Thursday July 8, 1999

2:35p
     Same ole story, it's just Book 7 Part 4 now.
     There's few things more fustrating than staring at a blank piece of paper, or blank wordprocessor screen these days, wanting to write something but it just wont happen. I've got the two scenes in Lone Hawk that I started out with in my head done. Soooooooo, now what?
     I did learn, 24KB is equal to 11 single-spaced printed pages, more or less for those old fashion surveryor types who dont know exactly how many acres there are in the parcel of land they are surveying. Ha, now if I could just write long sentences like that one for my story. Be done in no time. Also learned, again, that Wordpad doesnt do page numbering or variable line spacing and I need that to make the manuscript page format right. Not going buy no stinking msword s/w neither, so there.
     So, I spend my time just sitting, trying to think of something else to write. ...... kind-a like now ...... just sitting here ....... wondering what to write ...... there's nothing left ......
     Maybe I just better quit, this isnt getting nowhere.

Friday July 9, 1999

10:05a
     Drove up to Holly Springs Grocery to eat a bacon-egg and sausage biscuit for breakfast. Then drove #11 out to sit in front of Table Rock for a while too. The parking place was still in the shadows of the ridge so it was cool. Keep expecting to see somone at the top but havent yet, and keep expecting to see that chunk of rock to fall too, it hasnt done that yet either.

Saturday July 10, 1999

4:05p
     Got up at 6:30. Started coffee, drank coffee. Sat around checked on couple of livecams, read abcnews site, read email. Washed hair, shaved. Ate toast with syrup and cereal with grapefruit juice. Drove down to laundrymat and washed clothes. Went over to grocery store to get a few things. Finished washing and drying clothes. Saw people gathering at jaycee park for ball game. Drove home and hung out clothes to finish drying. Laid around. Wrote a couple or three paragraphs in Lone Hawk story. Went over to Mom's, she was still resting and feeling bad. Made couple of sandwiches and ate lunch. Phone rang, it's uncle Bob, wants to know if he and Elizabeth can come up for a visit. Mom gets up, tell her who called and why. Watch a little of Karate Kid. Get trash and garbage into truck. Make grocery list for Mom. Go back home to get my trash then go to recycle place. Go back to grocery store and do more shopping. It's hot. Take groceries to Mom's house. Phone rings again, they're on the way up. Phone rings again it's Leander wanting to know if they should come up or is Bob and Elizabeth going down there. Bob and Elizabeth arrive as get food put away. Sit around and listen to them talk. They leave to go to DM and Mickie's, discover power has gone off. Drive up town to see if it's off up there, come back home by Reeces' Mill and Meeces' Mill roads. Get clothes off backporch. Rest some then get up. Checked email and livecam sites. Nothing new. Starts to thunder. It's still thundering. Wrote this Journal entry.
     Bye. .... Hello.
     Went back to Mom's for supper and sit with her. She was asleep when I got there. I fixed me a couple of sandwiches. She woke up and fixe herself something to eat. We watch tv news and some of the pbs shows, one was about caveing which we had seen years ago. It was the usual Saturday evening routine. Then I drove home again. Checked on the internet places, watched Religion Room chat for a while. Go to bed. Another day is done.
     Bye again.

Sunday July 11, 1999

9:30a
     Oh joy, joy another day began at 5 this morning.
2:40p
     I'm becoming tired of this routine. Each day it's the same. Feel good for a few hours in the morning after getting up. Then it's just waiting till I have to do something. Do that. Then wait till the next have to do something.
     I'm so tired sitting in this house, in front of this computer, waiting on a good feeling to come along. It's all so pointless.

Wednesday July 14, 1999

9:30a
     Nothing much new. I've been looking at the engineering process for calculating the loading from wind and seismic forces on houses. I can't seem to see how the walls are loaded from overturning forces and need a civil engineering book I guess. I'll look for a book today or tomorrow. There doesn't seem to be any straight forward method for picking out some of the numbers used in the example. Maybe I'm just looking at it more from plain physics and want to construct force diagrams using all the loadings.
     Going change the oil, oil filter, air filter in the truck today too.
     Two nights ago after work I sat on one of them round, brick tree pots with one of the recent college graduates out in the parking lot. He's got him a regular jobs now and is going to work at the pizza place on weekends. We talked about this and that, jobs, working, drugs. That was different.
     Havent done anymore writing on the Lone Hawk story. It's probably finished. Well, maybe not, I just wanted to try and get something going with the engineering calculations. Wish I could just find something that would go together easy for a change, plug x, y, z into equations and calculate the answer.
     Bye.

Thursday July 15, 1999

3:00p
     Cuss and swear and fuss at auto mechanics. Suppose to have only taken 30 minutes to do the oil change but nooooooooo, some mechanic who changed it last just had to use one of them small oil filters, just to cause me lots of worry and aggivation cause my filter wrench wont work on small filters. I tried using spacing pads, rags, sticks of wood to take up the extra space. Nothing would work and I got confused about which way to turn the thing anyway. Ended up using duct tape along with the spacing stuff.
     It's stuff like that which causes me to think my life is just suppose to be one long miseriable depressing day after another and why I've just given up trying to do anything because it'll just be more trouble. Nothing I've ever tried worked out like it was suppose to, so why try.
     Even when I drove down to Clemson to look for a building structure design and calculation book my first thought was why go, I won't find what I need. But I did drive down anyway and I did find one, haha, but I paid for it anyway, $70 for a textbook, hahaha gotcha anyway sneers that bad luck voice of mine. Probably never get a job using those calculations to pay for the book, hahaa gotcha again.
     I guess the building structure design / engineering thing is progressing, slowly. But that's like normal isn't it? Maybe I'll get it down to a cookbook method and work up a booklet with the step by step process, complete with diagrams and figures and pictures.
     Drove on down to Tri County Tec school, mostly just to see what kind of bookstore they got there. It wasnt much and they didnt have any engineering type books for building structures either, just a couple of carpentering books and I've already got one like that. I've been down there before since '75 when I was there for courses but it still looks a lot more spread out with all the buildings and parking areas.
     About the only thing good yesterday was getting out and driving around some on the trip to Clemson, Tri County Tec, Pendleton. Always think at least once about all the previous trips on the same roads from years past. Forty year ago my oldest brother Daniel started at Clemson College so that was probably the first reason for making a trip down there. Then there were the trips when Robert went in 1963 the fall of the year Daniel finished. And then again when I went in 1967, again in 1977, again in 1989.... geeesh I was slow to learn I would never make it through college. Add trips to Tri County Tec in 1975 and 1976.
     Yeah, I've done lots of traveling, even leisure non-school type traveling, like it was one of my "Wish I had ..." items, go places and do things. It's just all been within Upstate South Carolina, been around the world four or five times mileage wise but never got more than 100 miles from home. What a joke.
     What else have I done today? Cut grass at Mom's house and work on shear wall calculations. And made this Journal entry. Bye.

Monday July 19, 1999

8:15a
     The laundry room light fixture at Mom's house is laying on my backporch now, it blew out Saturday night. It was the round florescent kind with a heavy transformer instead of a couple of starters, the transformer got hot and leaked whatever that stuff is inside them. The larger light was broken too, so I dont know which caused what to happen, the heat from the transformer broke the light or the other way around. I took it all down yesterday after eating lunch there and brought it back home.
     I'm slowly moving Mom's house to my place, a broken piece at a time. I got parts from the old washing machine, the pulled down dining room light, the spray nozzle from the kitchen sink, the metal wheel off the old wheelbarrel, plastic pipes from the septic tank, brick from Runnymede, Dad's old pipe vise. There's probably other stuff too, and the stuff that got thrown out too. Poor family heirlooms I guess, bits and pieces of a family's history.
     I've started putting some code together for the building sturcture calculations, it's mostly just table entry values so far. I should do some more work on that today but dont know if I'll get to it. There's the new light fixture to get and put in at Mom's house now.
     Well, today's the day, or a day, 30 year ago was the moon landing. I should write one of the Random Ressurected Remembrances entry for the Journal I suppose. Maybe I'll get around to it sometime today, or tommorrow. I was working my last summer at Runnymede then, the third shift, and I stayed home till after time to start work to watch it. The phone rang after midnight, it was my boss then letting me know I was late. I must have watched a few more minutes and then left to drive over there. Probably went out back of the mill a few times to look at the moon and know people were up there. The future from then was all anticipated space traveling, we were suppose to have had a lunar base for decades now, and be on Mars too. What a let down from over 30 years of political greed and ill spent resources.
     Last night was really busy at the pizza place, couldnt keep up. Pizzas laying around the cutting table, oven full and backed up because the cutter ended up running the register. There was people still coming in at nine too. I left about 9:20 and just sat in the truck to smoke some before driving home. Then I just bathed and went on to bed without doing anything else too, except read a little. It was another one of the restless sleeps, mind still going but not really sleeping. Woke up at six with a headache too, it's just now fading away, even though I took some pills and went back to bed. It was eight when I woke up again.
     Well this is enough, I got to get out and do something about the laundry room light now.

Friday July 23, 1999

5:35a
     Monday, went down to the building store by the creek and got an overhead light fixture for the laundry room. It's a regular light bulb kind. Spent part of the afternoon putting it up. Surprisingly it went together easy, I usually expect something like that to be more of a bother. It hangs down from the ceiling, the old one was up against it, so now there's a green circle on the white ceiling where the old one was. A small paint job that I'll probably put off for months.
     I've spent most of the week doing programming on the building structure calculations. Not sure I understand all the calculation process yet, but I'm writing code to do them anyway. Rather write code whether or not I know what the code is suppose to do. It's been a good week, doing something that actually may end up being useful for a change. Keeping my mind occuppied at least. The only aggavation.. aggrevation.. aggervation.. oh who cares... the only bothersome thing is having to stop and go to work in the afternoons or to Mom's at lunchtime, especially when the code writing is going together really good.
     I've not done anymore writing on the Lone Hawk story, need to write a couple of emails too. I'll get to it sooner or later, it's just that I've got to finish these building design calculations and program while it's progressing well. Oh oooooooh... hope I didnt just jinks myself.

Thursday July 28, 1999

6:35a
     It's actually been a good week. I'm writing computer code for the building structure calculations, it's got graphics even. I had to to do some scheming to figure out how to make the code determine specific areas from the house profile geometery. More scheming to get it to plot it graphically and be right. I've re-wrote more code than actually ends up in the program, but that's normal for writing program code, isn't it. I really enjoy writing the code for engineering problems more than actually doing the problems. I still plan to write up a cookbook for this design process too, something to go by when working from other house drawings to get the numbers to be used by the program. It looks like it will be another three weeks at least.
     So anyway, that's why I've not added to the Journal since last time. It's why I've not sent out some email too. I've got some form of obsessive behaviour problem, I get my mind into some task and that's all I want to work on till it's done. Just ignore everything else and work on that. It's all just the opposite of when I'm in a bad mood, get in a do-nothing mode and get stuck there for days and weeks.
     Mom's sister was up for a visit last week from about Thursday to Sunday, so they got to be with each other for a few days. They went out to see Aurie and Graham once too, it's been a long time since Mom had been out there. I will have to go do grocery shopping for her today and the grass at her house needs to be cut too. I was going to do that yesterday but when I mentioned doing it she made the comment that it was too hot and not bother with it. That's the normal routine though, it's always some reason to not do something.
     I've been getting more junk email than normal too, dont know exactly why. And I've noticed that occassionally the mousepointer on the screen changes to an hourglass shape, like it's running a program and indicating a wait till it's done thing. But the thing is I've not started any program or application that would cause that, so I'm thinking my computer has been bugged somehow. Some snipe, snoop, sneak or spook has got a 'bot going on my system now. I think I've seen it when I'm not connected to the internet as well as when I am, I've been trying to keep up with it just to see what happens when. But anyway, that's my paranoid, suspicious (and inablility to spell) self.
     I've got more code to write. Later.

Tuesday Aug 3, 1999

6:20a
     Well, let's see, a day off from the parttime teenage pizzacook job means a day's work on building design calculations and programming job, so, there's really so such thing as a day off from work.
     The code writing is still moving along ok, I do spend more time improving the looks, adding features, condensing the code, and such than I do adding more useful calculations. And then there's the ever present thinking of how variations in house designs will affect things. It'll probably end up being a good program for the basic box shaped houses with 2 or 3 stories. I've got it to the point of comparing the program's answers with the example design calculations Robert sent to me. The one's that are different I've found a valid reason for it, so that's ok.
     It has been hot the last few days, up around the 100 degree mark. In the mornings it's still 80 inside the house, but that's mostly cause I dont run the air cooler in the evenings when I'm at work so the house doesnt get cooled off as much as when I'm here. Last summer was extra cool I think, and the winter was mild too. I'm already thinking about winter time and the cold weather, it's so much easier to tolerate the heat than it is the cold. Really hot summers usually means really cold winters.
     I suppose I should go out to eat breakfast this morning, I havent done that the last few days either. It's been the usual morning grooming ritual and then start working on the program this past week. Such is an obsessive work behavior disorder, gotta get that engineering job done before taking a long break. I really think it's cause I want to get the program done so I can spend more time playing with it on some useful applications.

Monday Aug 9, 1999

12:30p
     I think I'm doing a bit of procrastinating now, there's only two more calculations to add to the wind and seismic building loads program and it'll be mostly finished, at least generating numbers. But I did some overdue email this morning instead of working on the program, now I'm doing a journal entry instead of finishing it. Besides, there's always improvements to be added to programs, more features, better coding, and such. So maybe I'll just put it off till tomorrow.
     There's really not been much diff since last time anyway. Life becomes such a routine sometime during the thirty-something years.
     Yesterday I woke up later than usual, about 7:30. The night before was one of them restless, hard to get to sleep nights. When I went to the shopping plaza by the creek to get the Sunday paper I decided to pick up one of them frozen breakfast pastries instead of the usual biscuits. It was after eight by then and I knew the biscuit place would be busy and crowded. Those pastries, they were ham and egg types, didnt really taste right but I thought it was just the way they were made. It was the first time I had tried them. Anyway, I dont think they were good and made me fill ill all day.
     The night before at work was one of them busy, stay late nights at the pizza place too. I still havent got use to be so active in the evenings and that's part of the reason why I dont rest well. That didnt go well with the ill feelings yesterday either. It seems like I spend my day off recovering from the work the night before.
     I dozed till about 3:00 yesterday afternoon, then went for a short ride around one of the usual routes. Drove through town a couple of times too. So that was my weekend, do something different for a changed. But even that ride wasnt different, just hadnt rode anywhere in two or three weeks.
     It's going on 6 years since I've been anywhere or done anything that would count as a vacation. I'm starting to think of this Fall and trying again to do something that will. I forgot what happened year when I thought about going somewhere that made me decide not to.
     Well enough of this. Bye.

Thursday Aug 12, 1999

5:25a
     ... I'm sitting here ... fingers are on the keyboard even ... leaned back in my chair ... keyboard sitting on it's lapboard ... gazing at the screen three feet away ... wondering ... will I ever think of something worth writing?
     --alt f s t-- ... pause ... Tuesday I went down to see DM and Micky, I havent been there in three or four weeks it seems. It is much the same with them and their family. We talked about the usual stuff, the way the old Singer MPD is fading away, what I've been doing with the program and pizza work, who's traveling where, and all the rest. --alt f s t-- Oh yeah, talked about the hot weather too, [after thoght insert: it was 82 degrees in the house when I got home from work last night, it was 80 degrees when I got up this morning, evening though I ran the air conditioner some before I went to sleep.] And food prices, did you know you could buy 28 lbs of tomatoes for $10 at the farmer's markets and farms? That would be $36 to $55 in the supermarkets.
     --alt f s t-- The program for doing the buliding load calculations is producing numbers now. I've need to verify they're the right numbers now and all but one looks like it's right. --alt f s t-- So it's almost finished, except for the continuing process of adding stuff and improving on existing stuff. There's really on two more major things to work on, making it more Uniform Building Code complient and writing up the cookbook outline for doing the caculations. --alt f s t--
     There's another new Hughes clan member now, Hayden Scott Hughes, he was born during the morning hours on Tuesday August 10, 1999, weight 8 pounds and some ounzes, dont know how tall, he's Scott and Christie's 2nd child. --alt f s t-- So there's 3 great-grandchildren now.
     --alt f s t-- Yesterday was the last solar eclipse of the century and it crossed over Stonehenge, across that part of Wales anyway. I suppose that's another interesting connection since I read a couple of books about Stonehenge this year. I didnt keep up with it on the internet, most of the news reports were much like just another eclipse report, already knew about eclipses anyway.
     Well, I'm going write something new for the Columbine Writings section this morning too. And I'm going to do it now. --alt f s t--
     Will There .... Have a great, happy, peaceful, loving, safe school year!

Sunday Aug 15, 1999

8:15a
     It's actually cloudy cool this morning, I didnt really realize that till about 30 minutes ago. I've even got the window and doors open to change the air in the house, that's something that really needed to be done several times over the Summer.
     I woke up at 4:30 this morning, sat around and checked out the usual websites, did the morning grooming ritual. Then I went up town to get the paper and biscuits. It was still dark and had to take the flashlight to see the way to the truck. That made me think of how it's getting on toward the Fall and Winter time, darkness arrives sooner and lingers longer.
     Up at the early morning biscuit place, just as I was passing by to turn into the car park, I saw three people get out of a car already parked in front. It was two men and woman, made me think of an all night party had happened somewhere. They were already in line by the time I got inside. They where of good natured half high type, in their late 20s or early 30s. It had been a really long time since I had seen that part of life happening.
     Thursday, I think, it must have been Friday morning when I went up town to eat at the cafe and read about it in the paper, a fifteen year old boy was killed by a lighting strike. It happened on top of Whiteside Mountain, one of the places I use to hang out during the 80s and early 90s. The storm had already passed and they, there were two others in their 20s, were on the way back down. I couldnt tell from the write up exactly where on top it happened, near the top or on the west end. But the lighting came one more time. He lived long enough for the EMS people to have been called and gotten there, but he died before they got him to the hospital.
     In the writeup it told about last Valentine's day, he dressed up in a suit, bought roses and gave one to each of the young ladies in his class. Such a young gentleman.
     Such a sorrowful act of fate. We do have to ask that ageless question occassionally, why? Why do thing like that have to happen? There was no senseless, careless driving. There was no drugging or drinking. There was no guns or violence. Nothing one usually hears of or thinks of related to such an event. Just a bad act of fate, like the darkside of the force just snatched him away. I suppose I've already discussed it in one of Noko's Religion, Beliefs, Faith section. Then again, I read or hear of something like that happening and I have to wonder if I've come any closer to understanding. I haven't. I still asked, "Why?"
     I've been on top of that mountain, at the top of Whitewater Falls too, during storms. Sit there and watch the lighting flashes, count the seconds till the thunder arrived... 3 miles away, then 2 miles, then 1 mile. Then I'd find cover somewhere, and do the same thing, 1 mile away, 2 miles, 3 miles. I've even been under the overhang at Whitewater during storms, flash... crackle... kaboom all at the same time.
     What diff would it have made if it had been me then? Already past 30, then 40, more than twice his age, and looking toward the end of life instead of living one, or fondly remembering it's beginning. Yet here I am now, working on my 51st, and still the younger ones are dying.
     It's always the wondering about what potential has been lost, youth snatched away in a flash of light, or just wasted away. What great things would he have done, where I've done none?
     In Tolkein's Ring Trilogy, they are Elfian Kind, immortals as long as they dont meet bad fate along life's way. We are little different, immortal for almost a 100 years, if fate is kind. Not mortal or immortal it seems, when fate is not.
     I found a stat this Summer, world population growth type. There are five births every second, along with three deaths each of those same seconds too. Do the arithmetic, 4.7 billion people have died since I was born. It's becoming more and more noticed that 2 or 3 billion of those were way too young.

Monday Aug 16, 1999

7:35a
     "No Fate But What You Make."
     I make way too little of it too, except for the bad kind. That's much the fundemental problem of society as well. We're suppose to get out and make all the good kind of Fate, but we don't, too few of us do too little too late. What does it take to make the attitude adjustment needed to make Good Fate? Positive thinking? That was, is, the way of the Native Americans, mind over body when it came to health care, cure the mind and the body follows.
     There was that same methodology practiced long ago too. Fix the goal firmly in mind, repeatedly, and then just let it happen. It's just that my constant doubt and the 'nothing goes my way' attitude is the goal firmly in my mind.
     There was a theory about the power of doubt as well, some sci-fi mag I read during the VaBeach days. The way to get pass an impenatratable defense is to simply doubt that it really works.
     Collectively, human civilization, the power of willing something into existence is there. It's just that there's a conflict between those with a Good Fate Attitude goal and those with a Bad Fate Attitude goal. Both believe the "No Fate But What You Make" rule, it's just the goals that are different.
     Of course, it's the Doubters that win in the end, they simply believe the rule into non-existence.

     [Post Scriptum.] To the Snipes, Sneaks, Snoops and/or Spooks: Your bug has become noticeably annoying. It' suppose be unknowably present, you know. Please fix it so I don't know it's there, again. Thank you.

Tuesday Aug 17, 1999

7:05a
     "rollin', rollin', rollin', ..."
     After I got home from the pizza place last night, I bathed, sat around a few minutes, smoked a cig or two or three. Then I hooked up with the Internet again. So far nothing new, huh.
     "Though the streams are swollen, ..."
     But there was going to be a chat there, and I had to check it out. Just to see how things progressed as much as anything else. Looking for signs too I suppose. It's the school violence and youth violence thing again.
     "Keep them doggies rollin, ..."
     I have been keeping up with a couple of the Yahoo Clubs, one is aftercolumbine and the other is robertspeaceclub. It's were the young people are talking. So that's how I learned there was going to be a chat last night.
     "Rawhide."
     Robert's 18 and motivated, he's doing some good work, along with the others there. It's all his initiative. But anyway it was a good chat with real objectives. Good enough to keep me up till midnight. I'm glad things like that are happening. Where there's one, they're others out there.
     "Through rail and wind and weather, ..."
     It's all going to have to happen naturally, for it to mean anything. There's still darkness ahead and that will have to be dealt with as the torches light the way through.
     "Hell bent for leather, ..."
     It's going have to be like a street fad, get bounced around from one corner to another, hip hop across town and bounced around there, then breakdance it's way from one coast to the other, and back again.
     "Wishin' my gal was by my side."
     But things do move fast in fad world, if it's a good fad. We all just want it to just stop and go away. We dream. It'll happen.
     "All the things I'm missin', ..."
     It's the offical adult world that gets things mucked up and bogged down. It's the one-on-one adult involvement that keeps things moving along. And I suppose it's acceptable that there's little recognition for those 1-O-1 interactions. Nationally that is, locally, people know who's who and doing what. Humm, PeaceKeeping 101, sounds like a good first semister course in college... and high school.
     "Good vittles, love and kissin', ..."
     Well that's about all I guess. It's gotten back to the waiting game now. The days and weeks and months will pass. And there's little else to do except ... I dont know. Wait.
     "Are waiting at the end of my ride."

     Oh. About the song. Last night at the pizza place I'm running buffet and Chris is cutting. He's one of the happy types and sings. I'm just standing there waiting for the next pizza to take out to the buffet and I heard, "Rollin', rollin', rollin', ... rollin', rollin', rollin'." It startled me I guess, because Chris notices I'm looking at him. He thought it was his singing bothering me and said he would stop.
     But no it wasnt that, I was just amazed that he was singing those lyrics, and told him so. He didnt even know where they came from and said he heard them from one of the waitresses. I told him about it being a tv show from the '50s and was one of Clint Eastwood's first acting jobs. He knew Eastwood of course.
     The same thing happened two year ago when I was working there. I start hearing this music from up front, someone's CD playing. I knew it was old and familiar, but couldnt think of the name, I've forgotten it again now too. It was one of the instrumental only music, Cheery Pink Apple Blossom White, Happy Organ, I dont know.
     It's always been a wonder how some music just hangs around the upstate forever it seems, or it's continully making a comeback. And it's the youth world holding onto it also. Maybe it all just means there's a good attitude among them in this part of the world.

Friday Aug 20, 1999

6:35p
     Been working on the cookbook for Lateral Wind and Seismic Loading for Residential Housing. Ooooo, what a title. It'll probably end up being added to the LeftSide of LoneHawk's Mind section of my website.
     Been cooking myself in all this heat.
     Been poking around some genealogy sites. Found where someone posted all my work about our Hughes line. Made a posting to another site about Andrew Hughes of Lancaster PA and Joel Hughes of Laurens SC. Spent a couple of days writing that up.
     Been hasseling with emailer problems... again. I really dont like digital electronic stuff, 'cept for my computer on my table doing my stuff. It's all those snipes, snoops, sneaks and spooks you know. They just want to bannish LoneHawk deeper into CyberNetherDarkness.
     Havent heard from anyone in a couple or three weeks. Oh yeah, I be CND, that's why.
     It actually showered a couple of times today, first rain in 6 weeks I guess.
     Oh well, back to the technical writing. ... rather be writing about LoneHawk adventures. Bye.

Sunday Aug 22, 1999

8:50a
     Well, I've spent 45 minutes messing around with files and stuff, trying to figure out mswindows. It's hopeless.
     About a week ago now, maybe not that long it just seems like it, 'cause it's an old problem. When I connect to the ISP there are about 2500 bytes being sent out. It use to be only 450, that's from the time I had the new drive put in. Now it's back up again, first 1400 then 1600 and now 2060, but it's been as high as 2500. For a long time, all last year and first half of this year it would hang around 1700 or so.
     Then there was one time recently, the last time I checked out the Columbine NG, I noticed that the computer was sending stuff automatically. Not only when I getting a posted message, but while I was just reading them. There was no reason for it to be communicating with anything.
     The computer hangs up, I mean it just stops, no response to mouse or keyboard sometimes too. I think that's because some websites mess it up. Yahoo Chat will do that along with some of the other chat sites.
     The windows startup process is producing some extra screen flashes too. Once in a while it'll pause longer between flashes. And there's seems to be an extra program or two or three that run during the process too. It's all just one of those things where you notice things are a little different than normal but you cant find anything really different. I know I've got a quick eye, I can see the ripples in rapids over rocks where most just see a blurr of rushing water. So I see things happen on the screen that are not normally noticed. And then there are times when something is obviously different. I clicked on the dosprompt a couple of times yesterday, that caused the Netscape program to start. But that's gone back to normal now too. Weird stuff.
     So I've been bugged again, some virus that's looking for new addresses to connect with I guess. Maybe some snoop screwing around too, none of the anti virus programs ever find anything.

     It cooled off last night too, it was 60 degrees this morning when I when uptown to get the paper and biscuits. Cool enough and dry enough to open up the doors and windows and change the air in the house. I think it's time to clean house too, the dust creatures are using up too much of the oxygen again.
     I suppose I could write some more on the tec work, though, get it done and out-of-mind for a while, move on to getting some use out of the LWSD program. I think I've took too long to get everything right about doing those calculations. I should have jumped on it back in May but I was caught up in all the Columbine shooting and NG then. It's a way overdue project now.
     Then again, it's cool outside and the morning is already gone by, so why try? Just go outside and clear my head some, it needs cleaning out too.

9:45a     Swept walkway, roof over sideporch, gutters.
10:05a     Dusted living space.
10:15a     To grocery store for lunch plates and stuff. Lunch at mom's, she was sitting out on the porch when I got there. Leander came up too.
12:30p     To grocery store for cigs, then home. One hour pseudo rest.
1:30p     Started with computer again.
2:15p     Swept out living space and dust mopped.
2:30p     House cleaning done.

Monday Aug 23, 1999

8:00a
     Another night done, another day begun. One would think that after 18,376 (+/- 2) of them one would have life's routine down pat. Maybe that's the problem, life's down pat and so much a routine.
     With some of the old fashion qumshoe work, I've learned the dailer makes a connection to one of those un-decipherable number urls, actually a random one I guess, it's not the same one everytime. Traced a couple of them back, one to a request for a password, the other to a website. But anyway, I need to be doing some other typing now, so I'm not going bore anyone with that problem.
     One day last week as I was going out the road to the highway and I noticed the other lane had an oil slick. Got out to the hill next to the creek and saw the tire marks and where the oil started spraying on the road. Someone must have been showing off and blew a gasket. On the way back home I started following it, well I made a point to see where it lead, I was going that way anyway. Five quaters of oil stretches about 1 1/4 miles, it sprayed over most of the lane but I could see that it was getting less and less. I thought mayber I'd follow it even if it lead pass my house, but I didnt have to do that. It turned into a driveway about 1/4 mile short of my place, just a narrow black line making a turn.
     I got to thinking about it being some teen kid, and the father driving home from work that afternoon, noticing the oil slick and following, wondering who blew a engine. Then he gets near his home and sees it turn into his driveway. The farther walks into the house and calls out to the kid, "What did you do the car boy?"
     Several weeks ago I was driving down the highway to work. It's a four lane highway and I see in the mirror some sports car coming up behind in the inside lane. It passes. It's one of the small, two seat sports car. There's this man sitting in the middle, probably strattling the gear shift, steering with his left hand, his head way above the windowshield. I see the driver's seat pushed forward and figure it must have gotten stuck so that he could sit in it. It was all kind weird looking. Fancy, expensive sports car going down the road with a stuckup driver seat.
     Time to move on to something else now, more tec writing I guess. I wish I could just make myself finish it so I could clear my head of it, move on to something else, move on??? ... "Keep movin', movin', movin', / Though they're disapprovin', / Keep them dogies movin', / Rawhide."

Saturday Aug 28, 1999

4:20a
     I've been noticing the last couple of months, I'm drinking more coffee, or using more coffee grinds anyway. One of them 39 oz cans use to last more than a month, now it's down to 3 weeks. I use to have 6 or 7 of them too, now they're just 3 left on the supply shelf. I really need to cut back.
     ...... This is normal .... had a whole bunch of thoughts the past few days I was going add to the Journal ... now they're gone. Oh well.
     One the men who works at Bivens Hardware asked about the Pickens Business History project I worked on about this time last year. That was a couple or three weeks ago too. Then I was up there looking for something, curtain cord, the one in the front bedroom at Mom's house broke. I told him I keeping thinking of printing out what I had on that store for him every time I pass by on Main St. Well, I did that yesterday. Now all I have to do is take it up there. Wonder how long it'll be before I get it five miles down the road?
     The LWSDesign write up is all but finished. I'm getting tired of working on it, getting tired of finding mistakes in it too. I guess Robert has decided I'm getting nowhere with it and has given up. Maybe I shouldnt be so conservative in engineering work, just produce numbers and move on. .... move on? Nope, better not go there. ;)
     September starts next week, Wednesday even, 8 months already gone this year, and yeah, I know I told myself to get serious about finding a real job. "Gloom, despair, agony on me ..." Nope, better not go there either. It's just that I let myself get caught up in things I really have no control over. It's the opposite of "Everything goes Lewis Ferris' way," I think that was the character's name in the movie. Then there's that "To Do List", too many items get backlogged and put off till nothing gets done. I just want to go away for a couple or three months and be happy, do what Jerry wants to do, been trying to do that for 8 year now. Well, 5 year anyway, the first 3 years of this temporary retirement was ok.

            #1. Be nice to each other.
            #2. Be nice to each other.
            #3. Be nice to each other.
            #4. Be nice to each other.
                ...
                ...
           #98. Be nice to each other.
           #99. Be nice to each other.
          #100. Be nice to each other.
                ...
                ...
    #1,000,000. Be nice to each other.
    #1,000,001. Be nice to each other.
                ...
                ...
#3,252,196,717. Be nice to each other.
#3,252,196,718. Be nice to each other.
                ...
                ...
#5,898,671,949. Be nice to each other.