Answering machine messages- These things are among the worst of recorded materials. The personalized ones anyway. People try to be cute and silly by putting something that they think is clever on the tape. However, after you've heard these things ten thousand times you just want to strangle your phone.
Apples that are mealy- I don't want to include too many food related items in this list because there are so many of them, but this one is one that really gets me. Lets just say I don't like biting into a nice juicy applesauce. I like them crunchy okay.
Authors who write lists of things that annoy them- Whenever you see these lists you just want to tell that person to shut up and get a life don't you?
Awkwardness- You've just met the people who moved in next door. Your parents have a lot in common with them, but you don't. After a while of listening them talk, thankful that you haven't needed to contrubite to this conversation, they decide to go to the kitchen and prepare snacks. Uh-oh. Now you're alone with them. They imediately notice you and expect you to keep the healthy conversation going, but what are you supposed to say? You certainly couldn't care less about these people. You sit, nervously thinking of something to say. You try to make small talk. How 'bout this weather? How was your day? But nothing keeps them busy long enough, and you're forced to think of something else. You begin to sweat. Where are they? What's taking them so long? IDEA!!! "Excuse me. I have to use the bathroom." Sucess!!! Your free!!! Awkwardness sucks.
Bad weather- Okay. Everything is planned out for that big camping trip, and your ready to go. CRACK! BOOM! SPLOOSH! Oh crap.
Bands that sound like tortured monkeys- Have you ever turned on the radio and hear somone screaming in pain. No, that's not a police station your picking up. It's something some people like to call music. What? I'm not making this up. Some people actually like listening to it. Seriously.
Barney- Ah yes. The big purple sap who sings to little kids and causes the suicide of millions of parents a year.
Being called on only when I don't know the answer- This happens all the time. I know the answers to all the other questions. I raise my hand to answer, but I'm not picked. Then an impossibly hard question comes up. I put my hand down, but it's too late. Murphey's law once again takes effect. There go my parcipitation points.
Big words-Big words scare me. The make the world seem vast and devastating.Plus my head hurts whenever anyone uses one. There should be some kind of law against words 7 letters and up.
Biting your tongue- So your enjoying a nice meal when suddenly you bite down hard on your tongue. It's one of the worst experiences known to man. And geez it hurts!
Boring people-You ever notice how these are the people who don't shut up?
Braces- Braces are among the most sadistic legal ways of torturing teens. They get in the way, they hurt, and if you build up to much static you can knock yourself out.
Brain freeze- It seems weird that eating something too cold too fast would give you a temporary headache. It's just to bad that even frozen treats come with a price.
Bugs- They're icky, they jump out and surprise you, they make annoying sounds, they fly around your head in circles. Whose idea was it to put them hear anyway?
Bullies- Despite everything research indicates, these people are not misunderstood neglected youths. They're just a big pain in the butt. Oh! And never EVER try to reason with them. That just makes things worse. Your best bet: go against any advice your parents ever gave you about dealing with them.
Burnt food- Let's just say that mashed potatos were not meant to be crunchy.
Cafeteria "food"- What this strange glop is, no one may ever truly know. My friends and I have decided that it's either food flavored crap or crap flavored food.
Car alarms- They're loud, they don't shut off unless the correct sequence of buttons is pressed in a given time, and they're set off by EVERYTHING. 9 times out of 10, they go off due to false alarms.
Car phones- Those who talk on phones while driving are among the stupidest of us. They take too much attention away from the road and divert it to their precoius phone. Now I agree that it's wise to have one in case of emergencies, but they are rarely used for that. I don't get what's so important that it can't wait until they get home.
Cats scratching- My cat scratches everything. The sofa, the speakers, the table, me. Meanwhile the scratching post is going to waste.
Ceiling drippage- It's raining outside so I run into the house to get dry only to find out that it seems to be raining inside the house too. I cant win can I?
Cell phones during a movie- Your watching the coolest movie of your life when some idiot's cell phone goes off. Obviously this moron doesn't have the good will or the brains to turn it off. Then, instead of going out into the hall, he/she begins talking on it right in the theatre. Why don't they take it outside? Because that would be inconvienint and bothersome to them (heavy eye roll).
Class presentations- The teacher knows I've done it. I don't see why I have to get up in the front of the classroom and explain a concept that my peers could care less about. Then once I'm done I have to listen to everyone else give theirs.
Coffee house America- Now don't get me wrong. I like coffee houses. I'm just not thrilled about the fact that every single street has one. If any of you ever get the chance, listen to Louis Black's stand-up sketch on Starbucks. That shows my thoughts exactly.
Commercials- I could talk forever on how much I absolutely hate commercials. They interrupt the show at the exact point when something good happens, they completely ruin the mood and atmosphere that the show was trying to set, and I really don't care about hearing the millions of different ways that my razor is inferior to the Mach 17 (or whatever).
Complainers- Yes I realize the irony that by creating this list I have become a complainer.
