Helena has always preferred smaller bookstores such as Book Soup over the chain stores such as Borders or Barnes and Noble. But Book Soup was the bookstore where she spent many hours with Alice perusing its shelves as they read passages they found particularly funny or interesting out loud to one another. No, on this day, she chose to take the children to Borders to find books for the weekend. Wilson and Jun Ying were staying at Winnie's that weekend, which meant Wilson and Jun Ying would spend the majority of their time in front of the television and eating Spaghettios because Winnie could not be relied upon to toast the children's bread, let alone cook them a proper meal. There was nothing she could do about the food--each time she brought it up, it led to a screaming argument, and she was not in the mood to hear about how she wasn't really Wilson and Jun Ying's mother, which is how each of their arguments eventually ended. But then, that was how all their arguments ended even when they were married. Somehow, it hurts more now. Back then, Helena just assumed Winnie said it in the heat of the moment, that she said it because she was angry and though it hurt, Helena used to believe Winnie didn't really think that way. Now she knew Winnie never loved her, never cared about her, that each time Winnie said she wasn't really Wilson and Jun Ying's mother, that Winnie meant it. So it hurts more now. Because now she can't fool herself into believing it was all in the heat of the moment.

Helena sat cross-legged in the children's section at Borders, thumbing through a French/English copy of The Little Prince as her children browsed through the shelves selecting books they wanted to read. She hoped her children would pick up a love for different languages, but she didn't want to force anything on them quite yet, though early childhood was the best time for language acquisition.

"Mommy?" Jun Yin asked, sitting next to her.

"Yes, baby?" Helena smiled at her daughter.

Jun Ying smiled back. "Can we get this book?" she asked, holding it up.

Helena peered closer at it to read the title. Music for Alice. Helena suppressed a groan. Wonderful. She'd stopped thinking of the blonde for more than five minutes and she got yet another reminder of her.

"Look! It has Alice in it" Jun Ying said, pointing to the title. "And Alice likes music! She plays the guitar!"

"Yes, she does," Helena murmured, feeling a pang at the thought of her friend. She flipped through the book and realized it was a book about the Japanese internment in the 1940's. Helena suppressed another groan. It wasn't that she didn't want to broach the topic. She thought it was an important one, and she wanted her children to know about such things. She just didn't think it had to happen yet. And she didn't want her children reading such an important book without her. She couldn't count on Winnie to explain things to them and the reading level was slightly advanced for them anyway. She wasn't prepared to explain such things to her children. However, though she could deny her children certain toys if she thought they were overly frivolous, the one thing she could never deny them was books. "We'll buy it," Helena murmured. "But we'll read it together for our reading time on Sunday when you come home from Mama's house."

Jun Ying grinned at her. "Okay," she agreed amiably. She grabbed the book and ran off to find her brother. "Hey Wilson! Mommy said we can get the Alice book."

"Cool!"

Helena watched them fondly. If her father had lived to see them, he would have adored them.

Soon they carried an armload of books to the register and Helena was pulling up to the family co-op on Gramercy Place which Peggy stupidly not only gave to Winnie but transferred ownership and title as well. Helena thought her mother was many things, but stupid and naïve were not one of them--but giving Winnie the ownership of the co-op truly did exhibit breathtaking stupidity and naiveté.

Helena resented the way Winnie never came out to greet the children. It was such a small thing, but Helena hated it. And of course, she and Winnie could not be in close physical proximity to one another, so Helena really could not walk the children to the door.

Helena watched as her children walked up to the door and rang the doorbell and stood outside for several minutes before Winnie finally opened the fucking door. It drove Helena crazy, but she's already had numerous arguments about it with Winnie and she's also had numerous arguments with Winnie when she walked the children to the door because Winnie couldn't have a little self-control for two seconds to be civil. So, Helena had to wait in the car as she watched her children wait for their other mother.

There were few people Helena has hated--sure, there were plenty of people whom she intensely disliked, such as the classmate she became romantically involved with in high school who shattered her heart or the president of the Encore Foundation who was not only incompetent, but an asshole at that. Then there were others for whom she had a general disdain for, who were for one reason or another, simply not worth being disliked because she generally didn't give a shit unless they were in front of her face being an asshole, per usual, such as the CEO of Clarins Family Service or Bette Porter.

And then there were people she hated and there were only two people in her entire life she truly hated. The first was the doctor who told her she would have to leave because they were transporting the 'body' when she was slumped by her father's bedside after he died when she was fourteen. The other hospital officials and doctors allowed her to remain there, and Helena still could not remember how long she sat there, all she remembered was that she just sat there, very still, very quietly, not knowing what to do. And for a long time afterward, she didn't know what to do. And that fucking doctor had to come in and tell her she would have to leave. She screamed at him that the entire hospital was named after her family and that he could fuck off and die for all she cared, but she wasn't leaving until her mother came. And Peggy finally did come, flying in as soon as she could from New York to London because Peggy took some frivolous vacation while her husband was dying in a London hospital, at least, that's what Helena thought in her fourteen year-old mind. In retrospect, Helena knew it wasn't that frivolous.

She would later find out that Peggy went to New York to try to court a prominent doctor who worked in New York City into coming to London. It was one of the ways Peggy tried to cope with everything that was going on, though Helena herself knew, even then, that it was a lost cause, that her father was dying and not going to get better. She'd accepted it and had been waiting for it, but it still felt as though she'd been punched in the teeth when she'd been preparing for a kick to the stomach. And so she couldn't help it. Even fifteen years later, she still hated that doctor, though Helena could admit despite his callousness, her hatred from him wasn't all that deserved. The second person she hated now was Winnie.

Not too long ago, Helena would never have believed she would be capable of hating Winnie, but she did. As much as Helena once loved Winnie, she hated her now.

It was even easier to hate Winnie as she thought of how much she'd once loved Winnie and how Winnie had never loved her back, not even a little, not even once in all those years. She'd been nothing but a cash cow, and when a richer and more glamorous prospect came along, Winnie left her immediately. Of course, there was a bit of karmic joy in the fact that Winnie's better prospect didn't want to divorce her trophy husband, but it still wounded her to know the woman she'd been in love with since she was nineteen years old never loved her and now hated her and was vindictively bent on hurting her because Helena refused to take her back after Winnie realized her better prospect wasn't going to work out. Winnie was vindictive to the point she refused any monetary help from Helena, forcing the children to sleep on the floor in some dingy one-bedroom apartment in New York because she wanted to make a point to Helena. For all of Helena's wealth, Winnie knew all her weaknesses and for that, Helena felt incredibly foolish. It was only when Peggy intervened that Winnie accepted any help, and her ex had been so smug about that because Winnie knew how much it would infuriate Helena.

God how she hated Winnie now. Driving along Sepulveda, she seethed with rage. Winnie was never truly invested in the children--she was just using them as a bargaining chip and that was something Helena could neither understand nor forgive.

There was no reason to cook dinner, not just for herself. She had no children to cook for, and Lulu spent the weekends with her boyfriend so she didn't even have Lulu to cook for. Helena drove to Westwood to pick up dinner from Pomodoro, the Italian restaurant she and Alice both loved so much. She wasn't particularly hungry, but she thought she might as well. She felt guilty for getting a meal from one of her favorite restaurants when she was sure her children would just get some crappy meal from Winnie. But she also wanted the comfort food.

Helena had some very particular views about food and cooking. When she prepared meals for her children, she made sure they always got a healthy, balanced meal even if they didn't always like what they ate. But she also made sure that they occasionally got what they wanted, which is why she had peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on white bread with macaroni and cheese and potato chips for dinner a few days ago, the day of her children's first day back at school. They'd wanted it, and she served it to them because it was a special occasion. But Winnie…Winnie was different. She didn't care what they needed or what they wanted, Winnie served them what was convenient for her to give them and if that meant that all they ate when they were with her for every meal was peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or spaghettios, then so be it. Helena deeply resented that because she felt their children deserved more from that from a parent. But when she brought it up, trying earnestly to explain her view to Winnie-- who never had to feed the children before the divorce because Helena had always taken care of the meals, Winnie snarled at her, and snapped that it was one of the most ridiculous fucking things she'd ever heard. Helena gritted her teeth. God, she hated it when the children were with Winnie, she just felt this feeling of discomfort and unease which she couldn't get rid of until the children were safe with her again.

Helena sat down in the restaurant and waited for her order so she could take it home. Davide, the owner, gave her a free glass of wine as she waited. She stared up at the ceiling, lost in thought.

"Helena?"

Helena turned to Alice and smiled. "Alice. Hello."

Alice sat down at the table across from Helena. "Are you here for dinner or…"

"Take-aways."

"Me too," Alice said softly. She reached for one of Helena's hands. "Do you want to come over and have dinner with me?" she asked hopefully. Surely if Helena were just getting take-out on a Friday evening it would mean that Helena didn't have other plans, so Helena could come over for dinner the way she used to. Alice supposed that if Helena were picking up take-out, it would mean the children were with Winnie and she didn't want Helena to be alone anyway, knowing how worried and anxious Helena became when the children were with Winnie. It was not so long ago that they did this--food from Pomodoro plus a DVD at her apartment--that was all they needed. "Come over, we'll watch a movie."

Helena forced a smile. "I have some work I need to look over tonight," Helena said quietly. She grinned crookedly. "Don't you think you should have dinner with Dana tonight instead of me?" she teased lightly, because she really did want to be happy for her friend at this moment.

Alice winced. "Dana has a date."

Helena flinched at her faux pas. "I'm sorry," she said, squeezing Alice's hands gently, though a part of her wondered if Alice only asked her for dinner because Dana was on a date with someone else. Still, she wanted to groan at her mistake, for bringing up a subject that clearly pained Alice. It wasn't her intention to bring down Alice's mood which obviously could not have been that high to begin with.

Alice shrugged. "Don't be," she said softly.

"Are you all right?" Helena asked quietly, gazing into Alice's eyes. "With…"

Alice smiled at her. "Yeah," she said. "I knew Dana was dating someone else, so I can't feel bad about it," Alice said, forcing a smile that didn't reach her eyes. She squeezed Helena's hands. "Helena," she murmured, "it's Friday!" Alice exclaimed cheerfully, her voice taking on the adorable squeak that Helena found endlessly endearing. "You can't work! Play with me!"

Helena laughed softly and pulled her hands away from Alice so she could tuck her hair behind her ears. Then Helena set her hands in her lap. "I'm sorry, I really must decline."

Alice's face fell. "It's been a really long time since we had dinner together," she commented.

Helena's face was expressionless. "We had dinner together last night."

"Yeah, but…" Alice sighed. "Never mind," she said, discouraged by the impassive look on Helena's face. "Can we maybe hang out tomorrow?" she asked. "Just you and me?"

Helena forced herself to grin. "Alice," she murmured, gazing deeply into brown eyes. "Perhaps you should ask Dana before making any plans," Helena said gently, "what if she wants to spend time with you tomorrow? She should come first."

"What?" Alice asked. "No! I want to spend time with you tomorrow," Alice said reaching across the table to touch Helena's shoulder. "God, is that why you've been acting this way? Because you think Dana should come first? We're friends, Helena!" Alice stood up and leaned against the table, bringing her face close to Helena's. "Dana's important to me, so of course I want to spend time with her. But..." Alice looked deeply into Helena's eyes "you are so important to me," Alice said, her soft tone not belying her intensity. "So come on, let's hang out tonight, like we used to. I really miss that." Alice ducked her head and peered up at Helena through her lashes. "I know it hasn't been that long. It's not like it's been a year or anything. I just… I miss it. So let's hang out tonight, Helena."

Helena's expression softened. It was a tempting offer. But it was simply better not to. It was easier in the end. "You're important to me, too," Helena said honestly, gazing into Alice's eyes and then looking away. "However, I have a lot of work to do this weekend. I'm sorry, Alice. Perhaps another time?" Helena turned to glance at the counter to see if her food was ready yet.

"Helena, what's going on?" Alice asked, dismayed. Things didn't feel right.

"Nothing," Helena murmured. She wanted desperately to change the subject. "How are things with you and Dana?" she asked. "Are you happy?"

"Yeah, things are fine," Alice said, "Stop bringing it back to me," Alice said, almost irritably. It was a technique she, too, used when she didn't want to talk about something. "Helena, just tell me what's going on."

"I told you, nothing is going on," Helena said evenly. She smiled at Alice. "She's going to choose you, you realize that don't you?" she asked softly. "She may be on a date tonight, but you're the one she loves." She could see the anxiety written on Alice's expression when Alice told her Dana was on a date. She wanted so badly to alleviate it.

Alice looked at her, shocked, but grateful. It was something she desperately needed to hear, but she wanted to concentrate on Helena and Helena just kept changing the subject away from herself. "Helena, thank-you for that, but--"

"Who wouldn't choose you?" Helena asked with an affectionate smile. "Don't be upset with her, darling. And try not to be unhappy about the situation. You'll see, it will work out. You'll be the one chosen." She turned to smile at Davide who brought over her food in a white plastic bag. "Thank-you," she murmured, touching his arm. She stood up. "I would choose you," Helena muttered, her eyes dropping ever so slightly. "You'll be happy, you'll see" she said sincerely. She could see that although Alice was trying to keep the conversation focused away from herself, it was obvious Alice was unhappy Dana was on a date and she wanted to make it better. "Dana will sort it out," Helena said, though it hurt to say it because she knew it was true. Helena couldn't fathom Dana not choosing Alice and so that would mean Alice would always be out of reach to her. "I'll see you later," she whispered.

Alice caught her by the arm. "Helena, what's going on?" she repeated quietly, pleadingly.

"Nothing," Helena murmured, smiling at Alice. She bent down to kiss Alice on the cheek, her eyes closing for just a moment. She started to move her head away but was stopped.

Alice's hand reached up to gently touch Helena's neck, holding Helena's head in place, so that their faces were just inches apart. "Talk to me," Alice whispered.

"I have to go," Helena said, backing away. "Bye, Alice." She turned and walked out of the restaurant. The moment she was out, she sucked in a shaky breath. She felt she was doing the right thing, distancing herself. Eventually, Alice would stop caring. And it would be easier on both of them. Alice was reintegrating with her friends, so what use did Alice have for her now? After all, it was already happening.

Alice sat at the table, staring at the wall for a moment, nodding faintly when Davide told her that her order would be up in a few minutes. She glanced at the door, her expression somber. "Fuck it," she muttered, getting up and running out of the restaurant. Once she got out of the restaurant, she couldn't see Helena anywhere. The restaurant was situated on a corner of Westwood Boulevard, and Alice surmised Helena must have parked along the small cross street. Alice turned the corner and caught sight of Helena's car. She shouted Helena's name, but Helena was already driving away.

"Damn it," Alice muttered, trudging her way back into the restaurant.
-----

There are times when Dana is aware of a particular problem, but she has no idea how to fix it. Like when she eats dinner with Alice and the journalist was so quiet, her silence fit the cliché-- it was deafening. It'd been a few weeks since they got back together, and Dana believed it was getting better. Alice is talking to her again, much to Dana's relief. Dana knows Alice well enough to know that sometimes, the blonde just needed space to work things out alone in her head. So when Alice started being playful with her again, and they started laughing together again and Alice started touching her like she used to, Dana thought to herself, it must be getting better.

Then she woke up alone in Alice's bed in that time between Saturday and Sunday when no one is quite sure if it's still Saturday night or Sunday morning, but it was technically Sunday. It startled her, to wake up for one reason or another and find Alice gone, her side of the bed cold, but the sheets still smelling of their very recent bedroom activities. Dana bit her lip, waiting for a moment. Maybe Alice just stepped out to get a drink of water or something. But several minutes ticked by on Alice's alarm clock and Dana watched as the digits changed ever so slowly and finally, she couldn't take it anymore.

She padded out into the living room and found Alice sleeping on the couch, covered with a red blanket Dana didn't recognize. And it bothered her a little, that she didn't recognize it. It was a mundane thing to be upset about, but she was upset nonetheless. She bent down next to Alice and touched Alice's face gently.

Alice startled awake and then looked at Dana. "Dane?" she asked, her voice thick with confusion and sleep. She blinked. "What's going on?"

Dana smiled. Alice was always so adorable when she woke up. It always took her a minute to become situated. Dana stroked Alice's hair. "What are you doing out here?"

"Hey," Alice said softly. "I couldn't sleep, so I came out here to watch TV. I didn't want to wake you." She rubbed her face. "I must have fallen asleep watching it." She glanced at the TV and winced almost imperceptibly when she realized the television wasn't on. God, she sucked at lying. Why did she suck so hard? Both her brother and sister were master liars. Lenore, too.

Dana nodded, accepting this, though the television wasn't on, so how could Alice have fallen asleep watching it? It was the first time Alice lied to her even remotely convincingly, but the physical evidence told her otherwise. However, Dana chose not to explore it at the moment, not really wanting to deal with the potential implications. "Come back to bed."

Alice winced a little. "I need to read a little... for this article. You go ahead, I'll be there soon." It wasn't that she didn't want to be around Dana, it was just that she wasn't quite ready to sleep in the same bed with Dana. The sex was fine--the sex was great, actually. Sleeping, though? Not yet

"I'll wait up with you."

"You don't have to."

"I want to," Dana whispered, a little anxiously. Judging by the expression on Alice's face, Dana could see the blonde didn't really want her to stay with her, and that worried her.

And so, Dana stayed because she didn't want to leave, feeling that if she left, she would have made some fundamental mistake. Dana sat down with Alice on the couch as the blonde grabbed a notebook and her glasses off the coffee table and started rifling through some notes. Dana flipped through a magazine and watched Alice covertly as Alice read through a book, occasionally jotting down notes in her notebook, sometimes contemplating something by pushing the cap of her pen against her lips, her brows furrowed in deep though.

"Al?"

"Yeah?" Alice asked, not looking up from her notebook.

"You know I love you, right?"

Alice looked up at her. "Sure. Of course."

"Is everything okay between us?"

Alice tilted her head to the side to regard Dana silently for a moment before she spoke. "Is this because you went out with Heather last night?" she asked gently.

Dana flushed and looked away. That was partly it, but mostly it was that Alice was sleeping on the couch and not in the bed with her.

"Dane," Alice said softly. "I understand. Really, I do. Things are fine between us."

"Really?" Dana asked hopefully. She needed it to be true more than anything and if Alice told her things were fine between them, Dana would believe it, even if things didn't entirely feel right.

"Really," Alice said quietly. She hoped that saying it would make it true. She had some doubts as well. She tried sleeping in the same bed with Dana, of course, but she found that she just couldn't do it. Every time she lay in bed with Dana, trying to fall asleep, she wondered if Dana slept in the same bed with Heather or any other woman she dated because Alice knew there were a few women Dana was seeing casually. Alice wanted to ask, but she decided once they got back together that though she desperately wanted to ask Dana the questions, she didn't particularly want the answers. She could be emotionally masochistic, but she wasn't that emotionally masochistic. But she found it very difficult to sleep next to Dana, because sharing a bed with someone was special to her. Sex wasn't necessarily special or even particularly intimate, but sharing a bed--actually sleeping in the same bed with that person--well, that meant a lot to Alice. She wanted to be able to sleep in the same bed with Dana again, but she realized she was still too hurt. Dana had, after all, for all intents and purposes, rejected her. Just because it was Dana's idea to date again didn't change the fact that Dana rejected her, rejected their relationship. She understood Dana's need for experience, and she was glad the tennis player was self-aware enough to know that, so that she did it now, rather than ten years from now. But there was just a part of her that no longer felt safe enough to share that bed with Dana. She loved Dana--she truly did. But Dana hurt her in a way she'd never been hurt before. And it wasn't Dana's fault really, Alice has been dumped before, but she shared such a deep connection with Dana that the same connection Alice so revered and loved was the one that allowed Dana to wound her more deeply than she's ever been hurt by another person.

Alice and Dana stared intently at one another, the room silent except for the soft sounds of the two women breathing. "Come to bed," Dana said quietly, taking Alice's hand.

Alice held Dana's gaze and hesitated for a moment before she nodded slightly. "Let's go."

Dana led Alice back into the bedroom and back into bed. Dana wrapped her arms around Alice and Alice snuggled into Dana's chest. Dana's fingers threaded into Alice's hair and the fingers on Alice's right hand gently trailed down Dana's side, causing the tennis player to shiver slightly, and hold the blonde closer to her. "I've missed this," Dana said fiercely. "I've missed this so much." She turned her head and pressed her lips against Alice's forehead.

"I've missed this, too," Alice whispered, looking up at Dana. "Dane. Let's just…let's make this permanent, just you and me," Alice said hopefully.

Dana winced. "Al--"

Alice bit her lip. "Forget it," she said, her voice lower, rougher than usual. She lowered her gaze and pulled away from Dana who desperately scrambled to reach for Alice as the blonde rolled over onto her side to the edge of the bed so that her back faced Dana..

"Alice," Dana said, anguished. She didn't know how to fix this. God, she felt so stupid.

"Go to sleep, Dana." Alice's voice was slightly muffled by the pillow.

"But Al--"

"It was stupid of me to ask, Dana. I didn't mean to rush you. So just go to sleep." She didn't mean to ask. It's not like she had any hopes that the answer would be different. It just came out.

"But Al--"

"Go to sleep, Dana."

"Al, I'm sorry," Dana whispered. She thought it would make things better, if they could be together. But maybe she was ruining everything all over again. "Al?"

Alice didn't respond for a long moment. "Just go to sleep, Dana," Alice said wearily.

And no further words were spoken.

Alice was already gone by the time Dana woke up just a few hours later. Her heart sank and she wondered if she would find Alice sleeping on the couch again. Dana stood to her feet and walked out of the room, her eyes already seeking out the couch. She was so sure she would see Alice sleeping on the couch. But Alice wasn't there. Dana blinked in surprise. Alice wasn't in the kitchen or anywhere else in the living room, she wasn't at her desk near the entryway either. "Al?" she called, walking toward the bathroom. "Al?" she called again, as she knocked on the bathroom door. When there was no response, she opened it and found it empty.

For a moment, Dana panicked, thinking Alice was so angry and so hurt, the reporter couldn't even stand to be in her own apartment with her. Dana was about to call the blonde's cell phone when she heard a key in the door and the door knob turn.

"Oh, shit. You're up." Alice remarked. "I was hoping I'd get back before you woke up. I got breakfast," Alice grinned, holding up a drink tray with two coffee cups and a white plastic bag. "I got the breakfast skillets from The Planet and some bagels from Noah's Bagels."

Dana smiled, so very relieved, and ran over to help her. She took the plastic bag from Alice. "Thank-you, Al," she said sincerely, looking deeply into Alice's eyes.

"Sure," Alice said with an easy smile. She kissed Dana on the cheek. She balanced the coffees in one hand and reached out to smooth a stray hair away from Dana's eyes.

"I gotta brush my teeth," Dana said quietly.

"I'll be waiting," Alice said, taking the food back from Dana so she could set it up at the table.

Dana ran to the bathroom to brush her teeth and brushed them as fast as she could. She walked out and wandered to the kitchen where Alice was re-warming the breakfast skillets in the oven.

"Hey Dane," Alice greeted. "I'm making sure they're hot enough. Have a bagel while you wait," Alice said pointing to the bagels and cream cheese she set out.
"You're the best," Dana murmured, yanking on the sides of Alice's jacket to pull the blonde closer to her. She kissed Alice full on the mouth now that she got rid of her morning breath.

Alice smiled into the kiss and chuckled gently when she broke the kiss. "I am, aren't I?" she asked with mock self-importance. She stuck out her chest in a fair imitation of a peacock.

"You really are," Dana said sincerely, placing her hands on the sides of Alice's neck. "You are."

Alice laughed softly, and backed away. She wondered if Dana really meant that. If she was really the best, why wasn't she the only one Dana wanted? But she didn't want to ruin this moment, not the way she ruined the moment the night before. Or rather, a few hours before. She turned Dana around and pushed her gently toward the table. "Go sit, drink some coffee. And have a bagel. I'll bring everything to you when it's ready."

Dana let herself be pushed out of the kitchen. The two women giggled the entire way.

"Sit," Alice said, pushing gently on Dana's shoulders to get her to sit down.

Dana flopped down into the chair and giggled. She pulled on Alice's arm when the blonde turned to walk away. She grabbed Alice around the waist and pulled the blonde into her lap. "Don't go."

Alice laughed. "I'll just be a second."

"Don't go," Dana giggled.

"You can see me from here!"

"Don't go," Dana repeated a little more seriously this time. She didn't like the way they left the conversation before they went to sleep. She didn't want to lose Alice again over it.

"Dana, I'm just going to the kitchen," Alice said gently, pulling herself out of Dana's lap by grabbing onto the table's edge and lifting herself up. "I'll be back in a sec." Alice walked into the kitchen and came back a few minutes later carrying steaming plates of food and utensils. She set one plate down in front of Dana and set the other at her place at the table. "Do you want anything while I'm up?" Alice asked.

Dana shook her head. "Sit," she said softly.

Alice smiled at sat down in her chair and grabbed her fork.

"Al, about last night…"

Alice froze for a moment, her hand clenching harder around the fork before her grip visibly relaxed. "Forget about it."

"Al--"

"Forget about it, Dana," Alice said, her words coming out slightly harsher than she intended. She winced at the tone of her own voice and then smiled at Dana. "Forget about it," she said softly. She stood up. "I'm going to get some Tabasco sauce," she said.

Dana watched Alice leave, her expression woeful. She didn't really want to talk about last night either, but she thought maybe they should. Still, Alice seemed intent on not talking about it and Dana thought perhaps she should just defer. She was already demanding so much of Alice, just by being together. Dana was willing to let Alice dictate everything else.

-----

"Call me when you get home, to let me know you got there safe," Alice murmured, nuzzling Dana's nose with her own. It was still early in the afternoon, but she just felt more comfortable when she had explicit knowledge that Dana was safe.

"I will," Dana whispered. She pressed her lips against Alice's and the two women kissed for a few minutes, their hands entangling into each other's hair. Finally, Dana broke the kiss, pulling her head away very slightly, but wrapping her arms even tighter around Alice. "Are you sure you don't want to come and stay at my place tonight?" she asked.

Alice smiled ruefully. "You know I want to. I just have a lot of work. And you need to get up earlier tomorrow for training because you missed today."

Dana grinned. "Well, it was a different kind of training," she said playfully.

Alice laughed. "Dana."

Dana laughed as well and pressed tiny kisses into Alice's neck.

Alice giggled at the somewhat ticklish sensation. "Dana."

Dana pulled away reluctantly. "Okay, I'm going," she said, stepping away. "Talk to you soon."

"Yeah," Alice said softly.

Dana stepped out of the apartment backwards, her eyes locked on Alice's. Alice watched Dana as she turned around and walked down the hall, turning around occasionally to see if Alice was still there. Each time she caught sight of Alice still standing at her door, Dana grinned and waved and Alice couldn't help but wave back. They did this until Dana was finally out of sight and Alice closed the door with a small sigh. She leaned against the door, smiling.

Her cell phone rang and she ran to answer it. She checked the caller ID. It was Michael.

"Hey Mike!" she boomed. "How's my favorite Executive Chef?"

"Well, I don't know. You'll have to ask him," Michael teased.

Alice laughed. "It's you, dork," she said affectionately. They did this every time.

"I know," Michael said. "I just like hearing you say it's me." They did this every time, too.

"So what's up?"

"I just wanted to call and see if Helena is okay."

"What? Why?"

"Uh…" Michael was quiet for a moment.

"Why wouldn't Helena be okay?" Alice demanded, wondering if he knew something she didn't.

"Shit," Michael groaned.

"Michael."

"Look, it's just that…uh, Amy and I were Ciudad's yesterday and Helena was there."

"Helena? My Helena?" Alice asked, before realizing that Helena really wasn't hers at all, and she had no idea why it came out that way. "Helena was at Ciudad's? That place downtown you and I went to a while back? The place with the mojitos and finger foods? Helena was there?"

"Yeah," Michael said quietly.

"Huh." Alice commented. Helena wasn't a food snob, unless it came to food from cans, so it really wasn't that surprising that she was at Ciudad's, but Helena really wasn't a finger food person either, so it was kind of surprising. "Was she alone?" she asked.

"Yeah," Michael said. "Fuck. The thing is, she was just at the bar. And she was…really drunk."

"Helena was drunk?"

"Amy and I drove her home. I drove Helena's car, which is kick ass by the way."

Alice couldn't help but smile. He was such a boy.

"And Amy drove my car and followed behind us."

"Why didn't you call me?" she demanded.

"Helena asked us not to," Michael said. "But I thought…well, I thought you might have known by now. She was really drunk, Al." Michael paused. "She cried in the car on the way back to her place. It wasn't, you know, Biblical or anything. She wasn't wailing and gnashing her teeth and pulling her hair out, but she was…well, she was crying. And she wouldn't let me call you, and she wasn't saying anything about why she was crying so I just thought…well, I just wanted to check in on her. Because I like her, you know? She's cool, even if she did sort of blow Amy off."

"She's just not ready," Alice said softly. "She thinks Amy's great. It's nothing personal."

"I know," Michael said, sounding amused. "She told me last night. Well, before she started crying. Al, I just…well, I guess I wanted to give you a heads up, because when Amy and I got to Ciudad, she was already pretty drunk and she was tossing them back pretty fast. And she was buying drinks for everyone and…hell, I don't know, Al. I don't know her that well, but it doesn't seem like she's the type to get that drunk and start buying drinks for everyone for no reason, you know? And some chick--who, by the way, was only semi-cute, and nowhere near as cute as Amy was all hitting up on her. And this chick had gold digger written all over her. I think Helena would have gone home with her if Amy and I didn't drag her away and who knows what could have happened, right?"

"Right," Alice said softly, a knot forming in her stomach.

"So what's going on with her?"

"I'm not sure," Alice said honestly.

Michael was quiet. "Well, I'm sure things will work out," he said, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. "Give me a call sometime, there's this Burmese restaurant I want to take you guys to. I promised Helena I'd take her last night. It's in Whittier and pretty kick ass. I was thinking maybe the three of us and Amy could go. But it could just be the three of us if Helena will be more comfortable. But Amy's still kind of into her if Helena's interested any time soon."

"You are a really good man," Alice murmured. It was such a pity she could never develop any romantic feelings for him. He was cute and sweet, he knew how to cook and he said things like 'she was only semi-cute,' which Alice found endearing. "Thank-you for calling me."

"Sure, Al. We'll hang out soon?"

"Absolutely."

If she couldn't develop feelings for him, she was glad they could at least be friends.

She grabbed her purse and her keys and left her apartment. There was no way Helena could deny now that nothing was wrong. Alice drove to Helena's, biting her lip anxiously. She pulled up in front of the house and rang the doorbell and waited.

A little less than a minute later, Helena answered the door looking uncharacteristically bedraggled. "Alice!" she exclaimed in surprise. She touched her hair self-consciously, cursing inwardly because she hated looking unkempt and so obviously hungover in front of Alice. It wasn't that she was self-conscious around Alice, it was just that she liked to her look her best in front of Alice. "I'm sorry, I must look frightful. I was feeling…unwell last night."
"I heard you were tossing back drinks at Ciudad and buying everyone in there drinks and letting random women feel you up," Alice said stiffly.

Helena's reaction was telling. Her face fell, and then she looked embarrassed. And then in just one second, Helena suddenly looked cocky, dismissive. "Why do you know more about what I did when I was drunk than I do?" she joked, crossing her arms in front of her. She did, in fact, remember nearly everything that happened the night before. She did consume large quantities of alcohol, but it wasn't enough to black out on the entire night, and though she was deeply grateful to Michael and Amy for driving her home, this was the kind of thing she wished she could just forget. And she was especially embarrassed that Alice knew about it. Although she swore Michael and Amy to secrecy the night before, she did suspect one of them would rat her out.

"It's not funny!" Alice exclaimed, pushing her way into the house. "You could have gotten hurt! What if Michael and Amy weren't there, huh?" She couldn't believe Helena was being so dismissive about this. If the situations were reversed, Helena would be furious with her right now because it was just so stupid--to get drunk, so drunk that you couldn't protect yourself from people who would take advantage of you. If the situations were reversed, there was no way Helena would have just let it go, and Alice wasn't planning to either. Helena was the sole reason Alice didn't drive herself into an oblivion when she and Dana first broke up. Hell, if Helena wanted to drown her sorrows in alcohol, Alice was down for that--she could fully support the desire, having indulged in it many times before. But she just wanted Helena to be safe and she was furious Helena put herself in a situation like that. "You should have fucking called me, Helena. I would have come out with you if you wanted to drink."

"Alice, you're blowing this out of proportion, really," Helena said, trying to convince the blonde it was true. "I just had a little too much to drink, there's no need for all this." This whole matter was better left dropped and un-discussed.

"Stop it," Alice said. "Just…fuck, Helena, why won't you tell me what's going on with you?"

Helena's face was expressionless. "I've told you, nothing's wrong."

"Stop saying that! God, Helena. Why do you keep telling me nothing's wrong?"

"Why won't you stop asking?" Helena shot back.

"Because I know something's wrong!"

Helena shrugged, looking almost indifferent. "Nothing's wrong."

"Stop it," Alice whispered, moving closer to Helena. "Tell me, please. Just tell me."

"Why won't you give up on this?"

"Helena, just tell me," Alice pleaded.

"Just give up," Helena begged.

"Tell me," Alice whispered. She knew now that something was wrong. If Helena told her to 'give up' it was a definite sign something was amiss. How could Helena go on denying nothing was wrong when she told Alice to give up?

"There's nothing." Helena said flatly. She looked at Alice coolly. "Nothing's wrong."

"This isn't you," Alice said. "Why are you doing this? Why can't you--"

"Alice," Helena cut off. "I'm not doing anything," she said coolly. She was deliberately obtuse, though her stomach churned with guilt because she did know what she was doing and why.

Alice grabbed Helena's hand. "I need you," she said fiercely. She felt closer to Helena than to anyone else, and she wasn't going to lose that without a fight. If Helena didn't want her around anymore…well, that was her right. But Alice needed a reason. She needed to know. "I need my best friend back. Tell me what's wrong, Helena. Please. Talk to me!"

Helena pulled her hand away and just stared at Alice. "I don't know what you want from me," she said coolly, using the voice she saved for business associates she didn't particularly like. It broke her heart to do it, and she felt her throat constrict when she saw Alice flinch at it. But…

She had to.

"Just talk to me," Alice begged. "Like you used to. I know something's wrong and you're just totally shutting me out and this…this isn't you, Helena!"

"I'm sorry," Helena said, "but I don't know what you're talking about." She sighed and rubbed her temples. "I'm extremely hungover, Alice. I'm going to lie down. Can we do this Inquisition another time?" she asked, already stepping toward her bedroom.

"No." Alice grabbed Helena's arm and spun her around so they could look at one another. "Why are you doing this?" Alice asked, her voice soft, her eyes begging Helena for an answer. She couldn't understand. Friends have blown her off before, and it always hurt, but it has never been a friend this close, and it has never hurt so much. If she was going to lose this particular friend, Alice at least needed to know why she was losing her. The thought of losing Helena's friendship was unbearable. Alice wasn't sure if she could handle that. Even if Alice knew the reason, if Helena no longer wanted her friendship…Alice wasn't so sure she could handle.

Helena stared at her wordlessly, expressionlessly.

"Tell me."

But Helena just continued to stare at her, her arms crossed over her chest, her expression giving away nothing what she was thinking or feeling. She simply stared at Alice, blue eyes meeting brown eyes levelly, unblinking. Helena stared at Alice, completely silent and umoving.

Next--->