By: Ozmandayus
This could turn out really bad. Writing down stuff is so
not my style. I would rather tell someone face to face whatever it is I would
write down in a diary. Plus, there's my whole politically incorrect view that
writing in a diary is a girl thing.
Lord knows I could never, ever say that around Kim. I would never hear the end
of it. And she might hit me.
Kimberly.
I write that name down and I am instantly taken back to that Sunday afternoon
Martial Arts Expo tournament when I saw her for the first time. Okay, for the
record, should this diary ever be read by someone other than me I would like to
blame her beauty for the tie and not Jason's ability.
*snicker*
I may have caught her beauty first, but it was her kindness and offering of her
friendship that endeared her to me early on. I was the new kid. Couple that
with being very, very shy and kind of introverted. Not a good mix at all. Then
here was this beautiful girl, absolutely beautiful, and she went out of her way
to introduce me to her friends. To make me a part of her group.
And what did I do? I tried to kill her the second day we met. Okay, so I was
under a spell. Still doesn't change the fact I tried to do it. To kill her and
all her friends.
Dammit, I'm getting off topic already. Talking about myself. This is supposed
to be about my friends, not me.
Kimberly sought me out and forced me out of my self-imposed shell. Sometimes it
was a sweet smile, other times her pretty eyes, or a slightly rougher tone of
her voice that would make my insides do back flips. She wanted to listen when I
didn't want anyone to listen. She pushed, shoved, and prodded past my long held
loner persona and forced her way into my life.
And I am so much better off for it. I didn't understand the true value of good
friends because I never truly had any. If you’re lonely enough, long enough you
get used to it. But Kimberly refused to let me stay that way. I was a part of
her team and I took that seriously. But hanging out with them was not something
I was comfortable with early on. And when you take into account my absolute
zero knowledge of how to talk to a girl or flirt...
I don't even want to think about it. *smile*
Okay, I loved her early on. Very early on. So early I'm embarrassed to say. And
I didn't hide it well. But the funny thing was that if I wasn't so dense I
might have noticed that she didn't hide it well either. I never saw that
though. I took her gentle shoulder touches and slipped hand written notes as
the way she always treated her male friends.
I was so damn wrong. God, I was beyond stupid. Did I not notice that she didn't
go out on any dates at all? Or how she always liked to stand next to me? Or
that she would give me these looks from across a room that just...
Or the big one. How she would always, always move her gymnastics workout closer
to the martial arts area every time I worked out without my shirt on?
Yeah, I was dense.
She stood by me through it all.
Time and time again I lost my powers and fell back into my familiar mode of
self-imposed isolation. Time and time again she pulled me out simply because
she cared enough. I realized that even if she weren’t in love with me she would
have done the same. Her last name was what she wore on her sleeve. Kimberly is
so very brave, and caring, and amazing and…
Can you tell I love her?
God how I love that girl.
And respect her. She's braver than I am when it comes to exposing emotions. The
things I have written so far in this diary represent much more than I could
ever say in real life. But Kimberly is different. She can express things better
than me. And by doing so, by being the braver of the two of us she sets an
example of how not to be afraid to open up.
Had she not made the first move after I lost my Green Ranger powers for the
first time I'm not sure where we would be. I couldn't even ask her out without
feeling like I was about to die. Here she was, all 110 pounds of my heart in
every way, sought me out and told me she missed me. I was so damn excited that
it didn't even register how scared she might have been. All I knew was that she
opened the door to move away from 'just friendship.
She held my hand when the rage of not being able to help my friends in battle
tore me up inside. I just had too much pride back then to ask her to. She did
it anyway because she simply understood. She never made me feel weak.
Neither of us had ever been in love before. A more clueless couple could never
be. And maybe that was for the best. Outside of that one kiss we had after I
lost my powers for the first time we shared four others over the course of a
year and a half. The words 'boyfriend' and 'girlfriend' never came out of our
mouths. Now our friends were a different story.
But for me and Kim, we were the best of friends. I told her things I never told
anyone. We would talk for hours on end. Late night calls put us to sleep.
Whispering when we were supposed to be in bed sleeping.
We pretended to sleep like we pretended that friendship was the only thing
between us.
Geez, this is longer than I intended it to be. I just felt like talking about
my friendship with Kimberly. It's much easier than talking about my
relationship with her. With my other friends I can now better express myself
because of Kimberly. My hand extends to new people faster now because I know
just how important it is to have that hand extended to you.
All because of Kimberly’s friendship. All because of her love.
If she ever reads this I will die of embarrassment. This is so not me. But when
the subject is Kimberly I get inspired.
I need it now.
I still can't believe I am the leader of the Power Rangers. But worse than that
is the fact that Jason, Trini, and Zack are gone. I lost two brothers and a
sister in one day. It's as simple as that.
That night they left, Kimberly, Billy, and I drove out to the mountains and
just sat and talked for hours. I held Kim's hand as she spoke about losing her
very best friend in the world. Billy all but said out loud that he felt he
missed his chance with Trini. Zack's outgoing nature and Jason's quiet
confidence and counsel left gaping wounds in all of us.
I'm pretty happy with that last line. It's not often you write something that
really gets to you.
Later that night after I dropped off Billy at home, Kimberly and I drove around
for a while. We ended up at the park, just sitting on the swings.
We finally said the ‘I love you's’ that night. It just felt right. I held her
as we stared at the stars.
We were both grounded the next day for staying out too late. Nothing sexual
happened between us. But we just needed that time together.
Days later three new friends came into our lives. I watched as Kimberly
embraced them. She extended her hand to them. Her heart as always.
And because of her, so did I.
Sincerely,
Tommy Oliver