Tuesday Mar 9, 1999
3:55p SNOW DAY
Hummmph, two months and already I've wrote more than half of last year.
Wednesday Mar 17, 1999
5:30a EIRELAND DAY
EireLand, Ancestral home, Grey stone houses with Timber roofs, grey stone Walls on the Hillsides. How I do wish it was there I be, rather than I be here. Perhaps in time as well, some century or millenium before this one, my days would have already been, lost and forgotten mostly, 'cept for some greyish shadowery sense that they were others, family, before now. Eireland. Yes, the Eire Isles of home.
Last Thursday, the county cultural commission, the museum, accepted my proposal for doing research on the Hagood Mill. Actually I guess, it was mutual acceptance, one of the members asked if I would do it and I wrote up what I could do and that's what was accepted. So anyway, I'm a professional historian for couple or three weeks. It's another history puzzle to put together.
So far this week has been another one of them, "Why try?" weeks. Last Friday Mom noticed the refrigator making noise, making noise louder than usual. It was the freezer fan motor. There was the usual talk about what to do, fix it myself or get a new refrigator or let someone else fix it. Monday night I look at it and make measurements and notes for what kind of replacement motor it needed. Thought the fan, motor and mount would all come together. Mom makes a comment about not getting a part if it can't be used and/or calling someone to let them look at it first. Tuesday I go to Easley to look for a replacement motor, one business has one but it's just the motor which makes me wonder if it will really fit on the original mount and whether or not it's the fan that might be the problem. I go to couple of other places but they dont have anything. So I go to the library for a little while to look up a few things on the Hagood Mill project, half thinking about the refrigator problem at the same time. So I return to the first place and get the motor, look at getting a fan too, but they dont have exactly the same kind and I didnt count the blades or note which direction the motor went, so I didnt get then fan. That night I tell Mom I'll be over Wednesday morning to start work on replacing the freezer fan motor. She makes a comment about waiting till the freezer gets more empty. So I just let things go and agree to wait. Wednesday morning I went up town to the RMC and do some work on the Hagood Mill thing and had planned to go to the Greenville library that afternoon. I then go to her house to eat lunch like I've been doing for three years. She asks if I've been home, she had left a message on the answering machine about having called the repairman and that he would be there that afternoon. So, it's going be a refrigator repair afternoon instead, waiting for the freezer to get empty not important anymore. I went home for a short while then go back to Mom's about the time he was to be there. Sit around and wait, then decide to get my Hagood Mill notes out of the truck and work on that some. He drives up about that time. So the afternoon is spent watching him work and doing a little to help. The freezer part gets disassembled, covers removed, the motor replaced. Had to drill two new mounting holes, it wasnt an exact replacement. I mentioned about checking the rotation direction, he said it's made to go the same way, only two wires. I mentioned about the buss jumpers in the instructions. No comment. So anyway, the new motor gets installed and about an hour is spent putting troublesome screws and panels back in. I suggest putting the back panel in first. No, it came out the other way so it has to go back that way. I stand around and watch and keep my mouth shut. Next there's more troublesome problems, the fan cover bumps up against the motor shaft now, he shimms up the back panel. All the while I stand there and see that the fan is going the wrong direction, it's sucking air from the freezer compartment onto the cooling coils. I'm sure it was blowing the other direction before. But I just stand around and keep my mouth shut, thinking I'll go to Easley tommorrow and get an opposite type fan. I do wonder if the refrigrator is going run all night though, trying to cool.
So. I try to plan on fixing it myself and save Mom some money. But that doesnt appear to suit her. I get the part. She thinks the food needs to be used first, so I decide to wait. She calls the repairman anyway the next morning. The repairman comes and I suggest doing something a bit different. I stand there and watch a mistake being made but by then I've learned to just keep quiet. For the upteen thousandth time I've learned to just keep quiet. It's like whatever I suggest or plan on triggers a response of "No, dont do it Jerry's way."
So I'll just be quiet now. Keep my mouth shut. Keep my thoughts to myself. For fifty year now, it's been like that, when I was a kid, when I was a teen, when I was working at Singer/Ryobi, and now when I'm trying to enjoy some sense of retirement years, it's alway been like that. So I'll just shut the hell up.
Monday April 12, 1999
3:25p
The Hagood Mill History project for the Pickens County Cultural Commission is done. I went up to their meeting last Thursday and made the presentation of my findings. Even had a map poster for the Show and Tell. Just like 5th grade at Pickens Mill Elementary School, Mrs Dean's class.
So now it's back to wondering and worrying about what to do with my time... and my life. Every time I drive by the Town Creek Shopping Plaza and the Pizza Place I think I might as well toss in the towel and admit that my future is to be a parttime pizza cook.
Uncle Bob and Aunt Edna took Aunt Leander out to lunch on her birthday March the Thirtieth. Mom and I went too. That was an adventure. Bob and Edna drove up to Mom's about 10:45, we rode down to Leander's and picked her up, then we rode through the country from Pelzer to Clemson to the Holiday Inn by the lake. Bob and Edna had found that they had good buffets there so that's why we went there. We ate and sat around and talked. That was nice.
Then Edna and Leander wanted to go to a place called Happy Plants about halfway between Easley and Greenville on US123. We drove through the rain, yeah it had been raining too, on that road. Aunt Micky's brother had died that week so that's why they wanted to get the flowers.
Then later that evening we went up to the visitation. I drove Mom and Leander up, Bob and Edna went in their car, they were to take Leander back to her house down in Pelzer. But Leander forgot her corsage that Bob had gotten her, he got one for Mom too, so we had to drive back to Mom's house to get it. Then they left and that was the end of that day's adventure.
The other day, week or two ago now, I took down the website, took both of them down I had one at Mindspring too. No one was visiting them, there's just too many of them for anyone to notice mine. Even when I visited Yahoo Chat not many picked up on the homepage link. So I just got tired of wondering and worrying about it, so I just deleted all the files, except the Index.html. Ha, I re-wrote that one so I looked like it had been taken down and removed by the Snipes, Snoops, Sneeks and Spooks that mess up my life.
I've even given up on email too. No one ever writes, or what I send aint getting out, or what they sent aint getting in... oh, blah blah blah... I've told that story before anyway.
The refrigirator story... Mom's got a new now, gave up on the other one, it started draining into the inside again after I replaced the fan and thawed it out and blew out the drain tube, it still leaked inside. So now the old green one is sitting on Mom's backporch, $80 repair work sitting out there doing nothing, and another $660 new one in the kitchen. What a waste cause of a stopped up tube.
It's Mom's third refrigirator now. That old small white one that the family used at the old house was bought by Dad and Grandma Hughes in the 1930s I guess, anyway, it was there before Dad and Mom married. That one lasted till about 1977 when I bought the green one for Dad, he was doing all the gardening and freezing then. Then there's this new white one, a GE brand, I guess it will last about half as long as the green one since the green one lasted half as long as the old white one. Ha, modern technology, half-life physics applied to house appliances.
So what do I do now? Maybe I'll just sit around and make Journal Entrys like I use to in the old notebooks. Make entrys and no one will ever know.
Wednesday April 21, 1999
1:05p Mile Creek Park
Some 100 yards or so, back eastward, across the waters, where the old dirt road use to low to the water, you know the place, water on either side. Yeah that place, where I got to make out with a girl in the back of the Van, got to be naked and up to something out in the wilds of Pickens County, and otherwise being a twenty-six year old.
It's nice out here, the wind is cool but not cold, just finished doing a walkabout along the paved road, been paved for a long time, use to be dirt roads to this place. One of the places where I spent my time (youth) dreaming about how life was suppose to be, always hopeing and thinking things would get better.
Now it's twenty-three years later and I've still not done much of anything to smile or grin about how it use to be. I cant tolerate being in that house, that room, anymore. Especially in the afternoons. I wait for bedtime so I can just go to sleep and forget the real world. Then mornings come, three-thirty and four o'clock mornings. They arent to bad as long as I can internet chat or read. Sometimes go up town to eat a bacon and egg sandwich. That makes me feel good, to get out. But then the closer I get back home, the deeper the blues return.
Blues man, Crossroads, I saw that movie again the other night. Blues guitar, blues hamonica, I write the Blues Journal, I do.
Tuesday April 27, 1999
2:50p
It's been a long two weeks. I'm back into the do nothing mode. All I've done is follow the Columbine High School event. Sit in on the Current Events chatrooms. Read the Discussion Group postings at Columbine. I'm weary.
There's so much I need to be doing. There's only one thing I really need to be doing. Find a job. But I'm broken. Sent off some email to a couple of people and still no word back. It's all hopeless. All doors are closed. There's no way out.
I've just tried to start uploading the website again. But my connection to Mindspring is no good. It wont let me do anything or go to any other websites.
I'm depressed.
Friday May 14, 1999
8:50a
Well, guess what, the days have gone by, days of darkness spent in the netherworld of sad emotion. It's been really bad these past few days. Few days, ha, three and half weeks.
About Tuesday I think it was, I had to go to one of the Power Places out in nature, I went up to Devil's Fork state park on lake Jocassee and the far boat landing area there. I took my long walking staff with me, went for a walk back up the road from the landing, wanted to do that walk for a long time. So I did. I needed to re-kindle my own brightness within, it had gotten so dark inside. I walked, I paused, I looked. I did the Shinto thing and wash the good spirits of nature over my face and head. That helped.
I learnt something, re-learned is more like it. I use to follow after the misfit kids, finding their gathering places, watching how their teenlife was evolving. It's been a long time since I did that. I had gotten away from doing that kind of stuff when I was pretty much told I'd be the prey in a bear hunt on night. I was pretty much told I was the adult enemy, didnt belong in their space anymore. So that was when it all started to fade away, like the smoke from that torpedo, just up and faded away.
I did work with the teens down at the pizza place. Things seemed fairly cool, normal. Maybe that's why I've missed it all, my head buried in ignorance thinking everything was going along fine.
Then WHAM! Here comes that two-by against my mule head. The teenlife had gotten really tense in the schools. The some dudes in the super elite school group goes beating up on two in the super outcast group. Having their happy high school teen days beaten out of them and into hell, it finally broke them. Doubt if I could have lasted as long as they did.
Then there's the adult world, hung up on gun access and media violence, like they've always been. It's spank dont spank, it's medicate dont medicate, it's this, no it's that. They've still got their heads buried in ignorance. It's the pressure cooker school system, it's the hate factories as another 18 year old wrote, students be widgets rolling down the assembly line.
It's teens trying to grow into individuals with their own style of living, against, adults trying to mold them all identical replicas of their own selves. Pressure cooked conflict. The lid really exploded off this one.
Oh yeah, I be half century old now. On May 1st I spent my 50th birthday, the days before and after, in the darkness of teenlife.
Sunday May 23, 1999
9:15a
It's been much the same the past few days, still following the Columbine story, still doing the same daily routine, mostly.
I did manage to make myself go to a job fair over in Greenville, but even that didnt work out quite as planned. I thought I was going to a Hi-Tec, engineering type fair. But on the way over I started looking at the paper to see exactly where and when; found out it was the day before. So, I went on to the other one. It was a small job fair with mostly the usual production, food service employers. Even some of them didnt show up, empty booths. There were 3 or 4 that looked technical and engineering types so I left my resume with them. Then left.
I did drive back up the road a piece and then down into an office complex. Left my resume with one headhunter there too, they had a VB programmer job ad in last weeks paper. I think I had been to the same office way back in the mid 80s. Nothing happened with them then, nothing will happen with them now.
Yesterday I finally stopped by the ole pizza place, asked the owner's son, he was manager that day, to put me back on schedule if they needed me. So I'm headed back to be a pretend, part time, teenage pizza cook and dish washer. Oh well.
Saturday May 29, 1999
9:35a
The computer has been making noises for couple of weeks now, starts making a resonant type vibration after running for a while. Thought the worst and that the hard drive was going bad, like it was getting out of balance. So I finally took it to a repair shop and had them put in a second drive and copy all the files over to it. Thought I'd use the old drive as a stand-by back up. That was earlier this week. I got it back on Thursday. It still makes noises. They divided the new drive up into two parts, Zip drive isnt recognized anymore, got duplicate files of everything, the software still accesses the old drive. It's just a bigger mess now.
Yesterday I took the covers off and started poking around, even got my stethescope and listened to different parts. It sounds like one of the fans is going bad. I also tried to take the old drive out, I was going to put it in the older computer, but the cables are on so tight I'm scared I'll break something trying to do that so I just gave up and put it all back together.
Monday, that was the day I took the computer to the shop, I did work on getting the notebook computer to connect with the intenet. It's a window 98 system and I couldnt get it to recognize the modem card. Took it back to the place where I got it, Staples in Easley, and let them configure it. It looked like it was going to work ok that evening, it did really. But the next morning when I tried connecting with the internet, window 98 started to crash, wouldnt boot up, took forever for it to dial up the isp, and a whole bunch of other problems.
So I'm out $275 and in worst shape than when I started. I'm giving up on windows, intel and all that. I'm going to move to apple, mac, linex and motorola. But even at that I'll have to wait till I can buy new stuff, which will be a really long time from now.
Last night I started work back at the pizza place. I dont know what else to do. It's the same old problems, too old, no degree, no interviews. I guess I stuck with being a parttime, min wage, worker for the rest of my life.
I added to the website, most all the Columbine Event writings from the last four weeks. That's about the only sign of getting something done. I still read the posts at the discussion group, but I dont post anything there any more. I wrote a letter to the Pickens Sentinel about school shootings and all, it wasnt printed. That's not much new either. I'm just another nobody and no one listens to us nobodys. So I put all my thoughts about the event on the website, might as well be ignored there too.
A couple or three weeks ago, a Sunday I think, I was up on top of Glassy Mountain, just sitting around the towers area. A car came up and pulled onto the grassy part right on top. It was a boy and girl. They got out and went down by the fence to the west side, where I use to sit alot. He had his arm around her shoulder. A few minutes later I heard the rustling off bushes, it was him walking back up to the car. He went over to it and got the red blanket off the trunk and then went back down the path to the rock. Guess he was excited with anticipation and forgot the blanket. Oh well, it was just another reminder of the things I missed out on when their age. Nothing to reminice about and smile about in my old age.
That's all for now. The computer is vibrating again, gotta go cut the grass at mom's house, probably have to go get groceries this afternoon too. So I'm out of here. Dont forget to check out the Columbine Event Writings, the link is on the MainRoom page.
Tuesday June 1, 1999
10:00a
Was going mention adding the Columbine writings to the website but I see I've already done that. I did get around to adding the Viva La Revolution page yesterday, at least it's a start and it'll be another one of those things I'm suppose to add to and develop. I dont know where it will lead to, just ramblings about how there needs to be a new Revolution, one against everything that's wrong in society and one for everything that it'll take to make it all right.
Should be working on some more computer stuff and get that back right. I've noticed that win95 loads faster now, back like it use to be when it was new. I never know if that is just the way win95 deterioates with use or if it gets a virus no one knows about. Oh well.
Yesterday I went back to abcnew.com CENTURY pages and the message boards there. I put one up there, it was the TALK to me Wall prose, that was Feb 20, 99. Someone finally responded to it, May 5, 99, he said he waited for the moving wall to talk to him too when it was in his town in 91, told him DONT FORGET US! This morning I wrote up somemore stuff about what the Nam and 60s Era was for me and posted on the message board. Ended up doing multiple postings cause the board said it didnt accept it the first couple of times. Anyway it's there. That Nam board is a slow one, just one or two postings a month. Cant figure out if it's still a world of hurt for most or if most just dont remember.
I need to add a website history page to my bit of space in cyberworld, something that makes it easier to follow what the latest changes and updates are. I'll do that next.
Gotta write some email too. Gotta do lots of stuff. Gotta get out of this do nothing feel sorry for myself mode. Later.
Friday June 4, 1999
9:00a
Yesterday Mom, Aunt Leander, Uncle Bob and his wife went over to Dillard Georgia to eat lunch. It was Uncle Bob's birthday celebration. I was suppose to go to but didnt, Aunt Mickie was suppose to go too but she felt like she needed to stay with Uncle DM, he's got a bad disk now. So they would have been room for me in the car anyway. Oh well, I was having another bad day anyway.
I've gotten involved in the Columbine Discussion again, not posting much, but just reading everyone else's posts. Yesterday afternoon, I put up a picture of Chattooga River, up above Bull's Sluice. Captioned it with one of the Power Places I go to for Peace and Renewal of Spirit. That got a few responses and email, it seems to have helped some. Guess it's time for lots of folk involved in the Columbine thing to go find their own Power Place for new strength.
Got the Pickens Sentinel yesterday, they printed my letter about Columbine and youth violence from 3 weeks ago. It wasnt one of my better letters, and I'm not sure many around here really keep up with things like that. There was article about some students taking guns to a school in the county recently. That was on the front page, so that's why they probably printed the letter too. Anyway, what's done is done, just have to wait and see how it all falls out.
Thought this morning that if I could get my mind to think and focus on getting a decent job as much as I let it think and focus on something like Columbine, I'd have a job and feel better about everything. "The difference between genius and insanity are a few thousand synopses mis-firing." Why's it so hard to control a few thousand synopses?
One of the other members in the discussion group asked for bio's from those participating, I think it was Marti who did the Columbine Tears. So I added mine too and mentioned this Journal if any wanted to know more. A few have emailed and said they were reading parts of it. [Hey there yous guys! :)]
I think I really need to get away and go visit some of my old Power Places. I gotta get my head back into work. If I keep procrastinating like I have been for the last 3 years, I'm going be one of them homeless, 50 year old, street kids.
Sunday June 6, 1999
5:45a
Friday I went up to Sliding Rock #11, there were a couple of cars parked there so I wasnt going to be alone. The trash is really really bad, up by the car park, down the trails, along side the pool up in the woods. They, that be the land owner or county officials, are going end up blocking off that gathering place soon I think. Never will understand why some people cant pack it out like they pack it in.
Anyway, there were two groups there, one was a lady with two kids, the kids were sliding and playing in the pool while she watched. The other was two pairs of twenty somethings, they were up on one of the giant bolders, just laying in the sun and talking. I would have walked up to the head of the rapids, that's were I wanted to be, but I would have had to go pass them and would have been to close and felt like I'd be intruding into their space.
I just wandered around some down stream. Went to the small rocky pool on one of the side branches, the place were I use to sit. Saw a snake slide into the water and slither-swim over to a crevice to hide. Made me think again how I use to cool off in that pool and not really enjoy it cause I was always wondering what else was in that pool. Geeesh.
Went back up to the sliding rock area and sat some in an out of the way place. It's always been interesting how people tend to avoid other's space. Never have figured out if it's cause they dont want to intrude, want to be alone, just dont know each other, want their own space, or what. What ever happened to just making new friends?
On the way back up the trail, I meet two more pairs coming down, teens. I stood aside and let them pass, it was the usual greeting, just "Hi". I suppose I could try to make some deep thoughtful observation here, but it'd be just the same ole stuff. I doubt if their parents had even meet years ago went I use to hang out there at Sliding Rock #11. Fursue they werent born then.
Yesterday, I drove out to Fall Creek, that other old hangout in '81. Went on over to the gathering place next to the causeway across the lake to the islands, it's still blocked off and grown over with trees. I got out and walked around the car park, had my walking staff with me, just to stand in some places where I once stood.
Watched some kids jump off the rock into the water, it looked like they've cleared away more trees off that island.
Saw a group come walking back across the causeway, figured it was just a crowd returning from partying somewhere on that island, up at the car park or by the lake. Didnt pay them much attention at first, then I noticed one had a two way radio, then later they were all gathered around on of the trucks, then later a couple of them were writing on clipboards. It was about then that I realized it was a bust going down, or had just gone down, another group of young folk off to themselves doing whatever partying they do these days, or just being on the wrong side of the blocked off road, or whatever, and still they get busted. Like it wasnt like they were over at the other landing where most other family folks were, making loud music, drinking, and distrubing others at the lake. They went off to an out of the way place, to be by themselves, and still they get busted.
Society just isnt satisfied to run the kids off into dark alleys, back city streets, out into the back woods. Society just cant deal with the thought of throw away undesired kids of desire being anywhere.
I did stand around at the back of the truck and smoked a cig. Stood there, closed my eyes, did a mind time trip back to Ides of August 1981, imagined my van parked over next to the trees, the other kids gathered around in the middle of the car park, did most the whole thing all over in my head again. Tommy died there that night, at least his spirit did, he OD'd on pills, pot and beer back at Sliding Rock #11.
About a month later, Dylan was born. It is always interesting how things connect in time.
Monday June 21, 1999
1:30p
Midsummer's day. The Druids did their thing over at Stonehenge about 12 hours ago, midsummer sunrise with the sun sitting full over the Heel Stone. I finished reading a book about it a few weeks ago, the one by Gerald Hawkins in 1965. He did his work on Stonehenge in the early 60s, truely remarkable discovery about the connections with all the important sun and moon rises and sets. They (the Stonehengers) had even figured out the 18 and 19 year moon cycle, that's the greater and lesser max min points and the total 56 year cycle. Those stone age people we usually think of as just survivors of hard life all looked to the heavens and figured it out. Must have took them centuries.
So I missed getting up early to go to Glassy and watch it all here. Missed staying up late to be aware of what the Druids were doing about 1:00am this morning.
What else have I missed these past couple of weeks? Dad's birthday, that was June 15... no that's not right, went to look in my records to check, that's June 27, so I still get a chance on that. Dont know why I still got June 15 in my head for Dad's birthday, even after all that genealogy work I did. Ha, another trip to the study room that been another storage room, June 15 is Daniel Travis Hayes' birthday... 1857.
Tuesday, I think, I did my ritual house cleaning, trying to break away from the Coulumbine and youth violence mindset. Put up files and stuff from last fall when I worked on the Pickens Business History project and this spring's Hagood Mill History work too. It worked for a while, but I keep on reading the postings in the news group.
I should just quit cold and move on. I guess I was just doing one of my dreaming things again, expecting solutions within 12 weeks for a problem that's been going on for 20+ years. I'm not convinced many of the participants in that group recognize the magnitude and history of the youth violence problem. But that's just me; I always see things so much different.
Someone posted a peterboyles.com reference link, it had copies of Eric's writings there, at least some of them. I noticed they were scans of printed material, one set of 3 or 4 pages had March 18, 19?? date at the bottom. Couldnt make out the year. It looked like a printout of what a webpage would look like. Two other pages, one of which was the same before, were printed more like what Notepad would print out, words broken at the end of the line and such, no date at the bottom. So the two sets of printout came from two different sources. Anyway, the point is that's it wasnt like looking at the original website which leads to potential for them *not* being truely all his words and thoughts. There's always a way to tamper with someone else's work.
Ok. I read Eric's thoughts, and it was difficult to get through all the bad language and obivious hate. But on the later pages, it was the other side of Eric that showed through. Most interesting change. At one point the thought occurred to me, he was an idealist, couldnt tolerant the injustices he saw in the world. If he had lived in the '60s he would have been one of them militant extremist protesting the war by blowing up government military facilities. He didnt like what some groups were doing to and in America, "Love it or leave it!" he wrote, now what decade does that phrase come from? He didnt like the anti-America sentiment found in other countries.
There were other things like that in his writings. I suppose I should do the re-write trick with his thoughts, delete all the bad language, soften up the hate, let the other side show though more, then compare the two. But I've burned out on it. Shouldnt even be writing about it here. And still... no one but me would see what I see in the whole situation. Ha, the difference between insanity and genius are a few thousand neurons misfiring.
New topic: Metaphysics of Quality (MofQ). Got an email from a lady two weeks and two days ago. She had been observing the discussion group, said, "I respect you." [Jerry blushes 15 shades of red, ahh gee thanks.] She wanted my thoughts about what use to be Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (ZAMM) by RS Pirsig. Twenty five years and it's evolved into Doctorates degrees. I've started three or four times since Wednesday to get into it. It's some really deep philosophy talk about reality and the universe of "quality". I keep getting lost. There's something surreal about getting from ZAMM to MofQ, I cant understand how they did it. The book appeared to be about enlightenment (Zen) from the Motorcycle Experience into the real nature of "quality" and how it is acheived and applies to a person's life and society. Now it's become a "science" itself.
One of the thoughts that came to mind while I was looking over the book and website was "What does MofQ have to say about Stonehenge?" It would take one of the MofQ people to answer that, I just dont have the mind for metaphysicial thinking. Would they answer, "Yes, the Stonehengers acheived a very high point in Quality," or "No, the Stonehengers were just another post stone age society." I wonder.
Thursday June 24, 1999
9:40a
Last night at the pizza place a 19 year old and I got to talking about what the youth world was like now. He had asked what I've been doing lately and I told him not much, just still trying to break away from the school shooting thing. So that lead into what I remember seeing in the youth culture from the past, things like break dancing, hacky-sack, that hop and bump type dancing, he called it body slamming I think, drinking and all the rest. One thing kinda lead to another.
Somewhere along the way he mentioned streaking. I didnt catch it right away and then it came to me, "What? That's still happening?" So he told about some of the things he's done and seen done. I told him about Grassy Key Flordia in 1974.
He's traveled a lot already, Europe on his own, or with friends he meets up with there. We talked more about how youth there and youth here compare. It's what I thought all along, they have their fun too only they're more responsible about it. They dont make no big deal about drinking and getting drunk. Here in the States is more like drinking and acting crazy drunk, "Hey look at me, see how wasted I am!"
Anyway, we went on about work, making pizzas and him running buffet. A few minutes later he comes back over. "You know what the most wonderful thing is? Making love to a beautiful woman." I wait a few seconds, expecting some more enlightenment. Nothing coming. I said, "And?" while gesturing with my hand for more. Still nothing. "That's just stating the obivious." He starts up again about her being rich, or him. "No, that's not it. Location, where, when, circumstances."
2:50p
So anyway. I keep trying to coach him along, to think about what he's saying and what he really wants to say. He keeps talking about beeches, islands, year long romance, .... I finally tell him to take two or three days and write up a paragraph describing what he thinks "the most wonderful thing is." He said he would as I left.
Somewhere along the way during all of that, I get to thinking about a part of my life I stashed away in the Conversation manuscript. Yeah, that "most wonderful thing."
I get home about nine, clean up some. Look for the box with the manuscripts in it. Get out a copy. Spend the next 3 hours typing it into a data file. (I did look for it on the old computer but it never got transferred from the old disks.) Another 30 minutes adding the HTML coding along with a new link to it on the Mainroom page. Then uploaded it to the website. It's there now, An excerpt from the CONVERSATION manuscript.
So there it is, it's no longer a deepest secret among friends, it's there for the world to see, now. Sure hope everyone that reads it takes a swig of beer to seal the pack. Oh yeah, Bill is me, or I'm Bill in the story.
It was about 3 am before I finally got to sleep. I really dont like to get my mind turned on with activity, it keeps me awake.
Sunday June 27, 1999
1:50p
Yesterday noontime I hauled off the trash on the back porch. I think it was over due to be taken away, I had just been tossing a couple of small bags out there thinking I would run by the re-cycle place sometime. It never happened. Friday morning I saw the trash scattered about, some cat or possum had gotten into it that night. I just let it lay, it was all wet anyway. Then Saturday morning I heard a noise out back, something clunking around on the porch. It was a goat. Had to chase it away three times with a broom before it finally stayed away. So about noon time I pick up the bits of paper and stuff, got the rest of the trash bags from around in the house and made a trip to the recycle place.
[Jerry adjusts his procrastination crown atop of head. I be the king.]
Hauled trash from mom's house too, then did grocery shopping for her yesterday after lunch. When I went back that evening, Scott, Christie and Seth were there. They had been up in Rosman for part of her family reunion. They stayed till about 8 or so. It was all mostly just family talk, everyone is doing normal, except Jackie and Jason need dental work. Scott said Ryobi is just an assembly place now and heard talk about the company might stay in business after all. Some temp agency has set up a trailer next to the plant again, using phantom employees I guess. Other than that Scott and I talked about Star Wars, chess and such, it was the usual talk. Anyway, Mom got to see them again and her great grandson Seth. If I heard right, their new child will be boy.
Started 10 days ago and finished writting up a bunch of stuff about Metaphysics of Quality yesterday and this morning. Or rather just added my comments about it. It's all seems such a different way of looking at everything. It's all probably saying the same things that's been said before. I've got the Science, Religion and Connectivity viewpoint. Everything in my Reality works fine for me. But then I'm insane you know, we insane types always know we're right. Hahaha.
I've written so much stuff these past months, and then the Conversation thing from almost 20 years ago, along with ThoughtSmithing and everything else I've written. Too bad I cant sell any of it, make my living by writing down my ramblings, ragings, random resurrected rememberances.
Anyone out there wanna buy my thoughts? Cheap too, buck a bit. [LoneHawk does some quick arithemtic, 2.25 MB x 8 bits/byte = $18 MegaBucks.] Ha, almost time to go play parttime, teenage pizza cook for $6.75/hour. Bye.
Tuesday June 29, 1999
8:05a
Put my walking staff in the back of the truck, drove up to Sliding Rock #11 this morning. Summer morning humidity, low clouds among the trees on the hills and ridges, water over rocks, no-one-else-lurking, solitude with the Natural Spirit Friends. Walked around and sat around the usual places. Studied the graffitti on the rocks, the list of names with '68, who were/are they? thirty-one year ago. Did a bit of Judean Christainity Islamism Buddhism Shintoism Wizardary ritual with my walking staff, to wash the Good Spirits over me. Then I walked back up the trail to the truck.
Got to the car park, looked out at the highway, walked over to the edge, looked up and down the long flat rock path, decided it was time for a short short walk, so I did, just a couple hundred yards down toward the bridge. Walked up the bank at one place where there was a rock to stand on, looked East, looked West, that long flat rock path just streched a mile or more each way. Looked South over the river's path, hidden down among the trees, followed the ridge line from East to West, under the long flat rock path, on down behind the other ridge line on the North.
Stood there and watched the cars, trucks, semis roll down one hillside and up the other. There was a few seconds when there were not any. Looked at the bridge, thought about walking on down to it, left the rock and went back down to the side of the long flat rock path, looked toward the bridge, looked with my mind's eye the scene from the bridge, the river winding away into the trees, I'd seen it before.
Turned and walked up the long flat rock path, started thinking again about the Journey of a Thousand Days, thought again about just packing some stuff and walking to the Beach. Step, step, thump, push... step, step, thump, push... step, step, thump, push... just walk on down to the Beach, pushing myself along with my walking staff.
Step, step, thump, push... step, step, thump, push... step, step, thump, push...
Friday July 2, 1999
8:35a
Wish I had is done. Did some repair work on a couple of other pages too, eye straining color contrast. Started writing a Lone Hawk story too, maybe I'll try selling this one, what were those odds again? oh yeah 1:4000, ha better to play the lottery.
I've got to see the LeftSide of my mind still works, going to return to the EngrMathWorld. I already know the RightSide is burned out. Later.
Tuesday July 6, 1999
3:00p
Went up to Sliding Rock #11 this morning about eight, actually 8:15, but I didnt go down to the river. I parked in the car park and walked down to the bridge. There's a large car park area down there too, not that it is ever full. The only people that go there are the river fishing types. I guess. I have parked there before, but it was mostly just to walk across the bridge and back, made a few pictures from there too. This time I wandered around the car park area, found a trail leading off up the hill into the woods. That I followed for several hundreds yards I guess, just till it got around the crest of the ridge and started down hill. I wasnt about to walked down just so I'll have to climb back up. Decided it was just a trail to get down river a ways. I think I was expecting to find some gathering place along the way. If there's one there, it's farther down the trail. I got warm and sweaty on the way back up the road anyway, it's that hot, humid, vegatation, South time of year again, even in the mornings. Picked up a hook-strap, little kids shorts, and a towel while walking the road too. They're out back, already washed and drying, if they can dry in the this humiditiy. I wonder how many pieces of clothes I've found over the years, beside the road, lakeside, in the woods?
The summer time afternoon lighting storms are here on a daily routine too. Have to get all the computer work done in the morning, else, it's stop, unplug everything, wait till the storm passes, then start all over again. The one today came early. I had to go up town after eating lunch with mom, pay bills, cash check, get her medicine. The was a crowd at the bank, I think three or four people showed up with business deposits, they always take so long to do. It was thundering and I needed to get the erruns done and back home to unplug everything too. I left the bank and did the other stuff then came back to the bank. So anyway, I get home and unplug the computer and then wait. It never did storm here, not even a flicker of lights.
I'm going work some on the Lone Hawk story now. Bye.