MJ: *into a mike* Hello? Could I have your attention, please? (Crowd continues talking.) Hey, you guys! I've got something rather important to say here! (Crowd continues talking.) Hellooo-oo . . . . (Crowd continues talking.) -.-* Is ANYONE listening to me? (Crowd continues talking.) *yell* SEX! (Dead silence. Crickets chirp.) Much better. Now that I have your attention, listen up. We're going to put on a little music and do some karaoke.
(In the audience . . . . )
Fluffy: *to Spike* What does that mean?
Spike: *pained expression* It means we're all in really big trouble.
MJ: *from stage* So, who wants to go first? (More crickets chirp.) Oh geez . . . look, somebody, ANYBODY . . . *glance* . . . well, ALMOST anybody volunteer or I'll choose a victim. (Still, the chirping crickets.) Don't make me come out there. (The audience members glance at each other nervously. Several stares land on Fluffy.)
Fluffy: (glares indignantly) Nan da? *beat* Oh no! Ikemasen. [No way!] Not a chance! I, Sesshoumaru, am NOT getting up on that damned stage and I sure as bloody hell am not going to sing! (Crosses arms defiantly.)
K-Chan: (pinches Fluffy's nose and shoves three or four Chemical Pops into his mouth) Here. Tanjoubi omedetou. [Happy Birthday.]
Fluffy: *already tripping* Hooo . . . . (Sits back, looking a little loopy.) Hee hee . . . . (Staggers to his feet and wobbles toward the stage.) Hey everyone! Let's sing a pretty song! Pretty pretty pretty song! Tra la la la la . . . . (Skips onto the stage.)
MJ: O.o; Uh, here . . . . (Shoves a mike into Fluffy's hands.) Any idea what you're going to sing? *aside* K-Chan, I'm gonna get you for this.
Fluffy: *finger on chin, eyes all wide and sparkly* Hmmmm . . . . how about that old Disney favorite, "It's A Small World"!
MJ: *goes pale* (Leaves stage post haste.)
K-Chan: (spits her drink across the bar)
Neko: O.O;
Trin: (crosses herself)
Sano: (looks very nervous)
Chan: (jaw hits floor . . . figuratively speaking)
Tani: Getting a little afraid . . . .
Jesse: (looks queasy)
Genki: *enthused* Hurray!
Trin: (nonchalantly clocks him over the head)
Genki: (passes out on the floor)
Fluffy: *singing in a frighteningly high, child-like falsetto* "It's a small world after all . . . . " [AN: I won't torture myself or you by writing out the whole damn thing. We all know how it goes.]
[Just offstage - MJ, Neko, K-Chan, Tani, Shippou, Trin, Sano, Jukai, Nuriko, & Suboushi]
MJ: *hoarse whisper* Nice going, K-Chan! We didn't learn much from Episode Four, did we? (In the background, Fluffy is still singing.)
K-Chan: Don't you give me that dirty look . . . .
MJ: Never mind, we'll settle this later. Right now, we need to get a certain drunk-off-his-ass dog demon off the stage, preferably without losing any limbs in the process. Now, I have a small, small idea . . . . (Group huddle.) *buzz buzz plot scheme whisper*
Suboushi: What?! Are you completely out of your mind?
MJ: *deadpan* Actually, yes, but that's not the point . . . .
Suboushi: *pratfall*
Nuriko: It's crazy! Doumo dame darou. [It'll never work.]
MJ: If anyone has a better idea, I'm listening. *dead silence* That's what I thought. All right, people . . . .
Shippou: Ahem.
MJ: . . . . and kitsune, let's move out!
[Onstage]
(Fluffy is still warbling away. Most of the audience members are holding their ears and sporting pained expressions.)
(Cut to Jukai, his hand on a fuse box lever.)
Jukai: Here goes nothing . . . . (Pulls lever. With a sound like a door closing, the lights go out.)
(In the ensuing darkness, sounds of a scuffle are heard, muffled curses and . . . duct tape? Fluffy stops singing with a muffled squeak. More sounds of struggle.)
Fluffy: *still attempting to finish his song* It's a . . . *mumble mumble* Kamawanaide! It's . . . *mumble mumble* . . . after all . . . *mumble*
Sano: Drat and damnation!
Nuriko: Hold still, ya fuzzy bastard! *sound of a punch connecting*
*THUD*
K-Chan: Much better. Here, gimme a hand with this . . . .
Trin: "Gimme" died yesterday.
Neko: And so will we if we don't finish this before he wakes up! [AN: Puzzled? You should be!] (There is a long pause, during which unidentifiable shuffling sounds are heard.) OK, Jukai, hit the lights!
(The lights come back up, revealing a rather interesting scene onstage. MJ, Neko, K-Chan, Nuriko, Trin, Tani, Sano, and Suboushi are crowded onto the stage, surrounding Fluffy , who is tied to a stool, unconscious, a band of duct tape across his mouth, and a certain fluffy-tailed kitsune sitting on his head.)
MJ: (rests hands on knees) Phew . . . .
Tani: Ah, blessed silence!
Trin: Boy, am I glad THAT'S over!
Sano: Indeed.
K-Chan: Good going, people . . . . (Glances at Shippou.) . . . and kitsune.
Jukai: (gives thumbs-up from the back)
Nuriko: (throws him a kiss)
Jukai: (pretends to catch it)
Nuriko: *wink*
Jukai: *giggle*
MJ: *eye roll* Oh, brother . . . .
Shippou: *from his perch on Fluffy's head* So, what now? (As no one had considered what would happen next, they all freeze and look dumbfounded.) *beat*
MJ: (faces camera) Ladies, gentlemen, and other semi-intelligent life forms, due to unforeseen complications, we will have to . . . .
Kouga: *calling out* "Unforeseen complications," my ass! You ran out of ideas! Ya two-bit charlatan! Ya no-good excuse for a . . . .
Crew On Stage: *all together now* OSUWARI! (Kouga belly-flops to the floor.)
MJ: As I was saying before I was so RUDELY interrupted . . . .
Kouga: (grabs ponytail and yanks his face out of the Kouga-shaped crater in the floor) Bitch . . . .
MJ: *under her breath* Osuwari. (Kouga crashes to the floor again.) *regular volume* Due to unforeseen complications, we will have to temporarily terminate this episode until a satisfactory alternative can be found. Please stand by.
[Dead Air Signal]
(Cameras come back online and focus on the stage. Fluffy, still tied to the stool, is awake, partially sober, and royally pissed. The same crew from before is gathered around him, dressed in khaki shorts and brightly colored Hawaiian shirts, except for MJ, who wears dark blue jeans, a black muscle tee, and black leather bracers.)
[AN: This is my "wild child" gear. It looks GOOD.]
MJ: *to camera* Ladies, gentlemen, and other semi-intelligent life forms, we here at the Blue Psychedelic Ghetto Bus of DOOM Doom doom thank you for your patience. And now, the musical stylings of Perfectly Sane People. (Cues music, leaves stage.)
(Conga drums start to play. The remaining cast members onstage begin to snap their fingers in what is rapidly becoming a familiar beat.)
Trin: *singing* Wee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee dee wee-um bum ba way . . . . *repeat*
(The audience members nudge each other and exchange knowing grins. Fluffy looks very displeased.)
[AN: In case any have you haven't gotten this yet, the song is "The Lion Sleeps Tonight," with one slightly . . . ok, VERY sadistic twist. Boy, is Fluffy in for it now!]
Crew On Stage: *hereafter the backups* A weemba wop, a weemba wop, a weemba wop, a weemba wop, a weemba wop, a weemba wop, a weemba wop, a weemba wop . . . . "
Neko: *sings* In the jungle, the mighty jungle, the Fluffy sleeps tonight . . . . in the jungle, the quiet jungle, the Fluffy sleeps tonight . . . .
Fluffy: *eyes wide and bloodshot* Grrrrrr . . . . (The backups sing their line.)
Tani: *singing over the backups* A weee-ee-ee-ee, a-wee um bum ba way . . . . *repeat*
K-Chan: *sings* Near the village, the sleepy village, the Fluffy sleeps tonight . . . . near the village, the peaceful village, the Fluffy sleeps tonight . . . .
(The audience, now seeing that the group is going to go through with the whole number, begins to smother quiet, amused laughter at Fluffy's predicament.)
Fluffy: *eye twitch* Grrrrrr . . . . -.-*** (The backups sing their line. Tani and Trin sing their line.)
Amiboushi: (randomly appears onstage and plays saxophone solo)
WW: *aside to Rei* Guess he learned something from that robot after all!
Rei: *nod nod* Mm-hmm.
Sano: *sings* Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling. The Fluffy sleeps tonight . . . .
Fluffy: *vein pop poppity pop pop pop* GRRRRRR . . . . *extreme pissed-off growling through the duct tape* (Shippou, like any wise kitsune, leaps off of Fluffy's head onto Sano.)
Sano: (rocks Shippou like a baby) Hush, my darling, don't fear, my darling. The Fluffy sleeps tonight . . . . (Fluffy struggles violently. Nuriko casually clocks him. The backups form a shuffle line and sing their part. Tani and Trin sing their line in harmony three times. Neko is laughing hysterically. The backups form a can-can kick line the second and third time through. The audience is in stitches.)
Fluffy: *looking absolutely miserable* Grrrr . . . . (Holds up a sign.) "MJ, I'm going to get you for this!" (Song ends. Audience applauds wildly and roars with laughter. Fluffy holds up another sign.) "I hate you all."
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