Chandler : Oh Mon-Mon-Mon-Mon-look, this is the honeymoon suite. The room expects sex. The room would be disappointed if it didn't get sex. All of the other honeymoon suites would think it was a loser.

Frank : She's on her way though, so until she gets here, I'm gonna be your coach. But don't worry, she told me all about the la-Mazda stuff.
Chandler : Yeah, that's when if you get the babies out by the end of the month, they give you 2% financing.

Frank : ( on finding his second child is a girl ) Chandler's a girl!
Chandler : Oh God, kindergarten flashback.

Chandler : Y'know, I don't know if you've ever looked up the term goofing around in the dictionary. Well, I have, and the technical definition is, two friends who care a lot about each other and have amazing sex and just wanna spend more time together. But if you have this new fangled dictionary that gets you mad at me, then we have to, y'know, get you my original dictionary. I am so bad at this.

Chandler : Oh-aw my God! Now, I understand if you never want to sleep with me again, but that would be wrong. We're too good! We owe it, to sex!
Monica : Well, if we owe it? ( She throws down her cleaning stuff and jumps into his arms. ) Oh my. When is Joey gonna be home?
Chandler : Well, I was kinda hoping we could do this without him.

Joey : No! Everything's gettin' all messed up, y'know? Emily won't let Ross see Rachel, we're not gonna stop seeing Rachel, hence Ross stops seeing us!
Phoebe : Oh, I hate this. Everything's changing.
Chandler : Yeah I know, we're losing Ross, Joey said hence.

Ross : I-I've been given the gift of time!
Chandler : Now that's so funny, because last Christmas I got the gift of space. We should get them together and make a continuum.

Joey : You're fake laughing too, right?
Chandler : Oh, the tears are real.

Ross : I'm sorry. It's just that this is the worse Thanksgiving ever.
Chandler : No-no-no! I am the king of bad Thanksgivings. You can't just swoop in here with your bad marriage and take that away from me.

Chandler : It's a tradition, like the parade. If the parade decided it was gay, moved out, and abandoned its entire family.

Monica : Umm, Chandler, if you want I can make you some macaroni and cheese for dinner.
Chandler : Well, as long as the pilgrims didn't eat it, I'm in.

Chandler : That's why I lost my toe?! Because I called you fat?!
Monica : I didn't mean to cut it off. It was an accident.
Chandler : That's why for an entire year people called me Sir Limps-A-Lot?!
Monica : I'm sorry! It wasn't your whole toe!
Chandler : Yeah, well, I miss the tip! It's the best part. It has the nail.

Chandler : Say Ross, when you picture Phoebe living on the street, is she surrounded by the entire cast of Annie?

Phoebe : Ooh! That's a good one! Mine is to pilot a commercial jet.
Chandler : That's good one too, Pheebs. Now all you have to do is find a planeload of people who's resolution is to plummet to their deaths.

Ross : Oh, thanks Gunther. (He takes it, hands the plate it's on to Rachel, sets it down on the table, and proceeds to pound it into oblivion while saying.) STUPID BRITISH SNACK FOOD!!!!!!!
Chandler : Did they teach you that in your anger management class?

Monica : Y'know what really bothers me? Is-it's how-how different you act around them! I mean y'know the throwing the tennis games, the fake laugh, the 'I'll see you around, Bing!" "Not if I see you first, Doug!' ( Mocks his fake laugh. ) I gotta tell you, I don't like Work Chandler. Okay? The guy's a suck-up.
Chandler : Okay y'know what, because you said that, I'm not putting out tonight.

Chandler : I'm telling you, she gives the worst massages ever!! Okay, it was like she was torturing me for information. And I wanted to give it up! I just-I didn't know what it was!

Joey : ( talking about his new hat, which resemble's a magician's hat ) Oh! Yeah, look there's this play all right? And I'm up for the part of this real cool like suave international guy. A real clothes horse. So I figure that everyone at the audition is gonna be wearing this kinda y'know, ultra-hip, high fashion stuff.
Chandler : And you're gonna make them all disappear.

Chandler : ( about Joey's new bag ) Pulling flowers out it makes the bag look a lot more masculine.

Rachel : Ahhh, I think you look great! That bag is gonna get you that part.
Chandler : And a date with a man!

Chandler : Okay, hear me out. Okay? You give the best bad massages. If anybody was looking for the best bad massage and they were thinking to themselves, 'Who's the best of that?' They'd have to go to you.

Joey : Hey, yeah! Then we could do that telephone thing! Y'know, you have a can, we have a can and it's connected by a string!
Chandler : Or we can do the actual telephone thing.

Monica : You are so cute! How did you get to be so cute?
Chandler : Well, my Grandfather was Swedish and my Grandmother was actually a tiny little bunny.

Monica : Oh man, they think they are so slick messing with us! But see they don't know that we know that they know! So.
Chandler : Ahh yes, the messers become the messies!

Monica : Guys, you're a few steps ahead of us.
Chandler : Yeah, big zero gravity moon steps.

Chandler : Well, that's what we do. Y'know, I-I mess up and then you tell me how to fix it and then I do and then y'know, you think I'm all cute again.

Monica : Oh my God, what would you have done if I said yes?
Chandler : Well, I would've been happy because I would've be able to spend the rest of my life with the woman that I love. Or, you would've seen a Chandler shaped hole in that door.

Chandler : Oh that's so cool! Why would a cop come in here though? They don't serve donuts. ( No one laughs. ) Y'know what actually, could you discover the badge again? I think I can come up with something better than that.

Chandler : Oh, y'know what? The last time Joey went to a meadow, his mother was shot by a hunter.

Joey : All right! There is something. I kinda had a dream, (pause) but I don't want to talk about it.
Chandler : Whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-whoa-what-what if Martin Luther King had said that? ( Imitating what his famous speech would sound like. ) I kinda have a dream! I don't want to talk about it.