Neko: *distraught* This is so awful! First Miroku has another personality and now Nuriko leaves!
Fluffy: And let us not forget that the lech-monk’s other personality is a flaming homosexual! *shudders* Ugh . . . .
Chichiri: Kuchi ni chakku, inu no baka. Neko-san is upset enough without any help from you, no da. (Hugs Neko.)
XJC: *sympathetically* Daijoubu, Neko-chan. The world isn’t going to end just because Miroku flipped his wig . . . and his sexual preference . . . and Nuriko’s a little steamed.
Neko: *wails* But Fluffy sang the little teapot song and . . . and was all NICE!! That’s an OMEN!!
XJC: *considering* Oh my . . . that IS rather depressing. (Gets up.) I need a cup of tea.
K-Chan: We have tea-flavored Chemical Pops. Will that do?
XJC: Close enough!
Neko: *sniff*
Chichiri: (pats her shoulder) You know, Neko-san, it’s possible that Miroku’s always been gay and this alternate personality is just his way of expressing it, no da.
Neko: *pause* But . . . if Miroku is gay . . . then he’ll never produce an heir and if he doesn’t defeat Naraku and gets sucked into the void in his hand, there will be no one left to carry on the quest and avenge his family! Oh NO! (Starts crying hysterically again.)
Chichiri: *not sure what to do* Ano . . . please don’t cry . . . *mutters* They didn’t cover this in my training, nan no da. *to Neko* It’ll be OK, Neko-san. (MJ enters the bus.) *to MJ* Any sign of them, no da?
MJ: (shakes head) Iie, none. (Indicating Neko.) How is she?
Chichiri: Not good. She’s still pretty upset, no da.
Fluffy: Why? The monk wasn’t hitting on HER. *grimaces*
Chichiri: *exasperated sigh* Quit your whining, no da.
Fluffy: (sits forward) Don’t push me, monk.
Chichiri: I’m not. Don’t get you knickers in a twist, no da!
Fluffy: *haughty glare* Youkais don’t wear "knickers".
Chichiri: That points to an appalling lack of personal hygiene, no da.
Fluffy: (stands) You wanna start something?
Chichiri: Don’t make me exorcize you, no da.
MJ: (steps between them) Enough. (Points to Fluffy.) You, siddown. (To Chichiri.) You, chill. (To XJC, who is starting on her third Tea-Flavored Chemical Pop.) You, two’s plenty.
Tasuki: *POed* Man, Miroku’s got one helluva nerve, pulling this insanity crap and messing with Neko like that.
K-Chan: No kidding. And I just realized something: since this whole deal started, he hasn’t once asked for a Chemical Pop. That’s damned strange. Usually, he’s addicted to them.
Tani: Maybe it’s stress.
XJC: *slightly wasted* Or maybe he’s trying to quit . . .
K-Chan: Not bloody likely.
XJC: *eyes glaze* Wow, the ceiling turns pretty colors . . .
K-Chan: Um . . . . yeah . . . .
Tasuki: (pounding a fist into his hand) Lemme tell ya, the next time I see that guy, I’m gonna punch him so hard, it’ll make his ancestors dizzy!
(As if on cue, Miroku walks up the bus steps, completely oblivious to the fate that awaits him.)
Neko: Tasuki, don’t . . . .
Miroku: I’m back. I . . . . (He is abruptly silenced by Tasuki’s fist connecting with his jaw. Our luckless houshi flies backward several feet and lands on the floor.)
Tasuki: *at the top of his lungs* You lying son-of-a-bitch! How dare you . . . .
Neko: *on the verge of hysteria again* Tasuki, stop it! [She doesn’t like seeing Miroku-kun pummeled any more than I do . . . . unless, of course, I’m doing the pummeling!]
(K-Chan pulls Tasuki off of Miroku before he can do any permanent damage.)
K-Chan: *to Tasuki; points to seat* Osuwari. (IY crashes to the floor with much muffled cursing.) Oops, gomen. I forgot. (Taking charge.) All right, Miroku. You owe Neko-chan an apology and you owe the rest of us some answers. Explain yourself. (The bus begins to move.)
Miroku: *sigh* We’ve been through this. I need to defeat Naraku to remove the void from my hand and avenge my family, but in case I don’t succeed, I need an heir . . . .
K-Chan: (interrupts) That’s not what I’m talking about.
Miroku: (rubbing his sore jaw; very confused) What ARE you talking about, then?
MJ: (just as pissed as everyone else, except for Chichiri, who is the master of cool) You know perfectly well!
Miroku: *blank stare* I do?
Chichiri: *in the "we’ve-told-you-a-thousand-times-now-comprehend-damnit tone of voice* You pretended to be gay again, no da.
Miroku: O.o I what?
IY: (yup, he’s mad, too.) And you wouldn’t cut it out, even when Neko-san asked you to. Even when she got upset!
Fluffy: *grimly* And you were hitting on me.
Miroku: O.O; (Has gone from mildly incredulous to completely befuddled and is currently very scared.) I . . . WHAT?!
Tasuki: *perpetually POed* Don’t tell me you don’t remember!
Miroku: *hopelessly confused* But I DON’T! All I know is that I walked in here and got hit in the jaw by a ton of bricks.
XJC: *still wasted* That would be Tasuki . . . . K-Chan, did you know there’s a squirrel on your head?
K-Chan: *sigh* No more Chemical Pops for you.
XJC: No, really! It’s chittering at me!
Shippou: (Scratches head in the bemused child-like fashion of his.) I don’t see any squirrel.
Tani: *nurturing parent voice* That’s because XJo-Chan is hallucinating, Shippou-chan.
Shippou: Oh.
Miroku: Honestly, I have no idea what any of you are talking about.
Neko: Now I’m really confused!
MJ: Join the club, Neko-chan. (The bus suddenly sputters and grinds to a halt.) What the hell . . . ?
Neko: It’s never done that before. (Looks out the window.) Hey, we’re at the mall!
Tani: I think the ol’ Ghetto Bus is trying to tell us something, wouldn’t you say?
MJ: Hm, could be. I’m gonna check the engine.
[Outside . . . . ]
MJ: (opens the hood) Yup, definitely trying to tell us something. (All of the gremlins are slumped in their cages, panting. Enter K-Chan and Neko.)
K-Chan: So, what’s the story?
Neko: *sings; does mini tap dance* "What’s the buzz? Tell me what’s a-happenin’. What’s the buzz?"
MJ: Looks like we’re stuck here ‘till the gremlins recover. They’re bushed. (Hops down from the bumper.) And whoever is dumb enough to tow this baby is gonna catch hell from me!
Neko: Yay! Field trip to the mall!
Next Episode