WARNINGS: Implied shounen-ai 1+2 & 3+4, much angsting, OOC, sadness
NOTES: I wrote this kind of on a whim after reading one too many Angsty!Wufei fics. OK, so they had happy endings, but the angsty bits nearly made me cry; the poor guy was so miserable I just wanted to huggle him. (Yes Sage and perhaps something else, be quiet. -.- ) So, since my other one shots have all been humorous, I decided to try my hand at something sadder. Behold my first angst fic! Be gentle, it’s still tender. ^^;
Also, my mention of "Death’s little brother" is a nod to Greek mythology. Sleep was believed to be a diluted form of death and the god of Death (the Greek Shinigami ^^) had a younger brother who was the god of sleep. Hence, sleep came to be known as the little brother of death. (Completely useless literary factoid, forgive me.)
By: Nizûno Mikomi
A waning gibbous moon hung bright and beautiful above the trees, casting her silvery glow over a certain little safe house. A slight breeze set the leaves to dancing and whispering in a secret language long forgotten by the world of men. The aromas of summer permeated the air: grass, sunshine, wildflowers. In the safe house, five exhausted pilots settled in for a well-deserved rest. Fond good nights were exchanged, bodies nestled together between cool sheets with a few affectionate nuzzles for good measure, and the soft lovely comfortable feeling of being in the arms of one’s lover swept already sleepy eyes shut fairly quickly.
All in all, a perfectly peaceful scene.
Almost.
Tucked away in the third bedroom at the end of the hall, Wufei stared at the ceiling. Fatigued though he was, he and Death’s little brother were not on speaking terms this evening and his eyes stubbornly refused to close. The Chinese boy sighed and wonder silently if it had anything to do with the fact that only he of all his fellows remained alone, without a partner. This was not a happy thought, neither was it an infrequent one. Wakefulness at this hour inevitably led to brooding and Wufei had not slept well in weeks. Loneliness ate at him every hour of the day and night without mercy, the longing for companionship growing more acute whenever he observed his comrades. He envied them the happiness and security they had found with each other and suddenly his nickname, Solitary Dragon, seemed both appropriate and mocking.
‘The cheese stands alone….’ he thought bitterly, recalling the old children’s song. ‘I am the cheese.’
Forcing his thoughts away from their current depressing downward spiral, he tried his best to think of something happy, but the thought of happiness only evoked images that made him feel worse.
Heero’s tiny hidden smirk as he tugged a feebly protesting Duo out of the room by his long braid…Quatre’s eyes bright and sparkling as the voices of his violin and Trowa’s flute filled the house…Duo’s maniacal grin as he pestered a scowling Heero, an activity that usually led to very noisy retribution…Trowa’s quiet smile as he held his blond angel in his lap, contentment radiating from both of them….
Wufei was ashamed to find his eyes burning.
‘This is ridiculous. Why should I need them? Why should I need anybody? I’ve survived this long on my own, why should the future be any different?’
His lonely heart screamed in contradiction, producing an unpleasant ache that he had come to know all too well over the course of the last three months.
He wanted to scream. He wanted to run. He wanted to beat the living hell out of some poor unsuspecting punching bag, or better yet, a squadron of mobile suits. But all he could do was lie in his bed and count the cracks in the white plaster ceiling, hugging a pillow that was a miserable excuse for a bed partner, and be utterly miserable.
A soft giggle from next door made the ache grow sharper and his eyes began to sting with the beginnings of tears. It took every ounce of his self-control not to leave his room and crawl into someone else’s bed. Temporary borrowed comfort was surely better than this painful empty feeling that gnawed a hole in his stomach every night.
‘No. I must not let them see. They must not know I am so weak. They must not know….but I need….I don’t want to be alone…..’
His vision blurred and his breath hitched slightly. The ache was all-consuming now, but his stubborn pride would not allow him to retreat. Faced with another sleepless night alone in a cold empty bed, without the comfort of another warm body curled next to him as his comrades dozed peacefully just down the hall, happy and content, Wufei did the only thing he could do.
He burrowed deeper under the blankets, buried his dark head in the pillow, and started to cry.
‘Somebody…..please…..love me………’
Oh and if anybody thinks I should resolve this differently, let me know. Wufei may be a stuck-up onna-hating prat, but I hate to see anybody lonely. *Mikomi’s muse hits her over the head with a snow shovel and yells, "That wasn’t in my contract!"*