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Juice, December 1997
Is Tim Ferguson out of his tiny right-wing mind?
Tim Ferguson, the ex- Doug Anthony All Star and current TV personality, has written his first novel. Called Left, Right and Centre, it's a political satire set in an Australia where political lethargy is rife, where greenies have lost their way, where Western Australian media magnets manipulate the system all the way to the top. Could any of this happen? It's happening already, says Ferguson.
Would you say you're cynical when it comes to our politicians?
No, not at all.
Realistic?
I don't think that anybody could be realistic without becoming cynical. I think our politicians work a lot harder than they get credit for. I don't think that they are all greedy or money-grubbing. All that travel rort stuff, the sums people were being sacked for were like a thousand bucks. Well, who hasn't walked out of David Jones with a bit of extra change in their pocket.
I haven't.
Never?
Never. You mean if someone gave you change from your $50, and they gave you back too much, you would give it back?
Yeah. And you expect politicians to do the same?
No, but I'm cynical about them. You're the one saying you're not. Who should be the head of the Australian republic?
I'd say the most likely head of state would be Dick Smith. The one we'd probably most like having would be Angus Young. He'd never talk - he'd just walk around playing the guitar, smoking cigarettes, drinking scotch and staying out of everybody's way. That's gotta be better than Andrew Peacock.
What lessons are to be gained from your book?
We need our generation to start learning about politics, because pretty soon it's going to be our responsibility to run ourselves. We can't rely on mum and dad and call their mates to take care of the world. Politics is something that will come up and bite you on the bum. It's a little thing called student fees; a far-fetched idea which only went away 20 years ago called conscription. Politics happen in your backyard. Why does such apathy exist? Hot weather. Australia's too hot to run around protesting. That's why we leave it to the socialists.
What about student riots?
That's only because students got hit in the pocket. Last year, when old people's pensions were being threatened, they were nowhere. Young people couldn't give a toss until someone comes along and says, "That'll be 10,000 for the privilege of a free education." I believe no students should have to pay for their education apart from Arts students. Why not Arts students? There's no reason why people should pay tax just so someone can go learn how to appreciate art. Go to a gallery.
So you think that education should only have that sort of purpose?
Absolutely. Free education is about helping people be useful. Luxury education is about helping people enjoy their lives and maintaining Western culture.
But aren't you being fascist in deciding what's useful and what's not?
I've gotta say that I utterly reject the term fascist when you're talking about funding Arts students. An Arts course is just a reading list with questions at the end. I never went to university. I never needed to. I left school at 18 and then went to the streets and started busking. I went to the library. I say: pick up a book, look at the reading list, and follow it up. It's called using your brain.
Well Tim, it's been interesting talking to you. You have got to sit down and imagine, if you were PM and you were going to cut down education how would you do it?
The school system as it stands doesn't teach people to analyse. You'd have to teach that. That's going to cost you more money.
In the short term you would... But as Prime Minister you've just gone and blown the budget again. Now you'll have to cut the mechanics' money as well.
Okay Tim, thanks a lot. Good luck with the book.
No worries, Lisa. And don't forget it's fun just to stir the pot, isn't it? And the beauty of stirring students is that nobody expects someone will stir them on purpose - particularly one of their own.
But you're not one of their own. You're an old fella now, aren't you?
Of course. I'm past 30. Still, I look better than most of them, that's the main thing.
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