Range
of Friendship: Trini
By: Gamine
Dear Diary,
I hate it here.
Why did I ever decide to come? Oh, yes, I remember. My father.
My father is not a worldly man. He does have a very strong belief system, though. His life is saturated with philosophy. Chief among it all would be pacifism.
He hated the Rangers. He thought they were war-mongering vigilantes, no better than the monsters they purported to fight.
I wanted so badly to tell him, to show him that I was making a difference, but I knew if he discovered how I was making that difference he’d be furious. Not that anyone could tell but me. He doesn’t go in for emotional displays. “Strong emotion is the refuge of the weak,” he says. But I can always tell when I’ve disappointed him. I’ve done it often enough. So when he told me I was to apply for the Peace Conference, I did. I wanted, for once, to see him proud of me.
He disapproved of the strong ties I had to my friends. Saw this Peace Conference as an opportunity to sever most of them, make them more manageable, better able to fit into his worldview. Plus he sees me as his contribution to the cause of world peace. I know, in his eyes, I wasn’t good enough to be anything else.
I never stopped feeling guilty about it, being a Ranger. So I applied for the Conference to make him proud. Why did I come? To get away.
From my father, yes, and from the constant disapproval, disappointment, call it what you like. From his inability to love me.
I used to wonder whether I was like him: unable to care, unable to connect, and then I met Kim, and I didn’t have to worry anymore. I never told her what a gift she gave me, just by letting me be her friend. And then I met Billy, and I knew the answer. I am perfectly capable of love. Strong, steadfast, unyielding love.
I just can’t manage to tell him.
~Trini.