Reflections of a New Nurse
				By David Schneider
Nursing is a lot harder than it looked in the brochure. That is to say that it is a lot harder than I had anticipated on both a physical and emotional level. I have been on a surgical ward now for the last seven months and I'm buggered. I'm really tired. The ward I'm on is really busy, and time management is vital to a successful day (okay kids, let's all chant the mantra "a good nurse has good time management, a good nurse has good time management") Some days are pretty cruisey, whereas other more common days can be kind of hectic and if you drop the ball on your time management you can rapidly find yourself up a certain creek without a paddle in a barbwire canoe.
I think that the first thing that hits you as a new nurse is the fact that peoples lives actually depend on you doing your job properly and competently. You need to give the right medications, infuse the right solutions, maintain regular observations, make sure that confused patients are not in a position to do themselves harm, and any number of other tasks that make sure that your patients are safe, and on their way to recovery. The thing that scares me is that situations can change so quickly. A patient who has been sitting happily in their bed or chair can suddenly arrest, or have a hypoglycaemic attack.
I really hate it when people die. Perhaps it's just me not yet being able to cope with a natural part of the life process, but I really hate it. There is a line in the movie Bladerunner, where the replicant Roy is dying. "I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I've watched C-beams glitter in the dark near Tenhauser Gate. All those moments will be lost, in time, like, tears in the rain." When someone dies I sometimes think of all that they have done and all that they knew, and how so much is lost to us. When I'm preparing someone's remains prior to their being taken to the morgue, it frequently occurs to me that this was a real person. Like when you watch footage of World War Two, when you see images of prisoners of the Germans or Japanese being marched off to their doom, and it strikes you that these are real men. Not some abstract historical facts, but real men who loved and argued, who had friends and debts and hopes. When you look into the face of a dead client you can only hope that they got out of life what they wanted, and that you were able to make their last days more comfortable, that you helped to ease their suffering.
	Often you see things, and you think, 'there but for the grace of God go I'. You see the effects of smoking, and it's not much fun to watch someone dying of cancer. All things considered I'd rather be at the beach. It makes you think though, seeing people in their times of need. It makes you see how precious life is, and makes you reluctant to waste your opportunities. I have also found that having people die around you can make you reluctant to let people get close to you. I found it particularly hard to let people in for quite a while, and still frequently find myself having trouble. Reality shock can also be a problem. You can be doing something, and suddenly realise what it is you're doing, and the implications thereof. You've got to watch out for the "reality sharks".
Nursing is a strange job. You get people who treat you as some sort of menial servant. Then you get people who are grateful for your efforts, who show you compassion and human understanding. Those moments are oh so special. When you know in your heart that you've played a role in helping someone who was in trouble to get back on top of things. Recently I had the son of a patient come up and thank me for my efforts on his father's behalf, even though the patient had had a fall whilst on the ward. It was a wonderful gesture that brought tears to my eyes.
I'm glad that I've done nursing. You get to help people. Even though it's often hard, and things can change unexpectedly, and you frequently put in unpaid overtime, you get to see things in nursing that you don't anywhere else, and you get to make a difference. I suppose that I've concentrated herein mostly on the problematical aspects of nursing. I suppose that this is because there are the things that are on my mind at present. Yet there is much that is positive and beautiful in nursing. I wouldn't have missed it for quids.
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