For that brief moment her heart froze, her mind spun, and her lips stiffened. She couldn't concentrate. She couldn't find the right words to tell Lan-Yee the truth without alarming her or causing more confusion. So she said the only thing she could to respond to her question.
"I never married because nobody ever asked me." Suet responded. She was keeping this secret inside her like a fruit that needed to ripen then she would share its tender tales with Lan-Yee.
"That's not true. Even though I was a child, I remember you wearing a beautiful wedding gown in a bridal store you took me too." Lan-Yee recalled.
"I was only trying it on for fun. Ever girl has an imagination of finding true love and living happily ever after. I was just a typical girl back then, hoping the man I love would love me the way I loved him."
Lan-Yee came closer to her mother. For the first time in 10 years Suet and Lan-Yee sat side by side, as close as they could have been, sharing a bittersweet moment.
"But..." Suet started to say as she patted her daughter's hand, "Nobody has ever been loved, the way they wanted to be love." she said letting out a deep sigh.
Lan-Yee leaned against Suet. Suet brushed her fingers through the strands of Lan-Yee's hair. "Sometimes the one that loves you the way you want to be loved, isn't the person you love."
Lan-Yee was laying against Suet's chest. "So confusing." She sighed as she sat up.
"Just remember to not get lost. Know which way your heart faces and don't make unnecessary mistakes." Suet advised brushing Lan-Yee's hair out of her face. Lan-Yee nodded.
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A few days later Chun-On bumped into Lan-Yee in the hallway. They have been avoiding each other for days already and didn't expect to see each other so soon. But inevitably living in the same house, an encounter was not avoidable forever.
Chun-On and Lan-Yee started at each other for a while. Neither spoke. Both hearts were beating faster. They were nervous seeing each other. They both wanted to embrace each other, however both we stubborn and finally both of them just walked by each other without exchanging words. Chun-On went to work at the family business and Lan-Yee headed off for school.
As Chun-On drove off to school he looked back into the house thinking of Lan-Yee. He wanted to hold her and tell her he missed her but images of Li-Nam and Lan-Yee together were too overbearing for him. He closed his eyes and shook his head to get everything out of his system as he headed off to work.
Lan-Yee walked passed Ho-Ying's room and peered in to see what Ho-Ying was doing. They usually walked to school together but she knew Ho-Ying had not forgiven her yet. She didn't see Ho-Yin in her room and continued walking. Immediately she bumped into Ho-Ying who was coming back to her room. She smiled at Ho-Ying but Ho-Ying ignored her and walked into her room. Lan-Yee disappointedly left for school. Her best friend and now her boyfriend both so upset at her.
Ho-Ying walked into her room and cried. She had never been so upset at anyone before but now she was upset at her best friend. Someone she had grown up to trust and love like a sister. She didn't want to be upset at Lan-Yee but her jealousy overcame her and she couldn't bring herself to talk to Lan-Yee.
Li-Nam was walking to class and bumped into Lan-Yee. "Hey!" he called to her. She turned around and reluctantly smiled at him. "Sorry about last time!" he said
Lan-Yee shrugged her shoulders, "There was nothing that was your fault. You don?t need to be sorry. I should be sorry for being so rude to you these past few days."
Li-Nam was shocked. "You're actually apologizing to me? Wow that's strange, is it the end of the world?" he asked jokingly.
Lan-Yee managed to giggle at his joke, "Yeah the sky is falling, you better watch your head." She teased back as she walked to class.
Li-Nam followed her as he held onto his head like he was protecting it from something. "Nothing's falling, so I guess I'll be fine". He replied playing along.
Lan-Yee couldn't help but laugh. Li-Nam smiled also and asked her, "So why aren't you yelling at me today? Is something wrong?" he asked playfully.
She stopped walking and looked at him. "I was upset at you for ruining my friendship with Ho-Ying and messing with my relationship with Chun-On." Li-Nam's smile started to fade at the mention of Chun-On. "But I've been thinking about it and it's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong. I shouldn't blame you for everything."
His smile came back and he replied, "So if I continue loving you would you continue to blame me?"
"How about we become friends and you put all this loving me stuff behind you."
"Well I guess being friends is better than enemies." He said smirking
"Then it's a deal, friends only, nothing else." She said extending her hand to shake on it.
"Deal!" he said joyfully as he shook her hand.
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Li-Nam and Ho-Ying were at the park studying. He told Ho-Ying that Lan-Yee had forgiven him and they are now going to be good friends. Ho-Ying was outraged.
"How can you be friends with someone like her! She's such a terrible person!" Ho-Ying shouted walking away from Li-Nam.
Li-Nam just realized the mistake he made in telling Ho-Ying such a thing. He forgot that she had feelings for him. He ran after her, "You were friends with her once. Don't you even value your friendship with her?" he asked.
Ho-Ying looked away from him. She didn't want to answer. She knew the answer was yes but she couldn't bear to say anything.
"Answer me." Li-Nam persisted. "You know that you value your friendship with her, why must you hate her because of me? Isn't it harder to hate someone you love than to love them?" he asked with his hands on her shoulders.
Ho-Ying looked away from him and walked away. He continued to call after her but she refused to turn back. He stood there watching her walk away. She was thinking about what he was saying.
Ho-Ying came home. Quay saw her and asked, "Are you okay today sweetie?"
"Yes, mommy." She replied nonchalantly.
"You don't seem to be yourself." Quay said noticing the glumness in Ho-Ying's voice. "You can tell me what's wrong." She said patting Ho-Ying's back.
"You won't understand."
"How do you know if you don't tell me?" She said with a warm smile
"You've never been in a situation where you loved someone so much but knows he doesn't love you. You wouldn't know everyone loves you."
Upon hearing this Quay reminisced back to her marriage with Fei. She wondered if Fei ever loved her, if everything she did was wrong, marrying a man who didn't love her who she made miserable until he died. The she thought about Phong and wondered if he ever loved her too. If he did how could he have slept with Suet. She wondered how a man who loved her so much could share such an intimate moment with another woman.
She wrapped her arms around Ho-Ying, "Little do you know but I have been in love before and I'm sure I might have some understanding of your situation."
Ho-Ying looked at her mother in confusion, "You have?" she asked puzzled. "Who was it? Daddy?"
"That doesn't matter. Tell me. Tell me why you are upset."
Ho-Ying cried as she replied, "Why does Li-Nam love Lan-Yee and not me?"
"Why do you love Li-Nam and not any other man?" her mother asked her.
She shook her head. "I don't know. I just do."
"I'm sure it's the same for Li-Nam. How can he control his feelings and emotions?" Quay replied to her earlier question. Ho-Ying finally understood.
"I have noticed you not talking to Lan-Yee. You are smart enough to know that it isn't her fault that Li-Nam likes her. Those feeling are his and his alone only. Why would you blame her for something she didn't do?" Quay said as if she was telling herself this.
Finally Quay realized something also. All her years of freight and jealousy of Suet was only in her own mind. She couldn't blame Suet for anything. She shouldn't have blamed her in the first place.
"I'll go talk to her right now." Ho-Ying said wiping her tears from her face. "Thank you for everything mommy." She said hugging Quay before she ran up the stairs to look for Lan-Yee.
Ho-Ying knocked on Lan-Yee's door. Lan-Yee was shocked to see her but smiled joyfully as she saw her. Ho-Ying explained everything about what Li-Nam said and what her mother told her. She realized she was being irrational and wanted to apologize. Lan-Yee accepted her apology and apologized herself.
From that day on Ho-Ying, Lan Yee and Li-Nam spent a lot of time together as friends. Ho-Ying was always sad when she saw Li-Nam close to Lan-Yee but tried very hard to focus on the fact that they were all just good friends.
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Chun-On was upset at the friendship Lan-Yee shared with Li-Nam. But he also missed her more and more each day. It was more upsetting for him to be so close to her everyday yet unable to hold her close to him. They bumped into each other in the back yard garden. Once again Lan-Yee was too stubborn to say anything but Chun-On decided to call her.
"How have you been?" he asked uneasily.
She was shocked he actually talked to her. For the past month thay have walked by each other silently without an exchange of words. "Good. And you?" she asked.
"Good." he nodded.
They fell back into silence for a moment.
"So how is your studying going?" Chun-On asked.
"Good, we're having the exams soon. So I need to prepare." She replied
"That's good." He replied
Once again silence filled the garden. Neither of them spoke for a short minute which felt like an eternity.
Lan-Yee turned around to leave. She was feeling awkward just standing there staring at him and him staring back. Immediately she felt Chun-On's hands wrap around her. She melted into his arms. Oh how she longed to be embraced by him. Tears of happiness streaked down her face.
"I'm sorry." he whispered.
"I'm sorry too. I knew you were jealous of Li-Nam but I was stubborn." She said.
"I'll control my anger next time. I won't shout mean words to you anymore. I won't hurt you anymore."
"I'm sorry I could have..." she started to say but Chun on turned her around and hushed her by placing his finger on her lips.
"No it's okay, I was at fault not you.?"
Lan-Yee shook her head. "No it was also my fault."
Chun-On shook his head, "It doesn't matter whose fault it was as long as we're okay now. Are we okay now?"
Lan-Yee nodded. "Yes!"
They smiled with each other. They both understood how much they loved each other and nothing else was needed to be said. Chun-On pulled her closer to kiss her.
Later that day Lan-Yee and Ho-Ying took Chun-On to meet Li-Nam so they could resolve their misunderstanding. Li-Nam and Chun-On resolved their differences and decided to be friends for the sake of Lan-Yee and Ho-Ying. Although the two men weren?t best of friends they were surprised themselves that they got along so well.
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