CENTER FOR THE FAIR TREATMENT
OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE
(Affiliates of the SLC)
The English language gives us so much. It gives us the ability to communicate with each other. It allows us to express our thoughts and desires through the use of words. It gives us books. What do we give it in return? Abuse. Every day fangirls and fanboys abuse the English language to the point of absurdity. So far, this abuse has been localized to the internet and a few private, handwritten notes passed in classes behind teacher's backs. However, it is our firm belief that if we do not stop the abuse at its source, it will only grow. How long before corporate memos are written in internet speak? How long before college term papers start to abuse these innocent letters as well? That is why we've created the Center for the Fair Treatment of the English Language.
June 04, 2006
There are many forms of abuse, and neglect is one that is often overlooked. While it doesn’t have the same hallmarks as overuse, it is still a problem that plagues our language. For instance, take the newest addition to our examples. Here, we see that the author has not only neglected the period, but has also rabidly abused the comma. To us at the C.F.T.E.L. this is a particularly heinous crime. The comma is a very passive punctuation mark and to abuse it is simply uncalled for, especially while you insist on neglected the period which is so bold and strong. Let us take a moment to reflect on the acceptable uses of the comma and the period.
The comma is a mark of punctuation (,) used to indicate a slight separation of sentence elements (Webster’s New World Dictionary, copywrite1990, page 121). For example, notice the use of the comma in this sentence. I have used the words ‘for example’ as precursors to my sentence, therefore I have separated the phrase with the use of a comma. Another proper way to use a comma is when listing items. Witness: I need to buy milk, eggs, and sugar.
The period is a.)... a mark of punctuation (.) used at the end of a sentence b.) the dot following many abbreviations (Webster’s New World Dictionary, copywrite1990, page 437). Throughout this passage I have used many periods to indicate the end of a sentence. These are all proper examples of how to use a period. Occasionally in text an author may also use three periods in a row to create ellipses, indicating that a thought or a sentence has trailed off (I wonder what Fred is doing right now...) or that something has been omitted (...wouldn’t be right if we didn’t ask first).
Due to the horrendous example that warranted this post, we feel it is sadly necessary to state the following. The comma may not be used to indicate the end of a sentence. It may only be used to indicate a break, pause, or separation within a complete sentence. The period may not be used to signify the end of a paragraph. There are two acceptable ways to end a paragraph. One, is to press enter twice. The second acceptable way is to press enter once and then tab over to create an indentation.
To learn more about the structure of a sentence or a paragraph, the C.F.T.E.L. requests that you please return to grade school., is entirely unacceptable.
March 22, 2006
While not part of the English language per say, the C.F.T.E.L. would like to extend its heartfelt condolences to the numbers 2 and 4. These numbers should be used only to express measures of time or quantity in amounts exceeding ten. Use of these numbers as replacements for the word 'to', being a preposition and meaning toward, so as to reach, as far as, ect. or an adverb meaning forward, shut closed,into the state of consciousness, etc. (Webster's New World Dictionary; copyright 1990; page 618), or 'for', being a preposition meaning in place of, in the interest of, in favor of, etc. (Webster's New World Dictionary; copyright 1990; page 232), is entirely unacceptable.
February 9, 2006
Today's topic is the alphabet. It should be known that any letter of the alphabet may be combined with other letters to form a word, but is not a word in itself. In all the English language, only ‘A’ and ‘I’ may stand alone as words. The following letters have been listed as abused by the C.F.T.E.L.
a
b
c
d
g
i
k
n
p
r
u
y
Let us take the letter 'u' for example. The letter 'u' is often slapped in place for the word 'you', being a pronoun meaning the person or persons spoken to (Webster's New World Dictionary; copyright 1990; page 687). Now, look at your keyboard. The letter 'u' is located on the top row of letters, just below the numbers and is sitting next to 'y' and only has one letter between it and 'o'. I ask you, how much effort would it really take to extend your finger over to tap those other two letters and complete the word?
Or how about 'n', one of the more recent additions to our family. 'N' is often used in place of the word 'and,' being a conjunction meaning also, or inaddtion to (Webster's New World Dictionary; copyright 1990; page 21). Let's look at our keyboard again. Ah, we see the conundrum. The 'n' key is located on the bottom row at the right hand side, while the 'a' and 'd' keys are on the second row at the left hand side. As much as I would like to say that this little dilemma excuses the abuse of this hapless letter, it does not. You have two hands, we suggest you use them (for those patrons of ours who do only have one hand, we would like to take this time to apologize, this segment is not meant to offend you in any way). If you are typing properly, one hand should be able to easily reach the 'n' key, while the other should be positions for the 'a' and 'd' keys. If you are not typing properly, start.
This has been a public service announcement, brought you by the Center for the Fair Treatment of the English Language. No letters or numbers were harmed in making of this website.