| stepfathers |
| issues |
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| What do the kids call you – Dad? Stepdad? Pop? Bob? For example, one stepfather wanted his six-year-old daughter to address him as "Stepfather" rather than by his first name. She's not comfortable calling him "Dad." He doesn't press the issue but plans to casually remind her every time she calls his name. His wife believes in letting it occur naturally, but he has a problem with a child calling an adult by first name. She explained that that rule doesn't apply in stepfamilies, but he is adamant. The easy answer: It is important to the family's development that affection not be pushed on children before trust and friendship are established. Check to see what is true for the kids, before assumptions dominate your conclusions. How does your stepchild feel about calling you Dad? Stepdad? Pops? or Bob? How do you feel in private, and in public? Is there a difference for you at home or elsewhere, as one thing to consider is that addressing parents in this way also opens the door to your private life to anyone in earshot. Privacy about family issues (divorce, adoption, etc.) may or may not be an issue for any of you. It may be illuminating to find out how your daughter feels about this. A stepfather’s feeling of disrespect in being called by his first name must also be considered. His desire to have his stepchild call him by his role may also be an expression of feeling somewhat excluded in the family. Perhaps there is some other name you would be comfortable with that not only communicates respect (by not addressing you by first name), but also reflects your place in the family in a way that simultaneously matches the level of affection your stepchild feels for you. Just as some grandmothers are called "Nana", perhaps "Pop" or "Pops" would work emotionally for everyone in the family. Try things out for a week and reevaluate. This could prove an enjoyable bonding experience if handled with light heartedness and humor! And remember that affectionate names can change with your growing relationship. For example, "Mommy" and "Daddy" universally become "Mom" and "Dad" as children mature. |