Tasuki: *to Fluffy* Hey, furrball. Ya got any fives?
Fluffy: *vein pop* Grrrr . . . Go Fish. And don’t call me "furrball".
WW: *aside to Spike* I need a smoke. How about you?
Spike: Hell, yes.
MJ: (overhearing) OUTSIDE!
WW: We know, we know. *sigh* Come on, let’s go. (He and Spike head for the door.) *mutter* Troublesome bitch, isn’t she?
MJ: I heard that!
WW: With ears like a frickin’ bat, no less.
Spike: Oi, chotto matte! What the hell are we doing?!
MJ: You’re about to go destroy your respiratory systems with harmful tar and nicotine, why?
Spike: No, I mean, the bus isn’t stopped!
MJ: *slightly demented grin* Deal with it. (The bus sputters and grinds to a halt.) Bloody hell. Now what?
(Cut to exterior view, looking out from under the hood as MJ opens it, with Spike and WW looking over her shoulders.)
Spike: Well, that explains a lot. (The gremlins are off their wheels. They are squawking and pointing to their tummies.)
MJ: Aw, you poor things! (This earns her an odd look from Wolfwood.) You must be hungry. (Leans down slightly.) What would you like to eat? (The gremlins squeak and squawk.) No, you can’t eat the nice priest, even if he is a pain in the ass. What’s your second choice? (The gremlins squeak and squawk some more. WW looks very nervous. MJ nodds in comprehension.) OK, that we can do. Take five, fellas. (Shuts hood.)
WW: You speak gremlin?
MJ: Sure, why not? (She climbs back onto the bus.)
WW: I don’t know what disturbs me more: the fact that the gremlins wanted to eat ME, or the fact that she could actually understand them.
Spike: Man, I’ll tell ya, that is one weird chick.
[On the bus . . . . ]
MJ: *to everyone in general* Does anybody want to do me a favor?
Miroku: (leaps to his feet) Oo, oo! Pick me, pick me!
MJ: *sigh* Not that kind of favor. The gremlins are hungry and I need three volunteers to go get them some food.
Tasuki: *accusatory glare* And why aren’t YOU going?
MJ: *tersely* Because I’m staying here to keep the gremlins calm so they don’t bust out of their cages and pull a Hannibal Lecter on the rest of us. Capice?
Tasuki: O.o; Oh . . . .
Hannibal: (climbing the steps) Did I hear someone mention my name?
Chichiri: Speak of the Devil, no da . . . .
Miroku: (turns pale) O.O; Uh-oh . . . .
K-Chan: Doctor! How nice to see you again!
Miroku: *under his breath* For YOU, maybe . . . .
Hannibal: And you as well, K-Chan. (Kisses her hand.)
K-Chan: Doctor Lecter, may I introduce my friend, M-Chan, owner and proprietor of this bus?
Hannibal: You may indeed. M-Chan. (Nodds greeting.)
MJ: *greeting bow* Charmed, sir.
IY: *aside to Tani* OK, now I’m scared.
Tani: Oh, there’s no need to be. Hannibal’s a very polite and cultured guy . . . even if he does occasionally bite people.
IY: No! I meant M-Chan!
Tani: But she doesn’t bite. That’s Neko and Jesse.
IY: No no no! She’s all polite and . . . well-mannered and . . . well, it’s just not her.
Tani: Oh yeah . . . weird.
Fluffy: Well, we are talking about a girl who dreamed up a bus, speaks gremlin, picks fights with youkai, and puts up with the rest of us. Frankly, I wouldn’t be too terribly surprised if she did have a few more character traits up her sleeve.
Tani: Plus, this is the Blue Psychedelic Ghetto Bus of DOOM Doom doom. Everyone’s out of character.
MJ: May I offer you a drink, Doctor?
Hannibal: No, thank you. (Notices Miroku.) Ah, my little tea biscuit! How have you been? [AN: See Ghetto Couch, if this is posted yet.]
Miroku: O.O; (squirms) A-no . . . .
Chichiri: (enjoying Miroku’s discomfort) What’s the matter, Miroku? Cat got your tongue, no da?
Miroku: (leaps out of his seat) I think Ill go get some food for the gremlins! (Puts as much distance between Hannibal and himself as he can within the confines of the bus.)
Tasuki: (also rises) I’ll go with you.
Sano: Me, too. (Looks very sad for a second.) We’re out of tea. *sniff*
Neko: A true tragedy.
MJ: Yoush! We passed a gas station and a diner about a mile or so back. Pick up some bean sprouts, some saltine crackers, and couple of gallons of gas. (Blank stares from Tasuki, Miroku, and Sano.) -.- Gremlin fodder. Now, scoot!
Chan: I wonder how Kibby’s doing . . . .
[Meanwhile, on Mt. Daikyouku . . . . ]
Taiitsukun: *to Kibby* And when you’ve finished pruning the bonsai trees, you can scrub the birdbaths.
Kibby: (who is wearing a frilly white apron) But I’m too small. I can’t reach! (Taiitsukun zaps him.)
Taiitsukun: Since you’ve put Lai-Lai out of commission temporarily . . . (Flash to Lai-Lai, tucked in bed with an ice pack on her head, her arm in a sling, and a bandage "X" on her cheek.) . . . you’ll have to assume all of her duties until she recovers. Or else.
Kibby: Awww . . . . (Goes back to pruning.)
[At Crystal’s Diner . . . . ]
(Interior. A buxom redhead - Crystal, according to her nametag - is seated at a desk with her feet up. She is wearing a mid-thigh length, short-sleeved, red-and-white vertical pinstripe dress with a white collar and cuffs. The top three buttons of the collar are undone, revealing a substantial amount of skin. She is chewing gum and filing her fingernails, which are painted cherry red to match the dress. Her air is one of indifference, with a "the-hell-with-you" attitude thrown in for spice.)
(Enter Sano, Miroku, and Tasuki. Miroku, of course, starts falling all over himself as soon as he sees Crystal. Not wasting any time, he throws himself onto his knees, bows as to a goddess, and gazes in adoration. Crystal pauses in her filing and looks over at him.)
Crystal: *NY accent* Can I help ya?
Miroku: I’ve never seen any woman like you in my entire life! Goddess, will you bear this humble monk’s child?
Crystal: (raises an eyebrow)
(Cut to exterior view. Miroku comes flying out the door and lands sprawled on his back in the dust.)
Crystal: *from doorway* Where I come from, that means, "No, and STAY out, ya lousy bum!"
Miroku: (doesn’t move)
Crystal: (turns back into the diner, muttering indignantly)
Miroku: (doesn’t move some more)
Crystal: Bear his child! The nerve o’ that guy! (More non-movement on Miroku’s part.)
Tasuki: Yeah, he’s a lech. He gets like that sometimes. Rather frequently, in fact. I apologize on his sorry unconscious behalf.
Crystal: (arches an eyebrow at Tasuki) Now YOU, on the other hand, are a bit more my speed. What’s your name, handsome? (Smiles seductively and places a hand on Tasuki’s shoulder.)
Tasuki: O.o; A-no . . . .
Sano: (leaning around Tasuki) Ya got any tea?
[Meanwhile, back on the bus . . . . ]
(Chichiri and Neko have dropped out of the card that IY, WW, Kouga, Fluffy, K-Chan, MJ, Hannibal, Jukai, Spike, Saja, and Amiboushi are carrying on.)
Neko: I don’t understand it . . . I just don’t.
Chichiri: Don’t understand what, no da?
Neko: You and Miroku!
Chichiri: *blank, slightly taken aback stare*
Neko: Why are you guys fighting? You’re monks, you’re supposed to be peaceful!
Chichiri: *quietly; looking a bit uncomfortable* Well, . . . (removes mask) . . . it’s because we both . . . want something . . . and only one of us can have it, no da.
Neko: Chichiri, I’m surprised at you! Don’t you think it’s beneath you to be so petty?
Chichiri: (looking very uncomfortable) A-no . . . .
Neko: *exasperated sigh* What is it that you both want?
Chichiri: (averts eyes) You . . . .
Neko: O.O
This was ALL Neko's idea, she even wrote half the dialogue.
So, fair warning, the next episode has some hefty melodrama.
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