Now playing by Creschendo is..."Desperado".

Acceptance

When I finally told my children I am a multiple I received two distinct responses. My oldest son was highly skeptical and disbeleving while my youngest son was very understanding and accepting. I should not have been surprised although I was. You see, this is the same type response the general public has when they find out someone is a multiple. These two and one of pity, anger, fear, and/or jealousy. But then, these are the same feelings I had when I was first diagnosed.

I have often been asked if my T (ther*pist) had made me think I was a multiple. My first T felt I was a multiple but did not say, or even imply, it. She did not want to implant seeds in my head that were hard to deal with but did talk to some of my alters when I did not know she did it. We saw her for 2 years. My second T worked with my alters for 1 1/2 years before she even mentioned my loss of time. My third T was a psychologist. She is the one who officially diagnosed us as being a multiple. This was nearly 6 years after I entered counseling.

NO! No one told me I was a multiple or tried to make me believe I was. I just am.

One of the reasons my Ts did not tell me I am a multiple is this very problem with the way people accept the "lable" of multiplicity. Although I had the educational background to understand the diagnosis and what caused me to become one, I am still human and still have human feelings. I fought my diagnosis even though, underneath, I knew it was true. But, to accept my dual diagnosis of PTSD and MPD/DID, I had to accept my past. Until I was ready to accept the fact that the abuse happened I was not ready to accept my diagnoses.

Kubler-Ross developed a grief-recovery theory and treatment modality. It deals with grief in a five step process. The steps are denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. These steps do not come in order. They tend to overlap and may be revisited often during the healing process. Finally, they apply not only to things lost but things that never occurred. Things like a happy and safe childhood, dreams for a "normal" life, hopes for internal peace and many other things. At times, I sense we are stuck in denial while at others I feel we are in acceptance. To understand this please read how I finally accepted we are a multiple.

Thank you

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