Big Bone University
Most people think there are too many lawyers. That's what you think, I'm sure; but you don't know what to do about it. I have thought about the problem and have arrived at the opposite conclusion — and the solution to the problem:
There are not enough lawyers!
Lawyers like money, so how do we cut off the supply? If there were enough lawyers, none of them would be able to charge much — a dollar a transaction, or maybe $5 if the case ran over into the next calendar year. Everyone should be a lawyer — let's make it a qualification to hold a job, to vote, to buy tires for your truck, to get a library card, or drive a vehicle. Make a law degree available as a three week (or two day?) course for 19.95 payable in sixteen semi-annual installments. Multiply lawyers until everyone can say: "My dog is a lawyer."
My Dog Specializes in Dog Bites
It would not be civil to shoot the lawyers; you'd better be a good shot, or it would be civil litigation, instead. If you can't beat them join 'em. Trade services with your friends (if lawyers have any — maybe we could all be "fellow professionals" instead), you'll never pay another dime for legal services. This is the way to liquidate the Old Man of the Sea — at least in his protean form of legal professional. Go ahead, even you can stoop this low to help save civilization — or what's left of it.
See you in law school!