Our days are very rhythmic. She wakes anytime between 3:30 and 6:00 AM to go outside. All her vital signs are good. There is more choking now, and her breathing is so hard that watching her stomach go up and down is like watching a tidal wave building in strength and releasing quickly on the shore. I had another relapse in my health and need her by my side still. It is a blessing to have her wagging her tail with love for me and bouncing after her balls and treats.
March 9, 2003
Lucky's esophagus is being squeezed by the tumors in her lungs so she has to lift her head when she eats and stretches her head upwards like a wolf beginning to howl so her food goes down. Her weight loss is noticeable and her energy levels are low. And yet she smiles and wags her tail and is still alert and with us during the days. At night she stretches often to allow more air through her passageways and she prefers the cool hardwood floor to her bed. And now the days are flowing into hints of spring while the snow melts for the last time to nourish our earth. I thought I would lose her when the leaves were falling, and today it looks like it will be when the buds begin new life.
March 13, 2003
As we walked along the river, there were several glens deep within the trees that run along the water, and each was filled with patches of snow. Lucky found each one, stood at the edge, gathered her strength, and then plopped side down into the snow, stretching and wagging her tail, happy as could be, while she dug with her nails and buried herself in icy snow. Another memory for me to hold dear. She is moving slow with fewer bursts of energy. Tonight when Sara came to hug her and lay next to her, she started wagging her tail and stretching to get more air.
March 16, 2003
We have reduced her prednisone to one a day, hoping to give Lucky her dignity back and to find a place of calm. The drug was starting to have a significant affect on her personality. She had become so anxious for food and totally consumed with the thought of food and snapping at it when it is offerred to her. We realized our cushion of time is coming to an end when we watched her last week struggle to eat and bend her legs to lay down and we want her last days to be calm. It has been three days and I think we made the right decision. She has stopped snapping at her food, taking it gentle as she used to and she is not acting so anxious.
March 24, 2003
Lucky has rebounded again. In the beginning of the week her vital signs were not so good -- very rapid breathing, loose bowels, not able to walk or go for rides -- and then she balanced out again and by the weekend was walking more slowly when we go for our walks, but happy to be going everywhere and being a part of life. And then yesterday morning she was downright peppy when we went to the river. I don't know if it was because we were greeted by a cacophony of migrating birds when we went to the park - bluebirds, robins, a pair of red tailed hawks - and the beautiful day; but she was trotting all over the park following Indie and sniffing at every little bush.
March 31, 2003
Another week - full of snow and sunny days. Our pup is still alert and happy. Many times during the day when she first gets up and walks outside, she walks like a drunken sailor because her legs have gotten so weak. It doesn't slow her down. It's just one more thing that she adjusts to and then her walk becomes strong. Her breathing is like a freight train now but her ears and gums are still pink so the blood is still circulating. Indie has been particularly affectionate with her this week.
April 4, 2003
She was very weak today. Her back legs were wobbly and a few times she could not get up. The last two nights have been particularly uncomfortable for her. After sleeping most of the day, she woke with more energy and made it to Jessi's softball game, full of happy wags. So many people commented how good she looks. But I am thinking that perhaps she is starting to be more than uncomfortable and I do not want her to suffer.
April 6, 2003
Although she needs help in the morning getting up, she gathers her energy and continues to want to be with us. I had a long talk with another vet. She feels Lucky has lymphona, a common cancer of the lungs which is very responsive to the slowing down effects of prednisone. It is also typical of her pattern of getting worse, rebounding and coming back a little bit weaker. She said Lucky will let us know when she is ready because one day she will just not care to participate in anything. I already know that prednisone can cause remission up to a median rate of 230 days and Lucky is at 156 days. My only thought in this diagnosis is that when Lucky first exhibited choking symptoms, I took her to the vet and her lymph glands were not swollen. Generally with lymphoma, swollen lymph glands are one of the first symptoms.
April 15, 2003
We thought we would be losing her last weekend because she was getting weak. It's almost like she heard us and said "wait a minute...I can still eat that yummy food!" and she rebounded again.
April 21, 2003
Our dear Lucky died today. Her breathing pattern changed for the worse early last night and she did not rebound. Her lungs were so compressed she could not lay down and she was clearly suffering. Even to the end she was softly wagging her tail for us even though she was struggling to breathe. We will miss her terribly.
* Links to some wonderful sites
* A poem for Lucky
* Home page
