By: Nizuno Mikomi and Sei-chan Po (in collaboration)
Series: Gravitation
Warnings: Minor shounen-ai and random oddness
DISCLAIMER: We don’t own ANYTHING! And we mean that, damnit. We’re piss poor college students, for chrissake.
Sei-chan: Well, I have a broken down computer and . . . some lint balls. I think.
NM: What you’ve got is a seriously unbalanced psyche. To which I have no objection.
Sei-chan: WE NEED PROZAAAAAAAAAAAC!
NM: Screw that. We need chocolate. *to audience* This is what happens when Sei-chan’s computer breaks down.
Picture This:
A rustic hunting lodge . . . wait, wrong story.
Picture This: (instead)
Yuki sitting at his computer, his latest fic roasting over the fire . . . I mean, oops, continuing . . . his latest novel-in-training on the screen. Due date: next week.
When all of a sudden . . . .
Sei-chan: *sings* Up on the rooftop, click click click . . . ^^
NM: -.- No.
Sei-chan: *continues, oblivious* Saint Nick drops by to check on Yuki’s . . . *Big Toothy Hentai Grin* . . . “hard drive.”
NM: *groans*
Shuichi: But Yuki, I thought it was a floppy!
Yuki: -.- Shut up, baka.
NM: *vein pop pop pop* Yes, folks, she really IS this perverse in real life. CONTINUING!
When all of a sudden . . . .
Sei-chan: When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter . . . .
NM: GODDAMNIT, SEI-CHAN!
When all of a sudden . . . .
A small error message pops up on the screen.
“Error: System 32 is missing.”
Yuki Eiri glares at the screen and lights up a cigarette. Shrugging it off, he restarts his computer, assuming that one of two things is about to happen: either he has the last three chapters of his novel, or they’ve been lost and he’ll have to write them all over again, in which case, no sweat. But for good measure, he glares once more. He is rather annoyed. But let’s face it folks: this IS Yuki Eiri, here. He’s not exactly going to fly off the handle . . . yet.
The computer boots up. Ah, the sweet sound of running processors and modems warming up to speed! Yuki takes a drag of his cigarette, exhaling smoke at the screen. And yet . . . .
When Yuki looks next at his computer, he sees not the obnoxious background his overly genki boyfriend slapped on the desktop when he last left his computer unattended, but a nice clean black screen, glowing ever so slightly, with white block letters spelling out, “Chu.”
Yuki stares. If he were capable of going chibi or sweatdropping, he would be doing it right about now.
Yuki: (ooc) However, this does not happen.
Sei-chan & NM: *singsong* Chu chu chu, chu chu chu, chu chu chu chu chu chu chu . . . . (to the tune of “Lullaby”)
Yuki: (back in character) Baka . . . .
Yes, folks, the glowing white letters do NOT spell “chu.” They spell:
[<Windows root>\system32\hal.dll.
Please re-install a copy of the above file.]
Yuki finishes his cigarette. In two drags. This, ladies and gentlemen, is record time. He also glares once more at the screen, which seems to be happening quite frequently as we progress.
Sei-chan: *giggles* Santa checks Yuki’s “hard drive.” *Deep Voice* What do you want for Christmas, Little Boy?
Shuichi: *hollers* He’s not LITTLE!
Sei-chan: And how would YOU know, Little Girl?
Shuichi: I’M A BOY!
Sei-chan: But you’ve got a heaving voluptuous bosom!
NM: And breeder hips, according to one artist.
Shuichi: -.- Chu . . . .
Sei-chan: No “chu” until my fic, you pain in the ass.
Yuki: Oi, I am the only one who may call him that.
Sei-chan: *breaks into cosplay mode* I AM you. Shut up.
Yuki: -.- Baka.
NM: *at her wit’s end* Back to the fic, IF YOU PLEASE.
Sei-chan: *waving a bokken over Mikomi’s head* Hey Shuichi, if we tie her up, do you think she’ll “chu” off a limb?
NM: *Glare O’ Death*
Yuki reboots the computer and lights another cigarette from the end of the first, polishing that off in ONE drag, as he gets the same error message. Now, this what is commonly known as the Bebop Technique of Smoking. If you’ve seen Bebop, you’ll understand.
Spike: *is proud*
NM: *shove* Out. Fic characters only please.
Sei-chan: My, aren’t we bitchy this evening.
NM: *glaaaaaare* Chuuuuuuuuuu . . . .
He lifts his computer, preparatory to heaving it against the wall, but thinks better of it, placing it back on the table and picking up the phone instead. He dials a number and gets a hold of Technical Services at the local electronics store where he purchased his computer.
“This is Yuki Eiri. I’m bringing a computer in. Fix it within the hour,” he snarls. “Or at least tell me what’s wrong with it. And don’t delete the damn hard drive like last time or I’ll sue you for lost wages.”
“Hai, Yuki-san,” comes the reply over the line. *click*
Yuki hangs up and packs his laptop into its carrying case. He takes it to the store for repair.
Several days later . . . .
Out of options of entertainment and his computer still in the shop, Yuki arrives at NG Studios.
“Touma.” *nod nod*
Touma starts. “Yuki.” Yuki brushes past him without another word and proceeds to a certain recording studio, where a certain pink-haired bakayarou is rehearsing his latest hit.
“Yuki!” Shuichi squeals into the microphone, flying through the air like a strawberry squirrel on speed to glomp his boyfriend. “What are you doing here?!”
“I came to take a picnic in the park. What do you think, baka?” Shuichi melts into a little pink puddle at the use of the familiar derogative. He then quickly reforms into a more conventional human shape.
“Neeee . . . your computer’s dead again, isn’t it?”
“Hai.” Yuki sits down and lights up the final cigarette of his current pack.
“SWEET!” Shuichi exclaims. “I get sex and pocky for a week!” The entire crew of Bad Luck sweat-drops profusely. Yuki sighs a cloud of tobacco-scented smoke.
“Baka . . . .”
THE END
NM: Chuuu . . . what are we ON?!
Sei-chan: Beats the heck outta me . . .but where can we get some more? ^.^
Shuichi: *dancing happily* Sex and pocky, sex and pocky, sex and pockyyyyyyyyyyy . . . . ^.^
Yuki: *sigh* -.- Shuichi no . . . .
NM & Sei-chan: *jumping in* BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA BAKA!
Yuki: *fishes about for another cigarette . . . and some good strong vodka*
NM: Well, minna, that’s our ficcie! Hope you enjoyed the random insanity that is Computer-less Sei-chan and Sugar High Mikomi. Don’t worry, we don’t be doing this again any time soon.
Sei-chan: *sly grin* Not DELIBERATELY, anyway. Oh no. Of course not.
NM: -.- Riiiiiiight . . . .
Sei-chan: Right! *jumps into the air and flails* REVIEW!
