It had been awhile since Eric and I talked. Every night when he came home I'd open my eyes wide enough to get disappointed it wasn't Billy crawling into bed next to be, then I'd close them and shrug off whatever attempt he made to touch me. I felt cold doing this to him.

I really did love Eric. I wouldn't have said 'yes' to him if I hadn't loved him. However, I think I said yes to him for more than the reason of love. I said yes because. I was getting afraid that I'd spend the rest of my life alone, even though I was twenty-four, the thought of being alone scarred the shit out of me. Eric had a steady well-paying job. He had enough money to support both of us, right there and then, for a good couple of years if he quit his job at any given moment.

I said yes to him because he was as good as it got, or so I thought. I didn't think there was anything more to love than what I had achieved. One might say I believe I had achieved the Nirvana of Love.

I sat in bed Saturday morning and watched Eric pack up his things for D.C. It'd be about a week until he'd get back. I wasn't stressing any longer about him being around the plan the wedding. In my mind, it probably wasn't going to happen. The only reason I wanted him to get back soon was so I could have more lunches with Billy.

Him and I had been meeting at different restaurants around SoHo that were close enough for him to take a short cab ride from the studio and close enough so that we could walk together back to the gallery. To ensure I wouldn't be late Billy would set a timer on his watch for when we should be leaving. It was nice to walk back with him every day. Of course it had only been two or three days of lunches with him, but they were an eternity in pure bliss.

"Hey," Eric said and slipped some shirts into a suitcase. I looked up at him, his dark eyes, and came out of my daze filled with Billy. "I'm sorry I haven't been around much lately."

Item #15: Apologizes when he knows he hasn't been there for you.

I felt guilt wash over me. Maybe it was a sin to go to lunch daily with the guitarist of the band your fiancé was working with. Or maybe it was a sin to seek out Mr. Perfect when you have Mr. Good-Enough.

I remember the story my mom used to tell me when I was little about the dog who had this bone. The dog went over to the river and saw his reflection. The dog with the perfectly good bone thought his reflection was another dog with an even better bone. The dog opened his mouth to grab the other bone, but dropped his in the water and came up with nothing.

I remember thinking, what bullshit. It seemed like it could happen to me. I could go drop the guy I had secured, and come up with nothing but a broken heart.

I nodded to his comment. I couldn't say it back to him, though. I felt like shit. I wished lightening would strike me dead. "I know." I sighed. I did know, and that was what made it all the more worse.

"I promise, Jace, I promise we'll really start planning when I get back." He came and sat by me, my head wanted to tell him right then and there. Damn my heart.

Item #18: After you've known him for awhile, you're not scared to tell him exactly how you feel.

I nodded and inched away from his grasp on my waist. I pulled the blankets up to my chin, laid back, and slid under. I felt the bed shift as he got off to finish packing.

"Start making a list of guests. I'll start mine on the plane. When I get home we'll take it somewhere and get them mailed out all fancy and shit."

I pulled the covers off my head. "'Fancy and shit'? What the fuck, Eric?" I laughed.

He flashed me a smile and folded a nice shirt and tie. "It's time for me to be leaving, kid." He said and sat on the bed next to me after zipping up his suite case. He always called me kid considering I was so much younger than him. I remember the days when I would beg him to just stay in bed a little longer with me before he'd go off to work. Now, I wasn't awake when he left or when he came home. I had a feeling, too, that if I asked him to stay he wouldn't have. The studio was to him as my dark room was to me; a sanctuary of sorts.

Item #28: Doesn't like good-byes, so they always turn out long and have lots of one of you asking the other to stay or not to leave and plenty of "I love yous".

He kissed me on the lips and gave me a tight hug before he grabbed his things and left the room. I heard the lock pound against the doorway once he locked it. I fell back into the mound of pillows I had hoarded throughout the years. Everyone who ever saw my bedroom considered my massive heap of fluff and stuff crazy. I really did hoard pillows. I remember stealing them from my parent's room when they'd go out to dinner and leave me and my older sister to our own devices. I remember stealing them from my sister's room when she'd go out to dinner and leave me to my own devices. Growing up often being left by my self, I developed many devices.

The phone rang. I starred at it. It was sitting on my night stand and I wondered if who ever it was might just hear my telepathic plea for peace and hang up. After the forth ring I figured who ever was hearing my silent cries was ignoring them, so I picked up.

"Hell-o, Jace! Long time no see." It was Baelee. Of course it was Baelee, who else would ignore my telepathic plea for silence? Only Baelee. "What's going on?"

I sighed, hoping she wasn't playing the same game Gaylord had after my first lunch with Billy. "Nothing." I simply stated.

"How's the list working, Jace?" I heard the echo of her voice in the phone. She opened the door to my bedroom and clicked off of her cell phone. "Hell-o, Jace."

"I thought Eric locked the door downstairs."

She shook her head and slid her shoes off. "I ran into him in the lobby, got him to let me in." I wondered if telepathy really existed. I telepathically beaconed a call from Billy when Baelee laid down next to me in the bed.

The phone rang. I, startled, screamed a bit and launched at the phone. "Hello?"

The subtle and raspy twang in the voice indicated the speaker: Billy. I shivered. "Hey," He started. I sunk deep into the bed and listened to him talk.