| Quips, Quotes, and other randomly assorted words. |
| I still can't believe that there is anyone out there dumb enough to utter the words that some of these quotes contain, then I remember that most of these people are politicians. "When more people are thrown out of work, unemployment results." Calvin Coolidge. "I'm not smart enough to lie." Ronald Reagan when asked what qualified him to be president. "Outside of the killings, we have one of the lowest crime rates." Marion Barry. "I have opinions of my own, strong opinions, but I don't always agree with them." George Bush 1. "A tree's a tree. How many do you need to look at?" Ronald Reagon. "Get this thing strait once and for all. The policeman isn't there to create disorder, he's there to preserve disorder." Richard Daily "The right to suffer is one of the joys of a free country." Ike Eisenhower. "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it." Dan Quayle. "Wherever I have gone in this country, I have found Americans." Alf Landon. "Capital punishment is our society's recognition of the sanctity of human life." Orrin Hatch. "China is a big country, inhabited by many Chinese." Charles de Gaulle. "I love California. I practically grew up in Phoenix." Dan Quayle. "The president is aware of what is going on. That's not to say something is going on." Ron Ziegler. "I would not live forever because we should not live forever, because if we were supposed to live forever then we would live forever, which is why I would not live forever." Miss Alabama 1994. "Although they were potentially painful and difficult periods in history, they were ripe for comedy." Mort Naham explaining a show about suffering slaves in the pre-Civil War south. "Smoking kills. If your killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." Brooke Shields. "Not only is he ambidextrous, but he can throw with either hand." Duffy Daugherty. "It's a great adventage to be able to hurtle with both legs." David Coleman. "[The Air Force is pleased with the performance of the C-5A cargo plane, although] having the wings fall off at 8000 hours is a problem." Major General Charles F. Kuyuk, Jr. "Line up alphabetically by height." Casey Stengel. "The coach it crazy. He can't ask me to run like this. He must think I have two lungs." Brazillian soccer player. "He [Francis Bacon] was probably our greatest living painter-- until he died." LBC news presenter. "What good is the moon if you can't buy or sell it?" Ivan Boesky. "Our strength is that we don't have any weaknesses. Our weakness is that we don't have any real strengths." Frank Broyles. "I don't think anybody should write his autobiography until after he's dead." Samuel Goldwyn. "In a house like this you wouldn't want to be alone unless there were plenty of people around." woman in You'll Find Out, a 1940s thriller. "The other teams could make trouble for us if they win." Yogi Berra. "Elevate them guns a little lower!" Andrew Jackson. "Our first move will be to decide what our first move will be." Wellington Mara. "They brought me up to the Brooklyn Dodgers, which at that time was in Brooklyn." Casey Stengel. "We have been pushing the idea the George Bush is going to make matters much, much, worse." Dan Quayle, campaigning FOR George Bush. The following is a collection of bad casting calls, and movie reviews by Hollywood executives. The celebrities in the casting call were turned down. "Ears too big." on Clark Gable "You have a chip on your tooth, your Adam's Apple sticks out too far and you talk too slow." on Clint Eastwood. "Can't act. Can't sing. Balding. Can dance a little." on Fred Astaire. Astaire was well known for his acting, singing, and dancing abilities. "Gone With the Wind is going to be the biggest flop in Hollywood history. I'm glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling flat on his face instead of Gary Cooper." Gary Cooper, after turning down the role of Rhett Butler. "If there's one thing we're certain of it's our certitudes." White House official. "We're not afraid of challenges. It's like I always say: if you want to go out in the rain, be prepared to get burned." Rio Claro. "What? Will he be okay by Saturday?" University of Oklahoma coach when told that one of his players has charisma. "Most of my cliches aren't original." Chuck Knox. "Fur coats made for ladies from their own skin." Sign at a Swedish furrier. Mistake in translating. "We are not without accomplishment. We have managed to distribute poverty equally." Nguyen Co Thach. "Those who survived the San Francisco earthquake said, "Thank God, I'm still alive." But, of course, those who died, their lives will never be the same again." Barbara Boxer. "I believe in unions and I believe in non-unions." George Bush Sr. "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any vice president. And that one word is "to be prepared." Dan Quayle. "Don't pay attention to the critics--don't even ignore them." Samuel Goldwyn. "Ballroom dancing has been around in various forms since early civilization, and it has been a crucial factor in the development of mankind." Howell Heflin. "Modern dancing is so old-fashioned." Samuel Goldwyn. "It's a beautiful day for a night game." Frank Frisch. "Please provide the date of your death." IRS letter sent to a dead man whose widow had filed a return for him. "Four people were killed, one seriously, an eight more recieved slight injuries..." From the Japan Times. "Your food stamps will be stopped effective March 1992 because we recieved notice that you passed away. May God bless you. You may reaply if there is a change in your circumstances." letter from a departmane of Social Services. "Millions of people who have never died before will be killed." Captain Kirk from a Star Trek episode. "Life is indeed precious, and I believe the death penalty helps to affirm this fact." Edward Koch. "We are sorry to announce that Mr. Albert Brown has been quite unwell, owing to his recent death, and is taking a short holiday to recover." notice in Parish Magazine. "Today was mostly decision day. We made an agreement to agree over what we had agreed upon before." Tom Flores. "I think that immoral is probably the wrong word to use for [my] acts. I prefer the word unethical." Ivan Boesky. "It's deja vu all over again." Yogi Berra. "Traffic is very heavy at the moment, so if you are thinking of leaving now, you'd better set off a few minutes earlier." Automobile Association spokesman. "I'll have the pie a la mode with ice cream." Johnny Logan. Pizza counter person: "Do you want the pizza cut into six or eight slices?" Dan Osinksi: "Better make it six. I can't eat eight." "Two vehicles which are passing each other in opposite direction shall have the right of way." Article 6, Paragraph 82, Subsection Division 3, New York State Vehicle and Traffic law. "We're going to have the best-educated American people in the world." Dan Quayle. "Too many textbooks and discussions leave students free to make up their minds about things." Mel Gabler. "Open seven days a week, excluding Sundays!" Sign on a KFC store. "The only way that the Republican Party can hold the White House...is to nominate a candidate who can win." Alexander Haig. "All I was doing was appealing for an endorsement, not suggesting you endorse it." George Bush Sr. "Here lies John Higley, whose father and mother were drowned in their passage from America. Had thay both lived, they would have been buried here." Tombstone. "John didn't flunk his physical, he just didn't pass it." Steve Ortmayer, San Diego Chargers manager. "Fiction writing is great. You can make up almost anything." Ivana Trump. "I was asked to come to Chicago is one of our fifty-two states." Raquel Welch. "Most fires are caused by some igniting source coming into contact with combustible material." official definition, from the Dept. of Technical Cooperation, Dept. of Fire Precautions. "I didn't intend for this to take on a political tone. I'm just here for the drugs." Nancy Reagan at a "Just Say No" rally. "...if Berger gets another yellow flag, it will be a red one." David Coleman. "Men, I want you just thinking of one word all season. One word and one word only: Super Bowl." Bill Peterson. "Free cholesterol testing will be offered at 10 this morning. The cost is $6." notice in the Hammond Indiana Times. "If people get a kick out of running down pedestrians, you have to let them do it." Paul Jacobs. "Makes your fingers fall off." Kentucky Fried Chicken ad, as mistranslated abroad. "Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours." Yogi Berra. "Things happen more frequently in the future than they do in the past." Booth Gardner. "We won't see the end result until an hour ago." John Aubuchon. |
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