My Dog is a Lawyer


Avi Hathor

Big Bone University

      Most people think there are too many lawyers.   That's what you think, I'm sure; but you don't know what to do about it.    I have thought about the problem and have arrived at the opposite conclusion — and the solution to the problem:

There are not enough lawyers!

      Lawyers like money, so how do we cut off the supply?   If there were enough lawyers, none of them would be able to charge much — a dollar a transaction, or maybe $5 if the case ran over into the next calendar year.   Everyone should be a lawyer — let's make it a qualification to hold a job, to vote, to buy tires for your truck, to get a library card, or drive a vehicle.    Make a law degree available as a three week (or two day?) course for 19.95 payable in sixteen semi-annual installments.   Multiply lawyers until everyone can say: "My dog is a lawyer."


My Dog Specializes in Dog Bites

     It would not be civil to shoot the lawyers; you'd better be a good shot, or it would be civil litigation, instead.    If you can't beat them join 'em.    Trade services with your friends (if lawyers have any — maybe we could all be "fellow professionals" instead), you'll never pay another dime for legal services.    This is the way to liquidate the Old Man of the Sea — at least in his protean form of legal professional.    Go ahead, even you can stoop this low to help save civilization — or what's left of it.

      See you in law school!


Solid Tax