself!
"Miroku": But I am being myself.
Neko: *wails* I’m confuuuuused!
Tani: *getting a little angry* Cut that out, will you? We’re not going to fall for this attention-getting ploy anymore. OK, you’ve got our sympathy, but none of us are going to bear your child, so look elsewhere, you lecherous bastard!
"Miroku": *wide teary eyes* But . . . . I . . . . (Starts crying and runs off the bus.)
Nuriko: *decidedly not happy* There, he’s crying. Are you happy? (Storms off the bus.)
(The rest of the cast stands frozen in stunned silence. They have just witnessed several earth-shattering events: Fluffy being hit upon by a monk, Tani’s longest speech ever, and Nuriko acting like a soap opera day-player. Naturally, this leaves them all rather disturbed.)
Neko: *summing it up for everybody* I’m still confuuuuused!
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