I survived with a lot of prayer and my family praying. God will intervene in these situations. He intended for our husbands to love us as "Christ loves the church". That's a lot of love, and we are far from being perfect in Christ, but when a spouse is hurting the other, that is not how God intended it. We need to pray for our spouses, and that may be hard sometimes. But all those prayers don't go unnoticed by God. He will see you through.
The following questions are designed to help you look at your situation and decide whether you feel you need to take the next step to counseling. A counselor will help you from that point. I would strongly suggest going to a pastor or Christian counselor, just because they don't forget the importance of marriage commitment. And they will pray with you and for you and your spouse. Ask yourself these questions:
Does your parter...
act jealous or possessive toward you
refuse to let you have other friends
check up on you
have a quick temper
have extreme mood swings
become hypersensitive to criticism or perceived criticism
blame others for his/her problems, feelings, or behaviors
have difficulty identifying feelings and communicating them
refuse or is unable to discuss, negotiate, and compromise
believe in stereotyped sex roles
look at the opposite sex as sex objects
always have to be in control
manipulate you
have unrealistic expectations of you or the relationship
get too serious too fast
refuse to accept breaking up
abuse drugs, alcohol, or other mood-altering substances
pressure you to use/abuse alcohol or drugs
show little respect for the opposite sex
pressure you for sex
mistreat animals or children
have a history of bad relationships
scare you
threaten you or others
have a history of fighting
own or use weapons or display them to back up threats
break or strike objects
become violent with you or others?
Do you...
apologize all the time
willingly accept the blame for everything that goes wrong in your relationship
"walk on eggs", watching every word you say
rehearse what you will say to your parter so you won't set him/her off
cry more than you used to
repress your feelings, especially your anger
constantly try to figure out how to get your parter's approval
twist yourself into a pretzel trying to suit his/her ever-changing demands
give up interests, activities, and people that once were important to you
hold yourself back in your educational or vocational advancement
constantly excuse your partner's behavior to yourself or others
let yourself go physically
gain or lose a great deal of weight
pay less attention to your personal appearance than you used to
find excuses not to leave the house
hear warnings from your family or friends about your partner or hear them say they are concerned about your safety?
If you answered yes to some or all of these questions, you need to contact a pastor or counselor.
