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| Everything about Motherhood I enjoyed, well, almost everything, *laughs merrily in remembrance* The part I didn't enjoy was nine months of morning sickness times three children. It was not until the kids were nearly grown that I found that there are natural alternatives in dealing with morning sickness, :) When that first little bundle was placed in my arms, I felt as holy and sacred as the Virgin Mary must have felt cradling the infant Jesus. That wonder never left my heart with bundle number two and bundle number three. After counting ten little fingers and ten little toes, seeing bright little eyes, and cute button nose, little pink shell ears, and kissing little rosebud cherub mouths who had kissed the angels just a short time ago, and after nuzzling that sweet, soft baby hair -- yep, my heart was captured. Love was instant and it was forever! All our children were breast-fed, for it seemed that such a miracle was a gift from our Creator and the only way a child should prepare for life nutritionally. Our first child was bathed in light. She had come hard, as first babies often do. Labor was induced early due to toxemia, and a C-section was performed after very hard, induced labor. Mama just wouldn't dilate enough to accomodate the wee one. But, she was beautiful, and in her very first picture she is crowned with a shaft of light either from Heaven or from within her baby Kingdom, adorning her crown chakra. Now, I know all the arguments you could possibly offer for this phenomenon. We have checked them all. Even the nurses agree that something very special had been witnessed in that photograph. The same thing happened again when she was seven, and we took a picture in bright sunlight when visiting Disneyland. You can share with me in her story on the page listed as "Hearts of Mercy." She has grown into a gorgeous, wonderful woman with a heart as big as all outdoors! We have just received the most glorious news that she is expecting her first child. I was so overjoyed that I cried all day! Our second child was born with a ruptured bowel. The first thing that saved her life was the fact that a C-section had been scheduled, and it just happened that that appointment was within twenty-four hours of the bowel obstruction that had caused her very first hours to be spent in surgery. This is another story entirely, and to this day I am not prepared to delve into recesses of my memory that has so thoroughly suppressed and hidden most of my memories of her. After many tests and operations, she was found to have Cystic Fibrosis. A week before she died she told us that "death" was upon her. In the middle of the night on a Wednesday, her Papa found her on her knees by the side of the bed, praying. He tried to coax her back to bed, but she shushed him, saying, "I am talking to Jesus." By Friday she was in a coma. A week later, at seven and a half years old, our little angel of light, Anna preceded us to Heaven, and joined my beloved grandpa. Please click on http://www.oocities.org/sheranana/annasdeath.html for a special blessing from our little light angel. Enough said. Twenty-five years ago we were given too many risks and possibilities that our next child would be cystic also. We prayed for a miracle. And, we prayed for a boy. Our little Anna had been born in the spring of 1975. That fall, my husband had become very ill, vomiting every morning. In September of that year he announced that "WE" were pregnant (he suffered morning sickness and labor pains when I did, LOL) For two months I argued that we couldn't be. By November the morning sickness hit with a fury. "WE" were expecting! Oh the turmoil of emotions I went through! We couldn't possibly have another child so soon. Yet, we HAD prayed for a boy. This child was different than the other two. Why, this child would run from one set of ribs to the next. This child played football, arms and legs a'flying! We would have to spend a lot of time massaging down little elbows and knees. In July of the following year, our prayers were answered. We had a healthy, miraculous bouncing baby boy! The miracles didn't stop there, for he was born ON MY BIRTHDAY! It was a Heavenly Message to me of a very, special, precious Gift. Please check "Bars of Freedom" for his very special story. Want a hint? We are raising his son, :X |
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| Children do not come with instruction manuals. As parents we did our very best not to make the same mistakes our parents made. It is with a certainty, in talking to our grown children, that we did make our share of errors. We cannot live our lives in regret. In defense of our parenting, and in defense of all parents who dearly love their children, I can say unequivocally that we did our utmost to make sure they were balanced educationally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically. We taught them to think for themselves, and we taught them to be independent. We attempted to prepare them to meet the world. Nothing prepared us for the shattering heartache of having a son, on his eighteenth birthday, decide to run away from home to live with another family. Guilt-ridden, confused, and angry we did not handle that situation very well. It plagued me why another family would be any better than ours. Oh! Perhaps it was their eighteen-year old daughter, *laughs sarcastically* Nevertheless, we weathered those stormy days, and he was soon back at home, just as guilt-ridden, confused, and angry as we had been. No matter where they have gone, or what they have been through, your children should always have a place in your heart and home. The truth of this saga in our family drama is that these feelings were never resolved until years and more heartaches later. Our daughter’s first move away from home is rather comical. We had moved to an area to buy property we saw advertised in Mother Earth News. The community was not what we expected, and we could not agree with their lifestyle. Much to our dismay, housing was scarce in the area to which we moved, so my husband and I did some house-sitting. It wasn’t too long before our son again moved in with another girl and her family. Our daughter found employment in town, and a nice apartment. When our house-sitting jobs were exhausted, we ended up moving in with her, lol It was almost a year before the downstairs apartment became available for hubby and me. When we moved out, out daughter’s claim for independence moved in. Unless invited, we were to “mind our own business” and not associate with her friends (we DID just live downstairs, chuckles innocently*). She kept reminding us to “get a life.” She attended classes to become an EMT, and we had to discover just what “get a life” meant. After all, you are not parents one day, and merely neighbors the next. How does one go from “full steam ahead” to “what do we do now?” The house was empty of children. Only my husband and I remained. It was nothing new for my husband to be home. He hadn’t worked for a very long time. He and my daughter had been after me to find my own independence, and to stop being so submissive and wrapped up in the family. Being nursemaid to a handicapped husband just wasn’t fulfilling any more. Finally their words took effect. My quest became an adventure to find out who I was, not what I did; that is, mother, wife, maid, dishwasher, laundress, etc., etc. With the children off on adventures of their own, I was left alone and lost. Who was I, anyway? Maybe, in an attempt to postpone all the self-analyzing, I delved into my work as a Nursing Assistant Certified (NAC). When work called on my days off, I went in. When they needed someone to work over, I volunteered. It wasn’t long before I was working some days ten to sixteen hours. In my spare time I worked at the local resort as a housekeeper. When I actually had a day off from both jobs, I helped my husband deliver products in a business he had started at home. When we both had a spare evening, I accompanied him to local gigs where I enjoyed his music and lyrics. On some occasions we even had time to enjoy a meal at a little pub nearby, and shoot some pool. After nearly a year of adjustment to this whole “empty nest syndrome,” I actually thought I might survive! Our son was off to parts unknown with his latest girlfriend, and our daughter had her own house, was an EMT with the local ambulance service, and the seeds for her own business were slowly being planted. It was fulfilling to watch their lives unfold. Hubby and I had settled into a rather comfortable routine. Our finances were just beginning to straighten out. All of life is on a wheel. If you are experiencing light times, do not be surprised when darkness comes around. If you are laughing and singing, do not be surprised when the wheel turns to bring you tears and grief. We did not have a scrying glass to warn us that our new-found freedom was about to end. There was no crystal ball to forewarn us that an even bigger transition was about to transpire. As humans we too quickly become complacent in our lives. We were not expecting the next upheavals. No longer would I be allowed to hide in my work, and pretend that I was “getting to know me!” Soon I was to come face to face with the naked me! My beingness was in transformation. The next course of events would either make me a better person, or define me as a bitter old lady! As I lay awake at night, the old guilts returned, old religious habits would not console, lights of protection seemed dim, and mantras were dry and stuck in my throat. My skies seemed as brass. My empty nest seemed far emptier than I had noticed, and it reeked with the stench of impending doom. Aloneness, not loneliness, seemed to choke the very life from my spirit. Perhaps this was the time when I stopped laughing. |
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| How to Cope With Empty Nest Syndrome The time after a child leaves home can be difficult for a parent, but given time and motivation, it can also be an opportunity for exciting changes. E-mail this eHow to a friend Steps: 1. Don't be alarmed if you experience feelings of sadness and loss of purpose when your last child leaves home. These are normal reactions. 2. Find someone to talk to, such as your spouse or a friend. If you don't feel better, consult a counselor or therapist trained in the field. 3. Consider a support group. Even if you're not a joiner, a group with similar experiences can offer information, new friends, creative solutions and a sympathetic ear. 4. Find information about empty nest syndrome. Books and Web sites can help you understand what you're going through. 5. Become involved. Take up a new hobby, sport or volunteer effort to regain your sense of purpose and fill those lonely hours. 6. Find something to look forward to. Whether it's visiting your children or taking a vacation - by yourself, with your spouse or with friends - it will keep your mind on something positive. 7. Find a way to communicate regularly with the kids by phone, e-mail or letters. Keep in mind that this is an invigorating time in your relationship with your child - a chance to go from being a teenager's parent to a young adult's vital, trusted friend. Tips: Consider "adopting" a friend's toddler or an ASPA or seeing-eye dog, taking on a baby-sitting job or becoming a Big Sister or Big Brother. Lots of volunteer opportunities exist that will fulfill you and make the time fly by. If you're married, consider this a time to become reacquainted with your spouse. Quiet evenings, long walks, impulsive trips and dinners out are all possible now that the kids aren't around. If you've wanted a pet but felt you didn't have time, now's your chance. http://www.ehow.com/ehow/ehowDetails.jsp?index= 1038&id=3741 |
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