“So it doesn’t put an extra load on processor speed?” He stretched his free arm, then tucked it under his head.
Nick stood in the doorway and listened to Brian’s end of the conversation. He cleared his throat, and the other man looked up quickly.
“It’s Nick. Yeah, I gotta go. We’re still on for Joe’s tomorrow night? It’ll have to be late because of the party. ‘kay. Bye.” He disconnected the phone, ending the call.
Nick walked into the room and dropped into a chair, staring at his friend. “What do you know about compiled code and processor speed?”
“More than I did last month, that’s for sure. Serenity gets wound up when she’s working on a project. I catch a lot of spillover.”
“Serenity?” The young man tilted his head and looked expectant.
“Uh, yeah. I met her at the grocery story last month. She’s a programmer.”
“So?”
“So?” Brian looked at his friend.
“What’s she like? You’ve been seeing someone for a month and you haven’t told me?” Nick’s voice had an overlay of hurt.
“We’re just getting to know each other. We’ve spent more time talking on the phone and e-mailing than actually seeing each other. She’s got this deadline for her application, so we don’t get to go out much.” The older man tried to explain things to his friend, but he didn’t explain everything.
“”Does she know who you are?” The blond looked curious, but there was still some hurt evident in his gaze.
“She didn’t; not until we went to a matinee and I was surrounded by fans afterwards. I took her back to the house and kind of gave her an overview of the group. I think she just bought her first Backstreet CD.”
“She really wasn’t a fan.” Nick leaned back in his chair.
“Nope. She is a whiz on the piano, though.” Brian mimicked his friend’s actions and laid back against the sofa.
The two men just stared at each other. Nick finally looked up at the ceiling, unwilling to face Brian.
“I can’t believe you didn’t trust me.”
The older man stared at his friend in shock. “It’s not that I didn’t or don’t trust you, Frack. It’s just that…”
He stopped, trying to put it into words. “For once, I didn’t have the whole world staring at me. She didn’t know I was a Backstreet Boy. To her, I was just some guy reaching for the same box of macaroni and cheese.”
Nick smiled at the comment, and Brian was relieved to see it. “Serenity wanted to be with me, just me. And I didn’t want to let everything else in my life into that before she had a chance to get to know the real me. I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
The blond turned his head and gazed at his friend. He knew the pressure of living in this bubble life sometimes got to the other man, and he was genuinely glad his friend found someone who liked him simply for who he was.
“She sounds like a great person.”
“She is. She *really* is.” Brian smiled.
***Backstreet Boys***
AJ and Meredith walked into Kevin’s house, carrying a bottle of wine and the gooiest chocolate torte they could find. They walked into the kitchen to find Kevin pressing Irene against the refrigerator as he kissed her.
The other two just watched them as they waited for the embrace to end. Feeling eyes on them, Kevin broke the kiss to find AJ standing behind Meredith with his arms wrapped her, both of them leaning against the counter as they observed their friends.
“Don’t you ever knock?” He reluctantly moved away from Irene, who grinned and blushed.
“We did.” Meredith smiled back at her sister.
The four of them laughed as Kevin slid the bottle of wine into the refrigerator, along with dessert. They enjoyed a leisurely dinner, talking about various projects that were coming up in their lives.
Kevin looked at Irene before looking at the other couple. “We were wondering if you two wanted to go out to a jazz club tonight.”
Meredith shrugged when AJ looked at her. “Sure, sounds good.”
While Irene went upstairs to change, the other three cleaned up the remnants of their meal. She reappeared, wearing a short black dress that looked very similar to Meredith’s blue dress. Both men were dressed in slacks and button-down shirts, although AJ’s was certainly more colorful than his friend’s.
They took Kevin’s 4-Runner, and Meredith promised she would drive back so the others could drink if they chose. As they headed for the club, Irene turned around and looked at her sister.
“Does this remind you of anything?”
Meredith thought for a moment, then laughed. “The infamous double date.”
“Double date?” Kevin looked at Irene before looking at Meredith in the rearview mirror.
“My first date, Mom made us double because she didn’t want me out alone. It’s not as if Meredith paid any attention to us ‘cause she was all over Tommy Branigan.”
“Hey, Tommy was very cute, not to mention a very good kisser.” The redhead smirked as she listened to her sister.
“Anyways, when we both got back two hours after curfew, Mom realized she would have been better off just letting me go alone after she heard the story.”
“Two months later, you were shipped off to boarding school.” Meredith grinned at the memory.
“But I got to go on dates by myself before I left.” The younger woman grinned.
They pulled up into the parking lot and climbed out. The bouncer nodded at Kevin, letting the foursome into the club with a smile. They found a table off to the side and got comfortable as they listened to the music drift over them.
Kevin, Irene, AJ, and Meredith ordered their drinks and enjoyed the talented band. When the drinks appeared, AJ took a sip of his before pulling Meredith out onto the floor. They melted into the small crowd, and he pulled her close. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he nuzzled her neck as they swayed gently to the music.
“You smell good.”
The tiny lick under her ear sent a shiver through her. “You feel good.”
Meredith wrapped her arms a little tighter around his neck as they lost themselves in their own little world.
Kevin looked at Irene and smiled. Standing, he held out his hand. “May I have this dance?”
“You may.” She accepted his offer and followed him onto the floor.
Irene slid her hands up his arms to rest on his shoulders. He slid his hands around her waist to settle on her back, pulling her close to his body.
“I love dancing with you.”
He felt the brush of the words against his neck, and it sent a tingle racing through him. In response, he tightened his arms around her and dropped a kiss on her head.
The next few hours involved more dancing and some talking while the band took a break. Around two a.m., Meredith piled everyone into the SUV and got them safely home. Kevin and Irene insisted the couple stay the night, and Meredith and AJ undressed and fell into bed in the guest room.
The next morning, AJ and Meredith headed back to his house to spend the day together before the group attended the party later that day.
***Backstreet Boys***
The party for the artists who had been involved in the armed forces training exercise required a concert hall to hold the groups and staff that mingled together. Meredith rested her chin on her folded hands, watching AJ as he talked to people at the next table. He made his way back to his seat, pressing a kiss to her bare shoulder before picking up his beer and taking a drink. He almost choked when he looked across the room.
“Oh, shit.”
Meredith looked at him sharply, following his line of sight to a group of people near the buffet. “Problem?”
He looked down, closing his eyes, before he turned to look at her. “It’s Amanda.”
Raising an eyebrow, she turned back to look at the group. “Which one?”
Without looking, he pointed her out. “She’s wearing the red pantsuit.”
Looking the woman over, Meredith considered her. Wide smile, loud laughter, flirtatious behavior—acted like the perfect pop star girlfriend. Amanda looked around the room, spotted the Backstreet table, and immediately headed for it.
AJ groaned, then pasted a smile on his face when she approached. Meredith watched him as he stood to kiss her cheek. As she stood there, expectant, he reluctantly asked her to sit down. She chatted brightly with everyone, completely ignoring the undercurrent of awkwardness that swirled around the table like a heavy fog.
She finally stopped talking and looked at Meredith. “Who are you?”
“Meredith Davenport.” She held out her hand as an introduction, and Amanda nodded and shook it.
“So you’re the one who trained them and was in the jungle with them.”
“That’d be me.” She smiled politely at the young woman.
“Well, wasn’t it nice of them to keep in touch and invite you to this.” Amanda was oblivious to the looks being thrown at her.
“Yes, it’s very nice of them.” Meredith sipped her virgin strawberry daiquiri.
“Actually, Meredith’s here with me.” AJ laid his hand over Meredith’s, wrapping his fingers around hers.
Slack-jawed was the only description to describe Amanda’s face. She expected to be replaced with someone she considered an equal, not a woman who had been around the block a few times.
“You two are together?” Her voice rose in a surprised squeak.
“Blissfully happy, if you want to know.” He smiled at his ex, his first real smile since Amanda sat down.
Meredith couldn’t help responding to his caress and his smile, leaning over to press a kiss to his jaw line. Reaching up, she stroked the lipstick off his skin then looked over at Amanda. Squeezing her lover’s hand, she stood.
“If you’ll excuse me for a moment.” She smiled at the group and headed for the bathroom.
AJ’s eyes followed her until she was out of sight. Amanda’s eyes narrowed as she watched him, feeling a little insulted because she didn’t feel her replacement reflected well on her.
“Now that’s a real woman.” JC appeared behind AJ, reaching out to shake the other man’s hand as he greeted the others.
AJ chuckled, the usually raspy tone deepened by love. “You have *no* idea.”
Feeling left out and unwanted, Amanda stood and said her goodbyes, disappearing into the crowd. A few minutes later, she was in the bathroom talking to some of the women looking into the mirror.
“Oh my God, did you see AJ’s new girlfriend? She’s practically old enough to be his mother.” Amanda brushed powder across her nose and cheeks.
Jessica Simpson looked over at the other woman. The two women had been cordial at other events, but she didn’t feel any particular need to continue that tradition.
“Actually, she’s really cool. Nick and the guys think she practically hung the moon. Of course, I’m especially grateful she brought them home safe.”
Britney came out of a stall, smoothing her dress. “Yeah, she is cool. We had lunch the other day. Justin told me how nice she was when they lost the bet they made with her and had to pay up. She’s survived a lot, apparently, judging from the way Justin described the scars on her back.”
“I still think she’s just trolling. I mean, he’s got money and stuff. Maybe she’s out for some of that.” Amanda was getting tired of hearing how fantastic Meredith was.
Christina chimed in from the other side of Amanda. “I talked to her earlier. She’s such a sweetheart. I mean, she’s so gracious and charming. Made me feel totally at ease, even though I was nervous at meeting her after hearing the guys rave about her. She’s one of those women you want to grow up to be.”
Amanda grimaced. It was bad enough being surround by three successful singers, all of them moving forward in their careers by leaps and bounds while she was still stuck folding sweaters at a clothing store and waiting for her big break. Now, they were defending her former boyfriend’s new girlfriend, a girlfriend who she felt was no match for AJ’s status in the music industry. She was beginning to wonder why she had even bothered to show up at the party.
Another stall opened, and Meredith walked out to the vanity. Amanda wanted to sink into the floor, Christina, Jessica, and Britney all smiled at her. The older woman washed her hands and dried them, touching up her lipstick.
She caught Britney staring at the scar on her shoulder. “You look like you’ve got a question, Britney.”
“What happened to your shoulder?” The young woman leaned closer.
“I was shot.”
Four gasps echoed through the room. “Shot?” Christina’s voice rose.
“During Desert Storm. I got the scars that Justin and the others saw when I was a POW. Now, if you’ll excuse me, ladies, I have a boy toy I have to wrangle some money from.” Meredith walked out of the bathroom, her body held straight and tall as she refused to let the comments get to her.
The three younger women turned to stare at Amanda with looks of disapproval. They finished quickly and walked out the door, Amanda following slowly behind them. Within twenty minutes, the bathroom incident had spread like wildfire, and AJ’s ex-girlfriend began to feel like a pariah from all the disdainful stares directed at her.
Meredith corralled Irene and the guys when the whispers made it to their table, shaking her head. “It doesn’t matter. Her opinion has no relevance on my life.”
AJ simmered quietly, but did not approach Amanda during the rest of her time at the party. The other guys also avoided her. When the members of ‘N Sync and 98 Degrees skirted her and any group she was with, people also began to make excuses to not be seen with her. After an hour, she slipped quietly out the door, and the party got back into full swing.
Jeff stepped up to the table and asked Meredith if she would like to dance. She smiled and nodded, following him onto the dance floor.
“I met your wife, and your daughter is just precious.” Meredith looked into the young man’s face.
“Yeah, she’s my whole world.” His eyes found his family at their table, and waved at his little girl.
“I can see that.” She grinned as she followed his line of sight.
“Thank you again for bringing me back safely.” The words caught in his throat as he realized how close he had come to possibly dying.
“Hey, it’s gonna be okay. You’re here with them. Enjoy it.” Meredith hugged him briefly before they resume dancing.
He felt a tap on his shoulder, looking up to find his band mate staring at him.
“May I?” Nick smiled at the pair.
Jeff bowed slightly, kissing Meredith on the cheek before he relinquished her to his friend.
Nick swept her away around the floor, and Meredith laughed. “Hi, Nick. How are you?”
“I’m great. How have you been? Enjoying O-town?”
“Oh, yeah, I am. We went to Disney, spent some time at Nick’s place in Tampa, did some shopping. I had lunch with the guys and met Britney. I met Jessica earlier. She’s a lovely young woman.” Meredith smiled at her dance partner.
“She said she really admired you, and she’s very grateful you were down there with us.” He turned her in a circle, moving them out of the way of an exuberant Joey and his partner.
“Well, I told her it was my pleasure. How are things going with you?”
He updated her on their album and tour status, talking about family and friends. They continued to dance as the next song came on, until he felt a hand on his shoulder.
“My turn.” JC smiled at both people.
Nick laughed, kissing and hugging Meredith before he headed towards his table to ask his girlfriend for a dance. Meredith settled herself into JC’s arms as they moved around the floor.
“You okay?” He looked at her, trying to see if she was all right.
“I’m fine, JC. Thank you for asking. How are you?”
“Cool. Finished up a song that has been driving me insane and got a chance to lay down some tracks for it so I could get a feel for some of the harmonies.”
“Sounds like you’ve been busy. Have the others been in the studio with you?” She draped her arm around his shoulder as a slower song began to play.
“Naw. They don’t usually come in until I’m ready to show them something.”
One by one, each of the men who were involved in the Sierra Ramon incident came up and danced with Meredith. She asked them questions about their families and their work, laughing or commiserating with them. Even some of the management team members stopped to talk to her, thanking her for keeping their clients safe. The night turned out fairly well as far as Meredith was concerned, and she snuggled into AJ’s arms that night with a sigh of relief.
***Backstreet Boys***
The next morning, they loaded up Mercedes and followed Howie to his condo on Cocoa Beach. He had stayed at AJ’s the night before, thinking the party would end too late for him to drive home. The small caravan made its way along A1A, and Meredith took a deep breath of the salt air as they drove down the road.
Pulling into one of Howie’s parking spaces, they unloaded the car and followed their host into the building and up to the penthouse. Meredith wandered through the rooms, running her hands along the smooth marble and textured finishes of the furniture.
“This is beautiful, D.”
“Thank you.” He smiled as he and AJ put the bags into the guest room.
Howie took them to a little restaurant called Ana Capri’s, claiming they had wonderful Italian food. He was right, they discovered, when their meals showed up. A calzone, spaghetti, and two slices of pizza later, they leaned back and groaned.
“I can see that I’m going to have to run a lot when I get up in the morning.” Meredith smiled as she sipped her tea.
“Maybe I’ll join you.” Howie pushed his plate away, resting his elbows on the table.
“Not me. I’m sleeping in as late as I can.” AJ stretched then dropped his arm across the back of Meredith’s chair.
They talked for a while before the two men started to attract attention. They left the little restaurant and headed back to the condo. Changing into swimsuits, they spent the afternoon at the pool or down on the private beach.
For dinner, Howie whipped up a large salad, and they enjoyed it out the patio. A light breeze from the ocean drifted over them, and the three friends relaxed. The festivities from the night before dictated an early night
***Backstreet Boys***
Meredith’s eyes popped open, and she listened for whatever disturbed her.
There it is.
The muffled cries pulled her from the warm haven of AJ’s arms, and she slipped on a t-shirt and boxers before heading out into the hall. She felt her way towards the master bedroom and quietly pushed open the door. The moonlight spilling into the room illuminated the opulent surroundings, and she focused on the young man moving restlessly on the bed.
Although she made no effort to be silent, his groans covered up her approach. She reached out to wake him, bending over the bed, when his fist swung out and caught her on the cheek. Meredith flew backwards, hitting the dresser as she stumbled to stay upright. The noise of picture frames falling woke Howie from his nightmare, and he sat up. He reached for the light, turning it on, and gasped at the sight of Meredith holding her face.
“Oh my God.” Scrambling to free himself from the sheets, he almost fell out of bed in his haste to check on her.
Howie stood in front of her, looking intently into her face. “Are you okay? I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…”
Meredith stopped the flow of words. “I know, D.”
She turned and walked to the door to go to the kitchen. Howie followed her, still apologizing. Turning, she tried to smile.
“I think you should put some clothes on before you come to the kitchen.”
Looking down, he blushed a brilliant shade of red before dashing to his bathroom. She started to chuckle but stopped when it hurt too much to continue. Meredith walked down the hall and into the kitchen, grabbing a dishtowel and filling it with ice.
“Yowch.” She winced as she pressed the compress against her cheek.
Wandering back into the living room, she opened the patio doors to allow the breeze and the sound of the waves to calm her mind. Sitting on the plush sofa, she leaned back into the cushions and closed her eyes.
A few minutes later she felt the cushions dip as someone sat next to her. Turning her head, she looked at Howie’s red-rimmed eyes and sighed.
“It was an accident, D. I should know better than to try and get close to someone who’s in the middle of a nightmare. It was my fault.”
He covered his face with his hands and leaned forward. “When is this going to end? When do I get my life back?”
Meredith laid her hand on his back, gently stroking it. “I know it hurts. I know that ache is so deep you feel like you’re drowning in it. I wish I could make it go away, but I can’t. D, I still have nightmares, and it’s been ten years.”
Howie looked up quickly at her admission, then wrapped his arms around himself and rocked. “I thought it was better. After I talked to this vet I met in the park, I slept without nightmares for the first time in weeks. I thought it was over.”
His eyes sought the flag that had been given to him, and she followed his glance. When he saw hr smile, he sighed. “He gave it to me after I told him my story. Told me I’d earned it.”
“You did.” Her voice was barely louder than the waves breaking on the shore.
“But I still wake up shaking or crying, thinking about those men. I still can see their faces as they breathed their last breath. I can still see the blood spreading on the ground beneath their bodies.”
Meredith shifted in her seat and moved closer to her friend, resting her head on his shoulder. She readjusted the ice pack and tightened her hold on him. “I still see Rashul’s face, that horrible surprised look as he died. I don’t know if it will ever go away. I never want to have to make that decision to take a life, but I did it then. It has made me so appreciative of being alive. If there was anything good that came of the experience, that was it. The nightmares came fewer and fewer as time went on, and they happen very rarely now. One day, I hope they stop. I can’t give you any words of wisdom here, other than to tell you that it can be survived.”
Howie wiped his eyes, erasing the tears that had slipped down his cheeks. “For a while, I wasn’t sure I would make it. It seemed as if every time I turned around, there was another reminder of what I had done. Dad listened some, and he gave me something to think about, but it’s different for him. He trained for this, he actively made the decision that he would be involved in a line of work that could require him to kill. I didn’t. I never wanted that, no matter how good you said I was.”
He could feel Meredith’s head nodding against his shoulder as he spoke.
“I’ve always wanted to entertain—to make people laugh and smile and have a good time. Killing has made it hard for me to do that. I’m afraid of going back into the studio and not being able to sing.”
“Oh, Howie. I’m sorry.” Her tears slipped down her cheeks, falling on his arm.
Howie touched the salty liquid on his skin then looked into his friend’s eyes. “It’s not your fault, Merry. You gave me…us…the ability to handle that situation and to survive. If you hadn’t taught us what you know, I don’t think a lot of us would be here.”
“That doesn’t mean I can’t weep for everything you guys have lost. The training was supposed to be good for you, not make you have to deal with the cruel reality of killing or being killed. It’s hard enough when you’ve trained for it.”
They lapsed into silence, each trying to comfort the other. The seconds stretched into minutes, which stretched into an hour. Eventually, they fell asleep on the sofa, Meredith leaning on Howie’s shoulder as he leaned back against the sofa cushions. The ice pack melted in a sculptured dish on the coffee table.
***Backstreet Boys***
AJ stretched and reached out for Meredith, only to find an empty cold spot. Sitting up, he looked around the room. Figuring she was up drinking coffee in the kitchen, he pulled on a pair of shorts. Scratching his belly as he headed down the hall, he stopped short when he passed the living room and saw the pair on the sofa. As he got closer, his eyes grew round at the sight of the large bruise covering Meredith’s left cheek.
Meredith woke up to find AJ staring at her. “Morning, mine.”
Sitting up, she winced as her cheek throbbed.
“What happened?” He looked at her reaching out to touch her but afraid of causing more pain.
“It was an accident.”
“*What* was an accident?” The rising urgency in AJ’s voice woke Howie.
He opened his eyes slowly then sat up with a start when he remembered. Turning to Meredith, he gently turned her face towards him so he could look at the damage.
“I’m so sorry, Merry.”
“You did this?” AJ was stunned.
Meredith looked between the two men, afraid that something would be said in the heat of the moment. “It was an accident, AJ. I made the mistake of trying to wake Howie from a nightmare. He’s already apologized several times, and I know he feels horrible about it, but it wasn’t done in anger. It. Was. An. Accident.”
AJ sat back on the coffee table, switching his gaze back and forth between his lover and his friend. Meredith’s eyes were clear and filled with understanding. Howie’s eyes were filled with sorrow and that indefinable something that still haunted him after Sierra Ramon. Sighing, he gently took Meredith’s chin in his long fingers and turned her face to look at her.
“That’s quite a shiner you’ve go there, love.”
“Isn’t the first time, probably won’t be the last.” She grinned at him, glad to see a glimmer of laughter in his eyes.
She stood up and stretched. “I’m going to take a shower. When I get back, I’m going to make a huge breakfast.”
Meredith patted Howie on the shoulder, then kissed AJ before heading down the hall. When she was gone, the two men looked at each other, with Howie looking away first.
“I didn’t mean it, Bone. I didn’t mean to hurt her.” He folded his hands together and pressed them to his mouth.
AJ moved to the sofa, wrapping an arm around his friend. “I know, man. It was an accident. It’ll be okay.”
“I’m not so sure of that. I’m not sure of anything anymore.” Howie closed his eyes.
It was hard for AJ to see his friend like this. He wanted to fix things. He wanted to take everyone back to that time when they celebrated their victory in the war games with good food and good friends. He didn’t know how to help, and it bothered him. He tightened his grip on his friend’s shoulders.
“If I could take this from you, D, I would. It hurts me to see you hurting.”
Howie nodded, then opened his eyes and looked at the young man next to him. He saw the love in those familiar brown eyes, and it made him feel a little better.
“You’re a very good friend, Alexander James McLean. And I’m so grateful you haven’t given up on me.”
“Never, man. Never.”
Table of Contents
Chapter Thirteen